[She is the One]

Yesterday I was sick and off work, and spent my time reading the new chapter. As my wife and daughter had to be away for the afternoon, it fell to me to take the girls to cheerleading practice at the middle school. That little trip enhanced the reading of Jack's first day of his junior year and helped bring back a lot of memories.

The high school football team was out on the field practicing and the middle school girls were practicing basketball in the gym. As I was dropping our girls off, some post-pubescent cheerleaders walked by, with some legs that definitely needed checking out in another five years.

Not feeling well, I didn't take well to the heat of the sun as I had to wait a few minutes before returning home, and soon I had to search out the little boy's room. The gym had been added since I went to school there, but once I was in the main building many things were familiar but others had changed in the 40 years since I had attended. The industrial arts room was still in the basement level, but had moved into the gym wing. The hallway outside was still filled with the smell of charred wood. I passed the auditorium, which in my day had been located under the original gym, but found the cafeteria had been converted into a store room. The rest room, however, didn't look like it had changed one bit since I had last used it.

In my day we didn't have A/B days in the numbered grades. I was introduced to them in college, but my kids had them from their first year of multiple teachers when they went to school in northern Virginia. I also never used a backpack, I and everyone else carried our needed books on our arms. This generation is such a bunch of namby-pambies, get the F off my lawn!!

And gourmet cooking - back in my day we had Home Economics ("Home-Ec"), which was an elective predominately chosen by girls preparing to be housewives. I know, so sexist.

Oh - and why is Shannon "so short" when her eyes are level with Jack's nose? I'm only 5-9, but the top of the head of average girl comes to my mouth. If her head fits under my chin she's short; under my shoulder, damn short. I confirmed this again picking the boy up later in the evening from his 4th grade football practice, as I walked through the crowd of moms and grandmoms.

OR, she could be a middle-woman?

right, once Rhona joined the group she rose to middle management, where she may spend less time on her back and more time recruiting other girls to do the grunt work.

[She is the One]

Also, IMO, the Rhona running the ring theory gained some points that chapter. The fact that Rhona's brother always seemed to mention her and that his friends revered her makes me think she can get them involved.

I still don't see Rhona running the ring, but I totally see her desperate for money show she can live on her own causing her, as a college girl, to get recruited into it, and now being turned to work as a recruiter. She's got the type of dominant personality to rise in the ranks.

[She is the One]

In Chapter 37 Rhona told Jack that her parents' place was fifteen minutes from GameStop and that she was looking for an apartment half that distance, so let's assume that she's living at home with Evan and her folks at the least.

I was correct pn the brother, but not on the couch. She apparently rates a bedroom of her own.

In 37 Rhona mentions her parent's place, but may have only been as a possible option of where to live, but 15 minutes is too far for her tastes.

In 35 she does say she's staying with one of her other brothers, but in 37, as I've mentioned, she does sound desperate for extra money

35

I frowned. “Then who are you living with right now?”

“One of my brothers. He’s letting me stay for free.”

“His suggestion or yours?” I asked, stepping out of reach of her arm.

“His,” she responded with a straight face, “I’m serious.”

“All right. Good on him.”

“Yeah, he’s the good one.”

37

I smirked. “Something wrong with your money?”

“Yeah,” she snarked back, “It’s going into the Buy-Me-A-Fucking-Apartment Fund. I can make a generous donation in your name if you wanna hand me a blank check.”

I laughed and shook my head. “Where are you—” Another customer came up and I spent a minute or two ringing them up before turning to her again, “—thinking of looking?”

“Nice,” she commented.

“Thanks.”

“Around here. My parents’ place is like fifteen minutes away and I wanna cut that in half. Too bad there aren’t any apartments right here.” She looked wistfully out through the window at the surrounding area, packed with stores and gas stations. Not a single apartment building in sight.

“Can you afford to live on your own? With what you’re making?”

“Hang on,” she said, walking towards the back room, “I want you to ask me that again with Frank around.”

