Jump to content

Click Here!

She is the One


GEMINI

Recommended Posts

Back to regularly scheduled programming.

I agree with what people are saying about heavy emotions. Its been a slugfest. While I don't like weathering it that much anymore, I still understand why it happens. As delta4 said, Joe writes this story for himself as much as he does for us. He can't please everyone all the time. Again, as delta4 said, I have called this story a masterpiece, and I still do. However, people (including me) do seen to set the bar high. We've gotten drawn in and expect it to go our way, all day.

On that note, bigman7307 made a post about life not being a box of chocolates. I, as I have just come out of my teen years, am well aware of the stigma and negative connotation that teens can view life and the world. When I was younger, I did have a point in my life where I thought it'd be better if I didn't exist. I got help, and I worked it out. Does that have to cloud my view of everything? Does it require me to view those years as a shitty emotional roller coaster? No, it doesn't. I've had a lot of good parts in my life. I, and everyone else, can rant and rave all we like. The point is, people at putting pressure on Joe to be perfect in his writing(I am guilty of that), and for the story to go their way. It's a valid complaint to point out the many negative and heavy chapters. But no one is, as far as I'm aware, or should, discredited the real emotion that Joe puts into this.

Train of thought... Crashed.

Edit: I remembered. I don't really agree with jar jar on some of his points. I don't think Jack has become a mentally unstable character and deals with stuff that every moment. I saw Joe long's post and I hadn't thought about that. Really jack just happens to be involved, but the problems aren't centered around him, or for that matter, Kayla, up until now.

Edited by thismy
Link to comment
Share on other sites

So far we've covered about ten months of Jack's life. Yes there's been lots of shit. First there was shit happening to him from the outside, primarily Craig and then Brad, and later the coach's suicide. There was drama inside the family, primaly centered around Alan and Amanda. Except for the kiss at Christmas (which was involved Tara) this is the first time anything has happened BETWEEN Jack and Kayla. Through all the other shit Kayla was by Jack's side, but now he has to wonder how much damage has been caused to their relationship.

But yeah, teenagers go through a lot of drama. My story is all about my hangups and NOT getting any back then. Then I had to live through my children's teen years, as a parent.

Edited by Joe Long
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest Drake

I totally understand your points about teenage life being very hard and emotianally scarring, but in my experience emotions are not always down and gloomy as a teenager. One is just sitting in a rollercoaster. Up, down, up again, not knowing what is coming next.

When I was reading the part with the threesome, it actually seemed to me, that it did not really matter if Jack said yes or no at the start. The same sh** was going to happen anyway and everyone would have been tense and nervous nontheless. I do not think that the threesome was a good idea for Jack and Kayla, but for me it would have made more sense, if that all came into play After. As it was now, the scene was not enjoyable for me in the least, because everything that I read was just promising more drama to come. And I did not want to be part of Jack's thoughts at that moment. Why not write this part in Tara's mind? And her being happy and not really realizing what was happening to Jack? Something like that to ease up on the depression...

I do not intend to down-talk any of your personal experiences! I respect you and your story.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest Delta4

and as much as perverted we are and expect our fantasies to come true in these stories, because we project our selves to protagonist of story.and i bet most of readers are male.

about threesome i wanted it bad,like any other you guys out there.And with two hottest girls who wudn't ?

but the scene was just so real. We (perverts,me included) wanted fantasy,all enjoying,cuming togather etc etc

Joe had to make that scene such because he had planned such path of story.becasue if threesome had been awsome,than later seperating the characters would be so difficult and Jack/Kyla/tara relationship would have been more complicated and fictional.

but Joe wants be deal situations like in reality and that what happened in this chapter.(and ruined happy threeway for most of us :P)

I wished Tara/Kyla action but that would have put Jack and all into more good mood and may have lead to different path(all happy but later Joe has to try hard to seperate Tara from Jack/Kyla relationship,because in reality no such happy threesome ever after exists because of our human jealous and possessive nature).so that why i think Joe avoided that.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest Delta4

and i wont say i hadt have my LOLs in chapter

reading" stupid brain struck on repeat" had me laughing.

