Cuzosu

Is it horrible that I think the word which best describes my dad is "asshole"? (Somewhat...sadly...amusingly...my bf is also of the same opinion about my dad, and my dad's been polite to him so far.) My dad is also sexist, though I'm sure he doesn't see it - and I don't know where he gets it from, because his own father is anything but. (My grandpa's a hard-liner and a hermit, and a really family-oriented man. But he doesn't distinguish between male and female when he lights into anyone, even if I think he should be harder on my dad...though I understand why he isn't. My dad's good at making people pay for making him face truths he's not ready to accept.) Don't get me wrong, I know my dad cares about me at least to some degree, but I'm rather confused about just how much and in what way he cares, because.... *sigh* I moved out about eight years ago because I couldn't stand to live with his wife and he wasn't doing anything about the way she treated me - in fact, he was treating me almost as badly as she was, but without the malice. So he has the balls to tell me that (ha) he's upset because I left and he couldn't protect me any more, since I was at my mom's. Yet, his wife is the second woman/girlfriend/spouse I'd had problems with, and the first one? When we'd left, I'd told him about all the crap she'd pulled and let her daughter pull, and when he asked me why I hadn't tried to tell him (I had; he's one of those men who are blind about the faults of the women he's with and it went in one ear and out the other), I explained that I had gotten tired of trying to tell him when he wouldn't listen. He promised to listen next time...but if he listened, he didn't believe me. So, you see, I have come to the unpleasant realization that the person who was a great single dad...is an arrogant, sexist asshole. As much as I loved the man he was, I don't know the man he is, and given that he emotionally abandoned me when we lived with his girlfriends/wife, I am not at all sure I want to rebuild my relationship with him. (Semi-amusing side note, when my bf and I finally set a date to get married and send out invitations, we will have to specify that everyone mind their manners, and my dad will have to babysit his wife if he brings her...and we'll have bouncers to enforce evictions from the event if things get out of hand. Bouncers. At a wedding. *rolls eyes* My brutally honest family meets his can't-say-it-to-the-person's-face family - they don't want to upset people - well, we figure bouncers are a requirement. Better than people getting arrested for taking something personally and ending up in a brawl.) My mother, by contrast, was a horrible mother at the start - but she's got after-rape trauma, apparently has a thing for picking guys who are sexist and at least capable of being total assholes, and she really wasn't ready to be a mother emotionally when she started - but she's only improved with time. The two things about her style of mothering that stick out to me the most.... In any conflict, verbal or physical, that doesn't involve siblings, my mom will automatically believe her kids over anyone else. She knows how she raised us, and she raised us to own up to our mistakes and to never raise a hand first, and so when we have/had problems with adults, she's right there to back us up. This unconditional trust in our honesty where family isn't involved...it leaves a real impression, y'know? I respect my mom a lot for that, even more so because my dad went completely the opposite whenever we lived with one of his girlfriends. The other thing that really sticks out to me about my mom's way of mothering...the first time she hears about anyone threating to or actually raising a hand (or otherwise getting physically abusive/disciplining) to her kids, she makes herself quite clear: no means no. I have no doubt that it wasn't my dad who made sure my step hag didn't raise a hand to me again after she shoved me and I fell into her damn metal bed frame...because my mom got up in her face over my dad's shoulder, while standing on the front step and they were inside, and my mom promised her direly, "I don't care if I have to spend the rest of my life in jail; if I ever hear of you laying a hand on my daughter again, I will hunt you down, and I will kill you." This kind of promise...yeah, pretty sure that's why the hag backed off and barely even touched me, ever, after that; my dad may be an intimidating asshole when he gets mad, but he's mostly hot air and my mom doesn't mess around when it comes to her kids' safety. I have also known my mother to get a bus driver fired for refusing to let my brothers off when the twins were together and a parent was waiting in the vehicle just behind the bus; she does her best to take care of my brothers, even to the point of overdrawing her bank account to pay for chiropracter visits until she can't afford to overdraw any more because they need food and gas. (For some reason, my twin brothers fail to realize how much she tries to accomodate their needs. Ungrateful brats.) In point of fact, one of the times one of her sisters was pregnant (eventually miscarried), she wound up protecting my cousin, as well, because my aunt was blaming her pregnancy problems and previous miscarriages on him. I distinctly remember it; I wasn't supposed to see it, but I was on the stairs when it happened and I was glad she spoke up because my mouthy, self-righteous, protective side was about to assert itself. She told my aunt, "Rhonda, I don't care if you are pregnant - if you don't stop blaming him for your problems when he's just a kid, I will take your ass outside and beat you." It was a particularly effective threat; my mom took karate, and my aunt's a wimp, so my aunt eased up - at least while we were around. (My cousin's relationship with my aunt is so bad that when people use Your Mom insults on him, he just laughs and says, "Yeah, and?"