Velvet D Coolette

Here we go, finally! I've been working on this for a while and would love to know what you guys think: The Lost Art of Trolling It's for the teen help site I help out on, to point out the benefits of trolling if done well. And how much of a pillock you can look if you don't do it properly.

The problem stems, I think, from the fact that a lot of younger writers don't quite understand that an image that is bright and vibrant in their heads isn't necessarily on a screen when a complete stranger reads it. That, ultimately, everybody else doesn't see things the way they do. Therefore description is found wanting, and a character the author made up isn't as interesting to other people as it is to them.

I read a book written by a prostitute who said that when you've had sex that many times you go numb, and that in her house at least, the term used was 'The Christmas feeling'. Although drugs can have a negative effect, the first night me and my partner were together we were both on pills and he couldn't come, but we did go at it 3 or 4 times. I can't remember how many to be honest. But that's pills for you: lack of memory also!!

Because if you eat any more you'll be sick on yourself in bed. Why?

No Surprises - Radiohead

It depends on whether you're talking to a bomb-disposal expert or a salesman. V, W, X, Why? Z.

Because God was a bit more conservative than Andy Warhol. Is there such a thing as 'unfair dinkum'?

Jesus. Christ. They just don't understand the concept of individuality some of these people, do they? "Look, I just don't like kids. I'm not going to have any. I've never had a twinge of maternal instinct (except for non-human babies), my uvverarf doesn't like children either and he's had a sodding vasectomy. I'm not going to have children!!!" "Oh, mark my words: by the time you're 30..!" AARRGGHH!!!

Mostly hetero storylines for me, because that's where my experience lies. I've thought of throwing in a couple of gay/lesbian subplots in there, but... I don't know yet. As my sexual subplot is just that - a subplot - it gets twisted by the more important happenings in the larger story, which offers me challenges and ideas. I love it that way!

Define: Normal. So are these letting agents going to call me back about this viewing or what?

You're creating oneshots because you're addicted to the exciting feeling of starting a new project, and I'd be lying if I said I didn't get the same. I've got 3 unfinished stories in my cache, and three unfinished websites too. Why don't I have an eyeball on the end of my index finger?

Consider it a gift from me to you! What's this?

Because otherwise your life would begin to churn, churn into a twisting, descending spiral of pointlessness, a whirlpool into which your dreams, aspirations and ideas fall, never to be seen again; A VERITABLE CHARYBDIS, A BLACK HOLE OF HOPELESSNESS AND DISPAIRING DARKNESS AND YOUR SELF ESTEEM WOULD FALL, FALL INTO NOTHING-NESS, FALL INTO A PERMANENT COMA OUT OF WHICH YOU COULD NEVER, EVER RETURN!!! AAARRGGGHHHH, HA HA HA HAAA HAAAA HAAAAA HAAAARRRGGHHH!!!!! What would happen if I didn't add milk to my cake mixture, as the cook book suggests?

995,821. Why do they say that getting shat on by a seagull is lucky?

Morally: emphatically not! Scientifically: I've no idea. Depends whether there's a stage at which the brain can no longer form the biochemical reaction that makes us feel in love. What is the best solution to Akerlof's economic model and what, in your estimation, is the most practical way for the main demographic group of aff.net to deal with it in socio-economic terms?

It just went, dear man. What is written on the first business card in the little plastic box on my desk?

Mass destruction is not a myth; the Mythbusters perform mass destruction on anything they can get their hands on. Is it?

I have to say I agree with the above - the general theory that low-quality writing does let aff.net and others down. I'm not even surprised that you mention yaoi in this context, because there is an awful lot of it. But I think it's the low-grade writing rather than the yaoi in itself that is the problem. In particular I think you get a lot of 'fridge magnetism' - people who want to attract attention to themselves and consequently write something - anything - to get their names out there. That is the real problem. You could say the same for randomness masquerading as comedy, for example. However, yaoi, when misrepresented, does do more harm than failed attempts at comedy. Many gay people already have enough problems with society-in-general's perception of them without more ignorant rubbish being portrayed (in scarily large amounts) on writing sites. Again, I think the 'gasp! These characters are GAY! Can you imagine that?!' fare we get from inexperienced writers (inexperienced at good writing and at relationships) is a bit old hat. I'm doing my best to bring out good quality M/F pairings. And I generally make the sex flawed in some way to make it a bit more realistic. Variety is always good, no? With regard to the above, somebody took exception to it and I just wanted to say that I read this with a streak of irony. When you're potentially talking to a group of immature adolescents who can't see that their writing is lacking in quality you can almost guarantee the hairdryer treatment at some time or other. See, this is the thing. I know a few gay men and a recurring complaint from them keeps cropping up: that gay men often just stay together a short time, enjoying the first flush of sex/love and then moving on. One guy I spoke to, eckied up to the gills, on a night out, said that he was pining after companionship; no man would stay with him for any length of time. He was a love, too. That said, the extra intimacy of sharing love with somebody who has experienced the same as you (social exclusion, homophobic attacks etc.) is bound to happen sometimes, so perhaps this is where the yaoibrats get the 'extra depth' idea from. But then, I've had some hard experiences in the past (not to do with sex) which my other half, Mike, has also experienced, so we have a deep relationship on a similar basis. I fully accept that the above is a generalisation and only a cross-section of the small number of homosexual men I've met, but as it directly contradicts the comment by this person on the other thread, I thought I'd add it.

Not over and over again, but I know I've said once I'll do something then never get 'round to it. I didn't mean to though, guv! Let a fart go in a shop/other public place, believing it would be a silent one, but then realising too late that it was REALLY RATHER LOUD! And sounded a bit like a small motorbike driving past.

"The difference between perseverance and sillybuggery is: that one often comes from a strong will, and the other from a strong won't." Henry Ward Beecher, 1813 - 1887, American clergyman

StoryJunkie, was the pee like close friendship: everybody could see it but only you could feel its true warmth?

I find editing just fine. I've got a system now for my writing, which I'm still refining, but for now this seems to do really well: 1. Write the story, just to get it out of my head and onto a page. The actual bits of dialogue and actions are sketched out, but only the bare bones of them. It makes a story, but not a very absorbing one. 2. Go through (probably a day or so later, anything up to a week) and add the descriptive bits. Before or after this stage I'll think over the story and the extra complexity it's gaining and add in any extra plot parts. 3. Leave it for a while, properly break state. Go to another part of the story and write that, immerse myself in some other persuit for a few days, anything. Just forget that part of the story exists. Ideally give it a few weeks. 4. Read it over and see if any amendments need making. Make them. And that's pretty much my finished product. That's pretty much it, but means that the editing is as much a part of the writing process as the original 'getting ideas down' bit. The idea-jotting-down bit is fast and furious and exhilerating. The editing is slower, it really lets me get prosaic and I love that. My editing time is also the time when I can add lots of new plotlines and makes the whole thing really gel, so I wouldn't be without my editing for owt. Hope that wasn't too self-indulgent.

That one is stunning, to be honest. Anyone else here ever had an argument with a cantankerous old fart with archaic ideals?

Dear forum gentlemen, I am considering re-writing a piece in which a character loses his virginity and would like to make the chapter a bit more realistic by making said character sound naive. I would like to know if any of the men here had any misunderstandings of what the female body looked like / how it behaved that you only learned the truth about the first time you played hide the sausage with a lass. Any offers?

No! Take my house, my coat, my shoes, my wallet, my children, anything just give it to me! But really, I take your point. I certainly intend to make a story of it, just... a racy one.