[She is the One]

4 hours ago, Chester57 said:

An astute observation!  That puts her in the same boat as Amanda— two headaches for Jack and he’s about to get a third unless Kayla is in a very understanding mood.

 

 

Jack’s supposed to swearing off knighthood, and now both Amanda and Rhona are, “OMG Jack, I’m falling apart” – while Kayla’s ready to crush his nuts

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I made these observations, after chapter 57, on a writing blog

Quote

 

The MC didn’t confide in his grilfriend and got in trouble. She says, “I threatened to leave before, but do it again and I will.”

Meanwhile he’s headed out of town for a trade show with a female coworker who has a crush on him.

 

His sister is depressed because she can’t avoid her ex, who she thinks is taunting her with his new girlfriend.

 

His cousin has a new boyfriend and he’s worried the guy will be like all the ones before who treated her badly.

 

But he was always his cousin’s best friend, and is now jealous that she doesn’t confide in him or need him as much.

 

Then his male best friend since kindergarten is worried that once they finish high school in a year that they’ll never see each other.

 

And the girl who craves being the center of attention has the teacher who indulges her leave school and is being solidly rejected by the MC and his circle of friends.

 

Everyone is dealing with past or potential rejection of a variety of types – romantic, friendly and socially. (Conflict, conflict, everywhere – and not a punch is thrown!)

 

 

What I missed (or what jashley cleverly avoided) was Rhona being rejected.

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So, you think, just maybe, that Kayla might misunderstand the situation?

And now we’re on hiatus...

 

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On 8/28/2016 at 5:26 PM, Jashley13 said:

1 hour ago, Sniper014 said:

Good luck if you get parachuted school.  I would look at EOD or assault boat school.

I believe he’s going to be underwater, parachutes might not be needed.

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On 8/28/2016 at 5:26 PM, Jashley13 said:

Sure, it’s based a little on experiences I’ve had at conventions, but other than that I basically just took a swing for the purely fictitious with this one.

 

 

Tell us about the conventions you’ve been to!

 

ps I still haven’t found ‘My Content’ after the upgrade – perhaps it doesn’t exist any longer. I poked around to find this forum again. I don’t know how I’d make ti without you guys.

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The existence of Felicia took me by surprise. So if Kayla finds Jack walking around with (or dining with) her instead of Rhona...

I saw the theme of the previous chapter as rejection. All the relationships, romantic, friendly or platonic, all dealt with having to face rejection and how'd they'd handle it. What I didn't see coming was Rhona being rejected. I still think she has an attraction to Jack. That thing on her couch wasn't nothing. But she also is who she is, and I think she had a persona to maintain when in the presence of her convention friends (all college grads in their early or mid 20's), and apparently that didn't include treating Jack as an equal. When Jack first got pissed, I wasn't sure if he was justified, but everything he said to Rhona was spot on. She needs to stop playing "Queen" if she wants to develop some true friendships.

I normally go to one or two conferences a year, dealing with sports analytics. My wife has attended several, and when I go solo she's always worried I might run into some honey who gets hot for my body.

"I don't know about that woman from Baltimore."

"We're friends, but she's only twenty something and not very attractive."

"But you should see the way she looks at you!"

Sports is a little different in that the teams are the product but their front offices are also the consumers of the information that we create and peddle. Most every team has five or six kids working on crunching numbers to suggest which players to acquire and how much to pay them. I say 'kids' because most are, like Rhona and her friends, single twenty somethings fresh out of college, the kind that doesn't have a mortgage and a family and thus is more likely to take a lesser salary to say they work for a major league team. Many are brilliant guys (and a few girls) but I've been watching and studying the sport for twice as long as they've been alive.

That's one group of nerds. Another, which includes me, are the free lance analysts who attend and sometimes speak on panels or do solo presentations in an attempt to further knowledge of the sport and impress people with our brilliance (which hopefully will lead to future jobs or consulting/vending gigs. I've been able to meet and chat with several team presidents and general managers (who I hope remember my name and don't trash my business card) but I am tight with the team nerds, most evenings heading out to the bars to hang with them and some media guys.

