sumeragichan

Okay, I've been through this with RtG. First off, Bronx is pretty dead center on for this. Edit that mother fucker for all it's worth. Get all of the crap out of it and keep the gems. Second, re-read it to get an idea of where you were going or starting to go and figure out a practical outcome from there. Also, outlines are rather loose guidelines at best. I'd almost just suggest mapping out some high points and letting the character voices figure out the meaty parts of the middle. Lastly, feel free to throw your old plans to the fan and start anew if the other tips do not work. G'luck!

I know a bit if you would be interested.

Hmmm... Funny how putting that you're a guy over a hundred years old on an email account brings in the most hilarious of spammers. But yeah... One can't forget all those rich relatives that leave you over 7.5 mil American dollars in Great Britain, yet their server is in Brazil..... Odd. I didn't know the British treasury was located in Brazil? Did anyone else?

Honest opinion... All stereotypes aside, most guys do tend to be more focused on problem fixing then women. Women do have more of a tendency (thank you hormones... XD; to try and get a consensus or other opinions at times. A man more raised by a woman in a position of a household servant would probably show a mix of these traits. I also agree with the other guy. If it makes sense in your story, don't worry 'bout it.

Sounds interesting... I think I shall Come up with something although it may combine a few of these words...

Well, I'm guilty of taking a while in between chapters or rewriting somethings after going over them. Life has a way of getting in the way. Still, please update doesn't bother me so much... It may just be me but your response was a bit harsh all things considered.

*halliejah chorus in background*

1. the madman 2. the lover 3. the wife 4. the ferryman 5. the husband

http://anime.adult-fanfiction.org/story.php?no=600052210 Seems to be a one sentence story. I'm not sure if it's a troll or not but I thought I'd mention it in case.

Okay, hit a roadblock on new chapter for running the gauntlet, I need someone willing to read over and help me see where to go with it. A fresh perspective is a must!! I am desperate. I've been stuck on the same page for months now... So please... HELP!!!!!!!!!! Oh yeah, it's a Star Wars setting if that needs to be known.

Alrightie then, I do like how you've handled this story so far with the psychological aspects. There's a sense of realism in the fact that no one's fallen head over heels for any one just yet. I do feel for Cai, the poor kid is in over his head with no anchor or float to help keep him above water and from drifting away. The others are quite believable, although I do notice you have a tendency to write your female characters as raging cunts alot. Nothing wrong with it, just an observation. It does throw the believability off a bit on that aspect, however it is a common thing in slash works. I just thought I would mention that quickly, do what you will- but I will still read to find out what happens next.

My god does it never end. So how do I manage to get published if these people can manage it...

Stupidity, in all its glorious ignorance and annoyance.

Chapters 1-5 edited up

The trickiest part of character portrayal is getting the age right, admittedly, and there's nothing like a funny typo to make ya giggle at times. XD;; Vader is still one of the most interesting characters to write for as he's just so.... Vader-ish? The thread will be covered a bit more, even hinted at how long it has been going on. Mr. Hallway Mystery Fellow will take his sweet time in giving more up, but that's another story almost. Yes, Mitchel is a gigantic ass-hat at times and will probably not get better in this environment... but he was a drum-major in a marching band prior if that explains anything. >;-D Still, he has his reasons, hopefully Di's perspective will let me show some of these later- or I'll end up doing a quick story from his point of view later on. I personally feel that Courtney is a bit weak-willed in comparison to both of them, but she's just trying to survive and keep all of them alive really. Fight, flight, or adapt instinct I suppose on all of them possibly... Also, the Valley of the Jedi is a monument to a battle fought over 1,000 years ago where hundreds of Jedi and Sith alike died when a thought bomb with off. It's one of the great Force Nexi around the setting, so it can be a great asset to Jedi or Sith alike. The Jedi build a monument to the fallen at the site, but the force of the bomb that went off destroyed many of the hyperspace lanes that even went near it. So no living Jedi, but Dark Forces dealt with it more. Still, she'll eventually met Jedi and what not as it goes on. I still have to work up through to the Yuuzhan Vong invasion. However, there will be several stories to help cover up to there, so I'll admit that's why I thought calling it the Gem Games Arc made more sense since she'll be the narrator for several of them. More is on the way, as soon as I can finish this next chapter... Death Stars, Death Stars, Death Star, and espionage.... Also, more insane people or is Di the one going insane?