“I heard!” Frank called from the back, “And if you’re not happy with your pay, I can find someone who is!”

[She is the One]

In Chapter 37 Rhona told Jack that her parents' place was fifteen minutes from GameStop and that she was looking for an apartment half that distance, so let's assume that she's living at home with Evan and her folks at the least.

I'll have to look for it, I thought she said she was sleeping on one of her older brother's couches

[BashfulScribe's Written Works]

I like the premise of the new story and have overall enjoyed the read so far. This isn't a sex story, it's a story that includes sex that will examine attitude and behaviors.

Criticisms: As mentioned, the writing doesn't seem as tight as BMS. I have a thing for repeating words. I wouldn't have minded 'hour glass' figure applied to Chris if that was the third time in short order the phrase had been used. And maybe Bashful should just go ahead and set the story in Canada (no big deal) so that he wouldn't have to weed out the Canadian slang terms. Go for it, and show us how a Canuck really talks.

We saw more of Daisy than Molly in the first chapter, but that's reversed in chapter two, giving us a first in-depth look at the object of Aaron's attention. I'll disagree with the previous comments about the lunch room scene. What I saw was Molly become very anxious when strange people sat close to her (within touching range) and she seemed to be fighting back a panic attack when Aaron intervened in her behalf - but because the other students didn't know her, they misread Aaron's actions. What hasn't been shown yet is if Molly's condition is something she was born with, or is a result of trauma. Either way, it leaves her socially handicapped, complicating how Aaron relates to her. Is her vulnerability, and his desire to protect her, why he has resisted looking at her sexually until now?

In that lunch room scene (which I easily pictured in my college's student union) I wasn't sure of what was meant by 'prep', used to describe the group of visiting guys. 'Preppy' as in describing their attitudes and dress? Freshman, as in straight of of prep (high) school? To me, their actions sounded more typical of jocks, guys who were on the same sports team (wrestling, football, etc) or maybe the same fraternity, who traveled as a pack and had a leader.

Aaron's difficulty in leading a double life is to avoid running into his past conquests on campus. He may be picking them up at Friday night parties, but eventually he'll be with Molly and a girl will say something to him - especially now with Holly, who may think there is more than a one night stand available.

[She is the One]

I don't think any of the 'kids' would be running it, but someone they know might get recruited in, then try to get others to join - which could lead to a fracture.

[She is the One]

But something that has been bugging me, we got great theories related to the ring but i don't see how these theories will create "The Fracture", unless somehow one of the members get involved with it, willingly or unwillingly.

The path I've been favoring is "make money quick". As I've mentioned, Rhona said about wanting more money for her own apartment. Then arises an opportunity to gross $200 for laying on her back for 10 minutes.

Someone like Rhona who's out of school in a place like Game Stop, I'll guess $12/hr for 30hrs/week, gross $600/week, take home $450/week, $1800/month, which isn't bad - unless you want a car and an apartment and food and utilities, because those apartments close to her work are going to start around $1200/month.

[She is the One]

I was thinking that theory myself, but now I wonder if he would be re-admitted to Brow Ridge High after being arrested and expelled? More likely he would be sent to a different high school-- hell, maybe the one Tara will be going to!

In the state where I believe Brow Ridge is located, he'd be sent to the alternative school for juvenile delinquents. There's also an alternative school for social outcasts (can't play well with others) that my daughter attended.

[She is the One]

But what if Ms. Cartwright is not with the ring, instead she's an undercover cop or an agent, tasked with infiltrating and exposing the ring. She wins Jack's trust so as to speak, and it's her plan to use him to get to the person working for the ring in the school (i.e Jessica, Nick, or whatever).

Never thought of that, but it's an excellent theory! Jack and the gang might not be directly involved with the ring, but could be witnesses to and indirectly involved in Ms. Cartwright taking it down.

[She is the One]

As far as Ms. Cartwright goes, anyone who approached her and suggested that she start turning tricks would quickly feel a sharp pain in their groin right before spitting out half a dozen teeth.