Jack saying"can i watch kyla while i do it" i almost jumped to that dumb suggestion,but who can blame him in such situations.he was terrified in back of his mind about His and Kyla relationship.

i cant remenber the rest coz m sleepy.its 2.53 :P

i wish there was a Tara thinking side of this chapter,atleast during threeway,she atleast enjoyed it.we will be satisfied :P

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Jack saying"can i watch kyla while i do it" i almost jumped to that dumb suggestion

I was going "No! No!"

I've never been in a position to try to please two women at a time, believe me sometimes one is way more than enough. What the sex with Tara reminded me of was some times with my wife when instead of being a spontaneous bout of love making, it was something she expected of me, which becamse a performance with the goal of pleasing her. Instead of being lost in the moment, while I was in the act my mind was focused on my perfomance, that I get it 'just right' lest she be disappointed (and I reckon a lot of that goes back to my "fear of failure" issues.) That's stressful, and it can be very deflating. Then I'm jamming away with a tool that I'm try hard to keep inflated, forced to think of things even more stimulating than making love to my wife, such as banging her sister (or whatever my current hot fantasy was at the time). Then feeling guilty about that. Then (a handful of times) having to explain, when I couldn't finish the deed, that it was me and not her. Which puts even more pressure on for the next time.

Edited by Joe Long
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest Delta4

Ok for the ones craving for not a satisfactory threeway HERE is a story who's threesome is the best i have ever read and may ever will be.lot of plot,emotoins and romance. m not promoting anything but for sake of unsatisfied memebers...

its also one of favourites of Joe (which secretly tells us that he wanted threeway to be happy but for sake of storyline had to make hard choice).

and for a suggestion to Joe,i know Jack is faithful to kyla and loves her the most but make a situation where he is forced to have sex with some other for sake of saving someone he loves.

or some dominant sexy thing rape him(m not talking about Rhone,she gives me creeps :P)

kyla can forgive him because its not his fault.or may be she is also in the situation and suggests that he should do it to save their loved one ( he he ,win win situation)

by the way my favourite part of SITO has been when Amanda tries to make her way with Jack and the way he resists in his mind the physical pleasures she is giving him but loosing the battle and having full boner .)

man that scene is imprinted in my mind so hard, i think Alzhiemer wont delete it.(m not that old,just 34 at moment :P)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It looks like Jack has realized that Tara doesn't know what she's looking for (sex vs relationships). Tara hasn't figured that out yet, she's still a confused teenage girl.

jashley or whoever - I don't feel like reading back, but did Tara used to live near Joe's family when they were little? They just moved from Florida or where ever, but Jack makes a comment about the free ice cream at Splash Down, which is in Jack's area. Tara's last name is Moreno, and a lot of Salvadorans live near Splash Down.

Mapquest says I am 7.3 miles/15 minutes from Brow Ridge HS

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well, this is gonna be a long one.

First of all, to answer a question from before, here is the breakdown of the Sagas:

Kayla Saga: Chapters 1-8

Jessica Saga: Chapters 9-15

Tara Saga: Chapters 16-22

Twins Saga: Chapters 23-28

Summer Saga: Chapters 29-present

As for the whole emotional aspect of the chapter...well...

Okay, I'll be doing this in place of the normal Reality Check, since, aside from some jokes and familiar feelings, actual events in this chapter are not based entirely on real-life. That's part of what made it so difficult to write. Instead, I'll just kinda share with you the process that went into writing this chapter.

At first, I had planned to have the threesome be your normal spank-story threesome: girl-on-girl, screaming orgasms, everyone laying in a sweaty, hazy post-orgasmic mess at the end. Almost as soon as I started actually writing the sex itself, everything seemed to change. My original ideas just didn't seem to fit with the characters. That's one thing I've noticed at this point in the story: I can set the scenario but the characters play it out. I've developed them enough to where I'm just chronicling stuff they have already done; they're saying their own dialogue, making their own decisions, and I'm just here to put it down like I'm writing their memoirs. As such, I found that trying to force the 'sexiness' of the threesome onto the characters just didn't make sense. That's not how they would act or behave and despite being 'young' and sex being a 'fun' act, they are people, not constructs. Sex may be 'fun' in a general sense, but so is Disney and I can name you a bunch of my friends who despise Disney. What is fun is not fun for every case.

