AFF Holiday Party 2020 -- Review Responses

[GeorgeGlass]

Here, authors can reply to any reviews of their stories for the 2020 AFF Holiday Party. Let the merriment commence!

[GeorgeGlass]

From JayDee on December 23, 2020

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Checking It Twice – George Glass

My first thought from the summary was “I wonder if it was a Russian cyberattack? Power play from Snegurochka going after the old man’s job.” And honestly when I got to the end I still wasn’t sure if it was a Russian behind it. This one was a lot different to the last one but still loads of fun – Rudy’s a hugely likable character and the other new characters were fun too -the nerdy elves were surprisingly entertaining!

Thanks! We didn’t get to meet very many elves in “The Ninth Reindeer,” so I had fun creating more elf characters for this story. It was also necessary, given that we see a lot more of the North Pole operation in this story.

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Also both sex scenes were fucking hot, even with the first one being brief. Great contribution for Christmas!

Thanks again! I had originally planned for there to be a third, bigger sex scene at the end, but by the time I got there, I was running out of time, and the story was already as long as “The Ninth Reindeer.” 

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Other thoughts – (SPOILERS)

I love the “Top rack” term for when Rudy held Prancer antlers. Rack having multiple meanings with anthro reindeer, heh!

I think I had just finished unloading the dishwasher when I wrote that.

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The idea about how the twins manage to take Reindeer cock was so awesome, and straight up sexy and hilarious  when it went into effect with Greta at the card table. Really opens the mind to how many times Ida’s been going about her business only to find herself getting a Reindeer length.

@FairySlayergets all the credit for that idea. He said it as a joke in his review of last year’s story, and I thought, “Why not?”

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That mermaid style blowjob was also really cool.

Thanks! I wrote a Gravity Falls fanfic a while back that included a scene with a mermaid blowing Dipper; I think I was remembering that on some level when I came up with “mermaid ambush.”

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Ida really telegraphed what she wanted with taking him to the hot top and stripping off – another great line about how she looked bending over.

I loves me a little elf with a big booty.

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Actually, both times the twins flashed Rudy was pretty cool – the first one “reason to come back” was a laugh out loud moment for me.

The flashing was Jomahawk’s idea. I originally had them giving Rudy a tongue-kiss, but I liked his idea better.

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Luring the drone up so it blew away was some smart action thinking. Props to you and Rudy!

Rudy’s fight with the drones was inspired by the Jane’s air combat games I used to play. It’s basically airplane versus helicopter, with the plane having the advantage of speed and the helicopter having much greater maneuverability. But maneuverability is the opposite of stability. 

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I’m hoping the ending is a suggestion that there will be another part to this another year, maybe getting revenge on the hacker?

Yes, there is definitely going to be a part 3. (I almost put “Rudy Will Return” at the end.)

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I’d say my only disappointment with this was that there was no MM action this time round. You write great anthro dude on dude stuff. I was half-hoping he’d get some elf-ass! But it works great as it is, like I say, both scenes already very hot.

My original plan for that aborted final sex scene was the rest of the Team rewarding Rudy with a Rudy-centric orgy. But then I realized that (a) I’d already done that in “The Ninth Reindeer” and (b) I was running out of time and space. So I scaled back to just Dasher, Vixen, and Cupid (all the reindeer are bi, but Cupid likes other boys more than girls), and then just to Dasher and Vixen, and finally just Greta promising Rudy sex.

Sad, I know. But I’ll make it up to you next year.

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Oh! Another laughing moment, the East Bunny’s multi coloured puking and the comment on how Basil looked hosing it out.

Glad you liked that. I generally don’t like scatological humor, but there’s just something I find funny about vomiting.

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Anyway, great story and thanks for sharing it and hosting this year.

Thanks for reading and reviewing!

Edited December 23, 2020 by GeorgeGlass

[JayDee]

On 12/23/2020 at 11:07 PM, GeorgeGlass said:

I think I had just finished unloading the dishwasher when I wrote that.”

 

“Where do you authors get your ideas from?”

“The dishwasher”

“Dear god!”

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Yes, there is definitely going to be a part 3. (I almost put “Rudy Will Return” at the end.)

Whoohooo!

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My original plan for that aborted final sex scene was the rest of the Team rewarding Rudy with a Rudy-centric orgy. But then I realized that (a) I’d already done that in “The Ninth Reindeer” and (b) I was running out of time and space. So I scaled back to just Dasher, Vixen, and Cupid (all the reindeer are bi, but Cupid likes other boys more than girls), and then just to Dasher and Vixen, and finally just Greta promising Rudy sex.

Sad, I know. But I’ll make it up to you next year.

Ah s’alright, it was a good long story! I was just being greedy

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Glad you liked that. I generally don’t like scatological humor, but there’s just something I find funny about vomiting.

Totally understand, although I guess I do like scatalogical humour too!

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Thanks for reading and reviewing!

No probs! Thanks for review replying!

[GeorgeGlass]

From Fairy-Slayer on December 25, 2020

(…for Checking It Twice)

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That's quite an audacious thing – assuming that the world will still be next year for another chapter.

What can I say? I'm a cockeyed optimist.

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It was fantastic to see the further adventures of Rudy as he works his sweet, firm reindeer ass off for Christmas. Great way to open too, and the intrigue & action were spectacular. Lots of interesting stuff going in the holiday world, and reinforcing that other holiday beings – and even other Christmas folks – exist opens up a lot of possibilities about the malevolent force at work. 

Oh, yes, the list of potential suspects is long. 

