Wilde_Guess

41418

@WillowDarkling, Done. No harm meant, and nice to know. Thanks.

Here’s a preview from Chapter 34. ‘Fuck my life again!’ I thought to myself. I never completely stopped loving Stacy Cook even if I would never completely trust her ever again. And I was beginning to think that Uncle Rick was okay even if he fucked up badly a few times around when I was conceived and born. But, their current take on ‘civility’ left me beyond speechless. I had to intervene, and rather dramatically seeing who I was to the pair of them biologically, to keep them from destroying each other’s lives along with my five siblings and me on my own front lawn. I only asked them for civility. Yet somehow, the two of them decided that while civility was nice, that fucking like rabbits was even better? And Stacy Cook couldn’t possibly have forgotten how light a sleeper Paul was in the months since she last shagged Kopchek, could she? And if she hadn’t started taking her “vitamin stork-killer” again, her last period ended fifteen days before Wednesday night. My body remembered her menstrual cycles because I never caught an even break when she was on them.

Please do not under any circumstances delete my account. For all the people who wish to have their accounts deleted due to the “extended denial of service” attack the AFF Archives have suffered, “you do you.” I would encourage you to not have your accounts deleted just the same. Abandoning your accounts or having them deleted serves only to empower the spineless CARB sewage-quaffers who are attacking this site to continue doing so. There are damned few sites that allow erotic and semi/demi-erotic literature to be posted full-stop. Allowing one to fail due to a lack of authorship means that there is one fewer site, without anyone lining up to start another one. Good luck to all of you, whatever you decide.

Have you tried changing it here too, or just the archives? The archive side is still in “read only” mode, so you can’t change it there. You should be able to change it here, though. Good luck.

Hi, all. Same thing over here. I’ll “lurk” until around 11:00 pm EST. I can (if requested) send browser, o/s, versions, and general area/isp if that will help. First time I’ve been hit with this junk. And, hopefully, it’ll be the last. Thanks for all the hard work in stopping these jerks.

Hello, @WillowDarkling I just found this post after asking the question this post answers in a different thread. Sorry about that. Thanks for the update.

Hello, “Tech Support.” I appreciate making sure that the site is protected from attack, that this is an unpaid hobby competing with full-time jobs, and so on. Really, I do. Is there any update on when the archive site will be “secure enough” to allow story updates again? Or any “target date” you’re trying for? Thanks in advance, and thanks for the many hours you’ve already worked fixing things.

This would work best in the last chapter of the story. As the party entered the chamber, Bolbo Slaggins lighted one of the torches already in to room to provide more light in the dank large cell. Hrothgar sniffed the air warily and opined, “Something’s not right here. The smell...” This was the last word or cogent thought the seven adventuring intrepid heroes had—ever. Rocks fall, everyone dies. Cheers!

I have to agree with you here. It also helps to have the “hero” examine themselves and their motivations without causing them to become “anti-Sues” instead of “Sues.” Seeing the protagonist overcome barriers is usually interesting, even if the barriers are all “in their mind” or not quite reasonable to anyone other than the protagonist themselves. “Could I persuade this annoying gorilla to quit messing with my girlfriend if I quit beating him with a circus mallet? And if he agreed to leave us alone, could I take him at his word? Or will I be forced to keep hitting him until I finally manage to kill him? And how much will I owe the zoo or circus the fucker escaped from when the oversized monkey finally snuffs it?” Thanks.

