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Tcr

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Posts posted by Tcr

  2. SinfulWolf's Review Responses

    in General

    Posted

    38 minutes ago, Sinfulwolf said:

    Was meant to just be a quiet nod to my own works really. Felrya’s business is actually the story of Blood and Lace. But yes, this is something of a crossover, but it is not canonical. Just a reference.

    Reference or not, my head canon now says Felrya's vacation spot is with Illyria.  Lol.  

    40 minutes ago, Sinfulwolf said:

    Thank ye, I do try to write them steamy.

    You succeed quite well.  And it was quite intriguing to see the plays they both make through the story, which makes it all the more interesting during the sex.  Like you said, bot evenly matched.

    And you mean people don't want to read fifteen pages describing the dress?  Well, shit...  lol.

    A great read, Sinful.  Look forward to continuing to read more.  (I'm very surprised it hasn't recieved more reviews.

  3. TCR's Review Response Thread

    in General

    Posted

    Another review...  These shelves are shining lately...  <looks at review shelves; eyes boil from sockets> So shiny!

    First, something I forgot to do, a shout out @Sinfulwolf.  Sinful's been very helpful in terms and statements, not to mention actions and structure, throughout Last Full Measure.  So, I thank you greatly and appreciate your help and continued assistance with terminology far more than I can say.

    Second, another from @InBrightestDay on Last Full Measure.

    From InBrightestDay on February 06, 2019
     

    Aaand I'm back!

    So we learn a lot in this chapter.  First, with Sam's arrival, that everyone's exes will be in this squad for maximum awkwardness.  Second...

    “Why, Nishiime, looking to save some colonists from their virginity?”

    I need to watch Aliens again sometime.

    Third, we start to see what's going on in Alpha Centauri, although thus far it's only teasing glimpses.  Nonetheless, I liked seeing it.  We have our characters, so now we get a hint of the coming story.

    Finally, we learn some more about whatever happened on Mars.  It sounds like it's Celeste's fault (she stayed on duty in spite of her pregnancy, which may have led to the death of the unborn child during the attack), but Adara clearly blames herself for part of it, and I'm curious to learn what that is.  Adara's actually somewhat more sympathetic in this chapter.  This doesn't undo her infidelity, but it does hint at a level of depth to the character.

    The introduction of Major Hamilton did raise a question.  Thus far, every member of this squad that we've met has been female, save for Hamilton, who is in command.  In an earlier chapter, Celeste mentioned that back on Mars, her commanding officer was also a man.  Is the military in this setting set up so that the enlisted are all female and the officers are male, or is this team just set up that way?

     

    Aaand I'm back!

    So we learn a lot in this chapter.  First, with Sam's arrival, that everyone's exes will be in this squad for maximum awkwardness.

    First, welcome back.  :)

    Ah, yes, the resident unit incest (thanks, Sinful, not getting that term out of my head now...  lol).  There are plenty of threads here and I don't know if they'll all be covered, but...  As it progresses, there'll certainly be some awkwardness coming.

    Second...

    “Why, Nishiime, looking to save some colonists from their virginity?”

    I need to watch Aliens again sometime.

    Do it!  Lol.  As mentioned, there's definitely a few homages and lines from Aliens in here.  I love the movie and just had to.  And that line from the movie always got me to snicker.  Lol.

    Third, we start to see what's going on in Alpha Centauri, although thus far it's only teasing glimpses.  Nonetheless, I liked seeing it.  We have our characters, so now we get a hint of the coming story.

    I wasn't sure how well the distress call would work, so I'm glad you liked it.  I definitely love building up the suspense and a little bit of unnerving.  Not seeing what's going on was part of that plan and definite don't want people to know too much.  Lol.

    Finally, we learn some more about whatever happened on Mars.  It sounds like it's Celeste's fault (she stayed on duty in spite of her pregnancy, which may have led to the death of the unborn child during the attack), but Adara clearly blames herself for part of it, and I'm curious to learn what that is.  Adara's actually somewhat more sympathetic in this chapter.  This doesn't undo her infidelity, but it does hint at a level of depth to the character.