As for the idea that there may be too much in the way of 'emotional suckerpunches'...I agree. There really is. I was saying the exact same thing my sophomore year of high school, when it seemed like it was one blow after another to my self-esteem or my ego or my mentality or my relationships or...whatever. Hell, that was the year I almost committed suicide and had a certain gun not been loaded at the time, I would not be here to tell this story. Trust me, it was a closer call than I care to think about. Now, this is not to belittle opinions that maybe this is getting a little too overloaded with emotional baggage but, trust me, the Saga isn't over yet. All I ask for is patience. If, by the end of the Saga (or even the story itself, though God knows what chapter that will be), you still feel the same way, I won't begrudge you your opinion. But trust me, the way Jack thinks and acts is exactly how I did at his age. If he has a 'mental disorder' then so did I. Actually, I still would, since I still think that way a lot of the time, though I've learned to control it.

One of the hardest things for me, as a writer, is realizing that how I think/speak/act/whatever now is not how a teenager does. Sometimes, I'll write an entire passage and then go back and read it and realize, "Wait a minute...this is how a twenty-something-year-old would act, not a teenager." Then I'll go back and redo it. This is not to say I think all teenagers are over-emotional, mopey, woe-is-me types; just, especially in a situation like this, it's hard not to be, though I like to think Jack isn't a woe-is-me type; when I think 'woe-is-me', I think Bella Swan, a character who deals with no actually big emotional torment but treats it as such and makes no effort to right it. That's the distinction for me: woe-is-me means you aren't doing anything to fix it. Hell, even in the context of the story, the threesome wasn't really gonna go off without a hitch; all the emotions and reasoning was transferred over from Christmas and remember how well that went? One doesn't just forget that and decide that they'll make something that was so heavily based off of emotion suddenly a fun romp under the sheets.

I realize that this may not sway opinions and I'm fine with that. This is just where I'm coming from when I write. And if you really want some reassurance, the next chapter isn't going to be near as heavy and in a couple chapters, and old familiar face will return. So...there's my tease for the next couple chapters ;)

You guys are amazing and I really value your opinions. Believe me, I never take criticism personally; not unless you're calling me a 'niggr' or something like that for no particular reason. I just thought some explanation was in order, especially since there seems to be some sullen feelings coming out of this chapter. I can't promise that happy-go-lucky, relaxing filler chapters are on the horizon, but I do know that there is some sunshine on the horizon for the characters so...again, tease :)

Thank you so much for your continued support and encouragement. I've already started writing Chapter 34 and it's looking to be a lot easier to write. See you guys soon :)

-Joe

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest Starkz

Did I tell that I loved Jashley13 with all I've got?

Seriously. He is a fucking inspiration. I'm a straight guy, and I would totally do him along with Benedict Cumberbatch, just to see what that feels like.

But ZOMBIE WALBURN THO that would be so great!

Meanwhile, more realistically, I want Kayla to get over it. Not too soon, but soon enough to get rid of that acid feeling of sharing your man. Have her spend some time with Tara, and imply heavy action while telling so with nearly zero detail, teasing the hell outta us.

OR, Continue the story arc we have here. This was a brilliant and a bold move, and I fully support this. You've given me bad suckerpunches over the year. I remember the First time they had the threesome. That was bad. I was a sea of emotions, couldn't control myself. It took me two hours of staring at absolutely nothing to see. And yes, I am in love with your writing.

I want this as a book.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Calling it now... Zombie Walburn.

JK, Brad or Carson

Laughed WAYYY to hard at this. Real funny.

Any way, I agree, as soon as I read "familiar face." I thought "BRAD BRAD BRAD!!"

We'll see I guess.

In regards to Jashley's reality check, I don't think anyone here expects, or wants, emotion free filler chapters. It's really interesting to hear about the writing process, and, here I go with the bar setting, a phenomenal insight to your writing process and ability. And fuck, that's some heavy shit. In a way, it's cool to that you share these emotions with us.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

While I didn't really have a problem with the outcome, a couple things bugged me about this chapter.

1. Jack thinks a lot of intelligent thoughts in his head but he can't articulate them to Tara or Kayla? Even teenagers are capable of saying what they think but smart guy Jack can't put his thoughts into words? Kinda frustrating.

2. Jack has a right to be pissed at Kayla and, with all the angst in this chapter, it would have been more satisfying to me if he had gotten pissed at her waffling. I know I would have been pissed at her asking "How would you feel watching me with another guy?" Not sure why Jack didn't blow up at that. It's easy enough to tell Kayla the difference is that Tara is someone they BOTH love.