...and has been known to make his own, towards his own mother. His mom's about like my dad, except that she's had a guy pretty much his whole life, whereas my dad was single for most of the first...seven?...years of my life.) My twin brothers? Ugh. The older twin has this...it's like an anti-talent.... He can open his mouth - not even speak, just open his mouth - and you want to punch him. (My bf has experienced this, too; we're not sure where it comes from, but that older twin is really annoying sometimes, even when he doesn't mean to be.) The younger twin is disrespectful and manipulative, and my bf and I think he has a sister complex. Awkward. The youngest brother is sweet, but ADHD - undiagnosed, but I recognize the signs - and has been allowed to play violent and gory games from too young an age. But he's more openly loving than the twins, going so far as to spontaneously hug people he's missed, and he enjoys things so whole-heartedly that anyone who's at all willing to be amused tends to find themselves laughing too. (Christmas party for my mom's work this year, one of my mom's boss's sons - confusing, sorry, it's how I had it explained to me - anyway, said boss' son won a good portion of prizes in the drawings, and my brother, having just been told the same about the guy, calls him "Darla Jr." after being informed the guy's name is Derek/Derrick...however you want to spell it. My mom, my bf and I were all laughing over that for some time, Darla herself found it amusing, and my brother kept periodically chuckling lowly, "Darla Jr...." like he was trying to be cool saying it another time around. It was the low voice that got me half the time; he's not even old enough for his voice to change pitch yet, so the lower tone just sounds amusing.) My step dad...is for the most part a cool guy, very supportive...but he can be a real asshole, too, and he's not demanding enough from his sons, two of whom are now nearing 20 and still living with them, one without a job. My dad's wife...well, let's just say she's not family; I don't care if she is legally related to me, that woman is not kin to me. I share no blood with her in any way, and, considering the woman tried to mentally abuse me for nine years and was jealous of the attention my dad gave to me and the dog who was part of our family long before we lived with her, I don't feel she deserves my respect, let alone for me to call her family. Her kids aren't my family either, but that's not because of anything between her and me - at least, not on my part. If they don't want to respect me or call me family, that's fine. I'm not going to bother making effort for people who don't enjoy my company. That's the immediate family - my grandma's an odd one. (I seriously doubt most grandmas would ask their granddaughter what the appeal of bondage is. Mine did.) Lately she appears to be worried about my relationship with my bf, which is baffling me and him alike. We're thinking she's worried because we're not engaged yet *shares puzzled look with bf* because she's been making comments about that, too, a lot recently, and so that's the only conclusion we can draw. Had a dinner with her and Lee (step grandpa) and a few family friends a month or so back, and my bf mentioned that he was getting tired of me tapping him on the nose when I was telling him no - a habit which I've mostly trained myself out of again, thankfully. My grandma instantly said, "You should take that as a compliment; she likes dogs more than she likes people." To which the table erupted into laughter, both because it's true and because what she said was amusing. It's true, I was treating him like a dog in that, though I hadn't consciously made the connection until my bf had first complained about it to me. I'd been tapping him on the nose when I was getting frustrated, borderline pissy, so he wouldn't push me further, and it was only sort of working. (On the other hand, it's also true that I'm more fond of animals, dogs in particular, than I am of humans, so in a way she was right, he should have taken it as a compliment.) It's possible she took that sharing of a minor frustration to be a big problem and just blew things out of proportion, but either way, we don't understand why she's worried about our relationship, since we work on whatever problems crop up between us and the rest are a matter of tolerance or him putting his foot down with his family. (Mine already knows I'll put my foot down hard if they push me, so when I start growling they stop pushing. Makes it a lot easier for us to get along with them, plus my family is really accepting of people and if they have a problem they tend to just tell the person and try to resolve it themselves.) Not that I have a problem with his family...at a little distance. They're good people, they care, they support each other...but they can be judgmental as hell and his mom and older sister have a tendency of sticking their noses where they don't belong. Nearly caused a big rift when his bipolar older sister tried to harangue me for something he and I both do and have agreed we need and therefore will keep doing (reminders of "hey, you need to do this" and "hey, don't forget that"), but thankfully her husband interrupted and distracted her and I could get away before I lost my temper with her. As it was, my bf had a few words to say, and I'd guess her husband did, too, once they were alone, because she apologized the next morning. She's like the dreaded mother-in-law, except she's not his mom. Oh well.... Anyway, I'm PMSing and grumpy - and hungry - so this rant is mostly for the hell of it (although admittedly for a number of years my family life mostly was hell), although anyone who feels like responding is welcome to. I tell my experiences as a way of inviting others to share their own, so have at it, and respond if you want.