    By far, there's enough blame to go around multiple people for Celeste's miscarriage.  So, the blame isn't squarely hers, though she bears a large part of it.  I actually rewrote much of the last part of the chapter so to create a depth to Adara.  She's not a great person, and she admits it, but she does harbour a lot of guilt for multiple things; her cheating on Celeste (And everyone can have their own opinions on whether Adara did cheat on Celeste with Alexander or if she was telling the truth), her leaving Celeste, and the miscarriage  (although the reasons for that will come out as time goes along).  I'm glad my rewrites did add some character to Adara that doesn't make her just a bitch…

    The introduction of Major Hamilton did raise a question.  Thus far, every member of this squad that we've met has been female, save for Hamilton, who is in command.  In an earlier chapter, Celeste mentioned that back on Mars, her commanding officer was also a man.  Is the military in this setting set up so that the enlisted are all female and the officers are male, or is this team just set up that way?

    This is probably a fault of the author  (...which makes it my fault...)...  That wasn't the intention to have that implied.  (Originally Adara's LT was Alexandra, but I realized that that was flooding the story...).  Indeed, there are a few minor characters to be introed in who are male and enlisted/noncoms, so I guess I should have elaborated a little more in that regard.  (And, yeah, her COs on Mars...  They weren't the brightest...  To quote @BronxWench in reviews for Christmas "I found myself wondering exactly who the Captain and Lieutenant paid off to get their positions, because they certainly didn't end up in command based on merit.").  

    Thank you, InBrightestDay, for your review.  As always, it is much appreciated and always a pleasure to receive.

     

  5. TCR's Review Response Thread

    in General

    Posted

    3 hours ago, InBrightestDay said:

    I don’t think it’s a fault of the author, but rather something that’s inherent to fiction.  Whenever I read something, I have to ask myself whether the thing being discussed is common knowledge in the setting or common knowledge in the modern day.  I just mistakenly assumed I was supposed to know that, rather than it being common knowledge several centuries in the future.  There’s not really any way I can think of that you could have improved on that.

    Perhaps.  I like to think that I do a good job in showing a differentiation between contemporary common knowledge and otherwise, perhaps a little megalomaniacally...   Although, that being said, I also like getting people to expand their knowledge base, too (do I sound like a teacher?  Lol).  In the long run, if my writing teaches or gets someone to look up and learn something new, I'm glad to hear it.

    Sounding a little...  holier than thou, aren't I?  Definitely not my intention.

  6. TCR's Review Response Thread

    in General

    Posted

    1 minute ago, InBrightestDay said:

    You’ve definitely got me invested in the characters here!

    YAY!  Lol.  I'm glad to hear that.  A teacher years ago once told me that good science fiction relied on the characters to tell the story, that the characters are the main focus and the setting is merely icing.  While I don't follow that principle entirely, I do tend to focus and develop characters more.

    4 minutes ago, InBrightestDay said:

    There is one thing about the story, but it’s not necessarily a criticism.  The thing is, I’m in my early thirties, but sometimes reading this story makes me feel like a really old man.  When you brought up that Tirsa was demisexual...I had legitimately never heard that term before.  I had to Google it.  Based on how the characters were talking about it like it was the most natural thing in the world, I felt like I was supposed to know what that was and that I was a grandpa character going “what’s that lingo the hip young kids are using these days?”

    Again, that’s not anything wrong with the story.  I just felt kind of stupid.

    My apologies for making you feel old.  I'm also early thirties, and occasionally I feel like I'm so out of date that I'm in the stone age with people talking.  And honestly, I wouldn't feel stupid.  I doubt a lot of people know unless they A) are themselves, B) know someone who is or who knows someone, or C) are interested.  (I'm assuming there's a lot of tomatoes flying now...)

    That was part of the reason I tried to include the description of it in there, although it does feel a little stiff, I admit.  Again, I hope I did justice to people.  And it was supposed to be a conversation of just normal every day thing there in order to portray the idea that sexuality in the time of Last Full Measure is immaterial in that no one cares who's sleeping with who.  Perhaps I should have explained a little more.  That is definitely a fault of the author.