I've been wondering what Ms. Cartwright would be like in the sack, and then you have to go do that!

[BashfulScribe's Written Works]

I have to admit I skipped over your disclaimer. IOW, I didn't read it!

Mine goes "Although inspired in part by actual events, this is a work of fiction. Names have been changed to protect the guilty..."

I've gotten to know CL in the Shout Box. She's a nice lady who writes a lot of MM and had already told me she just doesn't get into the teen romances.

[She is the One]

Now that my friend, is how you do it. This is by far the best theory i have heard, no offence to other people who came up with their theories they did a great job but personally i like this better. Yep, that sounds about right, Jessica seems like the person to get involved in this shit, in fact she's the most likely to get involved in this shit.

I know thismy always writes things up well, but we know that Jessica's the person most likely, and shouldn't the author throw us a twist? Is it as satisfying if it always comes from where we expect it? I will accept wherever it comes from, as long as it's logically consistent with whatever character is involved.

Or, it could be one of those new students from the neighborhood that just got attached to Brow Ridge this year. Like Alien Nation a whole group that arrives together

[She is the One]

I picture Dylan O'Brien playing Jack, a girl who is a cross between Emma Watson and Chloe Moretz playing Kayla, and Colton Haynes playing Craig.

The author Joe had already suggested Watson for Kayla and Moretz for Amanda.

Although, as much as I like to look at Emma Watson over the last, 7 or 8 years(?), she just doesn't seem to look like the written description of Kayla.

[She is the One]

Also, a question for Joe

the character Jack took some swipes at baseball and interest in sports in general, although you also wrote Sam having a very good defense of baseball (the anticipation), one I've often given myself.

We assume that Jack = Joe the Author, but where do you really stand in real life? Sports fan or don't care a bit? Did you ever play high school or summer sports, or were you simply a drama nerd?

Full disclaimer: much like my eponymous character, I loved playing baseball, but never got the playing time I wanted. So I ended up being a stats nerd.

[She is the One]

Well, that's all for that. As for other business, I've started working on the next chapter. Its...weird. Mainly because I'm back at the first day of school, but without having to use it as the basis for introductions. Now I've got a cast of fleshed-out characters who are returning, begrudgingly, to school. It's a weird sort of feeling and meant I started off a little slowly, but it's starting to pick up now, mainly because I convinced myself that deep, in-depth descriptions of every single class are not absolutely required.

We've got our cast of regulars who no longer need to be introduced, but there will be freshman (although younger than everyone so may not be in anyone's circle) and transfers (like Kayla the year before.)

Also...the county can redraw the boundaries between high schools, so that kids who went to one school last year are now going to another. Up to 30% of the student body being dropped in from another school.

[She is the One]

An unpopular theory, but since most people are of the view that Mary can be the madam of the ring, i thought this might be a possibility.

I didn't see her as the madam, but the liasion within her organization.

"Oh Mary, Joe here is visiting from Delaware for a few days, and was thinking he might like some company for dinner and The Kennedy Center tonight - can you help him out?"

"Joe, why don't you look through this book and tell me which three you like the best - and I'll put in the call."

later on...

"Hello, Capitol Escorts? This is Mary over at the DNC. Is Misty Dawn available tonight?"

Of course, in the internet age, she'd be a smart phone app to place the take-out order.

[BashfulScribe's Written Works]

But yeah, as you've written it, Daisy is simply a 12 year old who says to a guy over 18 "I know you have meaningless sex with a lot of girls and I think it's a bad idea." Some people (and some laws) have a very expanded definition of porn, and thus fear of lawsuits and such.

[She is the One]

As far as theory No. 2, I hope you're right! I'm dying to find out what's going on with Mr & Mrs Hannigan. Recall that "political workshop" that Mary dragged Kayla to one weekend? Bet there were a lot of young ladies present so the political honchos could size up potential talent.