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(Though we can probably guess Jeff Bezos is behind it all.)

He envies Santa's delivery options.

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I love that Rudy got to both enjoy time with the other half of his antler-chaser while giving Greta a chance to fully enjoy the tip for a change. 

Heh.

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(So glad I could inspire something useful.) 

You did indeed! This seems to have been a popular idea.

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Of course it makes me wonder why they couldn't have just run an Ethernet cable between the two women, creating a "thigh-gapped network" if you will,  to load directly from the backup site. 

Both sisters are too thicc for thigh-gap-related technology.

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Maybe there's some Terminator rules thing going on and for it to work the cable would have to run though Rudy's urethra… EWW! At the very least I bet the sisters can do Morse code with dildos, if not talk directly using old-fashioned ear trumpets.

No. Just no.

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Still, I really enjoyed his entire visit to PRS-B, from the moment he arrived and throughout all his experiences there. Of course the hot tub and sweet cuddling night stood out, and the emotional connection persisted nicely even throughout the deadly action. Though when Ida complimented his "pelt" it immediately flashed me back to his horror-movie thoughts.  

I guess some elves can be a little insensitive about such things (as with Greta's "I love the taste of reindeer" comment).

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I had to chuckle at the "out of date" stationery, wondering if the area code had changed or Santa just no longer used his AOL and MySpace. 

The design of it just looks very '90s. 

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Not sure why the living areas were chilly either, between the servers and the geothermal cogeneration system balancing the arctic chill. 

My original idea was that Ida would have Rudy sleep in her room "for warmth." Then I kind of lost track of that after I got the thermal-grotto idea.

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Screechy dot matrix printers was a cool throwback, though hopefully Santa should get them some beefy line printers instead, which are not only faster and neater but also kind of musical.

Maybe after this incident they will upgrade.

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Thanks for another great Christmas tale that involves getting plenty of tail.

Thanks for the review!
 

[GeorgeGlass]

From Thundercloud on December 26, 2020

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Review of Cheking it Twice

More reindeer and elf smut...fun to revisit this setting. The basic concept of anthropomorphic reindeer is still weird to me, but the scene with Rudy holding the antlers as he was fucking Prancer was quite fun.

I've observed that some women have particular fetishes with regard to where the guy's hands go during sex, so I thought it would be fun to give Prancer such a fetish, but reindeer-specific. 

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Btw I think it in a stand alone parts might have been good to explain Rudy's special ability again in this story since it matters to the plot but might be a bit mysterious for new readers.

Truth be told, I wasn't really thinking about new readers when I wrote this, except in that I put "Sequel to 'The Ninth Reindeer'" in the summary.

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The secret misson that follows fits perfectly in the Claus Complex world you are builiding. The actual mystery of the story was fun and I am looking forward to see more parts. I saw you talking about one more parts but it seems there is potential for more parts.

Or maybe other stories set in the same world. This could be the beginning of a whole Rudyverse!

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Speaking about the elfs the shared secret between Grata and Ida I though that was the best part of the story. 

That was all FairySlayer's idea. He meant it as a joke, which he made in his review of "The Ninth Reindeer," but I liked it and went with it. Just as I did with your calculation of the number of children Santa could conceivably deliver toys to. 

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I would not have minded to get more details about what Greta does at that point of the story, 

Probably just lying in her own bed watching reindeer porn as Rudy gets her off remotely.

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but it was still sexy and hot. 

Thanks!

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As for their special arrangement...what if Greta and Ida in the next part happen to go antler hunting at the same time...

Certainly a possibility. It would be nice to have a threesome where you could so easily satisfy both women at once.

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Thank you for the good holiday smut. I hope we will see more.

You're welcome, and indeed you will!

Edited December 27, 2020 by GeorgeGlass

[JayDee]

Three reviews for The Succubus’ Gift!

Thank you for the reviews folks, I hugely appreciated the feedback here. Thanks for your time!

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@GeorgeGlass on January 01, 2021

Okay, yes, this is a little unpolished (How can boots feel underdressed?), but it's still a fun read. I also appreciate that even though this story is part of your larger universe, it's self-contained, such that I didn't feel like any important details or background info were missing. 

...maybe they’re toon boots, hiding out in the story to avoid Judge Doom and his vat of… nah, I got nothing. I’ll fix that up so it’s Mike feeling underdressed in his unfancy footwear! I’m planning to take a look at it again in a couple of weeks and polish off any other glaring bits that stick out and fix ‘em. Problem really that I found my original idea just wasn’t working out so I had to start again from scratch!

I’m really glad it works as self-contained– that was something I really wanted to achieve after last year’s holiday special! And got the fun in too, yay!

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Some other notes (with SPOILERS):
--Plow Drive? Hoe Lane? You're such a rake.

Haha! Probably a Rake Street too, for folks to progress along. No doubt the town planning department was infiltrated by someone with a filthy sense of humour at some time in the past… the machinations of Hell go deeper than we ever realised!

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--Love the bit about Shannon's Christmas sweater. Of course, given that reindeer sex has become a thing for me, I may be biased.

I like to think it is still less filthy than some of the real world efforts. She’d enjoy your Reindeer stories, so it might even be fan art

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--The household of supernatural creatures reminds me of Being Human.

Ah, yeah, definitely not an entirely original concept of the odd folk house share in these universe stories. I think even as a kid watching Munsters re-runs I wondered how a Frankenstein’s monster and a vampire had a werewolf kid. Just doing me own thing with it

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--That pendant is a nice gift indeed!
--"I powered it with the orgasms of ten virgins from a Naruto Fan Club at a college over In New Jersey," made me chuckle, especially because of how big the Naruto fandom is here on AFF.