  7. TCR's Review Response Thread

    in General

    Posted

    YAY!  Another review from InBrightestDay on Last Full Measure!  Dare I say it... I think I have...  a fan... :o.  Lol.

    From InBrightestDay on January 31, 2019
     

    Sorry it took me a few days to get to this, but I'm back!

    So, we've learned a little bit more about how these two are connected via the Mars battle, and moreso about their personal similarities.  Both of them have had relationships that didn't end well, though Tirsa's ex seems a lot nicer than Celeste's.  I'm guessing the breakup with her ex is why Tirsa has trouble forming the emotional bonds she needs for any kind of intimate relationship.

    Sorry I don't have too much to say about this chapter, but it was pretty short, just a nice little character moment between these two.  I'll be back for the next chapter!

     

    Sorry it took me a few days to get to this, but I'm back!

    First off, never need to apologize.  It's always a pleasure to receive any reviews from people.  But it is good that you're back.

    So, we've learned a little bit more about how these two are connected via the Mars battle, and moreso about their personal similarities.  Both of them have had relationships that didn't end well, though Tirsa's ex seems a lot nicer than Celeste's.  I'm guessing the breakup with her ex is why Tirsa has trouble forming the emotional bonds she needs for any kind of intimate relationship.

    As I mentioned, the story of Last Full Measure was written before "Christmas, Bloody Christmas", and I've had to go back and alter some minor things to bring it in line, but the idea of their connected past and present was one thing that was always the same.  I never went into great detail in the short during the Battle of Fort Overraker, centering on Celeste and the lead up to her becoming how she is in this one, which meant that Tirsa's role in the Battle is never established in the short and, thus, connected through the novel.  (I'm rambling, aren't I?)

    As for Tirsa...  In her case, as I've tried to portray her (and hopefully I've done justice to those who identify) as demisexual.  It is that which is more the reason for her lack of emotional attachment.  I have been told it's a personal basis on what constitutes the necessary connection to have the attachment, so I may have it be a bit if a factor.  (I really ramble...  And I'm sure someone's going to let me know exactly how wrong I am...)

    Sorry I don't have too much to say about this chapter, but it was pretty short, just a nice little character moment between these two.  I'll be back for the next chapter!

    Again, never need to apologize.  Any review is always beneficial.  Even if I'm rambling...  again.  It definitely was a short chapter, little character building scene, little work building in terms of Mars, and some, hopefully, heartfelt moments to be carried on through the story.  And I'm glad to hear it, @InBrightestDay, I'll try not to disappoint (and, just to sweeten the pot, some smaller introductions to a few of the other squadmates and Adara comes back in the next chapter).

  9. SinfulWolf's Review Responses

    in General

    Posted

    I'm glad you reviewed Hunted, as, I admit, I probably wouldn't have found you if you hadn't.  But...  Blood and Lace is definitely a well written and multilayered story with facets not always apparent in first reading, only when digging a little deeper, reading deeper.  And I am most definitely enjoying it and look forward to reading more into the world you've created.  Keep it up :)

  11. TCR's Review Response Thread

    in General

    Posted

    I don't think I've had this many reviews in a long, long, long time...  The shelves are definitely getting a good wax for shine...  Another from @InBrightestDayon Last Full Measure.

    From InBrightestDay on January 27, 2019
     

    Chapter 3

    It's nice to get to meet more of the characters, Tirsa in this case.  I see what you meant when you said you didn't want her to apear too interested in Celeste, given that we learn here that she has issues forming successful relationships with anybody.

    I also wonder how truthful she was being with Ingvild about Mars.  She says she has nightmares, but she also mentioned earlier in the chapter that she had never felt more alive than when she was in combat.  These two things aren't necessarily contradictory, but it provides an intriguing ambiguity about the character.

    Finally, we learn that, assuming I'm understanding the ranking system correctly, Celeste's ex is now going to be her commanding officer.  That's...going to suck.

    We also learn some kind of unsettling stuff about the Rebels, like how they don't do the whole "prisoner" thing.  It makes me wonder about the nature of the conflict and how we got to this state between the two sides.

