JayDee's (Originals) review reply, story discussion and additional notes thread

[JayDee]

You!

Snore
Oh my god!That was just hilarious! It's not easy to find a story from you without gore etc. in a fandom I'm familiar with. So I'm settling with your Originals. Your're right. I generally dislike/not prefer second and first person stories. I like to be the observer, the witness, not the listener or the addressee. You can call it also voyeurism There can be exceptions, though. If you wrote a fellatio in POV style in second person, it wouldn't raise much protest I guess.

A very unique sense of humor you've got here. I'll browsing more of your stories.

Thanks for your review! I had a lot of fun writing that story, and if I ever get around to it part 3 will have a werewolf's (You! 3: Wolf Moon) bottom. I think there may be occasions where second person fellatio could cause problems. Especially if the first two words are "Your mom". I think I'd have trouble doing a serious second person story, which is a shame as I used to like CYOA books as a kid. I would like to write a CYOA porno some day, but it will take a ton of careful problem. I'll probably have my "100 words used only once and in order" prompt challenge fic that I've been worrying at since about 2008 done first. Just be careful with the story codes!

[JayDee]

You!

pippychick
This is hilarious, and perfect, and I should have known if anyone could write a You story antidote, then it'd be.. you.

Just brilliant... I wonder what report will come back from the convention.

Thank you for this.

Thank you! Glad it was funny A story I wrote for last Halloween revealed more of Sarsa's evil scheming, so the next part will be a side story to that (so people will be able to follow You! without needing to have read all of the gratuitous fucking in the side story) I do have it on my list, but at the moment I am started on writing the Willow story with the toughest challenge I've ever set myself: keep it rape free. I mean, even a nosex story like You! had rape threats. My muse is definitely fucked up!

[pippychick]

A story I wrote for last Halloween revealed more of Sarsa's evil scheming...

Ha! And I have found it, so I'll read it now. *settles happily* That's an added bonus I didn't expect.

I do have it on my list, but at the moment I am started on writing the Willow story with the toughest challenge I've ever set myself: keep it rape free.

I am so interested in how that will turn out. It is a tough challenge. I don't think I'd be able to do it. My brain would keep veering to rape/non-con for sure.

My muse is definitely fucked up!

And we appreciate it very much, be in no doubt

[pippychick]

Ahh... that was fantastic, and amazingly hot.

My laugh out loud moments:

... that would put most girls off. Outside Wisconsin.

“Let me help. She probably deserves to die just for writing in the second person.”

I'm really interested to see your next update now (after the Willow thing, of course), and how this all plays in to the You! story. Awesome work!

[JayDee]

Thank you again! It's nice to make folks laugh, and get the porn written hotly.

It could be a while for the next update, I am so slow at the moment!

[Guest julpups]

Bored in the office...

I think there may be occasions where second person fellatio could cause problems. Especially if the first two words are "Your mom".

*Ugh* Not the nicest image to put into my mind. Now the Willow story has an additional purpose. To erase this picture.

Seriously, I really liked You! Although browsing through your stories is like stepping through a minefield, it's definitely worth it in retrospect.

I do have it on my list, but at the moment I am started on writing the Willow story with the toughest challenge I've ever set myself: keep it rape free. I mean, even a nosex story like You! had rape threats. My muse is definitely fucked up!

Glad to be of service. I hope you're getting no headaches, though. Am I supposed to feel bad now?

Most important is that you have fun while doing it.

[JayDee]

No, no headaches! I like the idea of taking a request to try something different, so if it is tough it is worth it! And if I fail, and it ends up with rape then it'll still be a story!

[JayDee]

Blood on the Hay

Snore
Somehow I don't feel the least sorry for Jeb. Good story, good job! And quite tame in comparison, I might add.
I like your OCs. Are you amongst others slightly influenced by Quentin Tarantino? I mean your characters, even the small ones, sometimes get an extensive introduction, with background and profundity, only to get casually and quickly (and often brutally) killed off at the end. I know wrong medium but it reminded me and is definitely meant as a compliment! Hope it doesn't turn out that you don't like Tarantino at all. It might not feel like one in that case.
Anyway, another story I enjoyed. There's quite a lot to find for a big audience when one is putting some effort to browsing and respects the tag

Thanks for your review. I've seen most of the Tarantino films so there's probably some influence - The Bride from Kill Bill has a whole chapter in my Predator story - but naturally Tarantino's dialogue style is way, way, beyond my grasp. Trying to give a little more detail on a character is just a way of trying to get folks to care a little more about them. Well, that's the official story, often I'm just trying to fit some kind of obscure joke in. I guess this story was my take on "helpless girl turns out not to be remotely helpless" genre in which, of course, Buffy fits. I'm wanting to do more writing with Kate sometime, she's meant to be in the next part of You! if I ever write it. If I ever write any damn thing - I keep getting home from work completely zonked out I think I may be on my longest time off from writing in years because I'm simply not awake enough.