Hi, all. Back to the “original-original” question, I suppose that the ultimate reason we as readers loathe genuine “Mary-Sue” characters is the boredom they bring to a story, combined with the odd coincidence that most authors who accidentally write a true Mary Sue just aren’t that good. Apart from the infamous “Mary Sue the Author” not being worthy to be spit-roasted by William Shatner and Leonard Nimoy as some might have suggested she desired, her character, prose, and story were BORING, and yes, I deliberately added the extra emphasis to the single word describing that misguided woman’s prose. You can over-power an OC like a “M-F’er;” and get away with it, but you still have to make the story interesting, even if the conflict is “how entertaining will it be for the OC to curb-stomp the near-unbeatable antagonist the regular main character couldn’t handle easily, if at all.” Succeed in this, you’ve written another “James Bond.” Fail, and it’s yet another Mary Sue. Even with all the “problems solved,” your OC must at a minimum solve those problems in a way that rewards the readers for sticking around. Better yet, while your OC may have the “canon” problems solved, they need to solve new problems, even as they help the “canon” heroes grow to new heights. Your OC Targaryen or OC Viserys Targaryen may have dragons and total knowledge of the “canon future.” How does this help retaking the throne from Robert Baratheon? How does it help putting Jon Snow on the throne, or otherwise prepare him to defeat the “Other” and the White-Walkers? Does he rescue at least Eddard Stark and his children, even if Catelyn is allowed to crash-and-burn? How spectacular is it when he has his dragons roast The Twins and all who shelter within them? Does he sell Joffery Baratheon to the Dothraki as a pleasure-slave for their horses? Thanks.

Hello, all. This isn’t a challenge per se. However, it’s an indirect question about your own creativity and curiousity in writing at least short-prose with a minimum of “outside” prompting. Thanks in advance.

Hi, “buncha-titles.” This sounds like a job for a magical potion mixed in with the candle wax or torch-head. For added “drama,” have the wizard of the party recognize the potion, but not quite in time to save the day. Thanks.

That can happen if the breadth and or the depth of your universe of named important characters gets large. That also happens in real life, too. And sometimes, the most “generic” name a society has to offer can ultimately name great heroes, great villains, and people of major achievement that while not evil aren’t valorous either. “John Smith” is considered a very generic name. Yet this name was borne by a colonial governor of what became Virginia, a modern television actor, and a furniture merchant with a fondness for the letter “y” who sold his goods on credit to the citizens of Chicago immediately after they were all burned-out (literally) in the Great Chicago Fire of 1871. The eponymous furniture store that merchant created, John M. Smyth, remained in business for just over 140 years. You will also find that certain ages in certain societies will have given names become so popular that they are overused in one generation and fall almost completely out of use in the next. “Adolph” was once a moderately popular given name. For some strange reason, that name became very unpopular after the mid 1940s. While not likely in real life, it is in fact possible to have two people with the same exact name, who not only can’t trace back to a common ancestor closer than 500 years, but who are diametrically opposed to, and loathe each other. Or, with a different switch flipped, they can be closer than actual brothers, or in these modern times even become spouses to each other. Thanks.

Hello, all. For what it’s worth, If I’m writing fanfiction, I try to follow the naming rules and conventions of the series, if I don’t outright hijack a named “background” character and bring them to the forground. For example, if writing in Naruto/Boruto, I would be far more likely to write about Uzumaki Kenshin than Ebeneezer MacPhalus. Likewise, were I to write a Manwha fanfiction, I would only use Korean names, reserving Japanese names for villains. If I write a James Bond fanfiction, the names of the principal villains and love interests could get more intriguing, because the source material itself makes this okay. If writing Nero Wolfe, I would tend to use names common to the Northeastern United States, with the ability to use names from almost any real “anywhere else,” since it is New York City where the fabled brownstone with the rooftop orchid garden is located. Iin the Rowlingverse, I never name Hermione’s parents “Dan and Emma,” even if I make Ron Weasley Lord Voldemort’s more intelligent BDSM sub slave MPREG love interest (and I think i just puked in my mouth writing that.) While in the Rowlingverse, I also use names in common usage in the United Kingdom during the time the story takes place for non-Wizarding-Culture raised, and names in semi-common usage in the United Kingdom roughly fifty to one hundred years earlier for the Wizarding Culture wizards except for families with their own naming convention such as the Blacks. In original fiction, the names of the characters should fit the time, location, and social station of the character. “Stripper names” are generally used for strippers. Likewise, if a character receives a name that is “less fitting” to their times, they can certainly go by a different nickname, or at least make some note of their naming dissatisfaction. Sometimes, whether and how a character shortens their name is a clue to their personality, or at least their “comfort in their own skin.” Someone attending Harvard in 1801 would likely not share the name of someone attending high school in Harvard, Illinois in 2001. Likewise, unless they hot-wired a TARDIS, Dwezel and Moon Unit would not be named participants in any battle of the US War for Independence. Different countries also have their own societal quirks. You are more likely to encounter a full-Anglo Ichigo in the United States than you are a full-Yamato Herbert in Japan. In an “fantasy original” fiction, the names need to make some sense within that universe. Even in such a universe, an “odd” name can find a place, though it will be questioned by the readers, and perhaps should be questioned by the other characters themselves. The Dark Elf whose elven name translates in the the “common” “He who sodomizes bull whales” should frequently be asked, “But does the whale actually realize that you’re there? And what should happen should your new friend return the favor?” Of course, in a parody or farce, going absolutely the opposite way of normal naming conventions can also make sense. For example, in Bleach your super-villain could be Elisabeth Henry, with her plot to hasten Ragnarok by forcing all the Quincys and Hollows of Huecho Mundo to actually drink the water without boiling it first for at least three minutes, followed by eating the worm and licking the toad. Cheers!