    At any rate, I'm interested in seeing what happens when they finally get to Alpha Centauri!

     

    It's nice to get to meet more of the characters, Tirsa in this case.  I see what you meant when you said you didn't want her to apear too interested in Celeste, given that we learn here that she has issues forming successful relationships with anybody.

    My stylistic approaches have varied depending on what I'm writing and how I'm going about it.  Usually, I'll throw a few together (three or four) and introduce them at an even pace (or try...).  Similar to how I've come with the MCs here.  Although this one is kind of different in that it is a slower intro.

    As for her lack of forming relationships, there is a reason for that in Chapter 4 (which, hopefully, is a good written character development...  I have a tendency to push myself, writing characters and situations expanding my own ability and trying to open other people up to them...)

    I also wonder how truthful she was being with Ingvild about Mars.  She says she has nightmares, but she also mentioned earlier in the chapter that she had never felt more alive than when she was in combat.  These two things aren't necessarily contradictory, but it provides an intriguing ambiguity about the character.

    I never meant for them to be contradictory, so that's good.  And it's good there's a little ambiguity there.  As for lying...  Well, that I'd like to leave to the reader.  Is she lying because she's an alcoholic?  Is she being honest and has almost a split reaction to combat?

    Finally, we learn that, assuming I'm understanding the ranking system correctly, Celeste's ex is now going to be her commanding officer.  That's...going to suck.

    In a word...  Most certainly.

    And you understand correctly.  Adara is the platoon's second in command (2IC) as Warrant Officer, subordinate only to Hamilton.  Celeste, as Sergeant Major, is third in command (3IC).  Perhaps I should have put some of the jargon in an A/N.

    We also learn some kind of unsettling stuff about the Rebels, like how they don't do the whole "prisoner" thing.  It makes me wonder about the nature of the conflict and how we got to this state between the two sides.

    I do hope to include some of the backstory regarding the Rebel and United Earth conflict in some of the coming chapters (well, coming in terms of writing...).  I feel that it will help to worldbuild (history build?) with regards to the United Earth and her colonies.  So hopefully that turns out just as well as I hope it will.

    At any rate, I'm interested in seeing what happens when they finally get to Alpha Centauri!

    There are a few more chapters to go before that happens and I hope they don't get too boring and turn you away.  And when they do get to Alpha Centauri, I hope it doesn't disappoint with the build up.

    Thanks for your review!

  14. TCR's Review Response Thread

    in General

    Posted

    45 minutes ago, InBrightestDay said:

    Oh, I wasn’t trying to say that.  Trust me, I don’t want to add to any stereotypes about my sex.  I was just trying to think of why straight men would push straight women to “go bi”, and that was the only reason I could come up with.

    I've noticed that, on a whole, men aren't all like that, but there are a few out there that I've heard and, Well, why not add some realistic approach?  Lol.

    47 minutes ago, InBrightestDay said:

    Yikes.  It’s one thing if a bunch of straight people had been magically made gay, and the “cure” left actual gay people as they were and just reverted the straight people back to their original orientation, but if it “fixed” everyone, well...awkward.

    actually, with regards to sexual orientation and the politics that go with it, I really appreciate how nice Lian is so far.  When the story was starting and the guys were giving Celeste shit, I became vaguely alarmed, since I’ve seen other stories with gay main characters make all the straight characters huge jerks, perhaps for the sake of a message of some kind.  Seeing how much Lian appears to genuinely care for her friend was immensely reassuring.

    Yeah.  Honestly, in my opinion, it wouldn't be great either way (magic turning heterosexual people gay or vice versa), but I understand what you're saying.  I found the implication of the ending to be... disturbing at best.  But that's what I like about novels, people can always read things differently with different implications and thoughts.

    With regards to having extreme bigotry in characters...  I have been told that in Hunted, it is probably the worst with that regard and...  I admit that it definitely did go over the top, which is not the intention I had.  In Last Full Measure, I started out similar to one of my others, where sexuality is less an issue.  Aside from random spots of people...  I'm not sure I'm explaining it right...  lol. 

