SirGeneralSir

What I did, though it still needs work, is introduced the MC, tavern owner and girls in the first chapter. There will eventually be more dedicated chapters for each of the characters giving more details into their personal lives and why ABC XYZ exists for them. Just have to make it not sound cheesy or anything.

The story will be mostly set around the MC, its his adventure sort to speak. as for the breast thing, I am actually basing it off of a real world experience when I was in Jr High. There was this one girl that was ……. developed, to say the least, and I do remember two other girls who were not as big as her talking to each other about how they wished they had them around her size. now she was not HUGE but I do think that if she got any bigger she might have had to get a reduction later in life. Most of what I did share is also more or less part of the story as is, just arranged differently.

They are NOT the damsels in distress, they are just three girls/women working at a tavern, they are ok with a little fun, but will murder you if you cross that line, you get one warning. In one of the descriptions for one of the girls, there was several “men” that were ….. persistent, they were also armed so the owner who is the bartender, pulled out his axe and cut the leader in half and mounted his helmet on the wall behind him. The MC is a young man that also works at the tavern, polite and respectful, a good boy If you were to fuse Aang, Sokka and Naruto into one person, that is kind of what I am going for personality wise. If a woman’s top ripped off in public, he would be the first to offer his shirt or find something else to cover her with, if she is actively flirting with him he will blush but not make a move unless she gives him the ok. If the girls have to bring food/drink to some people that would be annoying to the girls, he will take it to them instead so they dont have to, the ultimate customer service face, though I am trying to plant some darkness in him too. for the first few chapters, the girls will be side characters that eventually become main characters that help the MC along with the goddess, the world is also set in a RPG type setting but only when someone has been blessed by a god/goddess or demon lord

So story wise, the three women will have personal reasons for working at the tavern, mostly along the lines that the owner was good to them and helped them in XYZ situations, same with the MC. The reason that I do have some of these “men” act that way is because, it happens, its real world ish. (Not that its right mind you) Janina’s appearance means nothing for her actual skills, she is just a woman with a larger chest, but as the typical perception goes, looks = ……… thing only for it not to be true. The three girls do and will get some light harassments in terms of comments but none of the “smart” men will ever try to force them because if the girls dont kill them, the tavern owner will because in a way they are almost like his daughters, but they are also big girls that can take care of them selves. In the story, there is even a goddess that appears and the typical fat rich head of the merchants guild tries to seduce her with his non existent charm, only for her to change into a hulking, bulking, bulging man and make all kinds of belittling comments about his lacking in comparison before changing back. Over all, I don’t want the story to just be a jack fest, I want to make an actual story that hopefully both men and women would enjoy. The world they are in, I would say is a light demonic/monster post apocalyptical world, the kingdoms still exist and so do the armies but they stay behind the walls, heading out at night is more or less a death sentence and during the day can be just as dangerous too so the guilds have almost no members as many are not even strong enough to fight most monsters.

@BronxWench I agree that it is unfair for people/characters to be labeled just because they look like A or B, big Brest women = bimbos, most of all blond ones, Big mussel bound guys = dumb as a door nail and so on and so on. My goal in this instance was more of flip on that, yes she is top heavy but to be able to use magic means she is clearly not some typical bimbo that can just be whisked off into a back room after a few nice words or the drop of a few coins, It will likely be the end of you if you try. That said, the reason we keep beating this dead horse is that I would rather have multiple people enjoy my story as best I can instead of just throwing a bunch of words and having people roll their eyes at it., I want to become a good writer and not just a typical fiction writer that writes about 12in cocks that would never fit inside a actual body, large bouncing breasts that could be classed as a dangerous weapon and all that …… painful stuff. The two other women, very different from Janina do have moments like that too. A human girl goes full berserker on a noble and almost kills him with his own sword and a Dark elf throws daggers at a guy trying for force another girl (customer) at the tavern to go with him. The tavern owner, a Dwarf doesn't need bouncers when he has the girls, but if someone does step well out of line, he has his axe under the table and has used it.

Awesome feedback everyone. This is the actual current description that I was going with for the elf girl, it more or less was the same way for the other two women with slight detail changes. “Janina, a young elf with blond hair that was always tied up into a folded ponytail bun, stood at just over six feet tall and had green eyes that were sharper than any dagger. Her green top gently hugged her athletic body, her fair sized breasts pressing against the fabric were the envy of many women, as were her strong toned legs hidden by a pair of grey pants that held on to her round shapely buttocks. Only once did anyone ever try to force her to do something she didn't want to. She had the man pinned to the wall with a spell and a blue fire ball in her hand ready to kill the poor drunk. After he had pissed his pants, she smiled at him and told him it was time to go home before he gets into any more trouble, to which he quickly paid his tab and ran home. Janina simply returned to work while the entire tavern was dead silent, not one person taking their eyes off her until she asked if anyone needed another drink.” I tried to limit my description of her bust but felt it was important because the idea is that her having larger breasts, gives people that do not know her as being a potential bimbo and an easy mark, until that fireball appears.

So I was talking with my wife about the first chapter to an Original story I am working on and she commented on that she didnt know how she felt about the appearance/description for three female characters as I described their bust size. My thinking was that it’s important because of how the characters are treated, for example there is a blond busty elf girl, she is not a bimbo and has some powerful magical abilities, push her too far and you will have a fireball heading for your nuts. I tried to give the MC, male, the same level of detail about his build, or rather lack of. He in no way looks or sounds like a hero. would anyone be able to give me their thoughts on this?