Hi, all. That sounds like it would be really rough for Transformers fanfiction. “But my character is a canon when they transform….” Thanks.

Chapter 2 is now posted.

Author: Wilde_Guess Title: Hey, Joe Summary:Joseph Wheeler Early is a successful young man. But how did he grow into the man he is now. It wasn't easy, and his parents were worse than useless. But he had a brother, who raised him from birth to the age of eight, and from the age of thirteen to adulthood. This is the story of how Robert Lee Early saved his brother. Feedback: Feedback and constructive criticism much appreciated Fandom: Original Pairing: M/M, M/F Warnings: Abuse Anal ChallengeFic Fingering HC HJ MF Minor1 Minor2 MM Rim Solo Spank HurtComfort Racist Solo story or chaptered story: Chaptered URL: http://original.adult-fanfiction.org/story.php?no=600110064 Review Reply thread:

Hello, all. Here’s a pair of clothing descriptions I made up on the spur of the moment, with just a little more description of the body wearing it, and a little dialog. Anyone want to take it further? ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I picked Joe up at McDonalds as soon as his manager let him clock out at the end of his shift. He had a fresh company polo in his hands when he got into the car. The company polo he was wearing was just as worn-out as he looked. The disposable paper hat, which he normally threw away the second he clocked out, was still on his head. His normally pale complexion was just that much whiter, and even his dark black pants were starting to gray. His work sneakers were also starting to blow out. His bright blond hair that still needed a trim was dull, and his blue eyes that normally sparkled with life and mischief, even after surviving Mom and Dad’s tender self-righteous Christian care, were dull, as if ComEd was having a brown-out. He looked every bit three times his age of fourteen. Getting both outed and dumped by the boyfriend I told him he shouldn’t try dating was wearing on him far more than he was willing to admit. “Thank God it’s Friday!” and “Hooray for Summer Vacation!” never rang truer than they did on that late Friday evening in May as I drove Joe home to our shared apartment. It was going to take all weekend to patch the kid up so he could switch over to “Breakfast shift” the following Tuesday. We rode in silence in my Miata, without even playing the radio like he normally insisted on, the warm Illinois air finally getting rid of the garbage hat as we drove down the frontage road next to I-290 to the other side of Bensenville, where we lived. “Ya gonna say ‘I told you so,’ Robbie?” At that moment, I felt every bit three times my twenty-five years. While I would never understand homosexuality from personal experience, I did understand the fallout from a short, passionate, yet ultimately toxic romantic relationship. And unlike my whack-job parents or my former Navy Hospital Corpsman service with the Marines would suggest, I loved my brother without doubts or hesitation. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have taken him into my apartment when the whack-jobs literally threw him out onto the street barefooted with only his jeans and boxers around his ankles on his body after catching him having anal sex in their garage on his thirteenth birthday. So, I took Joe in just over a year ago. I moved from a studio to a two bedroom apartment in the same building. And there was almost never a dull moment, though most of them were more either fun or embarrassing than heartbreaking like now. My answer was, “No, Joe. I’ll tell you ‘I wish I’d been wrong,’ because I do wish I’d been wrong. When you need to cry, I’ll hug you, because even straight men need to cry and be held. When you need to talk, and you do need to talk, I’ll listen. Girls are assholes too, ya know.” “She was wearing a gauzy peach-silk and lace mid-thigh length chemise, over red lace see-through panties. The shoelace thickness shoulder straps stood out almost seductively against the skin of her shoulders. Her finger and toe nails also sparkled with peach nail polish. Her lipstick was a seductive dark red, and she wore only elegant traces of eyeliner. Her thong type sandals were also light peach, with darker peach gauzy straps. Her garments almost screamed passion and