I liked the idea of Shannon’s “Turns out Naruto’s really popular!” and they got a lot of non-virgin members too I wrote a Naruto story, something like 14K hits and 4 reviews which Google tells me one AshuraAnderson on hentai-foundry linked with this description “ Pure crack. Hinata/Sasuke feat. Naruto. Technically cuckolding, technically NTR, anal...but Naruto gets turned into a big black cock. Somehow manages to be hot and hilarious at the same time.” which I’ll take as a positive!

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--Nice bit about undead girls not needing to breathe and thus having an advantage when it comes to deep-throating. (In one of my Steven Universe fics, I did something similar with a couple of the Crystal Gems, who are silicon-based and also don't need to breathe.)

Vampires aren’t known for their gag reflex either!

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--It's sweet that Mike knows immediately that Lupa is swallowing his load by choice.

I did think about having her claim she didn’t want to make a mess of her dress (which would be not entirely true), but it ruined the timing of her realisation of the pendant’s secondary feature.

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--"...getting some presents blasted up her ass." Ha. Even better that Shannon is actually not out getting laid but doing a good deed by trying to free her imprisoned friend.

And you know what works for blasting presents up an ass?

The Holiday Cannon ™

Available from all good meta-fictional sex toy stores and probably also Amazon.jp

I included that final paragraph both to play off Lupa’s assumption (dramatic wossname) and also to pay off the earlier mentions of Kate being imprisoned. I’m glad it worked!

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So glad you found the time to write this!

Thanks again, I’m even gladder you wrote the Reindeer continuation!

[JayDee]

Second review! Thanks again, appreciation continues!

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@Thundercloud on January 01, 2021

Review of The Succubus' Gift
Sorry for the late review...I read your story with great delight directly when it was posted but then family matters kept me from doing a review...and then the review I wrote was eaten by the Internet Gods.

No problem, just happy to get feedback! I’ve been trying to get into the habit of writing my reviews in Word and then pasting them to AFF which gets around the review-eating issue (it happened on a long-ass one I wrote once and I swore a bunch)

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Thank you for the great read that left me eager to write more smut...and do stuff with my wife. New Year fireworks is a good background sound for having loud sex.

…

Nice. Also, you’re welcome!

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Anyway I am probably not the right one to judge since I have read quite a large part of the stories that frame the background for this holiday enrtry but I think you did a good job with reminded me of the previous stories. Not all the detail is probably needed for this particular story to work...but including it sounds like a worthy goal if it makes more people check A Gamer Girl with a Bite. I really liked that story.

Thanks! I’ve got kind of a soft spot for that one, too. Mostly the idea of the Demon Huntress Hunter game… But also Lupa and Mike’s relationship I think got a good start. I stuck in extra detail to try and round it off as a stand-alone. Having it be Mike’s first visit to the house really helped with that as it could be used to have him note details or thoughts on stuff. There’s a reference in there to his first meeting with Shannon which is a story I’ve got half-finished and had Lupa really panicked and insecure about him meeting her succubus housemate and hiding.

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Spolitry part of the review
I lauged at the adress of the residence and could not help wondering how Shannon convinced the others that this was a good place to live with its decorations. I suppose Shannon lived there before and the other are too used to her antics that they don't care.

That’s it! So, as I’ve got it worked out in my head – when they were all at school together ‘undercover’ Kizzy was living with Shondra and Jackie who thought she was 17 and basically fostered her, Kate was living out of a trailer with Katie, the more traditional werewolf who very drunkenly bit her when she was a wolf, and was trying to socialise her properly with humans, and Lupa was squatting and not let the others know where she actually lived (used her vampire mesmerism to get around shit with officials). Shannon had the big house though some sort of infernal financial business, and supposedly lived with her Mom, (ie, Shannon herself changing her appearance), so when they all found out what was what and got out of school, it made sense for them to move to Shannon’s. Kizzy wouldn’t care about the decorations or house number – as long as sex is consensual she’s not prudish about what adults do to with each other, Kate can get pretty horny herself with some animal and human instincts competing, and Lupa rolls her eyes at most of Shannon’s antics but is happy to share with friends in a place with magically warded windows that let her sit in a sunbeam and not burn.

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The interaction when Mike arrive at the house was a good read. I liked how Lupa had made an effort to give him something to watch. As the scene progressed to him being asked to unwrap his present I was a bit torn between thinking that it sounded like a great idea and worrying about if Lupa really had thought it through.

Haha, yeah, you worry if Lupa thought it through, Mike worried if Lupa thought it through and Shannon worried if Lupa thought it through. Everyone worried! They got her insecurities in mind – Shannon has no problems with threesomes and open relationships as long as feelings don’t get hurt, but she could no doubt see Lupa lying awake, remembering her boyfriend in her mouth, and deciding she didn’t care for it after all. Hence Shannon not splashing her succubus lust around and even wearing a thick sweater over her upper body -but she’s good at people and figured how Mike would go anyway.

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One thing that might be worth to mentionwas by the way was when Shannon does her rigior mortis joke Lupa responds by talking about Shaz...I think I recall that Shaz is the gangs nickname for Shannon but first when I read it I was wondering to what story Shaz refers to.

