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I wrote this several years ago on LJ. *amuses herself way too much* I thought it might be helpful for people worried about writing a Sue or anyone who just wants a little chuckle. How to be a Mary Sue by Jezebel Haddo Have you always wanted to write a Mary Sue character but weren't sure how? Now you can with these 15 easy steps! 1. Prattle endlessly about their hair - Hair is the most important aspect of a person. How can we understand a character if we don't know every minute detail about their hairstyle? 2. Give your character at least two nicknames. It makes them seem more interesting that way. 3. They should be drop-dead sexy. Even if they have traits that are not commonly thought of as sexy, they should have multiple people falling in love with them for no good reason. Only evil and/ or stupid characters should be ugly and/ or fat. Cool characters should be gorgeous or at least ruggedly handsome. 4. Don't waste time developing their personality. All you need to write is that they're a cute, smart, sassy, fun-loving, badass rebel who's good at everything and is popular with the in-crowd. That makes it true to life. 5. Don't give them discernible flaws. Your character will be much cooler if they come across as more god than human. 6. Put an emphasis on music, sports, and dating. The best characters are always listening to hip rock bands, are their team's MVP, and have lots of people falling for them (though they only date equally cool people). That's what life is all about! 7. The rules of any established universe should bend for your character's awesomeness. If anyone complains, they're jealous. Laws and consequences are for losers. 8. Why not make your character a twin? Twins are really common! Every twin has at least one twin. 9. Your character has the right to treat everyone else like scum and still have said scum love and worship them. Hey, how can anyone not love their coolness? 10. If it's a girl, make her super-skinny, yet super-buxom. What's the point of having a nice rack and an incredible arse if she isn't thirty pounds underweight? And we all know that's how most girls are built. If it's a boy, he must be ripped, with a six-pack stomach and bulging biceps, but he's not too muscular, of course. 11. Employ a deus ex machina whenever possible. It's the fun way to solve problems. 12. Make blanket statements with nothing to back them up. If you say your character is friendly, I'll take your word for it, even if they never do anything to show that they're friendly. 13. Oxymorons, stereotypes, and anachronisms are your friends. Just because your character goes to Hogwarts doesn't mean they can't be immersed in Muggle pop culture. A Chinese character doesn't have to be at all Chinese as long as they're named Lee or Wong and they like egg rolls. And just because grunge rock came about in the 90's, doesn't mean someone in the 70's couldn't be listening to it. 14. It's okay to give your character rare abilities, famous relatives/friends/lovers, and a high profile job. While you're at it, why not several of each? 15. Make sure they've experienced lots of trauma, but don't bother showing them actually being affected by it. You don't want the character's coolness being watered down by things like human psychology. Emotions are only good for eliciting sympathy. As long as the character whines about the bad stuff, it will seem authentic.

I'm not jealous of Mary Sue, but I do think she's boring, and I hate it when she shows up in my favorite fandoms. My favorite show is Metalocalypse, on Adult Swim. However, I've practically given up on Metalocalpse fan fiction, because most of it is either slash with overused, cliche plot lines (which gets old fast) or it's a Mary Sue fic. These always end up being the same. Mary Sue either wins a contest to meet Dethklok/is C.F. Ofdensen's daughter/snuck into Mordhaus by disguising as a Klokateer, etc. She's always under 21 years of age, and she's always short but otherwise flawless (with a troubled past, of course!). Within ten minutes of being in Mordhaus, Mary Sue gets the whole band- Nathan, Toki, Skwisgaar, Pickles, and Murderface, to fall head over heels in love with her. Of course, she feels the same way about at least two of them. Drama ensues, and Mary Sue causes the whole band to fight for her affections. In the end, she has to choose who to be with, and it usually plays out along the lines of "Omg I can't choose! Nathan is just so sexy, but Toki is such a sweetheart! Why can't I just have both?" UGH. I got sick of reading that shit after the first two times. Self inserts also irritate me, unless it's done a proper way, and I'm not really sure how that proper way would be. I was browsing the Resident Evil fics on FF.net, and I saw so many self insert stories. You know, the "I, a Mary Sueseemingly ordinary teenage girl, gets sucked into Resident Evil! Then, I get to bang Wesker! Never mind the fact that he's a cold hearted super villain who's 20 years older than me." So really, I find Mary Sues more boring and annoying than jealously inducing.

