A: You hit the nail on the head repeatedly within this set of passages, KH Woodward. Perspectives and belief systems will always be subjective. Trying to distinguish the facts from the ideals during an interview process can be especially difficult for those who are not super observant about body language. The public persona is never the truth of anyone's needs, desires, or darkest drives, but you can get hints about such things from the cues that all people give off with their body. A person who is comfortable in their own skin is usually an older person who has made peace with their dark side. They have an open and easy going body language. A person who is not comfortable with coming clean will always display self protective body language. From that posture alone, you can get a good sense about how much is wishful thinking, and what is truth if you practice reading body language long enough. What is proclaimed true, can also be reflected as the exact opposite. Duality is a big chunk of real human nature.
Social status and similar things do shape sexuality more often than many erotica writers appreciate. A poor person will be staggered by satin sheets and opulence so much as to be thrown out of their own comfort zone as an example. So, you have made a lot of great points in your detailed post. Different people do have very different experiences in their sexuality and that is what makes writing erotica the most challenging. I've seen way too much erotica that comes across as lame because there is no variety to it. One seme and one uke without change gets very old in my opinion concerning BL publication offerings I've read as research materials. Real humans cannot be molded into a one size fits all stereotype. So, psychology reigns supreme in who will like, and who will hate anything another human being writes.
If a writer is fortunate, they are not part of the sexually repressed moral majority. When talking honestly and bluntly about biological needs are not taboo, the relaxation levels remind me of talking about just another day in the office. Not many people have such a calm outlook about sex, and it is a very threatening topic to many people. Sometimes, the simple act of being shop talk oriented in how you ask questions can prove the most beneficial for everyone. Still, for many, sexuality is subconsciously viewed as a sin. Therefore the act of writing erotica, or talking about sex becomes a case of rebellion against one's own deepest beliefs created by your actual upbringing. The genuinely liberated lose their body consciousness so handle everything as an exploration of authentic experience by putting on another person's shoes to better understand their world view. The repressed cannot fully do the same. They have trouble in how they handle sexuality and erotica at times. Practice makes perfect, and the unease can be overcome because of simply writing a lot until you desensitize, or so I believe.
Age, maturity, attitudes, and experience will always play a vital role in writing good erotica. Different people have very different things that turn them on, and finding a good fit can be difficult for any couple, no matter their proclivities when you are writing about their sexual interactions. Taking off the blinders does count when you are seeking to do a good erotic scene. Mental flexibility based upon acceptance is vital to making the connection that different people have different needs. Characters do have to be viewed as independent people. Without such flexibility, you get the boy's skin with a girl inside kind of gay males story telling that bores me to tears. Giving the men room to be kinky or domineering in their undercurrents allows a lot of different angles to get written I think. Having characters acting like realistic human beings with their own unique agendas takes a lot more experience in real life, but it is worth it to the writer, and the readers.
Nobody writes truly great sex scenes when they first start out. Love of the characters and a passion for their characters love evolution can help make a scene really good. I've read things on occasion that leaped out and grabbed me despite being outside of my normal erotica specific triggers. The writer honestly adored their characters enough to merge with the character's perceived personality. The standard mold of erotica was enhanced by the writer's heart that came through in such cases.