Most Outdated Undulations Recorded Now, Intones New Guest R O G U E

It's a challenge to write threesomes, too - which I have done/am doing. Difficulty comes in multiples, after all. But I think the end result is usually worth it. Though I definitely agree - Severus being a soppy git doesn't make sense and is annoying to no end. Though I've seen one or two where they had Lucuis being a soppy git, too, and ugh! No! Thus one of the problems with AU stories.... Keeping the world/characters at least vaguely recognizable. And turning a Sailor Moon AU into a non-AU Happy Days fanfic...I feel for you. I'm not that fond of Sailor Moon anyway, for the most part - I mean, it's tolerable, but for me it's not something I would choose to watch. I'm much more into the darker side of things, violence and emotion, so.... Still, at least it sounds like you figured out what you needed to do with/about your writing - that fanfic in particular. It's always good for a writer to know how he/she works best. Everyone gets different learning experiences.

Kimmimaru has a point, here - when the author of the cannon 'verse doesn't flesh out a character, it can be frustrating. I've heard some people say that it gives them more wiggle room, more leeway to play with the character's personality, but I don't think like that. The cannon characters are supposed to be kept in character, and while everyone can look at a character and see different reasons behind their actions, that's one thing. It's a different story, so to speak, when you lack enough basic information to know whether the one in question has any personal habits, character flaws, idiosyncrasies.... Though I tend to avoid fics about characters that don't have any real defining character traits in cannon.... It just bothers me, since it isn't the original author fleshing out the character enough to give us some idea what they're like. So in that respect, I don't tend to bother with AU or AR stories.... Mainly, it depends on the world and how well in character the author keeps everyone, I think. I mentioned a lady in my previous post, Clara, who is writing a wonderful AU Gundam Wing story that I'm beta and sounding board for. It's a superhero-ish tale - and anything superhero doesn't really mix well with Gundam Wing, cannon or otherwise. So she draws on elements from X-Men, Misfits, and a number of other superhero series.... But the kicker is that she made the main protagonist in GW cannon...a prostitute. (When she first mentioned this to me, I was on the fence and about to hop down on the NO side, because GW-cannon's Heero Yuy is so not prostitute material. And then she threw her proposed plot at me, and my sounding board-ist instincts pounced. The result is an emotional wreck of a character whose powers are tied to his emotions. A powerful plot tool with the intent of making him into the "Perfect Soldier" type he is in cannon. So Clara is writing her prostitute Heero - part of me still winces at that - and readers have been thrilled with the simple fact that, instead of no one being able to figure out what he's feeling, he's got his powers giving away his emotional state.) ... To clarify, the reason I'm okay with this when I'm so against OOC-ness is simple: she's going to turn him into his cannon-personality self, but for the purposes of her story, Clara can't have him be the way he is in cannon just yet. Plus, I trust her to handle the characters and the story the way they need to be handled, and if she needs help she knows she can turn to me and hit me with things she thinks are horrible. Between us, we usually manage to get her stories sorted out in a fashion she likes. That's what a good beta/sounding board is supposed to do, yes?

Fresh Recruits Advertize The Endless Redundance, Notices Inquisitive Thoughtless Yankee 'cause that's about how I feel right now.... F L E T C H I N G

Hadn't thought of that. Good one.

Convincing Opulent Personage Utopia Lies At The End ...I have no idea where that came from. I'm tired, so it's probably some sneaky part of me in the dark recesses of my mind coming out to play.... A G O R A P H O B E

...um, with-something fine, obviously, but...the 'dscu' part...my best guess is 'discussion'.... Maybe there's a better fit, but I'm tired and I can't think of it.

Miss Anna Screws Teases Initial Captors, "Ass, Then, Everyone?" ...so my mind's in a pervy place.... It's my bf's fault.... We're reorganizing two rooms that are filled to the brim with miscellanious stuff from pretty much everyone in his immediate family, and we're so tired we haven't had the energy to play these last few days. Frustrating.... S O M E R S A U L T

I can't stand Spongebob - I'm with my mom on that one. And that honestly goes for most every cartoon released lately. Especially Adventure Time. *gags, pukes* At least the old cartoons made kids think instead of just laugh at the stupidity. I've never been fond of most of the so-called adult cartoons, like Family Guy as mentioned above. If I'm going to watch a cartoon that has mature themes and/or references, I'd rather it be something like Animaniacs - where kids can watch it too, but miss half the content. I don't like reality shows, period, or soaps, or.... My TV series likes are almost entirely crime scene dramas, westerns, and oldies like The Addams Family and M*A*S*H. Anime-wise I tend to avoid the ones aimed at more female audiences. I just am not that girly, and I don't like to watch all the over-dramatization.

