BronxWench
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Posts posted by BronxWench
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Apollo: I'm glad you liked the kilt! I actually did think of you as I wrote that. Now if I went steampunk on my fandom and dredged up a leafblower...
Fairy Slayer: Wow, thank you for all the really kind comments! I wanted the dream sequence to have that slower quality, so I'm glad that worked. I know it's hard when you don't know the fandom, and there really isn't a huge amount of room in the format to fully explain the particulars, but at least the sense that the two characters come from divergent cultures did come over. Just as an explanatory thing, Wraith is a Dalish elf, and in this gameworld, elves were at first enslaved and are currently at best second class citizens, and in actuality little better than slaves, except for the Dalish who are nomadic free elves.
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BronxWench: I'm glad you liked it so much! The entire thing was fun to write, especially when I had to think without my eyes. And yeah, Max was a little too into creating the scene and didn't bother to get Jamie's input. I wouldn't be surprised if he's sleeping on the couch tonight! ^^
Oh, trust me, if Max was mine, he'd be sleeping on the damned terrace. In the cold. With those few ornery snowflakes that keep appearing.
But, I think one of the things that made this so damned much fun to read is that it was obvious you had fun writing it. There were all sorts of sly little twists and phrases that just broadcast that to me as a reader, and made it that much more enjoyable. Nothing's worse than reading something that even the writer isn't excited about.
Plus, I will occasionally feel like being a sub, so 'twas FUN!
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Pen Name: BronxWench
Story Link: Bad Dreams
Review Replies: Review Replies for AFF Prompt/Bad Dreams
Type of Fic: FlashFic
Rating: Adult
Fandom: Dragon Age: Origins
Pairing: N/A
Warnings: AFFO, ChallengeFic, Complete, NoSex, OC
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lol yeah I don't know if it's just the way you write the elves (focusing on their hair, their appearance, their tenderness towards each other) but they do come across as, well, pretty effete
Sand much moreso than Vale. Vale actually struck me at the start as sort of rugged and masculine, but even though I have a vague image of Sane in my head (I always thought he looked sorta like Elrond from LotR) the mention of the beads and the way he always has his hair styled a little differently makes me just think... haha, of him as effemninate. it's funny, actually, because I really have next to no memory of the NwN2 game, other than that I was really disappointed with all the companions and that you couldn't get the giant spider as a pet, hah, so this is really fun.it's neat, too, the route you took with this, having it cover years. it really emphasizes the fact that these dudes are long-lived elves. I have to say that I was majorly disappointed that Vale didn't get a chance to tear Gend in half though, lawlz, I never liked him even in the game when he tries to romance you and just goes on and on about his dead wife or whatever and I was all just like "look dude I don't care, you're booooring"
anyways I like Vale. aww, poor guy. I hope he doesn't spend too much time blaming himself, and instead realizes that it should be rightfully placed on the shoulders of all the people who made decisions for him, as though he were somehow incapable of knowing what's best for himself.
It's a hard balance for me between digging into the elven cultural stuff, such as the attention to appearance, hair, clothing and such, and contrasting that with the notion of elves in battle (loved Elrond on the battle scenes in LotR) or scouring the field with spells. This particular tidbit isn't really focusing on either of them in their more militant moments, and so yes, they're definitely coming off more effete than not. The next chapter might give a hint of how I see their militant sides, I hope, since neither one is exactly a lightweight as a mage, or particularly warm and fuzzy.
Gend, yes, absolutely. Please, having to drag that story out of him was not worth the bother. And if you did let him romance you, who in the nine hells wants to run away to a frickin' jungle? Chult? Oh, yeah, honeymoon destination of Toril...
As I clean up some stuff in the larger work that spawned this, I may post it here just to avoid having to listen to squeals of dismay from the fangirl set over at the Pit. Both Sand and Vale are much less fluffy and far more dangerous in that fic, Sand in particular. It isn't a huge clean-up, and I actually started a mark-up over the summer when I realized my laptop battery wasn't lasting long enough for me to get much writing done poolside, so it's a matter of putting this tale to bed, and then tackling the bigger one.