Thanks for the heads up! I’ll look at it when I try for a proper polish. Might just need the Shaz nickname at the start of the question. I think at one point they were probably all talking and someone messing around said something like “If Kizzy is Kiz, then Kate is Kaz, Shannon is Shaz and Lupa is… Luz?” and Shaz stuck as a nickname. While Luz definitely didn’t Because it’d make Shannon sad, at least until she heard about the outcome of The Woman in the Statue, and maybe even then for a time.

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The actual sex scene with Mike and Lupa was great. I especially like his muffled response as Lupa enjoyed herself...about the actual ending I would like to read the story about Kate's situation and the resolution. Thank for the good read.

Thanks again! I did  want to do more sex there, but simply found myself running out of time and the worry that if I tried to do too much I wouldn’t finish it. I think I pitched it right with them planning to game then screw some more.

As for Kate’s situation…

Started with a blink-and-miss it telephone conversation between Kizzy and Shannon in Fucking Halloween Party where Kizzy said she’d asked Kate to go to a house to see what they think is a demon summoner to try and talk with them.

My story You! takes place in that house, starting with the summoned demon’s appearance and shows what happened to Kate next. That Shades and a Snake’s Heart story I did at the last halloween was set a while after You! and had the lingering impact of the trap’s magic on Kate after she got out of the house. You’ve read both the halloween stories already, so if you did want to check out You! for more of What Kate Did the good news is it was written entirely as flashfic chapters of less than 1000 words, and there’s only 5 of them so the whole thing is shorter than a single part of most normal length stories

The story I was trying to write for Christmas was going to tell the story of Kate’s human side being brought back into balance, and explain what happened directly after You! but, among other things, I was finding it too hard to make it self contained in few enough words, because it relied too much on the end of You!

 

Edited January 2, 2021 by JayDee

[JayDee]

Third review! Thanks yet again

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@InvidiaRed on January 02, 2021

The Succubus's Gift

JayDee you really don't give yourself enough credit.

Eh, I got no self-esteem whatsoever and actively fucking despise myself but am too weak-minded and lazy to change so…

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for the new year positive affirmations.

...oops. Ok. Starting tomorrow.

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Your work and style is a delight. It was worth the wait for a sequel to A Gamer Girl With Bite. Enough hints that there's alot going on in this world. I find it funny that Lupa has similar hang ups to to religion and the holidays enough to remind me of Duncan.Strange as that sounds.Part of me says they're unknowingly on each others friend's list due to their shared love of Gaming.

That, or they’re both convinced the other one is cheating because of inhuman reactions on multiplayer games :p Lupa used to be a good Catholic girl. Then the vampires came. Now, she’s friends with an angel and a demon and smart enough to realise their takes are true, but likes to claim atheism. Sometimes just to see if she can get a reaction out of Kizzy, who wouldn’t let it bother her – Kiz would side with a decent and kind atheist over an asshole religious person!

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The Ms.Clause sweater was hilarious. Personally, as I read it the picture of a full on DP with the reindeer made me snicker.

Haha! With the sweater I’ve gone with the horror “nothing is scarier” trope – whatever a reader imagines Mike is seeing on the sweater is probably accurate and probably more effective than I could have shown.

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Shannon is my favorite character. I don't think we've seen Rigor Mortis Rick. Yiffying is an... experiance. For a furry hell. Would the furry be themselves or would they be their fursonas? Truly a question for the ages. I should totally ask InBrightestDay ahaha.

Shannon gets on with everyone RMR might or might not be a real person, or just someone Shannon made up to make a point.

I was just referencing the older internet meme of telling furries to “Yiff in Hell” which was on a sliding scale of seriously meant to goofing around. I guess if they’re furry in their very soul it’s the fursona. Imagine, you’re a demon, you’re good at your job, but you’re just not effective against the guy who likes all the stuff you’re doing to them. On the other hand – @InBrightestDay – theological implications of furries who make deals with succubi and end up in Hell? Any thoughts?

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Rooting for Shannon, even if there might be unforseen circumstances

I hear in Australia they’d drop the ‘for’. Shannon’s had worse unforseen circumstances –She did end up in Hell :p

Thanks a final time! You and the others have been very kind to my scrappy effort

[InvidiaRed]

2 hours ago, JayDee said:

That, or they’re both convinced the other one is cheating because of inhuman reactions on multiplayer games :p I’m saying both because of how funny that is. Just rivals until they end up on the same team then that’s where the fun really starts. If Lupa ever ends up in a high stakes gaming tournament. Duncan should be there.

Lupa used to be a good Catholic girl. Then the vampires came. Now, she’s friends with an angel and a demon and smart enough to realise their takes are true, but likes to claim atheism. Sometimes just to see if she can get a reaction out of Kizzy, who wouldn’t let it bother her – Kiz would side with a decent and kind atheist over an asshole religious person! The best people choose decency and kind every time.

 

Shannon gets on with everyone RMR might or might not be a real person, or just someone Shannon made up to make a point.  Nah I totes can make them.

 

 

[Thundercloud]

5 hours ago, JayDee said:

Thanks! I’ve got kind of a soft spot for that one, too. Mostly the idea of the Demon Huntress Hunter game… But also Lupa and Mike’s relationship I think got a good start. I stuck in extra detail to try and round it off as a stand-alone. Having it be Mike’s first visit to the house really helped with that as it could be used to have him note details or thoughts on stuff. There’s a reference in there to his first meeting with Shannon which is a story I’ve got half-finished and had Lupa really panicked and insecure about him meeting her succubus housemate and hiding.

Hope you will manage to get story done when the muses align for you. Maybe there is plot piece missing that you need to add to make it work. The stories with the gang IMHO works best when you combine their personalities and anxieties with them doing important stuff. 

