SirGeneralSir

humm you have a point there. so what would the traditional term be then? because i want all the girls and the husband living in the same house, everyone treated as equals, no one being above the other etc i guess my OCs could refer to it as a "union of immortal hearts" or something

BW i did see that kind of history and thats what im basing it off of, but im trying to make this tradition for these guys, their own. for example, the clansmen of the soon to be husband, each make him swear to uphold some kind of standing with the women, being respectful, loving etc while placing a blade against his neck or other such threatening gestures. if the clansmen believe him to be lying, they would kick his ass and throw him at the feet of the women and tell them he is unworthy scum and is for them to decide. if it turns out that one of the women or the husband himself, is controlling and an overall ass hole, beating them etc, they just kill the person instead

i need a name/title for a tradition that allows for multiple marriages in a clan with a samurai type of mentality example: one guy marries three women, all four of them must agree to the marriage, it cant be forced, the three women can vote to have another woman or even man join the marriage, but the husband must also agree with it for it to happen as he would also be married to the new person. I was trying to think up some kind of romantic sounding name for it, but so far all I have is "Immortal Hearts" or 'Marriage of Immortal Hearts' something like that, but i dont know if it feels right

yeah i think that would be more entertaining to read than just a jump to some time later. thanks again BW, its why i love you guys

so something like, guy walks in and the door closes as the secretary suddenly hears after .... 15 min someone yell "what the fuck did you say?" then it goes back into the room and the other conversation starts or so forth.

im writing a scene and im kind of conflicted with how to proceed. the idea is that, the guy is being told that because he has special energy in his body, only he can "Cure" three women from a sort of sickness by having sex with them, but not just normal sex, he has to flood their bodies with the energy too. it was explained in the story before and im feeling that it could be a little on the redundant side to do so again and just run right into his encounters with the women. but then again, there is the potential of some reactions from the guy as well as from the fathers that know he is the only cure to save their daughters. so is it better to write with some level of mystery of what happened, or explain it?

to true, and sometimes there just isnt anything to say because either it was written well enough that no comments come to mind or that as a reader you dont know what to take away from the story. leaving you with a blank for any kind of comments to leave, and thats just if the person is able to leave one at all.

i have a naruto story with about 40K + hits on it but only about 31 reviews, you wont get many real reviews, most will be *keep it up* or *i loved it* and so on. im happy that i have that many hits on my story rather than reviews, but reviews are nice too.

lol you are right BW, as soon as i wrote it, it did sound a bit off but i had nothing else that i could think of. i dont know about women, but the first time i ever got off, i nearly collapsed in the shower. I had lost all function in my legs and it was more than a teaspoon and did have some nice distance on it, i also felt like ...... you know, i am actually now thinking that anime/hentai has it right when the spirit tries to leave the body after the person comes for the first time or from a really good orgasum. it was like all the energy i had was just released from my body that felt awesome and tried to take my soul with it. in the story, the guy just isnt educated in matters like that, while both girls are very well educated, guy has like elementary level education, but the women have high school or college level if not beyond that. so his mind is going to be blown..... both of them

oh i understand, but i do want to be accurate, as the guy has been a very good boy from my POV, in that hes never even jacked off before, so this will not only be his first sexual encounter, but his first load and thats normally big right off the bat. having 2 women sucking him off, his first load i want to make sure that i get the right effect, no i dont want to spell it all out for everyone, but i do want them to see it as something thats not a cheese anime porn. i know i dont want to give any measurements like *he could tell he filled her mouth with a gallon of cum* but maybe something like *as he unloaded into her mouth, he felt a sense of emptiness as something large left his body* made that just on the fly. humm will have to play with it

good points, the idea is that its 2 women, one licking the shaft while the other is taking care of the tip, their heads are under the blanket so he doesn't see what they are doing just yet, i want him to rip off the covers somehow, haven't worked it out yet. but he would do that just before he cums, but its while both of them are sharing the tip in a kiss to let them both have a taste of his flavor. so hes just enjoying the blind sensation of it all.

you have a good point there. i have read a number of good but mostly bad sex stories (fanfics) so i think i have a good idea of what to do there, but when it comes to BJs, almost every one i have read, reads like a cheesy anime porn where the guy unloads like a firetruck, just like in the first scary movie where the girl is plastered to the ceiling from jerking her boyfriend off. I dont want that, i want to express what the guy is feeling, the wonder, the pleasure and then the release. I know that as a guy, the first time an actual ejaculation happens, it can be just like a cannon, but then i dont know if there is a difference when when being sucked off or ejaculation by other means, i could see it both ways.

So ive never actually had one myself, at least not a full one so I cant exactly write from experience. I am trying to write a scene where a male character is getting his first BJ from two lovely women, it is also the first time he has had ANY kind of sexual contact of this nature, accidental grabbing of tits etc but nothing beyond that. So the guy is still a virgin, the girls are as well but they want to show him how much he means to them while not actually going any further, they are waiting for something. I know the sensation should be new, odd and very enjoyable to him, feeling the licking and sucking but now he is reaching his limits, should he explode in/on them or what? is oral ejaculation different from vaginal/anal and hand/titty fucks? ive been experimenting with writing it but im not sure if what I have is right or not.

hey if you are interested, I can offer my perspective to read your story, we could make it a trade off as I am also looking for a beta.

if it helps, here is the link to the story that I am referring to. http://naruto.adult-fanfiction.org/story.php?no=600103481 like i said, mostly just spelling, grammar and punctuation. I also tend to make a lot of run on sentences, need help breaking that.

