Melrick

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I'm not really sure how much help I would be on the plot, since I'm not at all familiar with the fandom or the characters, but I'm rather anal about spelling, punctuation, grammar and sentence structure, so I could probably be of some help there. If that's still okay then let me know.

8039 Thank god for mindless 'games' with no point to them, I say.

I'm assuming the bartender isn't the person he's interested in? If not then, unless the bartender is a friend, I doubt he/she would be all that interested in offering flirting advice. If the internet is available in your story then he might go and surf the web for flirting advice, but he might tend to get rather overwhelmed by all the largely conflicting advice available. He might just decide to go it alone and jump in with both feet, as it were. And if he's bad at flirting then he might come on too strong at first, especially if he feels he needs to compete with his brother, even if the competition is within his own mind only. So he might get told off by her, causing him to slink away and contemplate giving up. But if he's determined, he might come back another time and just be honest that he likes her, etc etc. That's my idea, anyway.

Is it important that the beta is familiar with the fandom? If not then I'll at least give it a go.

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Killed them dead.

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8003 Quite right, too.

8001 Sounds good to me.

7999 Oh indeed

I assume what you mean by writing in the present as, for example, "I pick up the chair and move it against the wall" or "He picks up the chair and moves it against the wall" rather than "He picked up the chair and moved it against the wall". That last example - third-person perspective - is by far the most flexible way to write, and one you'll need to master if you want to be taken seriously as an author. Yes, there have been famous books written in first-person perspective, and most authors will give it a try at least once (it's a bit like every horror writer needs to write at least one haunted house story) but the majority of books you find will be third-person. Technically, that second example - He picks up the chair and moves it against the wall - is third-person, present tense - but most people will see a story written as third-person, past tense, as being more professional, rightly or wrongly. Getting past and present tense confused is something all but the most gifted authors get mixed up from time to time, so it's something you'll always have to keep a close eye on. I know I do. If you're not used to writing third-person, past tense, then just give it a go. Try writing a short piece and see how you go. The more you work at it, the better you'll get.

7997 Can't go wrong with cupcakes.