Joe Long

Didn't I see this on Gotham this week? But then the real ring leader plunges a knife into her throat, saving the city so that all will praise him, while preserving his secret identity as the true villain pulling the strings.

If Jessica wasn't munching on Ms. Locke, maybe it was one of her minions. I'm still feeling that she's had relations with a student, and it might not be a guy.

This is possible. Reminds me of Ed, Edd and Eddie (I actually never saw the cartoon, but read a good fanfic here) I had thought the way Jessica know about Ms. Locke is because they were spending time out of school with each other. I had thought of them as lovers, but your scenario is as believable. Jessica has to be close enough to know details about not only Mrs. Locke's issues but also her medications.

You make a strong case

I think Rhona is very lonely. It seems that as the only girl with lots of brothers, she had to be assertive to be noticed. She intimidates people while also having the sex appeal to drag guys around by their dicks. She likes to have power, she's the boss. That power also drives people away. I'm sure she can get laid whenever she wants, but that's all it is, uncommitted sex. A guy could be banging her while fearing one wrong word could cause her to turn him to stone. The persona she's adopted to be in control is the one that drives people away. She laments to Jack that she has no friends. He appears to be the guy she connects to the best. I believe what Rhona has with Jack is what she's been looking for with a guy, but she can't have him - he's six years younger, still in high school, and has a hot girlfriend who he loves dearly. So she's still by herself, which affects other things such as her wanting to move out. With apartments starting at $1200/mo, there's no way she can afford one on her own. Even if she's making $15/hr for 35 hours/week, that's a gross of $2100/month. A salary of $12/hr for 30 hours/week only grosses $1440/month. She needs two or three room mates to being her portion of the rent down to $300 or $400 a month.

Last year Kayla was much more subdued that this year, dare I say, after the threesome. Early on Kayla was almost Jack's super sweet arm candy, but now she's developed a quite strong independent and aggressive personality, and to me it's not always attractive. I know she's hot and great in the sack, but I don't know if I'd fall for her. Honestly, the female character I'm most attracted to is Rhona, and I've been thinking of her a lot lately, but that's another post.

He is a college student. He's been prone to some periods of inactivity.

I'm fine as long as it's not mean spirited. The times I've offered criticisms of stories I strive to explain why and stick to the 'facts.' In once case, there was a popular series on another site where I left some negative remarks, although I pointed out that overall I liked the story. He replied in a PM, I sent him detailed remarks, and he followed up with a new chapter that expressed some of my concerns with character growth. Perhaps some people struggle to criticize without doing it harshly.

Jack mentions this in reflection, so I believe it's something which predates the rest, which then suggests it may be a root cause. 12 or 13 year old Jack, getting hard while listening to his parents do it. I've been there.

Yeah, back in our day we just walked in. But remember Occam's Razor - the simplest explanation is the most likely. Once I did get busted trying get on another's school's bu by their vice-principal. My college was cross the street, and when my car was in the shop I went to the morning bus stop for the area vo-tech. I knew several of the kids. The second or third day I was waiting for the bus to come home before the kids were dismissed, which caught the administrator's eye. If I would have waited I'd be just another kid lugging books onto the bus.

Jessica was showing an effort to distance herself from her 'friends', but I'd think it would be risky to be accepting payment for services rendered in a place where people knew who you were. Matt did make statements making it appear he picked the girl out of a catalog. Wouldn't it be something to order a girl, and when she shows up for the appointed BJ, he says, "Wait, aren't you Jessica Wilson? You're taking money to blow my cock?" Better to be anonymous, either a college girl or a student from another school. Is Jack having mommy issues?

Joe Long Title: Becky's Grave Summary: Joe, Hannah and a handful of their teenage friends and family from One Thousand Apologies conclude their Halloween party is lame and head to a cemetery in the midst of the dark woods in search of Becky, the infamous local ghost.

Letting you guys know about a Halloween themed round robin original writing event. http://www2.adult-fanfiction.org/forum/index.php/topic/60996-affs-tales-from-the-shoutbox-2015/

University of Pittsburgh, Dept of Veterinary Medicine Carnegie-Mellon University, one of the most distinguished acting schools around Walking distance from each other! edit: I check a link and saw that Pitt doesn't had a "Veterinary School" which is post-graduate, but a page from on of Pitt's branch campuses says that students in 'pre-vet' can major in anything, but they'd suggest lots of biology and chemistry in order to pass the grad school entrance exams. Still - Jack can go to CMU and study acting, while Kayla can go there as well, or down the street at Pitt. The are literally acrossed the street. but also, we probably encourage too many kids to go to college, when they should be in more vocational-technical programs. Joe sounds like that kind of guy who would spend a lot of money on college and not get much valuable from it

One of the rules of fiction writing - never include anything that isn't important to the plot