seduction. However, there are some things a fifty-six year old woman with graying alopecia riddled stringy hair, general hygiene issues, and who weighed over five hundred pounds should never wear, particularly not to their mother’s funeral at the Baptist Church in a small Southern town. And Aunt Chloe managed to easily check all the boxes. For that short moment at least, Aunt Chloe was my hero.” Da Rulez. Joe is not “stereotypical.” But whatever makes a person choose their “sexual orientation” is over and done for Joe. He has zero interest in girls or women. He does not “look gay.” He doesn’t look at girls either, and is occasionally noticed looking at guys he finds physically attractive. He himself is physically attractive to both guys and girls, but not in any super-extreme way. While he will struggle like any teenager, he will bring home dates of his preferred gender semi-frequently. Likewise, Robbie has no interest in guys, and won’t “change his mind,” either. He will also bring dates of his preferred gender home. Robbie is not rich. He works a full time job. However, he is well-paid enough to adopt his younger brother without financial hardship or working “overtime” in whatever his job happens to be, health insurance and all. Robbie is the “authority figure” in the house by mutual choice and agreement. Joe will occasionally be grounded, have to do extra chores, and what-not. Robbie will never abuse Joe because their mutual experiences with their parents make them recoil from such things. If Robbie and Joe agree on spanking at all. it will happen only once. The infraction will be moderately severe, the spanking itself will be “bare-bottom” without being sexual or over the top, blows will be struck, and pain inflicted. But the spanking will also end well before the “full course” in mutual revulsion, both brothers will agree that neither the infraction nor the spanking will ever happen again, and both brothers will still have to resolve the consequences from the original infraction. There will be no drug use. The only exception will be if Joe tries marijuana. He will be caught outside of their apartment by Robbie the first and last time he tries it, and that will be the infraction big enough for number five. While Robbie is the authority figure, the house isn’t run insanely strict. Both Robbie and Joe drink, and drink together. Neither Robbie or Joe are trying to be celibate or settle down, even though they aren’t trying to be promiscuous either. They will repeatedly walk in on each other mid-act, and even end up with a double walk-in or two here and there. This will both cause and relieve tension between the two brothers, depending on the circumstances. This is “Adult FanFiction” after all. And if either brother watches silently in shock, or tries and eventually fails to avoid the notice of the ones they walked in on, that’s just “reader service.” Joe and Robbie both will be at least somewhat religious. However, they will instinctively distrust “fundamentalist Christians” because of their experiences with their parents. Joe and Robbie will both suffer from PTSD; Robbie because of fighting in combat, and Joe because of his upbringing being more traumatic than Robbie’s. They won’t have or need a psychologist on speed-dial, though. They might get some professional help, but will mostly work through their issues together. Robbie should not be a disabled combat veteran. If he is, it should be something physical but not immediately visible, such as a missing foot. He will not have any level of Traumatic Brain Injury. If he is missing a foot or both feet, Robbie will be well-adjusted, and the prosthetic will an occasional point of comedy. “Joe, the next time you give your date a foot job, use your own foot, not mine! And don’t forget to oil it after you finish cleaning it off. I don’t like rust stains.” Robbie and Joe will have other siblings. Those siblings will share their parents’ religious beliefs and practices in full, and thus will not be welcome in Robbie’s or Joe’s lives. Bonus points if one set of grandparents still lives in the deep South, and Aunt Chloe shows up at the funeral straight off of work as a brothel madam. If anybody takes it up, let me know. I’d be interested in reading it, especially if it’s well written. Thanks.