The last group of nerds are the guys who fill out the audience, many wearing their favorite team's jersey. Some of us played ball as teens until we realized we weren't good enough to play. These guys are just fans, or like I once was, hope to advance up to paid consultant of some sort.

And there are the media, with ESPN, FanGraphs, and others sending people there to cover the events (and drink with us.)

Oh, back to my wife. I had to skip this summer's conference, but she had recently brought up the topic of "so you're telling me that if you see some hot young girl you're only going to think about her mind?"

And I told her, "This spring there was an attractive young lady, studying for her PhD who presented right after me. (I left out the part about not taking my eyes off her the two previous days). She made a procedural error in her analyses, and I asked her some tough questions."

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Chapter 57 is finally posted sorry about the late posting time but it was my last day of work and they decided to hold me over as a final act of vengeance. Oh well.

Time for a good night's rest and then on to Chapter 58, which I REALLY want done before I leave. Hope you all enjoy the chapter

What? The boss didn't take the whole office to Joe's Pizza for a farewell lunch in your honor?

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Or maybe mike and Hannah went to extreme lengths to adopt three kids born on the same day

or just told them they were born on the same day

either the twins are adopted, or Jack is

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Or maybe he will talk her into it. Whatever happens during their senior year-- and shit will happen-- it's likely they will both be in it up to their eyeballs.

Trust, however, is a two-way street. Given Jack's workplace relationship with Rhona, it would be interesting if Kayla met a guy at the vet clinic but then withheld details from Jack.

Some guy like me walks in with his sick kitty, and chats up the gorgeous girl behind the counter.

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Been thinking about Kayla's ultimatum that she'll break up with Jack if he pulls his 'white knight' routine again. Isn't that almost a self-fulfilling phrophecy? We know that Jack is going to continue to right wrongs and save the day while getting his ass kicked-- that's what he does. Anyone believe she will make good on her promise the next time he gets in trouble?

I think it will be worse for Jack if he doesn't confide in her. She was pissed that he talked more about it with Rhona than her, and then went off and got beaten to a pulp without telling anyone what he wanted to do.

If he's open with Kayla, she has a chance to talk him out of it.

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"I know you're confused about the genetics behind Alan, Amanda and me. I am, too. Never figured it out. Don't worry."

Never figured it out? Hard to believe since Jack is a thinking man. I recall him confiding to Kayla early on that he always felt awkward as the 'triplet who didn't fit in.' He's no doubt been thinking about it for years. But rather than some arcane scientific explanation, Jack used Occam's Razor-- the simplest explanation is probably the right one. Maybe he knows or suspects that he's not a triplet?

I've said here that the triplets thing never made much sense to me and really wasn't necessary to the plot. Alan and Amanda being twins is important to the story. Maybe jashley was backtracking a little, admitting that it didn't fit.

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Yeah, those were the days! I was also into CB with a high-end base station, antenna and linear amplifier (which some of the neighbors didn't appreciate). That was the 'party line' before social media was invented. My favorite hobby was police scanners. One Christmas I spent a good chunk of my year-end bonus on Radio Shack's top-of-the-line programmable scanner and from there it was a simple matter to punch in all of the cordless phone frequencies (around 49 Mhz or so). It was hilarious! People simply didn't realize that those first-generation cordless phones were nothing more than low-powered unencrypted radios. And baby room monitors-- the precursors to 'nanny-cams'-- were even better! The conversations that nursing mothers would have with their babies were priceless.

In the early 80's there were also cordless phones operating around 4 mhz, just above one of the ham radio bands. Using a regular shortwave receiver I was able to pick up calls within about a half mile or so.

You had to pick up the phone, make sure the neighbor wasn't using the party line, then have to be wary of a parent picking up the extension in their bedroom while you're telling your girlfriend how much you missed her body.