Review Responses RogueMudBlood I'm glad you enjoyed it! So, to go with the chapter by the chapter analysis. Verra helpful by the way. Thank you so very much! -Chapter one I will reassure there are coming of age elements at the core of RtG. She's just a young fifteen if that makes any sense at all- the point where you are still scared enough to want to hide behind your parents but just old and wanting enough independence to not want to admit to that. It's a whole insecurity of the age that I wanted to at least show. The awkward, normal and slightly sheltered kid that she really is... I suppose I'd have to ask a mother of a teen to probably help me explain that a bit better. Still she will grow up! Stupidity is wasted on the youth as perspective of age. I'm still proud I managed to get the "thirty-isn't-old" face as well! I'm edging towards it myself but I did start this story back when I was a senior in high school. A little while ago I refound my copies and cringed at the wording and a few characterizations. So I went back and decided to rework it from scratch. I will admit I wanted to show how utterly alien everything was to her, so writing those reactions to Vader were the most enjoyable part. It was just the things I always thought someone meeting him for the first time would wonder or think. He is one of the more enigmatic characters to write for. Gotta love those hypocrites at the end of the day. To be honest, there was no miscalculation or accident that they did to cause it... The Empire just doesn't want to admit it has no fucking idea how they got dragged there or why. They don't really care enough to find out since they think it will cost more to find out than it's worth in the end. That's the only reason they haven't tried to find out. More about it will be revealed in further parts of the Gem Game Arc stories, I promise. Also as for what the Emperor couldn't do... Are you so sure it's her and not Courtney they may be talking about? I'm actually curious on what you think about this as well. -Chapter two Typos! Sorry 'bout that I'm still waiting on my poor betas to be able to get to it. Moonlight Sonata has poor Kelza busy and LadyMoonStone has had some IRL issues that definitely outweigh my typed at five in the damn morning stories. So I apologize for those little things that pop on me all the damn time. I'll go back and try to fix that a bit. I'll probably have to fix the Hethrir sentence a bit to make it fit better as well, but it was meant to contrast and compare how things were here. This place is hell for those seen as non-human. I really want to show that with out going too far too quick. As for the Jedi, this is starting at 9 mo. before A New Hope so there's not many left in the open. Some are hiding and the Valley of the Jedi is an easter egg from one of the Dark Forces game. It's an old site... Yes Vader is aware of the tablet, but Vader has bigger things to worry about than some site that is nigh near difficultly impossible to find. Another one of the Emperor's lackeys is and wanted to know. Although, any guesses on who Red was? She is another cameo (as is Hetherir) so.... XD I'd just like to see what people think as it goes. I blame it on being a Dungeon Master really. I'm glad she's still interesting at this point, she's supposed to be changing as it goes but she's from a relatively normal life as were Mitchel and Courtney. I truly want them to have Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's court feel in that they could seem as if they were people next door before all this happened. Hopefully they'll all remain interesting. Also what teenager is ever fully open with themselves really? -Chapter three Ah yes, our mystery man... Is he friend or foe? What the hell is he doing? Is he even real? *grins* He took a while to develop his voice. I may eventually write a fic from his point of view later if he keeps his enigma about him. Well I will admit the person at the arena is a cameo reference to someone. One vote for Anakin. It does seem that Vader is almost nicer to her for some reason.... Although one has to wonder what Vader's reasons ever are really... Chapter Four She gets caught off guard a little too easily, but she's a bit spacey at times. It's why she can be fun to write for still at this age. Hasn't learned to ALWAYS be aware yet. As for her force ability, yep! This girl doesn't have the slightest clue she's doing something when she actually does manage it. Still, I'm glad you like how the changes register of how it goes. There is no horrible background music and the technical aspects of lighting and heat work just fine honestly. They aren't lying when they say she's the only one who ever notices them normally. As for Vader, he has his plans and he's a busy man. He can't always keep looking over his underling's shoulders. Has all those things to do and people to kill, threaten, maim, interrogate into line for Palpatine. A rough job all in all. I'll probably try to show and explain a bit more as it goes on but... Vader always keeps his own council on matters nowadays. Sometimes he doesn't bother to explain it to the poor author except to say he has his reasons. Now do what he said or face his disappointed anger. I'm glad you enjoyed it so far. Chapter five is in the works and this will end up progressing into other stories as well. There will be other points of view in other stories to help flesh out the deck of cards.... That's probably the best part of writing this one. The narrator doesn't have a full deck to work with and almost everyone else around her does. Too bad she hasn't quite realized that yet...

Old thread, but I did want to verify the origin of the term Mary Sue was from a story in a Trekkie 'zine. Figured I should at least do that... Still, I have my own take on the topic. A Sue is someone who is just too perfect to be able to connect to. One can be a fucking sex addict as an OC and that can be interesting to see how it affects interactions with others. So, on this variant... Can you connect to the character or see them as someone who could exist, even if they had exceptional or fantastic qualities. It's all about how they are fleshed out and the details. Now there is also the Bella from the horrid MS/SI Twilight series... *cringes* That is another example of the Sue. Everyone loves me and whatnot... I swear that whole series is a poorly written fanfic. I can't get past the first chapter of the book someone tried to get me to read of it. Well, I should say... A Sue is all in the details and fluff. If you can connect to a character and see how aspects of their personality or being could be someone you know then congratulations... They ain't a Sue or Stu. There're many stereotypes a character can still fall in but cliche's are as old as time really. So write those OC's and do not fear them in me humble opinionings here, after all that's what published writers do in books added to a setting after all! Mara Jade was an OC who ended up with Luke in the expanded universe of Star Wars. Zahn is an incredibly talented writer and it worked well.... The only difference between his works and the fans now.... He was published and got paid for his efforts. Lucas has decided the EU is no longer that canonical so... That's it. Still doesn't mean I won't hold to that pairing from now on though... Just me two cents. XD

What's wrong with Monty Python by the way?? "All I want you to do is run it by the book." why must players be so stupid to their dms?

Chapter 8: Astral Gate is up! http://original.adult-fanfiction.org/story.php?no=600103935&chapter=8