I'm not a fan of Mary Sue (and Gary Sue) for two reasons. The first: lack of character development. Writers of Mary Sues are so desperate to live out their personal fantasies that they typically forget character development. Because the Mary Sue character is so perfect (and predictable) there is no growth or mystery. Mary Sue is nothing more than a flat character. The writer also fails to answer the important question: why should we care about this character? Writers of Mary Sue assume that if their character is an all-mighty-powerful being it'll make up for a lack of unique personality/background, as if we'll LIKE that character and think they're 'bad-ass' and 'awesome'. Uhhhh. NO. Introducing flaws or traits that readers can relate to is the best way to open up to that character. Unfortuantely, Mary Sue DOESN'T have flaws or traits we can relate to. And if she does have a weakness, it's usually some superficial/ridiculous one. So this is the first reason why I hate Mary Sue: she's flat, predictable, ridiculously unbelievable, unrelatable, and BORING. Another reason I don't like Mary Sue: it prompts the star of the fanfic (the one we love/recognise and the reason why we're reading the fanfic in the first place lol) to do/act/say something out of character. Because the fanfic REVOLVES AROUND MARY SUE, characters we love act, well,... stupid. Case in point: Devil May Cry's Vergil. This son-of-a-bitch is a ruthless, indifferent man who would do anything for power. I'd find it VERY HARD to believe that he would suddenly forget about world domination so that he could live out his life carefree with a giddy girl who happens to be 1/9th angel, 1/8ths neko, 2/3rds demon, and 4/5ths sage. Riiiiiiight. So there are my two reasons for Mary Sue. She messes with the characters I love.

I write a great many OC's in my fics and have NEVER written a Mary Sue. To make such a generalization is not only ignorant but offensive. There are many good writers out there looking for an audience and fanfiction is one way they find them. In the fandom in which I write, there is a dearth of female characters of a certain age. There is little choice but to bring in an OC, otherwise a writer ends up producing nothing but Lolita stories or post end of series stories. Sometimes those don't work. As for the low number of reviews, maybe the number is low because too many people view fanfics like you do, and disregard OC stories without giving them a chance. I'm not trying to be offensive, just pointing out the error in your logic. My rule for OC's is there has to be a reason for them to be in the plot. They can't just suddenly show up and be accepted by all and sundry because the writer wants them to.

I doubt that I have anything original to offer, but I'll try. I've never found that I'm jealous in Mary Sues, but will freely admit to not liking them. My thing is that I need to read (and write) characters that are human. Mary Sue isn't a human so I treat her as a dangerous alien who is coming into my story-world to take over the planet and eat my favorite characters' brains. Perfect people set my teeth on edge; perfect characters do the same. So what's she hiding that has turned her into perfection (which, as I said before, is a characteristic of aliens)? By writing a Mary Sue, the author is demanding that I, as a reader for a connection with her and make her a friend so that she can seduce my written friends into offering up their brains. I am NOT going to be friends with someone who is hiding something big enough to make her non-human that I don't know about. "I'm Lord Voldemort's granddaughter, please don't hate me" is not a secret or a flaw - it's a plot point. There's not bit of humanity in that. Being painfully shy, with acne, brown hair, dishwater blue eyes, crap at Charms and Transfiguration class but a dab hand at dealing with bowtruckles, and Voldemort's granddaughter? I might buy it but I want more. I want humanity. I don't want my written friends to be in danger of losing their brains. The best way to achieve that it to draw someone that is average so I can identify with her. Yup, normal for the 'verse you're writing in. Not with purple hair, unless purple hair is common. Not with purple eyes unless are also shared by 1/4 of the population. She is allowed one or two things that she's utterly extraordinary at - why? Because we're all really, really good at something. We're also really crummy at others. Humans have acne and have to go to the bathroom and sometimes forget the air freshener. Mary Sue shoots rose-scented rainbows out of her ass. You have to create a balance of skills, a balance of friends, a balance of personality and physical traits (actually, I tend to err on the side of "mediocre at more than she's good at"). It's human. Aliens are good at everything - it's how they seduce you in to offering your brains. CMW