5 hours ago, JayDee said:

That’s it! So, as I’ve got it worked out in my head – when they were all at school together ‘undercover’ Kizzy was living with Shondra and Jackie who thought she was 17 and basically fostered her, Kate was living out of a trailer with Katie, the more traditional werewolf who very drunkenly bit her when she was a wolf, and was trying to socialise her properly with humans, and Lupa was squatting and not let the others know where she actually lived (used her vampire mesmerism to get around shit with officials). Shannon had the big house though some sort of infernal financial business, and supposedly lived with her Mom, (ie, Shannon herself changing her appearance), so when they all found out what was what and got out of school, it made sense for them to move to Shannon’s. Kizzy wouldn’t care about the decorations or house number – as long as sex is consensual she’s not prudish about what adults do to with each other, Kate can get pretty horny herself with some animal and human instincts competing, and Lupa rolls her eyes at most of Shannon’s antics but is happy to share with friends in a place with magically warded windows that let her sit in a sunbeam and not burn.

The detail with the magically warded windows sound like a perfect reason for Lupa to make an extra effort for it to work.

5 hours ago, JayDee said:

Thanks for the heads up! I’ll look at it when I try for a proper polish. Might just need the Shaz nickname at the start of the question. I think at one point they were probably all talking and someone messing around said something like “If Kizzy is Kiz, then Kate is Kaz, Shannon is Shaz and Lupa is… Luz?” and Shaz stuck as a nickname. While Luz definitely didn’t Because it’d make Shannon sad, at least until she heard about the outcome of The Woman in the Statue, and maybe even then for a time.

Quite some time until The Woman in the Statue will happen….or are the timelines not synchronized?

5 hours ago, JayDee said:

Thanks again! I did  want to do more sex there, but simply found myself running out of time and the worry that if I tried to do too much I wouldn’t finish it. I think I pitched it right with them planning to game then screw some more.

That is the thing with smut...you can almost always find ways to improve the scene later. I think the level you chose for this story was just about right considering their Ocarina plans.

5 hours ago, JayDee said:

As for Kate’s situation…

Started with a blink-and-miss it telephone conversation between Kizzy and Shannon in Fucking Halloween Party where Kizzy said she’d asked Kate to go to a house to see what they think is a demon summoner to try and talk with them.

My story You! takes place in that house, starting with the summoned demon’s appearance and shows what happened to Kate next. That Shades and a Snake’s Heart story I did at the last halloween was set a while after You! and had the lingering impact of the trap’s magic on Kate after she got out of the house. You’ve read both the halloween stories already, so if you did want to check out You! for more of What Kate Did the good news is it was written entirely as flashfic chapters of less than 1000 words, and there’s only 5 of them so the whole thing is shorter than a single part of most normal length stories

Your You! story is already on my planned reading list after halloween...but now I have even more reason to read it. Thanks for heads up about how the story connect.

5 hours ago, JayDee said:

The story I was trying to write for Christmas was going to tell the story of Kate’s human side being brought back into balance, and explain what happened directly after You! but, among other things, I was finding it too hard to make it self contained in few enough words, because it relied too much on the end of You!

Sounds like a good idea for a story.

[Thundercloud]

Review by GeorgeGlass

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The Danger of Dickpics, by Thundercloud

(SPOILERS below)

This was a nice bit of fun. I should have guessed that the professor was a superhero, albeit a retired one, given that she mentions superheroes early on and that she is a top-notch scientist (a typical superhero job). 

I enjoyed both the girl-on-girl and guy-on-girl scenes, and the contrast between them. Anya's unwilling sexual arousal and being dominated by Greg were enjoyable, too. But I also liked seeing the professor turn the tables on Greg at the end. So both my perversity and sense of justice were satisfied. :)

Thanks for a fun read.

Thank you for the review. It seems like story worked like I had hoped it.

[Thundercloud]

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From JayDee on December 25, 2020

The Danger of Dickpics by ThunderCloud

Reading the story and writing this at 5am on Christmas Day! God jul!

Thank you! The proper response in Swedish here would be “God fortsättning” when you want wish the Christmas and New Year mood to continue.

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This one really captured a Christmas spirit and I absolutely loved the ending. Probably the happiest ending to a story involving mind control since that one you did about the guy who thought he had a mind control program. I was kinda worried it might go the other way and the genius professor end up screwed as well.

If I had you worried I am glad...I had to do a number of rewrites before I got foreshadowing working but still subtle enough.

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That Greg guy… way too dumb to live really. A world with anti-mind control stuff and superheroes and he’s using a device to get his nuts emptied. I guess he just got too horny to care!

I think that it is part of the job description when dealing with mind control in porn stories.

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Both sex scenes were great – I liked the first one best with that lovely detail on stripping. Did wonder if the answer to “What if someone comes?” at the start of the sex would be “That’s kind of the point…” I really liked the way the first one ended with the lazy spooning. Nicely affectionate.

Originally I thought it would end with Greg coming in a disturbing things when they were spooning, but when I tried to write it I could find to good reason why the professor would unleash hell on him when he disturbed them like this. The new ending also had the great benefit of allowing me to include the second sex scene to give better context on what kind of creep Greg was.

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Hilarious when the Professor called him on having a small penis too. Guess even if it is average size it’s small in superhero size! Or just messing with him. Funny either way.

I had a friend who complained that in my stories you could tell who the superheroes was because they were hung like horses...it felt a bit unfair until I checked the record.