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XD That actually makes me think of Darth Vader running around with a pink, frilly purse and smacking people with it.
Come to the Dark Side... we have accessories...- bookworm51485 and Cuzosu
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I was thinking about posting a story I started writing a very long time ago. So I opened said story, read the first paragraph and realized it doesn't sound like something I'd written. My writing style has changed so much over however many years. True to form, I never actually finished this story on paper, only in my head. So what do I do? It's not so drastic that a reader would notice in a big way, but the transition will likely be noticeable.Do I rewrite the whole thing? Do some touching up? Leave it alone and finish it?
Anyone else have this problem?
Oh, this sounds so familiar...
I'm actually doing a rewrite on something I started about 2 years ago, and then had it fall to the wayside while I worked on another project. Oh, gods...what a mess!
I opted to do the full rewrite, to clean up the awful bits and so that the chapters I'll eventually add on will at least match style-wise.It sounds like you might only need some touching up, if the transition wouldn't be noticeable in a big way. Maybe start there and see how it feels?
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"Where's my ale? I'm dying of thrust."
Really? Can I be next?
- Cuzosu and Kurahieiritr
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Tomoe's ♥♥ FanFiction Writer's Meme ♥♥
1. How about a brief introduction of yourself?
I am an evil wench with an overactive imagination, and far too much time on my hands in which to indulge myself.
2. Fabulous! And what got you into fanfiction to begin with?
I had an unfortunate encounter on a gaming forum with something known as "The Shirtless Saga." I would explain, but there really isn't enough brain bleach on hand.
3. I see, so what kind of fanfiction do you like to write?
I write fantasy, usually set in the Forgotten Realms world, although I am planning an original project in the near future.
4. Do you tend to write the same pairings/characters? Or are you a fandom whore?
::clears throat:: I am a wench, NOT a whore, thankyouverymuch. I don't charge.
5. What is your more popular fanfic and why do you think people like it so?
I would suppose, since I only have one here, that it would be Alchemy.
6. Forget other people, what is the fanfic you've written you're most proud of?
At this point, none of them. I'm still writing or rewriting most of what I've done.
7. Do you find writing easy? Hard? What are the most difficult aspects of writing you struggle with?
The writing part is easy. Editing what I've written is harder. The thing I struggle the most with is getting enough detail out of my head and onto the medium of the moment, be it paper or pixels.
8. Write a few sentences of so of your favorite pairing or character.
“I'm probably going to need to be able to walk tomorrow,” Tae'uomi said, biting back a gasp as Sand shifted slightly and nipped her collarbone sharply.
“You should have thought of that earlier, vanyacora, before you subjected me to an afternoon of tortured metaphor and labyrinthine reasoning.” Sand licked where he had nipped, and then sucked a rosy mark against her skin.
Tae'uomi grinned, toying with the tip of Sand's ear. “I did distract Aldanon with Zhjaeve, ascaredhel. I should get credit for that, at least.”
“I do not give credit, iskavanim. You should know that.” Sand's fingers slid down across her belly, dipped lower, and Tae'uomi cried out softly as her back arched.
“I could order you to stop,” the genasi offered, shivering with pleasure.
Sand looked at her, the predatory smile back. “Oh, please do. Really.” His tongue traced the edge of her ear, his breath hot. “I am quite prepared to remain awake all night exacting my reparations, since I managed to take reverie earlier while Aldanon was going on about something or other.”
9. Are there any fanfiction trends/clichés you can't stand or are just sick of?
I really can't stand the main character being the sole focus, without regard to the other players on the stage. I also hate characters who are "evil" and yet wind up "redeemed" without any necessity for atonement.
10. Are you guilty of any of the fanfiction trends/clichés you now hate? Or any other ones?
I try like the hells not to be.