Admittedly, there is quite a lot to digest in the story. There are also many places where interesting spin-offs and back stories could become free-standing stories in their own right. From here on, I’ll just use the character names for clarity. David JMD Dvorak, the youngest of the three Dvorak brothers, was a published best-selling author, and the reader of my main story actually reads excerpts from his (withheld from publication by his wife and children) autobiography where Danny Dvorak (the main narrator) decides that David told the story better. John Dvorak, the father, spent four years in fighting during the Vietnam war as a Special Forces Medic, and for a short time a Team Leader, before losing the lower part of his left leg in a battle that saw him awarded the Medal of Honor, and being sent back to the United States. He was completing physical therapy and trying to stay in the Army and go back to Vietnam when he encountered the mother of the older two Dvorak boys, and in the space of about twenty months becomes the single parent father of two new-born boys. She was and continued to be a very successful Adult model until her death, and she and John did write each other frequently. John helped “erase” the body of his mother’s husband, after almost being raped by him. That would certainly qualify for a free-standing story. It’s also first alluded to in Chapter two, so it isn’t mere window dressing. He also literally immolated a car full of gang members in self-defense, without any law enforcement becoming any the wiser, when he wasn’t quite fourteen years old. In the main story, I’ll try to describe enough of that in under a thousand words. By itself, it could easily go over ten thousand and if I include the reactions that the incident caused, could go even higher. The reader of my main story might actually “see” and read carbon copies of John’s letters to Catherine Dvorak, and read her replies, even if it’s little snippets such as “’I still can’t come back for even a visit. Just give the guardhouse lawyer a buzz-cut and a spanking and call it a day.’ ‘but he swore an oath.’ ‘oaths are made to be broken. He was eight. He’s nine and a half now, and looks silly.’ ‘He’ll be ten next month. And if his mother won’t cut his hair, I think he looks trustworthy. And why would I spank him, anyway? He isn’t refusing to get a haircut. He visits a stylist to nip the split ends. He’s only insisting that you cut it short again. You could fly into O’Hare, cut his hair off in a bathroom, and fly right back out without leaving the airport.’ ‘Nice try, John. I’m not ready even for that. Just chop his hair, spank him, and be done with it. You could find a reason.’ ‘And that worked so well for you, Catherine.’” Even though he’s actually writing from fifty years past 1982, Danny is trying to tell the reader what he learned as a fourteen year old as he learned and experienced it, and he certainly wasn’t being kept in the dark. But he didn’t learn the intimate details of John’s first few trysts with Betty (nee Cook) Dvorak, other than her daughter telling him that “Mom wasn’t expecting me home, so she didn’t do anything about the sheets.” He didn’t actually want to, either. He did learn, along with everybody else in the household, that John and Betty had to get married, only minutes after helping Betty’s daughter lose her virginity to her future husband; his youngest brother. And while he laughs about it with one of his friends later that afternoon, he and Michael only ever address or think about Betty as “Mom” from then on. So, part of the editing fight is to not wander off too far into the weeds, yet still give the reader at least the same information Danny had, and at the times when Danny had that information. Going straight to “Rico Floyd married his rape victim and had more kids” without all the different details that would put things into their actual circumstances and perspectives would be nuts. I just need to find the right balance to put into the story without forcing the reader to hop out of the main story at Chapter 39 or so and read an extra 47,000 words of the detailed anger and recrimination turning into genuine interest and desperate sex and then into something non-toxic that might actually last, or putting all 47,000 words into the main story in one fell swoop. Danny (and the reader) need to know in at least some detail why John has allowed Rick back into his life almost like he’d never left, even while spurning both of his older half brothers, including refusing to attend the funeral of the one, and barely talking to the other one before that one died of AIDS. In your one-hundred-plus main character main story, having spin-offs is probably the only way. In my group of only ten, it is a serious challenge to keep all the plot bunnies running down the same track without becoming killer rabbits. And that’s on top of giving the characters their proper voices, keeping them believable, and keeping the whole damn thing readable and interesting. So, finding the balance between not enough and too much is a challenge.