I need a beta that can help me to improve my writing as i have some Dyslexia. I want to try and write more proper stories and not be just another person that thinks he can write, I want to get better. if you think that you are able to help me improve that would be awesome. I am open to changing the story as needed to fix it up and make it flow better, its not a porn story its a story that eventually has colorful events, including red.

in ways its hard to generalize but at the same time its easy too, maybe too easy. like it was pointed out, most men in our culture (male culture) we have to be strong, tough etc and in many cases that works, hell look at batman. but at the same time it can hurt the character and reader relating, oh its another tough guy, just like .......... guys, or ............ women and so on. the emotional sides of things i think should be more open but at the same time, who is your character? i dont think we'll ever see bruce wayne holding a pink fluffy teddybear unless its for another temp girlfriend or some child, yet we can see when he is close to crying over the loss of a friend. but when it comes to the body, i think using generalization, might be a better course of action, unless your character has some kind of a odd kink or something, generally speaking most of all of the same gender feel and experience the same things, to a point. i am 99.9% sure that 99.9% of guys love to have their dick inside some part of the womans body, be it anal, vaginal or oral, of course there are foot fetish and titty fucks too or hand jobs i think its a good practice to at least try to write something generally for both men and women, have the action, have the romance, have the love and the sex, but keep it inside some lvl of reason based on the character and who they are. that said, are there any lesbians/bisexual women in here? i would like to ask some questions from your POV of girl on girl, can just PM me if you like

I dont recall any time that Hashi, Hinata's father, ever said or did anything insulting to Naruto, about him being a demon or a threat and so on. while i think about it, i dont recall any of the parents of any of naruto's friends saying or doing anything like that towards him, even Sakura's parents in the few eps they are in, Kiba's family or even Ino's all appear to have a general level of respect for him. i see this as having an opening for said friends being able to have relationships with him under any light, canon wise. does anyone know of any moment that would contradict that?

lol i try to, i really do, but there are times when little eyes that should be sleeping, are up and should not see the adds on this site

what i do is, i find the start, middle and end of my story, then i write in the flow of things, my first few chapters might jump right into action and others after slow down leading to more plot, then back into the fry and so on, its a sort of go with the flow kind of thing but with a goal in mind. Bob is a knight, he must get to his barracks to take a mission/quest. on the way Bob ...... hummm, something must stop him, but what? Bob runs into two drunks fighting in the streets and pull weapons on each other, he must stop them or someone will get hurt ......... thats kind of what i do, then i try to act out some things while i think of how to write it.

hummm, interesting. i have been working on a girl on girl scene, and as a guy I have no real idea of what women feel when being kissed in X ways, kissing really does nothing for me but i know that GENERALLY speaking, it can have really good effects on women. that said, i do like kissing my wife, but its what im doing on the side that gets me ready to do things to her, yes i want to get right in there and have fun, but its only really fun when she is enjoying it too. thanks to some women on here that i have talked to, i know of some things to watch out for when writing about women or a story to also attract women, but that does not change that i am a guy and i find my self writing in my own ways that would probably attract most guys as to women, a good example of this would be to look at porn movies, yes there cheezy as hell, but look at how they are done. porn movies for men, there is some foreplay but it quickly gets into the hot and good stuff, you quickly test the water then do a cannonball into the pool, from what i have heard, because i dont watch, porn for women is generally more drawn out, that its more on the romantic side compared to things directed to men, or so ive heard. i think that regardless of gender, we can each write a interesting story for the other gender to read in all aspects, but because we dont exactly feel or understand the other, we cant exactly create the same effect for each other. example, 50 shades of gray, i have heard that some women get so hot from it they drag their husband/boyfriend right to bed so they can release what had been building up in them, i really doubt that there would be a book like that directed to men, mostly because were more about the act of the sex than the romance of it, we can have our moments, but generally speaking, our urges to kill, slaughter, fuck and eat have limited the ability to be romantic.

as someone writing, i can agree with that, but i'm also trying to improve my writing skills, maybe one day publish a book or something but who knows, ether way I would like to know what it is that people like or don't like in my story, could hate the plot but at least tell me why.

for me its not about fandom really, its more about my kinks. i love a good story thats just that, a good story and not a cheesy porn or it has elements of my other kinks like pregs, i like stories that have pregnant/impregnated women. but most of all, i like a story that has a goal, like bob just trying to get to the store, its a demonic invasion, he has to fight the demons to get the milk so his kids can have breakfast (milk commercial with the Rock) when it comes to giving reviews, normally i would review every story that i was reading, but after time, i started to notice that 90% of the people who i was reading the story of or reviewing, weren't there anymore or never gave any kind of reply, it could just be me, but i like to know that there is someone on the other end at the very least thinking about what i said, even if they disagree at least hear me out.

most people that will review will just give the standard "good story keep it up" and not actually tell you anything about what they liked or didnt like, or its the flamers, think more about how many people are actually reading the story instead, its better to have readers that say nothing, than reviewers that read nothing.

i think ive seen them b4 too, didnt read them because they didnt catch my eye. they might have been on FF but i would try a google search, something like "Zelda fanfic lon lon milk" or "Zelda fanfic malon" try different things, unless your 100% sure they were on here, the author might have taken them down.