Thanks again!

[julpups]

Yeah Tarantino's endless but mind-blowing dialogues. *sigh*

And gallons of fake blood...

I'll stick to your other stories in the meantime. I kinda share your fate though. Blood on the Hay was the first story I was able to read (and grasp) in two weeks and only because it's rather short and because it's weekend. Normally I read at least one chapter per day.

Sometimes RL sucks!

[JayDee]

I took a couple minutes to re-read it myself and cringed like mad over the dialogue. Maybe I should just write stories where, for whatever reason, nobody speaks.

[julpups]

The novel version of a silent movie? Or stories with just one character. Or only interpretations of the episode "Hush". Uh, I think I saw somewhere a gangbang story with Buffy and the gentlemen. Didn't read it though... too freaky.

Hmm, it might be because I'm no native but I don't see anything awful about your dialogues. Sometimes they seem a bit long perhaps. Like the person is having a monologue or giving a lecture. It could loosen them up a bit by showing what they're doing while they're speaking (pacing, looking up or down, biting their lips, chewing, narrowing their eyes, hammering the nail into the wall, stuff like that).

Oh and I saw a few typos. But pointing out particular typos in reviews seems weird to me. If they'd go overboard, I'd suggest to use spellcheck or to get a beta (in general). IF you want them pointed out, even at your older stories, I'll send them per PM in the future.

[JayDee]

I do use spellcheck, but it doesn't catch everything, especially if a word is spelled correctly but is just the wrong word!

[julpups]

I meant in general not you in particular. The few typos I saw in this story are really negligible and I noticed them only as I reread some dialogues for revisal after your last post. A misplaced comma or capital letter here and there was all I've found.

*Edit: And I'm not even sure if it's intended for emphasis since in dialogue is much more allowed than in narration.

Edited March 6, 2016 by julpups

[JayDee]

Yeah, let's go with that - it was the characters!

[julpups]

Sounds logical and well-founded. And they cannot defend themselves. Perfect.

Edited March 7, 2016 by julpups

[JayDee]

I’m still intending to do the Willow story when I have time. And that 100 word prompt challenge. But since it’s been over a year since I was able to write anything, an extra chapter of this’n isn’t such a terrible thing. I had trouble keeping it in present tense and probably messed up again despite some re-writing.

You!

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The_CL

I actually might have peed a little when I saw that you'd updated this story!

OMG, poor guy, he's not going to be happy when he reads up on what he missed. I think I may have preferred to be stuck reading one of Sarsa's stories to witnessing the mess that was 2016.

Happy you're back at it.

CL

 

Thank you for your comments. I understand it is not the first chapter I’ve written that has caused peeing. Sarsa’s stories are worse than 2016, because 2016 eventually came to an end but Sarsa is still writing. I may not be back at it for long, I think I’ll have little time

Edited January 5, 2017 by JayDee

[JayDee]

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BronxWench

Oh, poor You! Just when You think it can't get any worse... an HP Mary-Sue fic written by Sarsa... ::shudders quite theatrically::

I quite like Lupa, however. Vampires with attitude work for me, but poor Kate was trapped with You in that nightmare for over a year! Although come to think of it, the trap explains everything from Bowie dying to people being stupid enough to vote Brexit and elect a Cheeto.

It's lovely to have You back, and you, too, JayDee!

Thank you for your review. Sarsa loves to read, it was a dead cert she’d find Harry Potter at some point and then the Sue-ening would be an inevitible consequence.

I figure wolves don’t have as much of a concept of time, but You! do. I had some other stuff about how the evil in the internet is responsible for a lot of the bad shit happening, but there’s a word limit on those things. Maybe in You! 4… Lupa’s way angrier about things than Kate. After initially running away, Kate’s accepted a role a follower to Kizzy’s alpha, otherwise she’d have been alpha wolf with her own pack and acting a little differently. Lupa, on the other hand, is still pissed at how hard it is to be an athiest when you’re hanging out with a demon and an angel. Or something. 

Thanks again but sadly I bet I’m still going to be short of time!

Edited January 5, 2017 by JayDee

[JayDee]

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pippychick

Marvellous, and well worth waiting for!

Although, I'm not sure I'd want to learn about 2016 all at once. The obituary section alone... *cringes*

I did have a little laugh about all his political expectations. I think just learning there'd been another Labour leadership election would have sent me into meltdown. Hell, it did that in real time.