Hi, all. For what it’s worth, here’s what I’ve noticed, and what I try for. “Background” people, the prose equivalent of extras in a movie or TV show, dress according to their station in life and the time in which you find them. The degree to which you describe them goes up in their importance, whether as background scenery, or as they emerge to actually become characters. So, “a teenager working the cash register at McDonalds” is background. “The order taker at McDonalds seemed sad as he was working. His company polo, while clean, was starting to fray around the edges of the sleeves, as was his composure. But he still took my order without delay, or getting it wrong.” is starting to become a character. “I picked Joe up at McDonalds as soon as his manager let him clock out. He had a fresh company polo in his hands when he got into the car. The company polo he was wearing was just as worn-out as he looked. The disposable paper hat, which he normally threw away the second he clocked out, was still on his head. His normally pale complexion was just that much whiter, and even his dark black pants were starting to gray. His work sneakers were also starting to blow out. Getting both outed and dumped by the boyfriend I told him he shouldn’t try dating was wearing on him far more than he was willing to admit.” has become a lead character, and is likely one you already introduced earlier. The way a person chooses and wears clothes can tell you about the character’s personality, or at least the personality you are having the character portray at the moment. In real life, people do deliberately dress differently from how they usually would. If your viewer understands this, then their normally jeans-and-tee shirt character showing up in a tuxedo. or the normally dapper and nearly overdressed all the time character showing up in worn out jeans also tells you about the character’s current mood. Likewise, the choice and condition of their clothing directly describes their wealth and social standing. “The twelve year old boy was wearing an untucked tee shirt that had been white, but was still clean He had what appeared to be a pack of cigarettes rolled into his left sleeve and onto the top of his shoulder. His jeans were faded and frayed, and about three inches shorter than what most boys his age wore. He wore a black belt, but its color was more a memory than a fact. His feet were bare as he walked briskly down the front steps of his house, grabbing a pair of work boots as he passed them. I noticed that there were no socks in the boots, either. He carried the boots by the laces and slung over his right shoulder as he walked past me, having some place he planned on getting to quickly yet without running in the early morning warmth.” The character’s choice of clothing, and how they wear it, can also help build the scene. “She was wearing a gauzy peach-silk and lace mid-thigh length chemise, over red lace see-through panties. The shoelace thickness shoulder straps stood out almost seductively against the skin of her shoulders. Her finger and toe nails also sparkled with peach nail polish. Her lipstick was a seductive dark red, and she wore only elegant traces of eyeliner. Her thong type sandals were also light peach, with darker peach gauzy straps. Her garments almost screamed passion and seduction. However, there are some things a fifty-six year old woman with graying alopecia riddled stringy hair, general hygiene issues, and who weighed over five hundred pounds should never wear, particularly not to their mother’s funeral at the Baptist Church in a small Southern town. And Chloe managed to easily check all the boxes.” Thanks.