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An excellently written chapter!

There was a bit extra 4th wall, but jashley can pull it off. Above all, there was conflict, and more conflict! (without a single punch being thrown.)

As usual, jack was at the center. There was Alan and Amanda and Jack. Arthur and Tara and Jack. Kayla and Rhona and Jack..Finally, Joe and Jessica and Jack. The theme running through the chapter, in all these relationship triangles, is communication, trust, and how to handle being replaced. We plan our actions on how we interpret what other are thinking, but how well do we really know what they think of us? Is the communication open or broken? Alan has replaced Amanda with a new lover. Tara has replaced Jack with a new confidant. Kayla fears that Jack may replace her with a new lover, even as she threatens to leave if he relapses. Both come from a fear that Jack's not totally honest. And finally, who the fuck knows what Jessica wants? But as I write this, I realize that she has always needed to be the center of attention. She can't stand being rejected, but now Mrs. Locke is gone and Jack, Craig and others are blocking her out.

Finally, Joe and Jack philosophized about growing apart after a lifetime together (again, facing no longer being in someone's life.) The basis for my character Paul is a guy who, much like Joe, was my best friend from kindergarten through the end of high school. I stayed in town to go to college while he went to Pittsburgh. We stayed in touch, calling once or month or so during school, then still spending a fair amount of time together during the summers. After college I left town (and the state) for work while he found work in town, for the first 15 years, after which he left town as well. Now we're Facebook friends, but I haven't seen him in person for going on 30 years (the bastard never comes to class reunions!)

Oh, and second finally, on of the reasons I chose to write about 1979 was showing how we grew up without cell phones, texting, computers, etc. There was a landline (we didn't call it that, as it was the only line (unless you had a party line!)) and the CB radio to talk on. Even though I'm a tech savvy guy who writes computer programs, as an old fart I don't think I could adequately describe how teenagers live today.

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Brad was a minor at the time of the assault-- over a year ago. He is probably out of juvenile detention and attending an alternate high school somewhere. Brad's release and whereabouts may not be a matter of public record since he is a juvenile offender. Also recall that his parents told Jack not to contact them for information. It's also possible that Brad has turned 18 and his juvenile record has been sealed. If it is Brad who has Jessica scared then I don't understand why she just doesn't come out and say it-- unless her family is being threatened with death.

In their state juvenile records are expunged at 18 - the records are supposed to be physically destroyed - but that can't stop the events from remaining in the memories of those involved. Maybe I'm forgetting details, but even a major fistfight on school grounds shouldn't be a huge sentence. (After I became an adult, I was sort of shocked to find out that people could actually be arrested for punching someone. Maybe the time and place were just too different.) Anyways, it's been nearly two years. I can't see Brad in juvie for more than a couple months.; Unless his parents kicked him out of the house, he should still be living in the same place, but of course Brow Ridge didn't have to let him back in. The county where Tara lives has an alternative school for kids with bad attitudes (where my daughter spent her high school years) as well as another alternative school for the thugs, which Brad was likely to have ended up at.

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Not that I hated the chapter or anything, just some friendly advice that I think there was a little too much. I pointed out some of the spots where things did happen to advance the plot. I thought that a leaner version where those stayed and the other parts were glossed over or stripped out would have worked fine. I got into a lot of reminiscing and yanked out a lot in my rewrite.

Concerning memories, dreams and the stories we tell, here is an excellent blog post from a young lady who writes about writing

https://www.helpingwritersbecomeauthors.com/writing-is-important/

If you read the comment there and on other threads, you can see I also love to talk about the process of writing. Sometimes bashful responds promptly, sometimes I wait. I know he's a busy guy.

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True, but if Jack takes that approach he'll be dead before he turns 30. He needs to concentrate on helping Numero Uno and let the world help itself for a while.

Political types can tend to be idealistic.