    I am glad that Lian and Celeste's friendship is reassuring, and that Lian genuinely cares about her comes across.  They've been through a lot together.

    56 minutes ago, InBrightestDay said:

    And yeah, having seen just how much cheating Adara seems to have been doing, Celeste’s anger feels extremely relatable.

    I'm glad.  Lol.  Adara is definitely not a likeable character, but, there are some qualities I hope will make her even remotely redeemable by the end.

    1 hour ago, InBrightestDay said:

    It’s still nerve-wracking for me too, actually.  I never really know how well it’s working.

    Yeah.  I'll write out a scene and it'll be like, "that sounds good" and then go back and second guess it all the way through and tear it apart.  So it's like two weeks of writing four to ten pages...  lol.

  15. TCR's Review Response Thread

    in General

    Posted

    A second review on Last Full Measure.  I think I might have another fan, and I’m more than glad :D .

     

    From InBrightestDay on January 24, 2019
     

    Chapter 2

    Good news for Celeste, that bit getting caught in the shower wasn't nearly as awkward as it could have been, and luckily for her Tirsa seems to actually be interested!

    I like the banter between Celeste and Lian.  There was some of it in the last chapter, but I like the stuff here about speaking in French specifically because she knows Lian can't understand it.

    And then the story gets dark.  I really feel for Celeste here.  A lot of people suffering from depression, especially if they blame themselves for something (I'm assuming Celeste blames herself for her daughter's death), often have a hard time reaching out to others for help, and it's clear that Celeste's mother, whatever her faults may be, genuinely wants to help (more than can be said for her father with that "Lauriers don't cry" bullshit), but Celeste keeps it to herself.

    I guess she wants to remain in the military, which raises the alarming possibility that she's hoping to end up KIA.

    A final note on something I forgot about last time: I like that you called it Orpheus Station.  Given that Celeste has a lost love (a daughter, but still), the myth of Orpheus and Eurydice, about losing someone and wishing you could have them back, has special resonance here.

     

    Again, thank you @InBrightestDay, for another review, it is greatly appreciated and I’m glad you’re enjoying it so far.

    Good news for Celeste, that bit getting caught in the shower wasn't nearly as awkward as it could have been, and luckily for her Tirsa seems to actually be interested!

    I’m kind of hoping that she doesn’t come across as ‘too’ interested.  lol.  There’s a little tidbit of Tirsa’s character down the line (in Chapter 4) that might counter that…  Which would be bad considering…  lol.

    I like the banter between Celeste and Lian.  There was some of it in the last chapter, but I like the stuff here about speaking in French specifically because she knows Lian can't understand it.

    I’m glad.  I was really hesitant about keeping the non-English elements of the story (Celeste’s Quebec French, another character’s occasional Serbian, et cetera) as it seemed like a lot of people I’d talk to, here and elsewhere, seemed to be against having those elements within.  Emphasis on seemed, lol.  But I wanted a more…  I guess, authentic feel to the characters, in that they will speak their native languages occasionally.  And I’m glad you liked their banter.  Apparently, dialogue isn’t always my strong suit.

    And then the story gets dark.  I really feel for Celeste here.  A lot of people suffering from depression, especially if they blame themselves for something (I'm assuming Celeste blames herself for her daughter's death), often have a hard time reaching out to others for help, and it's clear that Celeste's mother, whatever her faults may be, genuinely wants to help (more than can be said for her father with that "Lauriers don't cry" bullshit), but Celeste keeps it to herself.

    I guess she wants to remain in the military, which raises the alarming possibility that she's hoping to end up KIA.