AS best I remember what was depicted in "Silent Coup", the secretary at the DNC headquarters at the Watergate had a binders full of women in her desk drawer. When some donor or politician came to visit DC and desired company for the evening, they could come down to HQ and flip through the pictures in the binder. After they picked out their favorites, the secretary would call up the madam and schedule a date for the VIP.

[BashfulScribe's Written Works]

It's a bit of a grey area for me. In the case of my story, a 12 year old and a 20 year old doing anything together is totally pedophilia to me

Not claiming you would. I made a point to say "physically mature" which obviously Daisy is not, and suggested maybe the future was 6 years foreward.

It's easy to know when a person has physically matured, and each person is somewhat different. We fall along a distribution curve. You have to get to know a person to know if and when they are emotionally mature and capable of making informed, adult decisions. I would assume it follows the same normal curve distribution, with some like Daisy able to think like an adult at 12, while many may be in their 20's and still be incapable - but in that case, in the US, a bright line is drawn at the 18th birthday. If a 21 year guy had sex with a female who's 17.364, he committed a felony, but the next day she's his girlfriend. It is easier to draw a line down around 12-14, at about the same place as physical maturity, because there would be very few false negatives. I think trying to draw that bright of a line right through the middle, where there's little difference on either side, is bad policy and can create unjust prosecutions.

[She is the One]

summarizing my previously posted prostitution theories:

1. Rhona is desperate for money for her own apartment and gets hired by an outfit, who then pressure her to recruit more girls, leading to her to contact some of Jack's group of friends.

2. Kayla's mom, working at party headquarters, is the person in touch with the ring to provide escorts for visiting VIPs

[BashfulScribe's Written Works]

LushStories rejected my story because they didn't want to post a story containing sexual content with minors. Apparently, Daisy's knowledge of sex counts, even if nothing happens between them.

Now I know where not to send mine. (Well, your's is only on chapter one, we don't know that nothing WILL happen between them. Maybe in 6 years!)

There was a discussion at Reason.com of Jared Fogle's conviction for porn and sex with minors. I am certainly not advocating anyone be forced into having sex for the camera or for prostitution - but physically mature teenagers do have consensual sex, all the time, and why should writing fictional stories about how they may or may not be emotionally mature automatically become porn?

Back to Fogle - he was convicted as sex with a 17 year old minor, even though, for example, I was 2 months past my high school graduation before I turned 18. 2/3 of my class were graduates and still 17. Also, from how the article was worded, the secret cameras (which should be illegal, as there's no consent) recorded people under 18 being undressed. So apparently naked but non-sexual photos of someone under 18 are also legally porn. I'm making a general comment here, not in relation to Fogle - but I wonder why some of this is classified as porn. Does someone magically become mature once they hit the day of their 18th birthday? Many are already, some will still take many more years.

[BashfulScribe's Written Works]

Well, I'm 4 paragraphs in and you really must look up "thrust" in the thesaurus!

[She is the One]

I'm inclined to agree. Although, when class president elections happened (I only recall there being senior class presidents) where I went to school, it wasn't a big deal. The point being, is everyon voting? How many people go to Ridge View? Even if it comes down to popularity, if he can secure a handful of Joe Schmoes, he might have enough to put up a fighting chance.

But yes, in the end, I don't think that Craig can win. The odds are stacked against him. Furthermore, if we can expect turmoil in the group/ at school, then Craig might not be able to devote as much time as he needs to win.

I think Craig was thinking of running for Student Council president, not Class President (I could be wrong)

It's Brow Ridge, and it has about 1600 student in 4 grades (according to Wikipedia)

[BashfulScribe's Written Works]

I hope y'all enjoy the new series. If not, I'm open to criticisms etc. from you all.

Oh yeah - it's (past) the 20th!

I will go find the new series (since you didn't give a link)

[She is the One]

Also, Jack and Tara could be together again as he said he would if she wasn't his cousin.

It's Tara's mom and Jack's mom who are sisters, so the fathers are irrelevant to them being cousins