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And, yeah, lovely ending. Lotta Christmas sex with the prof while the kids are asleep. Or off playing with their lego. Hopefully nobody strands on a piece of lego during sex -even the masochists think it is a step too far.

There must a super power to avoid such...as for true pain...lego pieces is nothing compared to stepping on a D4 dice.

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… Ronja sure could use a government mind control line in her world :p

Yep she could...but unfortunately for her, it is a different setting.

[Thundercloud]

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From InvidiaRed on January 02, 2021

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The Danger of Dickpics

Very disturbing implications with mindcontrol being so prevalent that this world already has countermeasures.

I think it is kind of logical that settings with lots of mindcontrol will have the practitioners that start policing rough users that draw too much attention. Combine this with how often superheroes in the comics are mindcontroled and I think those heroes who not have mindcontrol powers have good reasons to make sure the public knows about the dangers of mindcontrol. The step to making heroes who deal with mindcontrol government funded is not very long. My G.S.P. story that is set in the same setting explores the implications of evil and good (read shady) mindcontrol to quite some detail.

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Greg is certaintly in the need to be stopped category for using such things. There is a point morally once you cross you become a threat to everyone around you and he's there. Professor Stevens being a retired hero was amazing, with the foreshadowing nicely done.

Yep, he deserved what he got...especially after doing so bad research before picking his intended victim.

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Anya is very grateful indeed even if she's attempting to push it just a tad. Professor Stevens just straight up obliterated Greg in that astute manner makes the Holidays feel special. <3

To be fair, she had crush on the professor even before she ran into this mess.

[JayDee]

8 hours ago, InvidiaRed said:

That, or they’re both convinced the other one is cheating because of inhuman reactions on multiplayer games :p I’m saying both because of how funny that is. Just rivals until they end up on the same team then that’s where the fun really starts. If Lupa ever ends up in a high stakes gaming tournament. Duncan should be there.

Lupa: “Huh. Not fucking cheating then. Fucker’s actually just really good. Fuck. Guess I’d better be fucking polite, fucker’s fucking earned it.”

 Mike: *dragging the swear barrel along*

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Shannon gets on with everyone RMR might or might not be a real person, or just someone Shannon made up to make a point.  Nah I totes can make them.

Is it just me, or does Rigor Mortis Rick sound like a 1990s console mascot? A sonic the hedgehog type… “Hungry werewolf Kate got into Rick’s harem! Help Rick travel across varied platform worlds to collect enough body parts to put a lover together and defeat the wereworlf to reclaim the tender parts!”

...oh god, I really am a monster.

[JayDee]

5 hours ago, Thundercloud said:

Hope you will manage to get story done when the muses align for you. Maybe there is plot piece missing that you need to add to make it work. The stories with the gang IMHO works best when you combine their personalities and anxieties with them doing important stuff. 

Could be! I’m always happier to finish stuff than leave unfinished stuff sitting in me hard drive.

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The detail with the magically warded windows sound like a perfect reason for Lupa to make an extra effort for it to work.

She came for the friendship, she stayed for the magic protections woven into the fabric of the building… When she moves into her own place later, with her husband, Shannon’d put the effort in to add the same wards. (“It’s ok. I’m not running out of anime fan clubs anytime soon!)

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Quite some time until The Woman in the Statue will happen….or are the timelines not synchronized?

 

They’re taking place in two different universes and time moved faster in one for a while, but it’s only really confirmed in single lines here and there across different stories – way back in the second part of my slumber party story that introduced Kizzy and them it confirmed Eparlegna had done some really nasty shit on another Earth (referencing the whore story). I think we agreed that time moved relatively faster on the Statue universe for the period that Eparlegna was sealed up there, and so there was a line in the last part of Jude’s Tale that Luzurial had been bound for close to 75 years “relative time”. Then time starts running at the same relative speed after Eparlegna got out. The idea was pretty much entirely so if there was ever a crossover written featuring the mortal characters it would be less of a pain in the ass to mesh together, and also so that there could be some resolution between Kizzy and Shannon and Luzurial without having to wait 75 years in storytime. Incidentally, I wrote a first draft entirely of that resolution storyline that is complete but needs an absolute fuckton of work doing to not be the absolute unreadable boring unsexy garbage it currently is, and also to fit better with InBrightestDay’s better rounded version of Luzurial.

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Your You! story is already on my planned reading list after halloween...but now I have even more reason to read it. Thanks for heads up about how the story connect.

“It’s really short!” is definitely the most positive reason I got! Even at under 5000 words I was running on empty with jokes by the end.

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Sounds like a good idea for a story.

That’s what I hoped! Bah. Maybe I’ll retool it to be not at Christmas. 

Edited January 3, 2021 by JayDee

[JayDee]

5 hours ago, Thundercloud said:

Thank you! The proper response in Swedish here would be “God fortsättning” when you want wish the Christmas and New Year mood to continue.

Oh, cool! That’s super positive.

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I had a friend who complained that in my stories you could tell who the superheroes was because they were hung like horses...it felt a bit unfair until I checked the record.

“That one’s definitely a superhero!”

“That’s… that’s just a background police horse.”

“Oh.”

[InvidiaRed]

2 hours ago, JayDee said:

Lupa: “Huh. Not fucking cheating then. Fucker’s actually just really good. Fuck. Guess I’d better be fucking polite, fucker’s fucking earned it.” Hahaha.