    This was actually an element recommended to me from a few different people and through several days, and weeks, of research into combat veterans, so I do hope I’ve done them at least some honour there.   I won’t go way out and spoil everything, but she certainly does blame herself for her daughter’s death and the reasons for that event happening in the first place are, indeed, her fault.  The events are actually taken up in the Christmas anthology and will eventually be discussed in the story itself.  She does hide her emotional turmoil from others (via, mostly, the workouts), but it does come out (such as the case with Adara and the anger there.  And it’s funny that you bring up General Laurier’s line.  He is a hardass, but, at least I hope, in the course of the story, it does come across that he does actually want to help (and does love) Celeste, he’s just not…  one of those ‘highly emotional’ (which I’ve kind of based off a familial relation in my own life…).  And, yeah, Celeste wants to remain with the United Earth Marine Corps and she definitely has a self-destructive lean towards herself and others…

     A final note on something I forgot about last time: I like that you called it Orpheus Station.  Given that Celeste has a lost love (a daughter, but still), the myth of Orpheus and Eurydice, about losing someone and wishing you could have them back, has special resonance here.

    I’m really glad that some of the more… subtle elements of the story are being picked up on.  I love mythology and my use of Orpheus for the station was definitely not a mistake in both the terms of Celeste and the loss of her daughter as well as some of the later story, in a more abstract way.  Much like my love of history, which hasn’t come across all that much in this one, I do hope that the other subtle entries, at least what I think are subtle entries and hopefully are good references, will also come across as good as the ones you have picked up on.

    Thank you, again.  I greatly appreciate your reviews and the concrit that you have mentioned in the previous chapter as well as what you liked in them.  It’s always good to receive one, like a payday.  I’m glad you’ve enjoyed these two chapters and definitely hope you’ll keep reading and enjoying the chapters as they come and, for my part, I shall endeavour not to disappoint.

  16. TCR's Review Response Thread

    in General

    Posted

    On 1/24/2019 at 12:15 AM, InBrightestDay said:

    Oh, okay.  I guess a lot of guys want someone who’ll get into a threesome with another woman.

    Well, I’m not saying every male out there wants it…  But I’m sure there’s more than a few who do.

    On 1/24/2019 at 12:15 AM, InBrightestDay said:

    That might actually be what I was thinking of; it was some story where homosexuality was made mandatory (or close to it, at any rate) in an attempt to curb overpopulation.

    That’s the one, though I might have messed up the author’s name.  It’s been a while since I’ve read it (although I did several times).  And, funnily enough, was discussing it with a friend only a few days ago.  It’s definitely a good take on what might have happened, and he does explore the idea better than I could (I’m not that conceited, lol).  The only point that I was disappointed with that novel (and, admittedly, it was written at a time when this was… both the norm and nigh mandatory necessity) was the ending with the ‘magical cure-all medicine to revert everyone to ‘normal’’…  That left a sour note with me in what was otherwise a great novel.

    On 1/24/2019 at 12:15 AM, InBrightestDay said:

    Probably my favorite thing with regards to Celeste’s breakup, which I forgot to mention in the review, is this priceless line.

    It’s like “I’m cool; I’m calm.  I’m a mature adult and we both went our separate ways and I wish her well and I hope her relationship crashes and burns!”

    It indicates that Celeste might have some anger issues, but I still thought the mood swing was kind of funny.

    LOL.  I’m glad you liked that part.  I debated it, that I know for sure, because I was thinking it would make her out to be such a bitch by adding that, but then it was like: Well, why not?  She's been cheated on, tossed away (so she sees it), and she…  Well, not going to give out a lot of spoilers, but yeah…  Celeste definitely has some anger issues when it comes to Adara, as you see in the next chapter.

    On 1/24/2019 at 12:15 AM, InBrightestDay said:

    I know the feeling.  I remember the first time I ever had to write a sex scene.  It was terrifying.

    LOL.  My first sex scene written…  Oh God, that was awkward.  (Covers face with hand)…  Extremely awkward…  It worked in the course of the scene and the novel in general, but that was…  Unintentional…  lol.  And it definitely terrified me as to what people would think about it.  I’m still nervous when it comes to scenes involving intimate actions, I’m always doubting how well it will turn out…  Or if it’ll be disappointing…  lol.  But thank you.

  17. TCR's Review Response Thread

    in General

    Posted

    Well...  I've apparently fallen behind in review responses...  Gotta crack the whip again...  But, to get back into it, let's start with the newest, from InBrightestDay on Last Full Measure.

    From InBrightestDay on January 23, 2019
     

    How has no one reviewed this yet?  Oh well; let's get started!

