Strange_idea

has the experience taught her, if not humility, affection for hiccup? this is great either way, i just think that would be a neat add-on hmmm...they could be robbed of their power while he does so, leaving them helpless to resist the coming empire and requiring hiccup to go find help. if we do the dark tower collective bedroom thing, the sorceresses could train the girls in magic and combat, allowing them to send better aid to hiccup. it also adds some urgency to attacks on the tower. it’s up to you, but if you need a beta or to bounce ideas i’m here. i can provide examples of harem stories for pacing if you like… mostly pokemon oddly enough. i like long ones, since it allows better growth and more going on. the trick is to keep things happening and remember the layers. overly drawn romance can be painful, but if you make it an interesting overlord retlling with the hrem things creeping in you can keep people around longer and do more with it, i think. anyone else? agree? disagree?

you don’t happen to have the links do you? i didn’t keep a list.

It might be good for snoutlout to hook up with atali. He did show interest in her

ah

which other stories by the way? i know two...

true, just trying to help

make sure azula is still…. azula when she’s having her breakdown, and at least puts on a show of her old, chessmaster persona. they just have a way of taking advantage back. until she goes COMPLETELY into ‘make me your slave’

also, there’s ‘a new world’ https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10023670/1/A-New-World which has a suprsing amount of pacing but is very lemon-y. girls are introduced several chapters before joining up, dozens of chapters before sleeping with ash, and some even leave the story for a while

yeah, i’d go with the ‘take time’ thing. it’s always satisfying if you do it right. have you read ‘pokemon reset bloodlines?’ excellent pacing, though a non lemon story, but still quite lovely buildup

thing is though, that azula is your best villain, and it’d be a shame to waste her. what’s I’d do is have her breakdown over her next few appearance, subtly but gowing. she becomes flirtier with the gaang, but catches herself, and their encounters become more and more charged, with her liking to hold them down and lean in close etc. she also gets more reckless and agressive, and had new plans. Ben and the others figure out that flirting with her REALLY gets under her skin and makes her slip up, but try not to overdo it. mainly to make her slip up information she breaks down earlier, but not too early and it feels earned and satisfying.

you can also loose interest when it all happens to quickly. no satisfaction, feels forced. the trick is to make the waiting interesting.

Oh I know, but considering the fire nations’s resources and Azula perfectionism, i can see her wanting to improve on that to have the very best. leading to a rumour that the fire nation is naturally the bustiest of all. and i understand this is an erotic world, but it eems in character for Azula in such a world to want her own personal harem under that includes the entire world and to do it in secret. those both sound like good ideas, but are you sure you want to have azula removed as an antagonist so early? it could be fun to have her libido slowly driving her mad as the story goes, and that be her breakdown. you could also have her taking ‘enhancers’ to capture the gaangs attention, playing up the foe-yay as it’s called and having fun with her hating them and lusting for them, not even realising how seductive she is towards them at first. hmmmm. what if the drill breakdown ISN’t the end of her as an enemy? she and the others escape after she’s captured, and she trie to rationalise that is was a ruse to get away but the experience shakes her, leading to a much greater breakdown later. mai, going with her, is also beginning to doubt her loyalties and mis now missing ben as well as zuko. by all means, have them captured early, but that seems a bit early, and one of the great things to take from avatar is delayed effect of character moments. aka letting this happen then boil inside them. not sure what to do with ty li

I had a thought, have you seen lurkerggs ‘melon lord’ pictures? well, i was just talking about an azula/aang harem story in a nother thread, and i had a thought, what if in your ben 10 story, azula was less a sociopath (still kinda one) and more just had an aburd libido. the firenation could be capturing ‘enhancing’ and brainwashing girls for her to enjoy. like in this picture: https://lurkergg.deviantart.com/art/Jun-Melonlord-Universe-676118947 though it’s toph running things in the pictures. Given the fire nation already practises kidnapping and brainwashing, and azula’s lust for power and control freak tendencies it makes some sense. it wouldn’t be openly happening, it’s an agenda she’s building for herself in secret.

So I’ve been thinking, and you have some good opportunities for this story…. but first I have some questions. First, when you say he goes through the events of the first game and raising hell, do you mean on-screen? I’d say go for it, it’ll let you develop characters better, and ease people into the bigger world. plus, let you lay hints at later lands, making it easier to bring them in. Plus, it’d let you build on the fallen heroes characters a bit. Oberon, for example, has a lot of room to be interesting and to cause growth in hiccup. I’d reccomend you take your time with events, no just one-chapter per area do some more, not too many but a few. it lets you get to know the new guys and girl, and prevent things from becoming boring. even in an ‘adult’ fan-fiction, pacing is important. an example I’d use is ‘pokemon reset bloodlines’, also a harem story but pacing itself and making each important even a mini-arc. It’s more writing, but if you want i could help you with that. Second, are the sorceresses going to betray hiccup to the old overlord like gnarl did? that could be interesting, they could be punished by reducing them to ordinary human...ish women and have hiccup give their powers to the new girls. OR he could use that as an opportunity to grow, listening to other people and moving away from their overlord teachings. they’d probably be magically forced to be subservient to him after that, and mirage would be loving it.

Please feel free to leave further questions and suggestions, as it helps build the stories

Hmmm. Does he keep the slaves or free them? Davinci used to that to caged animals he bought. Grey characters can get boring, though that might jus be me. It's irritating at times for a hero to be no better than his enemies. Personal taste, again. And iy can be done well. Though I can see this as a pragmatic hiccip in a harsh world, trying to be better than the others while working with what he has. I'd... not go for loki control. Given how thibgs are just taking over should be enough, and he can probably win thrm over by being fair and better thsn the old king. And there's not that obviois a difference between it and brainwashing. Also, had a brainwave. What if the girls could use the crysyal cpnnection to travel between towers? They could meet with hiccup.and 'celebrate' hus victories and lay in their husband's bed. Though being rulers they'd have to go back soon, which you could use to keep the party small. Also, the sorceresses could probably manifest in the towers as part if the connection, and to get some space. Probably going to turn in now. Night

Also, you can have a lot of fun with argent in your story. She's basically a green lantern (she was a green lantern character) so instant threesome at any time.

Good idea by the way

Hmmmm okay. Though i have to ask, is hiccup noyably 'evil' in this story? The first game let youbchoose between evil and 'greater good'/'noble demon' type overlord. You could also have it raise magic levels in the area. With stuff like dragons and unicorns that's both a good and bad thing and something the empire would HATE. Hmmmm. It would also make a connection to the tower.... maybe for portals? To give his girls surprise visits and quick aid if needed

I love how a single character can have such an effect on development

My take is that it's a weaker connection, so she's thether to the towers power, but not the towet itself. Hiccup is just fine as a substitute. And what did you think of the summon thing?

I think mirage was just starting out when she was tricked. It'd be a different story now

Right! So she's the joke of the tower and needa hiccup to free her. But her conncetion's also weak enough that she can leave with him. And maybe she's been learning and soaking up power in the tower, so she's looking forwards to meeting la again. Hmmmm. Oh, that would also give the tower girls a way to see what's going on, spell on mirage. What do you think of the scrying idea by the way?

Hmmm. Oh, what if la tricked mirage into being sent in her place, and her not being the right one got her stuck as a cat all these years

You could still tie jane into it. Possibly as an anthropologist trying to disprove, then study, then protect the lion people. Hmmm Maybe. But i like the idea of her being stuck as a cat for the early chapters.... although maybe she was a tower apprentice that happened to be the one who opened the letter from la. It'd add weight to hiccups capturing her