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I always seem to start such a thread as this wherever I go, probably because I like to share the things that make me want to write--or which make me laugh or think. Yes, I have quite a collection. No, I don't always know where they came from, so if you do, please tell me. What goes around usually gets dizzy and falls over. --? (on being surrounded) "I prefer to call it a target-rich environment." --this is from either March to the Sea or March to the Stars, both of which are by David Weber and John Ringo Whom the Gods would recruit, they first tick off. --back cover of Oath of Swords by David Weber "It was the Gods who invented theft in the first place." --p. 38 The Shining Ones by David Eddings "Defenestrated. It means getting thrown out of a window--a high one, usually. It doesn't accomplish very much to push somebody out of a ground-floor window." The Shining Ones by David Eddings Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in his or her shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes. --? Whoever said nothing's impossible should try slamming a revolving door. --? Fight crime: shoot back. --? "How do you prove that we exist? Maybe we don't exist." --Vivi, from Final Fantasy IX "Whether we're real or not, let's not mope about it. You're pathetic." --Albel Nox, from Star Ocean: Till the End of Time The only thing worse than when the gods don't answer your prayers is when they do. - from one of Catherine Asaro's novels, if I remember right "A tisket, a tasket, a head in a basket. No matter how you try, it cannot answer the questions you ask it." --in David Weber and John Ringo's novel, We Few. "I have eyes in the front of my head!" "What, so you can see me when I'm standing nose to nose with you?" --because sometimes my friends and I can't talk right to save our lives "I'm the teacher. You're the student. I'm supposed to teach. You're supposed to sit there and look stupid." --Althalus, from David and Leigh Eddings' The Redemption of Althalus "...It's not quite enough to justify a declaration of war just yet." "War?" Bevier exclaimed. "Naturally." Ulath shrugged. "If Otha's been involving himself in the internal affairs of the western Elene kingdoms, that's cause enough to go east and do war upon him." "I've always liked that expression," Kalten said. "'Do war.' It sounds so permanent--and so messy." "We don't need justification if you really want to go destroy Zemoch, Ulath," Tynian said. "We don't?" "Nobody ever got around to drawing up a peace treaty after the Zemoch invasion five hundred years ago. Technically, we're still at war with Otha--aren't we, my Lord of Lenda?" "Probably, but resuming hostilities after a five-hundred-year truce might be a little hard to justify." "We've just been resting up, my Lord." Tynian shrugged. "I don't know about these other gentlemen, but I feel fairly well rested now." -- The Sapphire Rose by David Eddings The Death of the Necromancer (Martha Wells) quotes: .... "This nonchalant attitude is beginning to wear." "Would you prefer me to twitch hysterically?" "If you could bring yourself to express such an honest and genuine sentiment as hysteria...." -- p. 295 "I have a plan." This was true. "I just don't know whether it will actually work or not." This, unfortunately, was also true. -- p. 322 .... You sound like Nicholas, she told herself. When did you become so cynical? Sometime after sorcerers started trying to kill me, she answered. Sometime after I met Nicholas. -- p. 168 .... If this fails and I get us all arrested, I won't have to put a pistol to my head because Nicholas will kill me. And in all fairness I'll just have to let him. -- p. 181 .... "Perhaps we can find another horror for you to fight at a more convenient time." -- p. 183 Nicholas was too tired to curse Fate at the moment. He would have to remember to do it later. -- p. 191 Paths Not Taken by Simon R. Green-- "Appalling fellow. I wouldn't piss down his throat if his heart was on fire." Paths Not Taken-- "Sometimes I think the dinosaurs died out just to spite me." Paths Not Taken-- .... "This place is bound to be packed with all kinds of people you detest the most. I'm sure you'll find someone worth upsetting in some thoroughly appalling and vindictive way." The Moon's Shadow (Catherine Asaro) -- "Shall we spend eternity in a hell of our ancestors' making? At the least, we should make our own hells." The Sapphire Rose by David Eddings-- "I understand that congratulations are in order, my friend, but I don't know that I'd take off my armor until you get to know her better." Domes of Fire by David Eddings-- "Our Holy Mother reels from crisis to crisis like a drunken sailor." Gate of the Gods by Martha Wells-- The man brings new meaning to the word odious. And also the word obvious, for that matter. A conversation between my cousin and me, some years back. Yamesu: *gets halfway thru saying something* Cuzo: *taps foot impatiently, waits for Yamesu to finish* Yamesu: *taps foot with finger, tilts head to the side* What is that supposed to be? Cuzo: *right off the top of her head* That's my foot on its way to kick your ass. Two classmates of mine, during a math class. Ashleigh: I'm going on a dating panel. Mandy: You wanna date a camel?! I'm not a complete idiot; some parts are missing. --? The knack of flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss. --? And thus I clothe my naked villainy With old odd ends, stol'n forth of holy writ; And seem a saint, when most I play the devil. ~William Shakespeare I want you to put more life into your dying. -- Samuel Goldwyn "One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas, I don't know." (Animal Crackers) Statistics show that of those who contract the habit of eating, very few survive. - Wallace Irwin "He used statistics as a drunken man uses lampposts; for support rather than illumination." --? "I commend my soul to any god that can find it." - Moist von Lipwig, Going Postal, a Terry Pratchett book As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two... -- Sir Norman Wisdom I'm back... and you knew I was coming. On my way here I passed a cinema with the sign 'The Mummy Returns'. -- Margaret Thatcher It was nine o' clock at night and Tremaine was trying to find a way to kill herself that would bring a verdict of natural causes in court when someone knocked on the door. --first sentence of Martha Wells' book The Wizard Hunters The most nerve-racking commissions, Madeline