Sarsa must be stopped! But how? And I do like the new characters... there's a little team of heroes forming here. I'll keep watching the news to see if they're winning...

So glad to see you writing again, JayDee!

 

Thank you for your thoughts! I’ve been trying to do You! as gender neutral, partly because anyone can then feel more into the character and partly because Tumblr now gets upset if you even assume your own characters’ gender. I suspect it’s one of those areas where my lack of ability as a writer lets me down!

I think the original plan for part 3 was going to involve some inadvertant wolf-ass-in-face moments to justify the title but with it being over a year I thought there was a nice opportunity to throw in some 2016 gags. It would be kind’ve a shock, huh? That autograph book is going unfilled

There’s only one thing that can stop a terrible fanfiction writer. They’re going to have to knuckle down, pool their resources, and get Sarsa a job with a shitty shift pattern. Heh… a little team of heroes. And Lupa.

I’m sorry to see you haven’t had more reviews on The Price. It’s a great story.

[pippychick]

37 minutes ago, JayDee said:

 

Thank you for your thoughts! I’ve been trying to do You! as gender neutral..

 

As someone who primarily writes slash, all characters are male to me. Even the ones pretending to be girls. Even the ones who are girls. Even me…

Wait, what?! No!!! I didn’t mean it! *glares at the doctors… throws hands protectively over bosom* Don’t you dare take them off!

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I’m sorry to see you haven’t had more reviews on The Price. It’s a great story.

Ah, thank you. It was written for you, and as long as you like it, you ’re the only one that matters. Maybe I’ll post it on AO3, just so my troll knows what I can do when I really put my mind to it…

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... get Sarsa a job with a shitty shift pattern.

Excellent! Maybe Sarsa could do yours and DG’s work on an alternating week by week basis, then we’d all be happy! *g*

[JayDee]

Oh, sure, I get that, in yaoi no matter how apparantly femme someone is, they’re male. In video games it led to everyone’s gay for Bridget.

I’ve always been a little unsure about content levels on AO3, that’s why I’ve not posted a whole lot there, but I can’t think The Price would go beyond ‘em.

That is, until the readers are lying awake at three in the morning with all the lights on.

 

[JayDee]

You!

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Pippychick

I know who you are now. I know how your story ends.

Meep! *runs and hides*

In contrast, I don't know anything! Who am I? Who is this Great Uncle Todd? And if he's rich enough to have a library why am I living in a semi-detached council house in the rural suburbs of the bad side of the city?

Is the entire thing an illusion? Who the hell is the second dead guy? How come he wasn't afraid when he died? That seems like a pretty neat trick, and rare enough to take notice of. I need more clues - I am the intellectual equivelent of a small spaniel dog faced with the Times cryptic crossword.

The YAOI overdose thing made me giggle, as did the Kate and Lupa banter.

I hope you'll write another chapter soon, and answer some of these questions. I mean, do I like girls?

So they've got the book that started all of this, if indeed it was that. I'm starting to think this goes back a little further. I could be wrong...

Thank you, JayDee

Thank you for your review! And I only just noticed you changed your forum name to match your archive name. In my defence, I haven’t been around so much.

Who am I?

Wait and see. Unless I never write another part in which case don’t

Who is this Great Uncle Todd?

He’s an occasional pug wrangler. He never liked Sarsa’s writing either. He’s been dead since before part 1 so I didn’t bother with an MiCD tag. There’s a growing feeling that he isn’t really your Great Uncle.

And if...

Pimping Sarsa out. Other misuses of magic. Had a win on the power ball. Maybe. He might just have inherited it. He didn’t take it with him anyway. Sarsa lies. She’s a writer.

Is the entire thing an illusion?

Nah. But there’s at least one more big one.

Who the hell is the second dead guy?

The her... the vill... the third guy in another tale. And what’s with all these meaty corpse roles being played by men? It’s the damn patriarchy I tell you.

How come he wasn't afraid when he died?

Would you be afraid of some guy with a stick and a book looking like a cosplayer if you had a gun? Most of the people Kate has smelled were terrified when they died, particularly the ones who died from a wolf to the throat.

more clues

With me only realising who you* were when Kate asked your* name I suspect there’s plot holes and insufficient details. Most of the folks who lap up the murder mysteries to guess the killer would hate it. I never mastered foreshadowing and aftshadowing isn’t my strong point either.

*You know what I mean. Damn second person. I should have done first person. Maybe the follow up will be four first person chapters from Lupa, Kate, Shannon and Kiz. “Hey assholes! First person vampire story! I could tell you more about what happened but, fuck it, this is my story. Let’s go bite some people. Om nom nom nom.”