    Chapter 1

    I like the job you've done establishing the characters, Celeste in particular.  She's the badass, hurting veteran, which could have come across as cliched, but I think she's very sympathetic.  She's just been through a bad breakup in addition to whatever happened to her on Mars, and it's definitely easy to feel for her.

    I am curious about the society of this world.  This line in particular made me wonder.

    Her friend was unapologetically heterosexual, regardless of what a few other women tried to change and what guys seemed to want.

    Does that mean guys want Lian to be gay?  "Unapologetically heterosexual" is another interesting choice of words, as it somewhat implies that heterosexuality is frowned upon or disliked in some way.  Lian's self-confidence is obvious, but it nonetheless makes me feel a little bad for her if prejudice about sexuality hasn't gotten better but simply reversed in the future.

    Also...

    “Think she ever got mistaken for a man?” a man’s voice asked.  Celeste looked over as she pushed the bar back up, seeing a group of three people passing her.  A raven haired man had been doing the talking.

    A second man looked at her.  “Maybe.”

    A blonde haired woman smirked before turning to look at the other two men in her group.  “I don’t know, have either of you?”

    Was that an Aliens reference, by any chance?

    The bit in the shower was hot, although depending on how this goes it might get really awkward for Celeste in a moment.

    The only criticism I have is this bit:

    “Cel?” Lian’s voice broke her thoughts.  She looked at her friend as Lian said, “Thank God, I was thinking you were broken.  Didn't want to call the medics.”

    Celeste shook her head.  “I wouldn't.” She knew that anyone else would have called psychs for a Section 8 evaluation.  Not Lian, though; they'd known each long enough. Lian knew Celeste wasn't suicidal or crazy. Though she, herself, doubted Lian’s faith.

    “Cel,” Lian’s tone was a scolding one and she knew what her friend was going to say.  “Be careful. That kind of talk with get you psych evaled, possibly Sec8-ed.”

    Lian's worried about "that kind of talk," but all Celeste actually said was "I wouldn't."  Was there originally more dialogue there?

    I'm definitely going to read the next chapter, though I'll admit I'm a little worried.  The phrase "the last full measure of devotion", after all, generally refers to dying in the line of duty.

     

    How has no one reviewed this yet?  Oh well; let's get started!

    To be honest, I'm surprised at how quickly the first review, yours, came.  So thank you, InBrightestDay, especially with the extreme self doubt I've been having lately, this was definitely a needed and welcoming sight.

    I like the job you've done establishing the characters, Celeste in particular.  She's the badass, hurting veteran, which could have come across as cliched, but I think she's very sympathetic.  She's just been through a bad breakup in addition to whatever happened to her on Mars, and it's definitely easy to feel for her.

    I'm glad you like them and definitely Celeste.  Although I wrote this first and had the Christmas Anthology entry long after, I was worried that Celeste may not be sympathetic, or have a hard time being as such.  And you'll definitely learn more about Celeste, her ex, and what happened on Mars as the story goes along.

    I am curious about the society of this world.  This line in particular made me wonder.

    Her friend was unapologetically heterosexual, regardless of what a few other women tried to change and what guys seemed to want.

    Does that mean guys want Lian to be gay?  "Unapologetically heterosexual" is another interesting choice of words, as it somewhat implies that heterosexuality is frowned upon or disliked in some way.  Lian's self-confidence is obvious, but it nonetheless makes me feel a little bad for her if prejudice about sexuality hasn't gotten better but simply reversed in the future.

    I will admit, it was a line I worried about including and perhaps shouldn't have.  It actually stems from a friend of mine, who would be asked to "go bi"...  Eventually they just said they were unapologetically heterosexual.  The scenario just worked around in such a way that I thought it worked in here (especially since I've seen or heard men talking about how the only thing "wrong" with someone was they weren't interested in other women).  So kind of combined it...  Not well, I think.  Lol.

    Admittedly, the scenario of the flipped prejudice in regards to sexuality, an author, Mandela (I believe), in The Forever War explores that probably better than I could.

    Also...