"Little Red Rodeo" Collin Raye

Cuzosu.... Well. To explain that and have it make any real sense I have to explain how two other names came about.... First, the key reference point: 'su. I'd like to say this is wonderfully insightful and other awesome things, but it actually makes me look kind of dense. Because it came about like this: I have a cousin who goes by Yamesu. Well, we were having a group gathering - we shared some of the same friends, so both of us were there. And one of my friends, nickname of Kitty-boy, comes in and yells, "Sue! I'd like a word with you!" Everyone in the room was absolutely baffled, but I was the one who put it to words: "Kitty-boy...you do know there's no one in our group named Sue, right...?" He just shook his head and pointed ever so dramatically in my cousin's direction. "You! 'su! Yamesu!" ...and I almost died laughing, and my cousin had a hissy fit, and.... Honestly I'm kind of ashamed I hadn't shortened my cousin's nickname to 'su just to tease him - it would have been very wonderfully us. Now, Cuz and 'o' can be taken by themselves and summarily explained - but to be honest the Cuz part is a little more in depth than is obvious. *cough* On account of one of his friends, when we were in high school, tried to steal my soda - and I yelled so nastily and loudly at him (sounded like a drill sergeant) that, in my cousin's laughing words, "You almost made Justin piss his pants!" I'd been deprived of Dew for a while, so it...wasn't a smart move on his friend's part. But after that, my cousin's friends started calling me The Evil Cousin. (This was even more amusing because by then, my group, due to a slip of my tongue and a friend's intent on nicknaming him "Fuzzy"...we'd all taken to calling him the Fuzzin. Because said cousin and I refer to each other as Cousin, My Cousin, and suchlike a lot. Anyway, when my cousin told me his friends had dubbed me The Evil Cousin, it clicked in my head: I was The Evil Cousin of the Fuzzin! I still can't get over it.) Besides which, I figure no one else is going to take Cuzosu as their username - and so far I've been right.

"The Perfect Country and Western Song" David Allan Coe

This one is suitably perverted for a site such as this. "The Limerick Song" by savageminstrel on YouTube

Coming from a hunting family and being quite fond of parodies, when I saw this one on YouTube I had to listen: "Baby Got Rack" - a deer hunting spoof music video posted by callaberator

"Then What" Clay Walker

"It's All How You Look At It" Tracy Lawrence "Dance with the Devil" Breaking Benjamin "One Wing in the Fire" Trent Tomlinson "The Wretched" Nine Inch Nails

While I'm remembering it.... I don't remember where this one was, but when I found it.... *dies laughing* "What are you talking about? He's obliviously a girl."

Not a problem. I can wait.