I hope I have time to do more. I can see it in one parts, or maybe two, to a proper ending and with more Sarsa because, let’s be honest, big cocked demonesses are the only selling point for many readers. I’ve kind’ve mined the obvious jokes about writing but I’ve got a few more barrel scrapings that I think I can work in. And I think there may be more blood. It’s a JayDee story.

Thank you again for the review! Hope you’re having a nice day.

Edit: Getting the quote boxes right on the new forum software gives me trouble!

Edited January 11, 2017 by JayDee

[JayDee]

You! finally finished. So if I do never write anything else again at least that’s one thread tied up and left unhanging. Of course, there’s always that first person follow up I! I could write to answer the important questions such as 1) Will it work? 2) What Kate did next 3) how many more of my old OCs can I kill off? 4) Pepsi or Coca Cola?

Gotta review! Five chapters, nearly 5000 words, 2000+ hits and finally an 18^th review!

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Joe_Rogue

"I've got a review! Thirty stories uploaded, hundreds of chapters between them, thousands of hits and finally, a review on my newest story!"

Awww it was just: "You forgot to add the resemblance clause to your disclaimer."

 

We’ve all been there! :p I couldn’t have taken that path though because there’s a strict rule in the TOS about setting power crazed futa demons against the archive moderators. Even in fiction! I know, I was initially shocked too, but you’ve got to remember that most of these aren’t the original mods. And that’s why they have the rule. Thanks for the review, the gag made me smile

[JayDee]

You! People have been saying to me for a while “I can’t wait to see the end of you!” and I’ve said “You know my writing?” and they’ve looked confused and said “You write?”

Review!

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BronxWench

And that was a fitting ending to the story! I'll admit, I'll miss You, but honestly, I'm a little bit in love with Kizurial. If all seraphs were nerds, I might find that faith a tad more appealing. 

Now, it would probably be entirely inappropriate for me to mention the utter novelty of a no-sex chapter, but somehow it was not only fitting, but it also managed to make me think less than pure thoughts, which is a lovely trick (and possibly inspiration).

So, thank you! For the chapter, and for the story of You!

Thank you for the review, I really appreciate it! If I manage to write again there would be more Kizurial - She’d have a chapter of her own in I! if I get to write it, so would the others. I have edited the top of chapter 5 to include the “NoSex” warning code. Could catch, thanks for the mention! There’s at least a certain amount of nudity or exposure in previous parts and readers might be upset to discover only a cut off mildly-subtle reference to a penis. I personally have a less than pure mental image of Lupa feeding. If y’are inspired go for it – as I recall you inspired me to play Dragon Age: Origins and I really loved that

Thank you again!

Now we just need 3 G words for more prompts if DG ever has freed up time again… Goth Gushing Geromorphism?

[JayDee]

Some say that GeorgeGlass’s great talent is to make readers believe the unbelievable and so without further ado a positive review of The Man in the Tree.

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GeorgeGlass

*SPOILERS below*

I think what I like best about this story is how much world-building you manage to do in relatively few words. We know this is a world like ours, complete with corporate greed, and yet the company's "stooges" include a potion-maker--and other magics. I also liked the initial irony of the tree turning against the tree-hugging Rob, and then a second turning of the tables when Rob becomes part of the tree and destroys his murderer. As with the world-building, that is a lot of plot for such a short story. Nicely done.

Thank you for your review! I am always grateful to hear what people have thought of my stories. It made me do something I thought I’d never again do: read the story. It. Um. Yeah, we’ll go with that... Detailed world building. Irony. Trees gonna tree. It was probably intended to be in the same world as another few supernatural characters I do, although there’s nothing explicitly connecting it. Could always do a follow up and send Kate to sharpen her claws against it and then have to run away really fast. Thank you for your kind words, I appreciate the review and making me have one less unreviewed!

[JayDee]

Fucking Halloween Party has been reviewed and so I currently don’t have any unreviewed stories on Originals, which is surprising!

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That was a lot of fun. I am sure the AFF jokes were pointed, and even though I don’t have the insider knowledge to appreciate them fully, it still made me laugh. You are excellent at describing scenarios tailored to the personalities involved. I look forward to reading more of your original fiction.

Thank you for this review, I really appreciate it. The AFF jokes are because it was partly written for a AFF halloween story jam and partly because the offscreen/unseen demon villain, Sarsa, originated in another story You! that I started mostly to make jokes about fanfiction tropes, AFF itself, and second person writing. Some of the jokes work better than others I guess. I appreciate your kind words and offer the advise to consider any story codes and summaries closely as not all of my stories are quite so cheerfully good natured as Shannon.

I am looking forward to giving your Pokemon story a good read through later.