    “Think she ever got mistaken for a man?” a man’s voice asked.  Celeste looked over as she pushed the bar back up, seeing a group of three people passing her.  A raven haired man had been doing the talking.

    A second man looked at her.  “Maybe.”

    A blonde haired woman smirked before turning to look at the other two men in her group.  “I don’t know, have either of you?”

    Was that an Aliens reference, by any chance?

    Definitely.  There's a few references to Aliens strewn about in here.  Firstly, because I love the movie.  Secondly, because it's been an inspiration for this one.  And I'm glad that it didn't pass by :) .

    The bit in the shower was hot, although depending on how this goes it might get really awkward for Celeste in a moment.

    You have no idea how happy I am to hear that.  Lol.  I'm not much of a sex writer...  (irony at its finest)...  And being the first attempt at a solo...  I was absolutely nervous at how it was going to be seen.

    The only criticism I have is this bit:

    “Cel?” Lian’s voice broke her thoughts.  She looked at her friend as Lian said, “Thank God, I was thinking you were broken.  Didn't want to call the medics.”

    Celeste shook her head.  “I wouldn't.” She knew that anyone else would have called psychs for a Section 8 evaluation.  Not Lian, though; they'd known each long enough. Lian knew Celeste wasn't suicidal or crazy. Though she, herself, doubted Lian’s faith.

    “Cel,” Lian’s tone was a scolding one and she knew what her friend was going to say.  “Be careful. That kind of talk with get you psych evaled, possibly Sec8-ed.”

    Lian's worried about "that kind of talk," but all Celeste actually said was "I wouldn't."  Was there originally more dialogue there?

    I'll admit, I think there was some further dialogue that I edited out with intention of returning, then completely forgot about.  I'll have to try to remember now.

    I'm definitely going to read the next chapter, though I'll admit I'm a little worried.  The phrase "the last full measure of devotion", after all, generally refers to dying in the line of duty.

    Well, Firstly, I'm pleasantly surprised.  I wasn't sure people would gather where the title was from.  It is definitely a foreshadowing title and one I hope lives up to its name.  Second, I'm glad you're enticed enough to read chapter 2, at the very least, and hopefully it continues to live up to expectations.

    Thank you, @InBrightestDay, for your review.

  21. Last Full Measure

    in Promote a Story!

    Posted

    Author: tcr
    Title: Last Full Measure
    Summary: Sergeant Major Celeste Laurier has not had it easy.  Wounded in action three years ago on Mars during Christmas, her fiancee left her, and she had been relegated to service on Orpheus Station orbiting Pluto, far from her desired combat.  But that’s about to change.  A distress beacon pulls a company of Marines to a routine mission, only for them to land and be surrounded by unknown hostiles.  Trapped, nowhere to run or hide, they must fight the enemy without and survive the growing tensions within.
    Feedback: Greatly appreciated.
    Fandom: Original/Science Fiction
    Warnings: AFFO Angst Bi FF Fingering MCD MiCD Oral Preg Racist Solo Trans Violence
    Solo story or chaptered story: Chaptered.
    URL: http://original.adult-fanfiction.org/story.php?no=600109223

  23. Exhaustion and Writing

    in Writers' Corner

    Posted

    Well, to be honest, I used to write a lot more (ask @CloverReef, she’ll vouch for that…  lol), but in returning to university (and three English classes, because I’m a crazy bastard) and work (because… well, crazy bastard), which is essentially a new job with a different place in the same company (again, crazy...)…  I’ve been finding it harder to write in what amounts to spare time.  Writing at work (at least, writing stuff for here at work) is impossible, especially with fifteen people crowded around and writing some kinky fun time adventures with people not necessarily looking over the shoulder, but still clearly seeing it, just doesn’t work too well…  And essays and research and all that jazz, just drained the writing (lucky to have written anything for the anthologies), so much so that, even with classes being over and finals done, just haven’t been writing.  Albeit, did get some done yesterday and a little today, so…  YAY!  But, stress (not to mention a distinct hate for the season…  thank you, retail…), work, university…  They’ve all played a major factor in a lack of written word…

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