11. What was the first fandom you wrote for? Do you still like/participate in it?
The first fandom I wrote for was the Neverwinter Nights CRPG fandom, set in the Forgotten Realms universe. And yes, I still write for it.
12. Name your OTPs or most frequently written pairings/characters and explain what it is about them you love to write.
I use a mixture of original characters and non-player characters with liberal disregard for frequency.
13. What would you call your writing "style"?
I have two distinct styles, but the one I use most frequently in my fan fiction is a more lyric style that tries to evoke a certain mood in my reader, and that is somewhat romantic in the emotional rather than physical sense. My other style is starker, where every word has to be exactly perfect.
14. Do you read other people's fanfic? If so, what do you find yourself reading the most?
Yes, I do read other people's fanfic. I tend to prefer fantasy settings, but I will also happily read fanfic based on movies or shows or books that I have enjoyed in the past.
15. Name one thing you'd LOVE to write, but have been too afraid or shy to do.
I fear almost nothing, and if I were shy, I would never have published any fan fiction in the first place. After all, it's the dusty little thoughts from the corners of my mind that I toss out like so many crumbs.
16. Do you have trouble taking criticism? Or worse yet, do you have the dreaded bloated ego?
I prefer constructive criticism, naturally, and welcome the opportunity to improve my writing. My ego is what it is.
17. When you write, is there anything that helps? Music? Quiet room? Repairing toaster ovens?
I prefer quiet when I write, and solitude. Since neither is generally available to me, I have learned to write with pretty much anything less than bloodshed occurring around me.
18. What inspires you?
What doesn't? It would be a shorter list. I've dreamed chapters. I've scribbled in notebooks at the side of the pool. I've written quick notes on my arm because I had no paper handy. Everything inspires me, except perhaps snow.
19. Lastly, how would you sum up your fanfiction experiences and yourself as a writer?
I've enjoyed my experiences as a fan fiction writer immensely. I've met other writers who are fascinating, and inspiring, and encouraging. I've learned so much, and I think I am growing as a writer.
20. Tag some friends, because they'll have you for it.
Let's see if my cookie trail works.... perhaps Nastrandir? Or Niche? ::rubs hands together::
- Anesor and FairySlayer
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"He set off on his mission with renewed prepuce."
(found in a chapter I was proofreading for a friend)
- FairySlayer, Cuzosu and Shadowknight12
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BronxWench: Hah, it's quite all right! I know you have a lot on your hands already, what with two stories to update and, you know, Real Life! Thanks for the offer, though!
The proofreading is actually not all that time-consuming, and the offer stands.
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For whatever it's worth, while I'm nowhere near familiar enough with your fandom to actually beta (and prefer not to, truth be told), I am always up for grammar/mechanics proofreading.
Like addict says, I like what you write, and I want you to keep writing.
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I figured it was a given that I'd go for the "Lawful Good" antagonist. That just amuses me no ends!
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My genasi is air, mostly because I liked some of the racial characteristics for that subtype, ie, being able to forgo breathing (very handy) and limited levitation.
But it really is strange how the supposedly canon literature ignores the FR rules. I do remember in one of the books, a drow male who was considered quite tall, and the snark was that there was human in his background somewhere for him to be tall. I'm thinking he was supposed to be 6', but I could be wrong on the exact height.
And for the record, I am doing my best to ignore 4e.
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lol, I'm the total opposite, Wenchy. I either like my elves lanky and tall as all get-out (6'4" and above baby!) or cute and tiny and basically tall halflings. the half-water elemental is pretty crazy though. in fact, all of these guys are pretty crazy, heh, what with an asimir and a tiefling in the same party and the crazy multi-classing action. plus I like the idea of her shadow moving on its own, lawlz. so much humor will be coming from that, I predict.
Oh, I like my humans tall and lanky as well. Nice tall man, something to absolutely climb, gods, I'm a goner. Just shove me up against that tree trunk, let me get my legs around your hips, and... shit.