Hello again, @Desiderius Price An alternate title for this thread, could be: “Why you should never write a story without an outline.” A “super-short” summary of the story itself would be “six boys and four girls from semi-dysfunctional homes get together and form a band.” The first flashback sequence is two and a half chapters, and a total of 28,261 words. By length alone, it could be a free-standing story. However, it “fleshes out” the third brother, and tells you a lot about him, including why the boy now has three middle names. It also tells the other characters about the boy, The boy telling the story when he does is both an act of giving trust, and an attempt to talk through his emotions and help himself accept and “move on” from that day. Less obviously, that trust is returned by the house literally coming to a stand-still to listen, including gathering all the other main protagonists to listen. The boy had been living in an abusive home that was getting worse. Despite not knowing any of the real reasons, the boy is aware enough of his state that he actually created a “normal” alter-ego as a tool in his mind to try to isolate the actual abuse from simply being in a non-affluent home with poorly educated parents and little social standing. The youngest of the six boys describes his perspectives and feelings while reliving the 28 hours of his life that preceded his becoming the youngest of the three Dvorak brothers who are the center of the story. The almost twelve year old boy starts his day with a beating, being raped (again,) and having to convince his almost nine year old brother to appear to willingly participate with his father in raping him to avoid becoming a tied down and beaten victim. The youngest future Dvorak wanders off into a nearby forest preserve and thinks about suicide (again.) He concludes that as worthless and unlivable as his life is, he can not die by his own hand or allow himself to be killed because the people he really loves would be harmed exponentially more than any relief he might gain by dying. He leaves the forest preserve feeling well and truly trapped by life. He returns home to be brought along with his mother and “father,” who we eventually learn is no relation of his at all, to a wedding reception for the younger son of their landlord. This is not being done as a treat, though. Part of the abuse his parents inflict on him is saying to anyone who will listen that the boy is too poorly behaved and “slow” to be left with caretakers, and they have to take him along to “keep him in line.” At the wedding reception, he comments on the people he sees and encounters. His future oldest brother is the “girl-haired boy,” and the middle brother, the “red-haired boy” is the target of his envy. At the moment he’s describing, he’s forced to wear prescription contact lenses to change his eye color, he is forced to dye his red hair brown, and he is forced to shave all the hair on his body below his head since it can’t really be dyed. He drinks what he thinks is a generous quantity of “adult punch” so he can get drunk and “forget” things for a while. The punch he drank, if it wasn’t removed from his body when it was, was enough to kill him outright from alcohol poisoning. That is also not counting that he would have been locked in the trunk of his parent’s car after the “spanking” he ultimately gets. As the early evening rolls on, the boy finds more and more to get jealous about with the “red-haired boy,” yet while also viewing his own life he actually allows his jealousy to die. The middle brother is the last one to catch him drinking his “Nectar of Lethe,” and that’s the actual phrase the kid uses. The middle brother overhears his father being asked by the current parents of the youngest one for the use of their basement to “spank” the youngest one. The middle brother corners the father into giving him the exact same punishment at the exact same time without the young kid being aware that the older one was only being punished in solidarity to “reach” the youngest boy, since he thinks the youngest kid is definitely self-destructive and probably suicidal. The younger kid hears this, and it’s the younger kid’s awareness of what the older kid is trying to do that actually “reaches” him. The older and middle brother were trained by their father as Emergency Medical Technicians. The middle brother is the one to get the younger one to vomit up the very potent punch before the kid absorbs a lethal amount, and does it without using syrup of Ipecac, which would leave the youngest kid unable to keep down any quantity of food or other nourishment for the rest of the night. The youngest kid also goes into an actual flashback based on an incident the kid witnessed the year before, where the two older brothers and the father were stabilizing a heart attack victim in the parking lot of a grocery store, including CPR, IVs, defibrillator use, shouted instructions back and forth, and everything. The boy’s stress, fear, and slight to moderate alcohol buzz fueled imagination conflated his own lifeless body into the mix even while he is receiving different help in reality. With the alcohol purged from the young kid’s body, before he actually had enough time to really absorb that much, the spanking is set up. And the middle kid throws enough extra bizarre shit into the mix that any sane real-life parents would have said, “Fuck it, just put the brats in a corner for an hour and call it job-done.” The youngest kid’s parents insist on the spanking itself to happen, which lasts for about fifteen minutes. The mother’s husband is an oxygen thief who receives sexual gratification. The mother herself realizes that she has become a monster. The mother decides to cooperate with the Dvorak father in getting her husband arrested, and removing her oldest boy from her custody She also tells the boy that he was the product of a rape that her husband cooperated in, as in selling her, holding her down for the rapist, and beating her. The youngest boy and middle boy independently get together and ask the father to adopt the youngest one. The youngest one spends one last night in the apartment, is given a fifteen minute beating the next morning, which is videotaped by the police, and is “kicked out” of the apartment wearing only a “onsie” pajama bottom that had belonged to his three year old sister and fit about as well as you’d imagine. The father picks him up, along with the police. Pictures are taken, evidence is collected, and the father has the kid dress in underwear and normal pajamas and leave there with him, ultimately to show up several chapters previously. The second “flashback” is still in progress, at 45,972 words and growing. It reveals the beginning of the relationship between the father of the three boys, and the “former off-screen villain,” “Father and villain” are actually full siblings, and the only full sibling each other had. The flashback describes their meeting at the ages of 14 for the “villain” and 12 for the father, and spending the summer at the father’s barely better than a shack house in a small town in rural northern Illinois. That flashback could also be a free-standing story. However, it has to be in the main story to explain why a former bootlegger gangster kingpin, who is first introduced in handcuffs and manacles, is unlocked, given fresh clothes, and basically the run of the house after the teen protagonists haven’t even known the man for an hour. The flashbacks themselves aren’t a problem so much. My bigger problem is portraying a group of real yet also incredibly intelligent, talented, and creative people without having a flock of Mary-Sues and Gary-Stu's. They face challenges equal to their talents, and have to struggle to overcome those challenges. They can also screw up, make mistakes, sometimes be unreasonable, and argue over what ultimately turn out to be pointless issues. They also try to learn from their mistakes, grow and individuals, become better family members and where the relationships exist lovers, and advance their professional lives. For a story that started off as a “one-shot” parody and bird-flipping to “erotic spanking stories,” it has indeed become a monster.