First I'd ask, "What makes you laugh?" Identify the things that you think are funny, then see if you can replicate them. I tend to like absurd stuff. I don't watch a lot of comedies, but on TV, it's been Cheers, Wings, Monk, Psych and Brooklyn 99 kinds of shows. A woman who I know in real life who has written a book of her own read my original version last year and thought the 'dick measuring contest' was great. There's no gag lines, it's just an absurd premise to imagine, and the best thing is, it actually happened almost exactly as described. [spoilers!] She was also LOL'ing at the scene where Joe returns home with an afterglow but can't share it with anyone, and thinks to himself, "What was I supposed to say? Hey Ma! Hey Pa! I'm a man now! Remember that little cousin of mine? Turns out she's quite the cock-sucker!"

Previously I gave a more general response, but as I was driving past Brow Ridge today on my way to work a better reply came to mind. The following does not imply my endorsement of any particular position, other than what I state. There are still a sizable portion of the population that is not comfortable with anything other than heterosexuality, and I expect this to be lowest among the folks in high school. You would expect some amount of reaction from discomfort to antagonism. There's another group that in the abstract will say they're fine with same-sex relationships, for Sam and Joe, but it's not their thing (and this is the closest to my feelings.) However, in a sports setting people will be getting undressed and showering together. Normally this isn't a deal when it's a bunch of regular dudes because everyone is fairly confident that none of the others are checking out their junk. However, if it's known that Sam was kissing Joe and them Sam is showering with the rest of the baseball team, even if some say they're fine with what Sam does with Joe, they might not be comfortable being naked in front of him. It's a situation where a person is exposed and possibly feels sexually vulnerable to someone they have absolutely no sexual interest in. The same reason girls wouldn't want to shower with the guys. Even if it's not an overt feeling, there can be some guys who would not be as comfortable as they once were around Sam, afraid that they might be the next guy Sam's sizing up for his sexual interest. Of course Sam may have absolutely no interest, but some degree of trust might be lost.

Cool! I'll plan mine for next week, because the last thing I want to do is go head-to-head with SITO.

Bad idea for Jack, but it might make good drama.

Yeah, just because Sam kissed Jow now doesn't mean he himself will think it's a good think tomorrow or next week. Ask Kayla about the threesome

Of course Jessica might be attracted towards Jack, you don't always get to choose who you have the hots for. However, as shown in The Catcher In The Rye she has her social role she needs to fulfill IOW as head cheerleader she feels obligated to be a phony

I'm not sure. I was in high school in the 70's, my kids 10 to 15 years ago. Generally I think attitudes today towards gays are much more libertarian, but even if that's 2/3 of the population there's still 1/3 who would be bothered. I think it more likely they'd be bothered by him cheating on a hot chick like Amanda, secondarily being with a guy, but I do think there's sure to be two or three guys (and that's all it takes) who would want to get in Sam's face. (ooh, I think that's a poor choice of words!)

I agree that is very important. I think I do better than most by being an observant reader, but it also helps to have things pointed out. The two things I remembered most when writing was to be concise and not repeat words. You made mention of 'action verbs', and as you said I was likely unaware when I made my edit. I knew the sentence read better, but I didn't know why, which makes it more difficult for me to continue the practice. So not just reading, but discussing it as well. I do data science type of work for a geospatial data company, and in my spare time create more data science apps that allow me to sell sports data and analysis as a growing home based business. Then I got caught up in writing, as I can be obsessive/compulsive.

In Chapter 40, Jack and Kayla went back to Chipotle (is that the one nearer to Game Stop, or to their homes?) On the way home from work, today at noon, I was tempted to stop for a burrito in their honor. I like their food, but the selection is a little limited. I ended up going to Sheetz, where I got a fish burrito (two deep fried lightly breaded fillets) with shredded lettuce, shredded colby jack cheese, cooked onions, cooked peppers, pico de gallo, guacamole and sour cream, for $6.19 plus tax.

Sounds like we are in close agreement. I am trying to do what you have already done. I have plot, a romance, that I am telling. There is sex, it will be described explicitly, and I intend to arouse the reader - but it only appears when it is necessary for the story. When I was younger I rarely read fiction. I was more fascinated by scientific things, having read most of the astrology and cosmology books in the library by the time I was 12. Now I'm in my 50's and what I know of how to write has mostly been gained by simply observing what I've been reading. In the last year I've been reading articles and subscribing to blogs, for the first time having structured lessons in what I was picking up in bits. I do tend to be able to teach myself in this way. Maybe ten years ago I learned a good amount of the Excel spreadsheet over a year, followed up by Microsoft's Access database software. When my needs were to large, I switched to MySQL database, and now am getting rather good at the Python programming language. In some ways fiction writing is similar, except it's a subjective audience that is looking to be pleased, not a piece of software that says "Syntax error!"