The Army didn't like my knee (and flat feet and ringing in the ear) and the CIA didn't like my grades. Their loss.

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I can't recall, but did Joe ever mention exactly ​what Mary ​​​does for a living? Is she a lobbyist? An organizer? Does she work for a politician or for a political party? It seems that she is trying to push her daughter into a career in politics but Kayla will have none of it. Maybe this is the cause of all the recent friction in the Hannigan household.

IIRC she works in politics, probably a campaign consultant. Jack asked if she could help out Craig.

She was probably thinking that when students are in college they're out of the house, starting on their own, and it's time for them to widen their horizons and start thinking globally - what can I do to help the world?

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Yeah, at the blog I go for writing mentoring the lady stresses conflict and that everything must drive the plot forward. So yes, most of the road trip, and about the first three quarters of the latest chapter were a love letter to Iowa State. Finally jashley did pull the plug and jump to the conflict. I was finally shocked into consciousness when Jack's Dad had a few choice words with him. We need conflict! I liked Kayla's apprehension about Rhona. I didn't even want to tell my wife that my company had hired an attractive female, because her imagination would get the worst of her.

The parts of the tour that were important to the plot were Jack & his parents talking about life away from home and how much everything costs, etc. Jack & Kayla stuff like walking around the lake and kissing under the bell. Anything Alan and Amanda because their parts could have happened anywhere. The rest was superfluous, but we love our author.

A little piece of subtext that just clicked in my mind - it was left unsaid, but with all of the questions from Kayla and especially Jack on the best dorms, there's a chance the two may end up not living very close to each other.

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Happy birthday Joe!

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My thoughts exactly

"But I didn't do anything wrong!"

"Jack, you have to stop saying that."

Unless Rhona has her hand in Jack's crotch.

"But Kayla, she's crushing my balls!"

"Yeah, and I bet you're enjoying it. This isn't the first time, is it?"

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Oh yeah! I can't wait until she bares her soul (and maybe her chest) to Jack at the convention. ​ Oh, wait-- he invited Kayla to drive up and join them. ​ Ah well, it still could happen. Seriously though-- I'm very curious about Rhona's past and what exactly is going on between her and Paul. No doubt that Jack is going to have to ride to the rescue again.

I still think Jack will not do anything wrong, but Kayla will walk in on something that doesn't look right.

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16 hours on the road is a killer. I went to Iowa with my parents when I was 13 or 14, but I was the only kid in the car. I can't read in the car either, quick car sickness. My longest drive was 20+ hours from northern Virginia to Fort Leonard Wood, MIssouri, when my son was getting out of Army basic training.

I went to a suburban branch college. We had 3000 students, but half, like me, lived at home and commuted. I never lived on campus although I spent plenty of time hanging out. The dorms were three stories (basement, first & second) and long. The frats and some other students were in lodges, which had four bedrooms (two people each) downstairs and four upstairs, with a common area and kitchen on the first floor and a smaller common area upstairs. Juniors and seniors were eligible to live in townhouses which were exactly like you'd find off-campus, with a living room and kitchen on the first floor and three bedroom, two people each, on the second.

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I think I would have gone for the ribs & chicken

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Good luck with getting to officer I only made it to Master Sergent E-8

As best I can recall, Jashley is 25 and a college graduate and already has some private sector work experience in his field. Those would likely make an easier path to officer.

My son went into the Army reserves out of high school, made sergeant in 3 years, and spent some time on active duty. He's been out for several years now.

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Jashley, I wish you well, thank you for your service, and pray you stay out of harm's way.

Will you be getting into something technical? What branch? IIRC did you say your dad was a submariner?

Before my knee and flat feet and ringing ears disqualified me, I was hoping to get into Army Intelligence. Then after the ASVAB my best match was for Field Artillery. With Intel I was hoping to be an analyst (and later applied with the CIA) but afterwards discover the Intel guys were likely to be crawling undercover behind enemy lines. Maybe it was best they didn't let me in.