So I added a second chapter a while back, still not too much in the sex department….. yet. If anyone has had a chance to read it, I would very much like some feedback on anything really because its the first time I have written a story of this type in an original world. Thoughts on the characters, The world, my flawed writing style?

I did an Original story, just the first chapter. I am looking for any kind of feedback on the story, I may or may not continue it. Author: Me SGSTitle: Loric and the chains of fateSummary: The gods and goddesses are gone, the world is ruled by darkness even on a sunny day. A young tavern boy helping pull miners out after a collapse, falls into a crevasse to his doom only to wake up at the ruins of an underground temple with a beautiful woman sleeping on its altar, who happens to be guarded by a demon. Story is about a young man that finds a goddess that has been asleep since the time of lights end when the demon hoards drove out the gods and their heroes.Feedback: Feedback and constructive criticism much appreciated.Fandom: OriginalPairing: MC/multipleWarnings: 3Plus, F/F, Fet, Fingering, M/F, Oral, Other, Preg, Rape, SH, WIP, http://original.adult-fanfiction.org/story.php?no=600109810

Yeah I think that is what I will do. The dad’s are fighting a “hoard” 5-10 outside, the mom’s bring kids into cellar, one pig walks in on the mom’s as they enter back into the main house and get killed, boy (Seth) mom is eaten on the floor where he can see it all happen. Dad (Thorin) comes in, throws the pig out the door and with no mercy, hacks away at the monster, still in eyesight of his son, this sets fear into his Seth’s mind about his own dad etc etc. in short breaking his mind. spell is used to remove that memory of events, creating the feeling of betrayal. yes?

My thoughts are that the more …… savage the better. I am thinking that the mom’s die a bloody mess etc, frogs make me think of typical frog vore where the person is just swallowed. Maybe Pig men of some kind? I know in Asian anime Orcs are more like Pig men/people but I would have to make them more beast like almost goblin like in mentality but high brute strength.

now I just need a monster that would/could travel in a small pack (werewolves were used for something else) and be something terrifying. giant rats? some kind of boar monster?

Pondering on the possible paths I could take, I am thinking maybe something like the kid/s are in the cellar to be safe, but the mothers are in the main house. monster/s break in and have lunch, maybe there were more of them like a pack of ….. (monster) and the dad’s were fighting the main monsters, this was just one that got away. So the kids can see and hear the moms being killed and eaten, but the boy (Seth) also sees what dad did to the monster for killing his wife, so much so that he became scared of dad too. or something like that.

at the moment, my thoughts are that he was about 5yrs old, kind of half thinking that both moms were there, maybe rushed just him or the 2 girls into a hiding place together before being attacked. maybe a potion was used by the elf father to block the memories of what happened as I currently have it that the son is over hearing the details of what actually happened.

It’s a family of elves that farm, mostly exotic stuff for potions, poisons etc. The human dad Thorin, is friends with the elf dad. It could be a demon, a beast like monster or anything else of the sorts. I am starting to think a demon would be a little typical, but making it a beast that farmers would normally deal with in this world would be more practical like a rat monster, Ogre etc. I just dont have the tragity feeling that would lead to the lie.

So the father and son live on a small farm, dad is ex elite guard/military to the kingdom. across the way is an elf farm, a dad from the same unit and twin sisters that are deeply in love with the boy. both mothers died at the same time, same cause. The world is a mish mash of our worlds mythology in terms of cultures and monsters, but the gods are different etc. My hope, is that the son, who trusts dad 100% will feel betrayed by the lie. but the death was not just a normal got sick, or bandits. I want something that would strike fear into the heart of a child, something that would potentially make them feel unsafe at home at any time, so far my thoughts are going to a demon of some kind. I was also thinking that dad being the ex military type literally destroyed the demon in a way that might make his son see him differently. This would give dad a reason for protecting his son from the idea of the demons till he is older, but also his image with his son.

So I am trying to create some drama between a father and son revolving around the death of the mother. All I have ATM is that the boy was really young when she died and that the dad kept HOW she died a secret because he wanted to protect his son from ……… something. The setting is in a fantasy world and I dont know what would fit for this set up. any ideas?

sometimes it just needs an update, but I have also found in some writing programs that they are rather stupid

I was talking with the wife, she added black to the color list. All these colors have different effects look wise with fire. ATM I am thinking the colors could be. Holy – Gold/White Demonic – Blood red/Black Undead – sickly green/light blue Mortals – normal red orange and purple. thoughts?

actually, I remember a game now that the undead used a green fire, their entire theme was green or purple. too many ideas.

So there are different types of magic elements, using fire for this one. Fire, Holy fire, Hellfire. I have always known Holy fire to be a blue or white, maybe golden? but there is also a fire that undead tend to use, it can also be a blue or white. Normal fire is …… normal but what about Hellfire? I have been thinking about it and I feel that a deeper red, maybe a blood red would be better to make them feel different? any thought on this one?

So I am thinking then that a type of hypnosis and modified pheromones would be more practical for this jack ass. He doesnt want a love potion where the women never leave him alone and he cant do his work etc, he just needs submissive ……. puppets?

lol good point

Yeah hes not stupid at all, no silver spoon but 100% told and believes he is better than others, any means is justifiable etc. He would come from middle class but acts like he is some kind of nobility or something. Need him to be deserving of being killed by the MC

Question, would anyone have any recommendations for this bad guys personality? My idea is that his goals is to become a mage at a royal court or something, some place easy that he wont have to do a lot of work but make lots of gold. Something that makes him important, respected and over all better than everyone else. hence why he is manipulating the women the way he is, for his goals etc. He needs to be bad enough that he is killable in terms of doing bad things, but not so much on the level of being as I said, a villain.