Hello, again. In my story, I’m putting the flashbacks where they are because that is when the lead protagonist learns of them. The flashback sequence I sampled leads directly into a confrontation between two of the secondary protagonists, and a very major change in their relationship. The second flashback goes back twenty-four years earlier, but also informs the lead protagonist that an off-screen villain, while generally villainous enough, wasn’t actually their villain, but just a villain. It also reveals that this character was much more closely related to the lead protagonist than they thought. The flashback also gives the lead protagonist new insight into his own relationships, and how those relationships were affected by events that took place nine years before he was born. One of the secondary protagonists actually tells this person, “You’re not my dad, but you might not be a total asshole, either.” This starts off in “witnessing a conversation,” and transitions to change of first-person voice, with an occasional break to the main “story-time” of 1982. Behind the internal fourth wall, the year is 2032, and many of the named characters have died of either natural causes, or “otherwise.” The lead protagonist is writing the story for the print and online addition of a major magazine. recounting the months leading up to, and at least for a while shortly after the first of several musical groups the lead protagonist’s younger brother and he started first achieved fame and wealth; denying false scandals, but admitting to much more embarrassing real scandal, which had mostly been kept quiet. Thanks.

Hi, @Desiderius Price The three chapter flashback is quite literally one of the main characters relating the events of a very traumatic day in front of most of the other main characters. This scene had already been described from the viewpoint of a different character. But different people have different perspectives. Here’s a “quick” sample… “I made my way back to the punch bowl for cups six, seven, and eight. I was starting on number nine when an older girl that looked like the electric piano player’s older sister grabbed my wrist and made me pour the punch on the ground. “She told me ‘Go. Away. Now. Twerp.’ “I didn’t realize then just how drunk I was starting to get. I knew I wanted to say something to get her just angry enough to follow me away from the punchbowl so I could lose her in the crowd and come back for just one or two more. What I actually told her was ‘Great boobies, honey pie! My lower intestine is full of spam, eggs, spam, sausage, go fuck your mother on a merry-go-round, and scram!’ “The look of shock on her face told me, even as drunk as I was starting to realize that I was, that she would enjoy breaking my nose so much more than she ever enjoyed Monty Python’s Flying Circus. So, I twisted my wrist out of her grasp before she recovered and walked away at almost a run. “She stopped following me just a few yards later, but I wisely kept going. I could see my busted and bloodied nose in her eyes, and I wanted it to stay there, even if I did deserve it for my rude introduction to her. I grabbed another Italian Beef along the way and almost inhaled it. I looked at the punchbowl, and didn’t see her, or anyone else guarding it. The biggest pain with those chapters is getting the stacked quotation marks in the right places—and I’m still finding ones I missed. Thanks.

Hi, @Desiderius Price Reviewing what I read would be easier if I was finding time to read anything.The AFF exclusive story, after being neglected for over two years, got 14 chapters since February 8th. These are not small chapters. They also included a three chapter flash-back, the breaking of the “inner fourth wall,” the change from the regular first person perspective to the first person perspective of another character and back, making major changes in the life of one of the main characters, the introduction of a former off-screen villain as an on-screen semi-hero who is much more closely related to one of the main protagonists than previously known, completely changing the character of an off-screen event by presenting a different perspective… I suppose you get the idea, and none of these chapters were small or easy to write, even though they further fleshed out the characters as well as telling a story. I did submit one review. I won’t name the author or the work, though I’m sure you could figure it out easily enough. Their ideas were fascinating. Their execution was exactly that—you watched this “author” use third-grade dropout prose to hang their ideas by the neck until they were dead. My first piece of advice to that author was to delete my review after he read it, because it was not a nice review. The author deleted it after a day or two, so, hey! At least the author could follow some of my advice! Thanks.