 Mike: *dragging the swear barrel along*  Duncan: “I was in the neighborhood and you wouldn’t believe this multi-million gaming tournament has teams. Teams! I couldn’t help myself. Been weeding out the chaff on the FPS side. Can you believe people are intimated by me?” *Fly buzzes too close to Duncan and promptly drops dead*

“ I’m so excited to see that you’ve passed the preliminary round! What team are you on? Wait don’t tell me.” *Lupa starts cursing as Duncan shows her the ID card that let them enter the team base. Same symbol same team just as the play of the game displays the devastating headshot from across the map on wide screen tvs*

 

Is it just me, or does Rigor Mortis Rick sound like a 1990s console mascot? A sonic the hedgehog type… “Hungry werewolf Kate got into Rick’s harem! Help Rick travel across varied platform worlds to collect enough body parts to put a lover together and defeat the wereworlf to reclaim the tender parts!”

...oh god, I really am a monster. I could see it, there’s been a few games were you collect body parts. Fable 2 essentially lets you do that

 

[GeorgeGlass]

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From InvidiaRed on January 02, 2021

Checking It Twice

An interesting Premise,, I hope the hacker got an unpleasant visit from a couple elves and ended up parted from their kneecaps. The Holiday Mafia is real and its all fun and games until you get waterboarded by the easter bunny. Might be Ms.Clause, Or Krampus haha.

 

You’ll have to check back next year to find out...

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Greta's and Ida's deal about taking it for the other was a delightful concept,

I must again thank @FairySlayer for that stroke of pervy genius.

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Kinda hazardous when you happen to be driving and they decided to get gangbanged but everything has its own hazards I guess haha.

Ida implied that it had happened once when she was out figure skating on the lake. I’m pretty sure that led to a spectacular wipeout during an attempted double axel.

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Rudy got something under the Mistletoe.

Oh, indeed.

Thanks for reviewing!

[GeorgeGlass]

From InBrightestDay on January 10, 2021

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Checking It Twice

It's emblematic of the year we've had that the first thought on many of our minds the second it was revealed that the Claus complex had been hacked seems to have been "Putin's upset at having been on the naughty list for so many years."

Just FYI, I came up with this story idea months before the news of the Russian hack came, so this was not meant as a “ripped from the headlines” kind of story.

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But no!  It was someone else.  I have no idea who, but this does make me interested.

I’m glad. Tune in next Christmas!

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Jumping back to the beginning, the antler thing during sex was amusing, but does seem like something that would happen with anthro reindeer, sort of their version of pulling on a girl's hair or something.  

Exactly the idea.

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This also gives new meaning to grabbing a woman's rack.

...I'm sorry.

Hey, I used the term “top rack” for a reason.

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Anyway, I loved the subtle Checkhov's Gun you did early on.  When Rudy is being briefed about the flight and you spent a noticeable amount of time on the canyon he'd need to fly through, and then actually showed him flying through it, I thought you might have been adding a little too much detail.  Then, come the end, I realized you were setting up for an aerial chase with the drones, and it was awesome!

My wife thought it might be an homage to the trench run in Star Wars. I’ll admit that was one inspiration (along with, God help me, the canyon-flying scene from Iron Eagle II).

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I won't talk about the twin sisters/vagina portal thing, since everyone else seems to have done that,

Boy, they sure have.

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but I will mention when I laughed because the story read my mind.  When Ida leads Rudy downstairs, I remember thinking it had the air of a dark and terrible secret, being an underground thing at an isolated, snowbound station, and right then...

I’ve seen this movie, Rudy thought. This is the one where the reindeer gets hacked into souvlaki in the boiler room.

I love it when stories do this.

The “remote polar site” had me thinking about The Thing, and by extension other horror movies like Nightmare on Elm Street. Hence, deadly boiler room.

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Well, we have an enemy for the Rudy Saga now, so we'll have to see what happens next year!

Indeed! I hope it will live up to your expectations.

Edited January 11, 2021 by GeorgeGlass

[Thundercloud]

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From InBrightestDay on January 10, 2021

The Danger of Dickpics

Admittedly, I kind of gave you a live reaction when I was proofreading this, given my comments, so I spoiled it a little, but I will say that you hid the reveal very well.  It all has to do with presentation.  What I mean by that is that you mentioned the superheroes to call in case of suspected mind control, you had that mentioned in such a way that it seemed like a joke (and, well, it kinda was), so I didn't draw the conclusion that this is a setting where superheroes are actually real, much less recall that "Stevens" was Avalanche's last name.

Your reaction when you recalled Avalanche’s real name was pretty much priceless.

I think one of the things that worked in my favor is that the you read the other story pretty recently and there is nothing that in that story that really show that it takes place in 1999. The G.S.P. story is bound to happens before 9/11 since else that event would been a natural comparison to the challenges of New York in the G.S.P. story. This makes the 20 year time jump to this story very subtle.

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Of course, that made the moment when everything fell into place so freaking sweet.  We spend the story coming to terms with the horror of what's being done to Anya (as in G.S.P., you do a good job of protraying how alarming mind control really is, something a lot of published comics seem to forget), that Greg feels almost unstoppable, and then he targets the wrong woman and watching she take him down is a thing of beauty, especially that bit where he's going to be found dry-humping the dolls.

I suspect Anya might have reason to be a bit upset when she realize how easily professor Stevens could have helped her after the first encounter. Like professor Stevens said she has quit being a superhero.

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One wonders how Linda's husband will feel about the fact that they've picked up a third partner, but who knows?  He's missing, but Linda doesn't seem nervous, so I'd imagine she doesn't mean that he's really in danger.

Considering how muchthe heroes sleep around it won’t be an issue...he will probably want to join when he learns about Anya.