I'm loving the multi-classing myself, and yes, the dynamics are going to be pure fireworks with an aasimar and a tiefling in the same party. (And can I say I like the sexy middle-aged tiefling?
). I'm already writing a genasi and the race is incredibly fun to write.At least it's better than their other name, 'copper elves,' which implies that they charge pretty cheaply for that hardwood of theirs.I had to edit to say I nearly choked to death on my coffee when I read this. That was fecking wonderful!
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First of all, I like the premise of the link between them via the rune. I really do, and I am very eager to see what you do with it. The whole notion of the characters as "destined for glory" is also wonderful, because in this fandom it's a given that our characters are going to be glory seekers, and it's a total pain in the ass to try and pretend that they are not.
The DnD elf height thing is variable, I think, depending on the edition you're using. Personally, I hate the "short, cute elf" thing, and prefer my elves to be closer to human height, albeit slimmer in build. I can do lithe, I can do graceful, but I like a little height in my men.
What I'm really intrigued by is your half water elemental. There's so much leeway in playing with that sort of character, and the lore? Oh, gods, tons of fun there! Are you going to use the genasi stats, or try and blend human/water elemental on your own and create something unique? Either way, I'm drooling!
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Hmmm... interesting topic, and not one I've actually sat down and intellectualized. For the most part, my writing is seat-of-the-pants, without outlines, and subject to changes as the story develops. I might have thought I was going in one direction, and will wind up somewhere else entirely.
I think some small amount of deconstruction is almost inevitable if you want to shake life into something that's become the literary equivalent of a raddled whore, such as anything involving vampires these days. But, and it's a big but for me, there is a point when it's too much and you do lose sight of the escapist nature of fiction. Even realistic fiction offers a form of escape, if only from our own lives and into someone else's shoes for a bit.
I'm put in mind of Mary Doria Russell's absolutely gorgeous books, The Sparrow and its sequel, The Children of God. Her protagonist is absolutely wrecked, destroyed utterly and left devoid of faith. It's brutal. I can count on one hand the number of times a book has moved me to literal tears like those did. But it is a journey towards redemption, and in spite of all it cost him, he does find some measure of peace. Those two books will haunt me, always.
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Oh, you evil wench! This chapter was a real treat, in all aspects. We get some more elven culture, relationship development, politics and DRAMA. Oh my, the drama!
Now, I have something to criticise. Namely, Gend's metarole in the story. He's being cast as the villain here, and it has been adequately foreshadowed in the past few chapters, but it still comes off as... fake? Forced? Not sure how to define it, precisely. It's as though he's not a true character, but a force used to inject drama in the story and create turbulence in the relationship. Of course, I say this because I have absolutely no idea what his motivations might be (Is he a traitor? Does he want Vale for himself? Does he really distrust Sand that much?), but there's more to it. Perhaps it came off too suddenly, without sufficient warning (we knew Gend was against the relationship, but not that he was willing to sink that low), or perhaps he's simply a rather... undeveloped character. We don't get to learn much of him, after his brief introduction in the first chapter. I'm sure that in the next chapters we'll get to see more of him, and the consequences of his decision (and besides, we all know that by NWN2, Sand's back in Neverwinter), but this is more of a general comment. At *this* point of the story, he isn't that well-rounded as a character.
Now, the good stuff! As usual, you're awesome with the little details that truly make up the world you're setting the story in. Then, I have to hand it to you, pulling off cute and sweet stuff like that. I swear, if I were to try and write the kind of dialogue you used here, I would *vomit*. But you pulled it off really well! Especially with the uses of Elven and Common, how anything said in Elven feels more intimate, more... 'private,' if you will. Definitely a plus. So yeah, all in all, this story rocks. Even if you're an evil wench who can't let these two poor elves be happy together.
Gods, I love your reviews, because they make me think!