That said, I guess the writing is really good when you make me want to smack the crap out of Kayla for that. ;)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

While I didn't really have a problem with the outcome, a couple things bugged me about this chapter.

Answer to both points: even if you know exactly how you feel, you don't know how the other person is going to react to your saying it. I give Joe tons of points for writing detail into his scenes, perhaps he missed this.

Many times over the years I've disagreed with my wife over something. I exactly know my position, and why I think I'm write, but it's a very delicate process to decide what to say, because the reaction might worsen things (even if I'm convinced I'm right).

Jack already totally stepped in it with "Can I look at Kayla (while I fuck you)" and I believe later did express a frustration in not knowing what to say. As I just described, that doesn't have to be the same thing as not knowing what's right.

Talking to human women is a very delicate process.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Very true, Joe Long but I find I don't have much of a filter on my mouth anymore when the Mrs. pisses me off. My "delicate" switch seems to have a short in it. Sometimes I can keep my mouth shut but those times are getting few and far between.

Yeah, it was stupid to ask if he could look at Kayla but that should have spoken volumes to her at that moment. She let it continue so, IMO, she should feel a heck of a lot more guilt than anger. It's not easy to match my old guy thoughts with those of a teenager anymore. I guess that's why we say "Youth is wasted on the young". ;)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Realized I had a couple other things to address:

First of all, @COJimmyV, don't worry: both of your points have already been addressed in my newest chapter and there's going to be more about them coming up. Good catch, though.

Second, I will not be writing a chapter from someone else's perspective. I'm aware that would add some variety but, at this point, I'm a little hesitant about changing up the POV, especially with all the development the characters have already had. I might do a standalone piece at some point from one of the other characters' perspectives but the main POV is gonna stay Jack, mainly because I'm a guy and I understand how guys think. Trust me, if I pretended to know how girls think internally, I'd be squashed. Call it limited ability but the whole shift in perspective thing just doesn't seem within my capacity at this point, not like with nivek_88 (who introduced it early enough).

Third, I'm gonna have to make a poster at some point with all these crazy ideas. Zombie Walburn, Walrus Tara...we'll see what else pops up as the chapters continue.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It's not easy to match my old guy thoughts with those of a teenager anymore. I guess that's why we say "Youth is wasted on the young". ;)

Yeah, I was the 20 year old virgin.

Not just about arguing. I remember a couple times going to these presentations where they're selling you some timeshare in the mountains (hello, Mr. and Mrs. Hanigan) and I absolutely did not want to do it, just get my free suitcase and get the hell out, but I had no idea what the wife wanted and was too afraid to ask, so I blubbered for 30 or 40 minutes. I hate conflict, did not want to start a fight, and felt like I was in a no-win situation.

Edited by Joe Long
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest Crash

The story is doing justice to the characters you presented. It is awesome. But I feel like you are just making TARA's life HELL. The way you describe makes oneself fall in love with the character, but you are screwing her too much. You said that you are gonna fix everything by end, I believe in you. I shouldn't completion since its your story to make and you are doing a great job. I still feel the most hurt is Tara. Awesome story, keep writing. Enjoy!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest Heyyou

Just an idea and just throwing it out there: TARA COULD BE PREGNANT

Imagine the consequences of this haha.

PS: i'm just joking, it'd be really funny tho

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Tara, Jack, Kayla and the rest of Jack/Taras family are gathered in Jacks living room. Jack knows nothing about what is going on.

"Mom, Dad, I have something to tell you... I'm pregnant."

"WHAT!"

"And Jacks the father."

At this point Jack realises that it's time to make like a roadrunner and get the hell out of dodge. His final words before disappearing into a small dust cloud were...

"Meep Meep!"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Jack being the father of Tara's baby would really be something seeing as they aren't cousins but really brother and sister. Jack's dad is Tara's real father as alluded to in the Christmas chapter. Her father doesn't look like her and Tara and Jack have a bond closer than cousins even before the threesome. Jack refers to his feelings with Tara as she is more a sister than a cousin. Now that we have that established, wouldn't that blow Jack's dad's incest hating mind when he realizes that his son and his real daughter (that he was keeping secret all this time) are having a baby together.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...