Dear 16-year-old me, Don't wait any longer to get away from your dad's. You've waited too long already. That crap you're putting up with isn't worth it, and your dad's wife is never going to be a better person, however much everyone might wish for it. Put thoughts of Dad away for a time - he'll take several years to start getting better - about five - and in the meantime dealing with him isn't worth the heartache. Eventually you (I, we, self) will come to the realization that he's a sexist a$$hole, and however much it hurts, he's just a dumber-than-usual male screwing things up because he's sexist. You can't teach him to not be sexist, and there's no chance of helping him become a better person. He's only going to start learning once you decide to get out of his life, and it's a long process that involves your grandma coming down on him with this one angel of hers and his "a$$ kicking boots" - yes, I know how that sounds. But that was her dream, and between her and her angel and said angel's boots, they got through to him a little when he was just starting to do better. I'm still not sure he's worth letting back into your life - that's a work in progress, and I'm only a year in now - but if you don't give him a chance, you'll regret it for the rest of your life. That first guy? Not worth it. He screws up massively, repeatedly, and then tries to get back together with you when you've finally found someone worth your time. The one who's worth your time? You'll meet him through a female friend - he's her brother. And while you may not like his family half the time, he likes yours - and yours likes him. (Don't deny it, you stubborn brat; if the family can't stand him, you won't be able to either.) Just remember, life is a two-way street; you have to give to get. Compromise. Work with him. Hell, get into trucking like your dad and step dad - that's what I intend to do! Always work on more than one story at a time; that way, when you hit walls - and you will, everyone does - you can switch stories and keep the flow going, and then you won't be stuck for months with no motivation. Practice your artwork - draw your pets, your family, chibi-fy people. Work with your step grandpa when he needs your help - he's fun to work with and keeps to a pace that suits you, too. When you start a task, please finish it. You'll kick yourself if you don't. Find a job that suits you, don't wait. Sitting around is nice, but your family will drive you nuts and inadvertently push you into making bad decisions, so work instead of being home all the time. Hold the lines you draw; be a "hard-liner".... Sure, it'll make some people hate you, but you know what? The ones who'll stay are the ones worth having around. Get back in touch with 'trina. You can go for walks and rant to each other, and you don't have to worry about her spreading rumors or turning things against you. Love. Love with all your heart, love unconditionally, no matter what your family does - but don't let them walk all over you. You've done that most of your life, and you need to stop while you've got the chance. Use your anger, your hurt at your dad; it's got the weight of years behind it, and a lot of heartache and broken promises, and if you take that lesson to heart, you'll be as much of a hard-liner as you need to be, but no more. Talk to your grandpa more often - yeah, you're both pretty well phone-phobic, but he loves you and he'll just be more and more of a hermit as the years go by, and he might not be around when you have kids. You don't have to worry overly much about talking to your grandma - she'll figure out that email thing eventually. And you'll do dinners and lunches and such with her every now and then too. And, of course, don't forget to have fun - if you're spending most of your time depressed or angry, you need to find other people to be around. Like that one guy I mentioned. He's good at making you laugh, and vice versa, so spend time with him in particular. Love him for those little foibles, because while he's got a knack for irritating you, at least he doesn't flat piss you off more than once or twice a year. Keep your mom and step dad in your thoughts - they're wonderful people, regardless what the twins think, and they're going to go through some rough times, trying to take care of three boys, two of whom ought to be kicked to the curb when they hit 18. (The twins, you see, are only going to get worse with age. Ungrateful brats. They don't realize how much effort their parents put into everything they do for them, and they won't until suddenly that support's not there any more. Better hope they survive the downfall.) Don't worry - you'll get your dogs eventually. I'm working on it. And your bf wants them too. Oh! And get your inefficient act together, girl! Your best friend needs you! And she's going through hell these next several years! Use that brain cell you share with her and search her out; you know she's spacy and loses phone numbers and email addresses! She needs you more than she needs her army buddies, and that's saying something. So find a site she's probably on and search her out, send a friend request, and take it from there. As you (and I, still) know, life is best lived with two goals: to die satisfied with how you've lived, and to have as much fun as possible along the way. So I'll see you when you get here - and I'll rib you some about being late. Love, 24-year-old me.

I usually have an easier time writing if I'm in a mood that fits with the story - dark humor, angst, comedy, whatever, as long as my mind set is fixated in that general direction, I have a blast writing very odd and/or entertaining scenes. My reading is probably more temperamental than my writing is. (I have to be feeling very open-minded to read the more mainstream pairings, I've discovered. One would think it should be the opposite, but no.... I'm more into new and rare pairings than I am the over-done popular ones.) On the other hand, I've had times where I started out in one mood and had to switch back and forth between writing a dark story and a comedic story, simply because there was too much humor trying to get into the darker one. My sense of humor is sometimes excessive. I can laugh at almost anything - and do. This tendency towards amusement even in bad situations has caused my friends to liken me to a hyena, on the theory that I'll laugh even as I fight, if I'm mad enough. (And, okay, so when I get really, really mad, I do laugh when I fight, but I growl, too. Further ammunition against my cause; I'm never going to escape being compared to canines. Not that I actually mind it, though.) But it does mean that I'm not as cautious about using blood and gore and suchlike as those more squeamish than me might be. *shrug* It doesn't particularly bother me; to my mind, the mental aspects are more important. My childhood and teenage years, well, let's just say there are reasons I focus so much on the darker mentalities. Besides the fact that sociology is one of my minor hobbies - I haven't delved into it in some time, but it's something I enjoy. Circumstances and setting play a big role in mentality.

"Dear Agony" Breaking Benjamin "Real Good Feel Good Song" Mel McDaniel "Burn it to the Ground" Nickelback

Read and reviewed! Enjoying it so far! Not worried about the smut, although that of course is a bonus! And I have no problems with you choosing Sirius; I've a particular soft spot for him with Lucius, I admit. Even more so than I do for Sirius with James or Remus.

"Wish You Were Here" Mark Wills "Evil Angel" Breaking Benjamin "Psycho" Puddle of Mudd