Yes, Gend is underdeveloped in term sof explaining why he just did what he did, and it's one of the things I'm already tweaking for the rewrite. I really couldn't do too much without cleaning up the prior chapters, though, so yes. There will be some more development for Gend, but it comes later.
Ack, my elves are cute and sweet?
Well, yeah, I suppose they are. Oh, well...feck... I do like playing with dialogue and I suppose that does show. And I'm glad the elven comes off as more intimate than pretentious of me. That's how I wanted it to feel, as though they resort to their own first language in moments of intimacy. But I am really making a concerted effort to write a happy ending for the poor elves, honestly! 
I'm not utterly heartless.But thank you again, as always, for reading, for taking the time to review, and for poking me!
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Oh hey! That's pretty awesome! Thanks for the link, I'll be putting it to good use! And heh, that's an original mother-daughter activity. Though I think you'll regret the beta offer when/if she starts getting into lemon.
::snorts:: As long as she doesn't ask her father, we're good... I'm pretty much unshockable.
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Oh, gods, I am gobsmacked, seriously! I really had not considered that English was not your first language, and now I'm even more impressed by the quality of your writing. English is such a fucking bastard of a language to learn, and every rules has not only exceptions but outright contradictions. I'm a native speaker of the language (although I frequently claim to be fluent in both English and American), and I screw up.
This is a link to a site I use for my teengirl, who is much more proficient in texting than in actually writing, although I'm trying to get her to post some stuff on the Pit. I even offered to beta for her, which I rarely do. I'll proof for friends for grammar/spelling/mechanics, but I dislike trying to direct their writing because I'm terrified that I'll change their style too much. Every writer has a unique voice, and it shouldn't get lost.
Gods, above all, do NOT stop writing.
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Like I said, it's minor, but one of those things that can occasionally jar the reader. (So saith the Grammar Bitch, who had this shit beaten into her at a young and impressionable age.)
In dialogue, if the attribution is not a completely separate sentence, the dialogue text should end with a comma right before the end quote, and the attribution should begin with a lower case letter. For example: "I can't believe you just said that," he snapped. The attribution really doesn't work as a standalone sentence. Did he bark that out, or flip out and pillage the town?
Obviously, there are times when you attribute dialogue without one of those he said/he replied/he retorted endless sequences that can drag on. In that case, the period before the end quote and initial cap on the new sentence is perfect.
Aside from that, poetic writing isn't necessarily poetry, but it is rich and complex and dense with imagery. That's a very good thing, imo, since writing should be a passionate thing. It should make you feel something, even if it's the urge to scream and heave the book out the window. If the reader doesn't react, it isn't working. You, gods, you get into your characters' heads, and you make me see them as flesh and blood, and you make me care about what happens next.
Writing shouldn't be a dying art, and when I read something that makes me read until the end, straight through, and be hungry for more, well...
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I hadn't noticed this until now, so... hello.
Let's see. I'm new to AFF but have been posting fics over on FF for a bit in the Neverwinter Nights game fandom. I'm a voracious reader, an avid player of CRPGs, a geek, and addicted to caffeine, chocolate and sarcasm. I enjoy a good debate that doesn't degenerate into name calling and finger pointing. I have been a practicing polytheist for most of my life, of the garden variety pagan persuasion, and have a pathological dislike of fluffy bunnies.
I write because the stories in my head won't go away until I do, and I love to get useful concrit on what I write. By that I mean just don't tell me what you don't like, tell me WHY you don't like it. I live with a teen, a tween, a husband, and my mother. Trust me, I can take it.
So far, I am really enjoying AFF, and hope to stick around for a while if you don't mind.
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I do remember reading somewhere that the lead writer on NWN2, Davis Gaider, said he didn't like writing romance. Gee, ya think?
Heh. If I posted the other fic here, I'd be swamped with complaints about not enough sex, I fear. It would need a lot of trimming as well, since I really hate the first few chapters. Low on the project scale right now, I think, but posting this one over at the Pit would be easier. Given some of the more recent abominations that have been put up, I might not even tame it down first.