thought, were the ones that required going in through the front door. This front door was simply more imposing than most. --first paragraph of Martha Wells' The Death of the Necromancer "Your acidic nature has already corroded my personality." --from my unposted original story, Into the Wind "I'm saying that you can use both idiots and scissors, but you can't let an idiot use scissors." - Sebastian in the manga/anime Black Butler (or in Japanese, Kuroshitsuji) "I don't care what you are doing, so much as the idiotic way that you are doing it." - Vincent Valentine from Final Fantasy VII "Tell Yuffie that this is my phone. She has no right to call it" - Vincent to Cloud, Advent Children during the tribute to FFVII "I've got to follow them - I am their leader." - Alexandre Ledru-Rollin "I was born modest; not all over, but in spots." - Mark Twain "My specialty is detached malevolence." - Alice Roosevelt Longworth "In Chinese, the word for crisis is wei ji, composed of the character wei, which means danger, and ji, which means opportunity." - Jan Wong "No one provokes me with impunity." (Or, in Latin, "Nemo me impune lacessit." It has the translation in my quote book, too.) - motto of Scotland "(Courage) a perfect sensibility of the measure of danger, and a mental willingness to endure it." - William T. Sherman "I am not absent-minded. It is the presence of mind that makes me unaware of everything else." - G. K. Chesterson "When the mind is thinking, it is talking to itself." - Plato "It is very easy to forgive others their mistakes. It takes more gut and gumption to forgive them for having witnessed your own." - Jessamyn West "I can't handle him right now." "Is it the change of environment?" "Pretty sure it's just his usual stupidity." --a friend (shikyokage on FFnet) and me, brainstorming a conversation for a collaboration fic I dreamt I was a moron. --Squall from Final Fantasy VIII Stormforce by Chris Bunch "You wish?" Ben Dill said politely to the Musth. "To inquire as to why you are being stupid." "Just my normal procedure." "You are a pilot," Alikhan said. "Yet you have volunteered to play ground-worm. That does not make sense." "Because," Dill said, "like I told Garvin, back on Cumbre, I'm bored waiting for trouble to come to me." "I see. That is stupid indeed," Alikhan said. "But no more stupid than my joining the Force. Why did you not ask me if I wanted to be stupider than I already am?" "To be real honest," Ben said thoughtfully, "I didn't even think about it. ...." Stormforce by Chris Bunch "Shuddup, everybody," Dill said, standing. From somewhere, he'd found another full pitcher. He clambered on top of the table, and started singing the age-old song: Did you ever think when a hearse went by That you might be the next to die? Then, changing tempo: The worms crawl in The worms crawl out The worms dance tangos All over your snout. He went back to speech: "A hymn to the next of us to go south: "Hymn...hymn...screw him..." *eyes dinner, turns to the person sitting next to them* "I'd rather eat you than whatever the hell this is, and I don't even like you." --a bit of inspiration I bounced off shikyokage *deep breath* "Mm, I love the smell of paranoia in the morning.... Don't you?" *death glares* "If looks could kill, I'd live forever." --more brainstorming with shikyokage "Is it so much of a challenge to believe that I can be civil for two seconds?" "At a time or altogether?" --I cannot for the life of me remember where I first found this. "You look like you're trying to glare enlightenment out of that tree." "It's obviously denying me infinite wisdom and knowledge." "Well maybe if you didn't threaten it, it would be nicer?" ... "But since it bothers you so much perhaps you can ask me and I'll ask the tree." --I think I found this in a Fire Emblem fic on FFnet (called Trust, if I remember right)... Off the top of my head one day: "If we are what we eat, you're dead meat and I'm a wild animal." "What's that make him?" "A limp noodle." And from a lovely Air Gear yaoi fic I found.... (Title: I Love You, I Love You, I Love You, and I Hate You) (Of course the yaoi pair had jumped apart upon hearing their teammates' voices nearby....) "What are you two doing?" Onigiri asked as they stopped in front of the two boys. "Nothing you fucking pig." The shark answered in irritation. "So…what are you guys doing still hanging around?" Kazu asked as he desperately hoped for a change in subject. "Well we decided to go to the café for a bit after so..." Ikki began to explain. "I thought you went home already Kazu?" "Uh..." Before the blond could come up with an excuse Onigiri had already substituted his own theory. "I bet he was with that girl of his..." (Who of course is a guy, lol.) Agito raised an eyebrow and glanced over at Kazu. "Where'd she go? I wanna meet her!" Ikki yelled, looking around for any sight of this mysterious woman. "She ran away sensing idiots nearby..." (When in reality "she" is sitting next to him. XD) From Saiyuki (the Reload series, I think): Sha Gojyo: "There's always some dipshit...." Cho Hakkai: "Now, Gojyo--let's not replace tact with honesty." Lady Astor: If you were my husband, I'd give you poison. Winston Churchill: If you were my wife, I'd drink it. Parliament member: Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease. Disraeli: That depends, Sir, on whether I embrace your policies or your mistress. Walton Kerr: He had delusions of adequacy. William Falkner of Ernest Hemingway: He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary. Moses Hadas: Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it. Mark Twain: I did not attend his funeral, but I wrote a nice letter saying I approved of it. George Bernard Shaw: I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend...if you have one. Winston Churchill: Cannot possibly attend first night; will attend second...if there is one. Mark Twain: Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it? Mae West: His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" "What's the matter? Did you look in the mirror?" --one of many insults traded by my cousin 'su, one of my brothers and me "It seems that at least your mouth is well off...." -from the first volume of Fate/Stay Night "...'twill turn your eyeballs black and blue." - Brendan Behan "It seldom pays to be rude. It never pays to be only half-rude." - Norman Douglas "Lord Birkenhead is very clever but sometimes his brains go to his head." - Arthur R. M. Lower