On the other hand the possible G.S.P. sequel that I consider writing might include the professor needing to find her husband that gone missing for longer than usual. Now when she has a baby sitter it might be time to design a new costume so to stay.

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It was fun revisiting this world, especially so soon after finishing G.S.P. itself.  Thanks for writing this!

Thanks for reviewing this and additional thanks for the proofreading effort.

Edited January 11, 2021 by Thundercloud

[InBrightestDay]

In case anyone else is feeling left out, I did also leave reviews for @JayDee and @InvidiaRed’s stories.  It just took me longer to get JayDee’s done, because I fell asleep.

[JayDee]

16 minutes ago, InBrightestDay said:

In case anyone else is feeling left out, I did also leave reviews for @JayDee and @InvidiaRed’s stories.  It just took me longer to get JayDee’s done, because I fell asleep.

My writing does have that effect on people! :p No, I kid, I kid, I expect you’ve been tired as heck with the work ing lately. Invidia might be a bit slower replying – recent status updated suggested away for a bit!

Thank you for the review! I just saw it after dropping the review on the latest Mortuus Orbis part! Hugely appreciated getting it, gotta love reviews

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The Succubus' Gift

Yay, a Mike and Lupa story!  It's really nice seeing them together again after A Gamer Girl with Bite, and this whole thing was really sweet.

Thanks! Some of the flavors may also have been salty. Lupa didn’t comment.

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69 Hoe Lane.  This is sooo Shannon's house.

All the other demons looking for “666 Goat Road” or something, but Shannon’s got other interests.

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Something I like that you brought up, because incredibly I'd never thought of it, is "why don't the angels fix Lupa?"  I'd sort of mulled over a similar subject for WitS, but that part of the dialogue exchange ended up being cut.  Kizzy doesn't entirely answer the question, which is very much in character for her, but she does give a hint when she says that Lupa isn't diseased.  I sort of read that as Kizzy saying that Lupa doesn't have to be fixed.  It's similar to some people with disabilities (though I hardly want to generalize about all of them), and in Lupa's case she got superpowers out of it too.

I figure it’s a bit of a call back to Kizzy reassuring Lupa that being a vampire doesn’t automatically make her evil – her living mortal life ended when the vampires came, but then her new unlife started… and that ends with a true death. And, yeah, she does get both superpowers and superweaknesses out of it, like sunlight or the need to drink blood. 

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Lupa's tsundere-ness is on full display here, especially in that great moment where we see her through Mike's eyes, see the beautiful dress she has on and the warmth in her eyes, they kiss and then...

“¡Cabrón! You’re letting all the fucking heat out! You think of the energy bills?”

I freaking love it.

Probably it’s only Shannon bringing back other mortals that they need to keep the place properly heated anyway, with Kate imprisoned! Although wouldn’t want it to get all damp, I guess. Mike’s used to it by now anyway, probably sees it as Lupa’s messed up way of showing affection.

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Shannon's sweater is also really funny, since it almost feels like there's now crossver between these holiday party stories and she's been reading the Rudy stuff.

Shannon would definitely enjoy George’s stories!

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I like the bit after Mike turns down the first Shannon-based present, and Shannon proves very affirming there.  Lupa still has some self-confidence issues (and living with a demon whose identity is pretty much just "seductress" might not help with those), but it's nice to see her friends reassuring her.  And of course Shannon's "the kind of hell bitch who makes jewelry!" made me smile.

Shannon’s jewelry is quality stuff! None of your QVC crap. That bracelet she made for Kizzy way back when all this story universe started allowed her to bind an angel with her own power, and that wasn’t even the intended use! Yeah, Lupa probably sees herself as “Shannon’s dumpy friend”, but there’s nothing wrong with her! Especially worrying maybe how much better at the social life her housemates can be – even Kizzy is a really good active listener.

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The actual amulet is nice, allowing Lupa to feel like she's human body temperature when Mike touches her, instead of just lukewarm or cold (I can't remember if she's supposed to be room temperature, like a corpse, or actually magically cold due to being undead),

There’s definitely something a little supernatural about her temperature, and how it changes so quickly when she gets blood, but doesn’t freeze solid when out in subzero temperatures. I figure most of the time she’s probably noticably cooler than the room she’s in, but probably only by a degree or so, like she hasn’t quite warmed up fully, but then her temperature just doesn’t change at extremes of heat or cold ‘cos of the supernatural side not obeying yer laws of thermodynamics properly. Or something.

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but I did wonder what it did for Lupa and...

“C-cumpire?”

The word slipped out.

Man, we're damn lucky I wasn't drinking anything when I read that, because I would have spat it out laughing.  The fact that Lupa can now get stronger from blowjobs is extremely Shannon and both funny and sweet. 

You spit, Lupa swallows… :p It’s probably not just blowjobs, although I didn’t get around to writing a petrative sex scene :p

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You know me well enough to know that Mike's reciprocation was something I enjoyed.

It’s kinda a retread of the oral scene in the gamer girl story, except with them now having a much deeper relationship, and Mike being better at it. Glad you enjoyed it!

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And I like how the ending works.  This story is evidently standalone enough that everyone else can read it, but the ending does fit this into the timeline of the other K-Team stories, dropping it right in before the final chapters of You!

Thanks again! Yeah, another little callback to the line from Lupa in You! that Shannon figured out the way to get her in to get Kate out, but for anyone who hasn’t read that it really just continues the mentions of Kate being imprisoned earlier on – me trying to keep it self contained as much as possible, so I’m glad that it really worked there with the standalone element!