I'm actually in the target range for Casavir, and I found him massively unappealing. Here my PC is, my snarky little elf rogue on first playthrough, looking at all the frigging orcs SHE just killed to save his ass, and he wants to protect HER?
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BronxWench: A woman might outlive a man for 10-20 years (or even 30, in some cases). Those years are not spent at the peak of one's physical and mental maturity, like elves. They're spent fruitlessly battling decrepitude, senility, dementia, illness and ultimately death. You're not going to have TIME to mourn your loved one, you'll be more concerned about remembering important stuff before it fades for good, being able to shit on your own and praying not to slip and fall every time you go downstairs. Your GOOD years, anywhere from say, teens to 60-70, will most likely be spent together. Sure, he might die first, but you're not going to be able to go cruising for young tail afterwards. You'll be lucky if you remember the anniversary of his death, after all, so mourning him while you can is a pretty good idea.
I really wanted to mull a bit before I tackled this. This keeps drifting back to the notion of love versus the sexual appeal of older people, or the sexual appetites of older people, and that's really two different topics.
On love, yes, we mourn when we lose a loved one. We mourn for ourselves. We're the ones stuck here without them, after all. Some people may never move past that, or may never have the time to move past that, which in and of itself should be a good thing, since it means they may have had a good long time with their loved one. But it's natural. It's not something to be feared, or dreaded. We get older. Shit happens. Our bodies aren't as limber, we suffer ailments we wouldn't have had to worry about when younger, and some of us do experience senility and dementia. Hells, we're lucky if we even find one person in our lives that we truly, no-holds-barred, let all the barriers down, love. Me, I'd rather celebrate what I had, and what I still have, rather than waste what time I do have in mourning. If the gods are kind, I'll still have living family that will need me, and love me. I'll adapt. But your mileage may vary, and that's fine. I don't have any lock on the wisdom of the ages, after all.
Now, sex. Even at this point in my life, and I am far from decrepit, I couldn't see myself chasing young tail. I'm not entirely sure where that's coming from, although it's not all that important. I'm not ageist, mind you. I like younger people, really. I mean, sure, there's visual appeal, but a lot of sexual attraction for me is mental as well. And I'm not talking love, here, just to be clear. I certainly never thought I had to be in love with every one of my lovers. That would be... exhausting, actually. Love is hard work. Sex is fun. I don't mistake one for the other as a general rule.
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The big fic is posted over at the Pit, and is much tamer than this one. To be honest, I had no idea AFF existed when I started writing fanfic. Yes, I know, I am sometimes quite hopelessly oblivious.
I started writing fanfic after being intrigued by a group of lively people on the Bioware forums started something called the "Shirtless Sagas" dedicated to writing romances other than the canon "I want to... protect you" Casavir routine thrust upon us by the NWN2 game developers. Between that undying declaration of interest, and the long underwear your character avatar wears when out of armor, the Bioware forum ladies took off. Eventually, the entire thing migrated to the Pit, which is when I got bored at the pool and began writing myself.
I might post an edited version on the Pit, someday, just to see heads explode.
Edit:
To clarify my own post (having been distracted by a rather desperate teenager needing to rehearse lines for "Arsenic and Old Lace"), the events in Alchemy occur primarily before and after the events in the big fic. In theory, it can function as a stand-alone story, since it's not Sand's POV. However, because it does contain events that happen after the big fic, there are some minor spoilers, and I was threatened with ritual dismemberment at dawn if I spoil the ending at the Pit. ::shrugs:: Like that would be new for me.
Review Replies for AFF Prompt/Bad Dreams
in General
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pittwitch: Thank you! Short fiction is hard for me because I tend to get, well, wordy, but the challenge was amazingly fun, and I think I'm hooked! I'm glad that despite not knowing my fandom, you could still enjoy the story.