Leaderboard

I don't mind preaching, that's part of how I learn. Use the first person past tense POV, yes, the reader is seeing the story through only one person's eyes, and is not omniscient. The narrator might not know another person's thoughts until they're spoken, but the writer can us the narrative to describe the scene in such as way as to give clues. The body language, facial expression, how the words are spoken (soft, loud, public, private, etc) to show a lot of the emotion of the other character. When I started writing my story last year I did it much as if I was sitting across the table from the readers, telling my story, and I write it as I remembered it. Reading back later I saw how it lacked detail and failed to foreshadow well enough. Joe and his dad will have a big fight later on, but other than two paragraphs in the first chapter, dad was rarely seen and had no voice. I went back to write dad into scenes, showing that he loved his son even while being hard on him and frequently being sarcastic. Then, when a big event happens later on what happens is in character and a logical progression. I'll use an example to show how I changed how described a character. This is Tweety Bird.” She had a little deeper voice, perhaps she was a smoker... We were there in a flash. The three of us stood out in the dark alley, introducing ourselves and giving each other visual inspections. She did ask if we had any cigarettes, but neither of us smoked. Her name was Julie, and she was actually fairly nice, about five-six, slender, nice boobs and a pleasant smile. The meet was going rather well when the night air was pierced with a loud cry. “HEY! Get the hell out of here! Ain’t none a’yunz going to be fucking my little sister! Git, right now, before I call the cops on yunz.” Instead of telling the reader, I switched to describing what the MC was seeing at the time, using many more visuals In her little bit of a deeper voice she replied, "This is Tweety Bird." We were there in a flash, and spotted the girl, maybe five-six, waiting under a street lamp. She was fairly nice, slender, perky boobs and a pleasant smile. When we got out she said, "Hi, I'm Julie - got any smokes?" I looked at Dave then shook my head. "Sorry, no. I'm Joe. My handle's Spock - and this is my cousin Dave." With long unkempt hair tossed over her shoulders, and wearing a Led Zeppelin t-shirt and a pair of jean shorts, she was leaning against a wall, one of her knees bent with that foot on the wall behind her. She was eying us up as well when she asked, "Yeah, I remember you - so how old are yunz guys?" I said, "Nineteen, and he's seventeen. You're fourteen, right?" Just then the night air was pierced with a loud cry, "HEY! Get the hell out of here! Ain't none a'yunz going to be fucking my little sister! Git, right now, before I call the cops on yunz."

yeah, that bulge looks quite humanoid

And I'm writing another story to show a bit of the s.o.b aspect of the society that my characters hate.

That was my technique. Instead of spending two paragraphs near the front having the narrator tell the reader what an s.o.b. his Dad was, I added two scenes of about 2500 words, first at dinner where the cousin could observe how Dad acts, then a reaction scene where the MC could tell his cousin about some of the issues in his life, including Dad. And yes! That helps create plot bunnies. Drop lots of crumbs of back story and subplots and see where they go. There's one subplot that I've decided I'll never resolve (and I won't tell you which one.) Every once in a while little hints and clues may be dropped in, other places stated more explicitly, but it will be left for the readers to ponder. It's fun that way.

Be careful with showing, not telling, because even that can be taken to an extreme (and, it's also some fertile breeding ground for plot bunnies). I tend to prefer showing over telling, myself. And if it needs to be "told", it's generally better to have a couple of characters discussing it. - DP

Hi Ariana, I was playing around with 'New Content' and decided to check the hit counter thread, as I'm kind of a technical guy. Don't worry that the topic has strayed, as I'm also quite interested in the new subject as well, and I've gotten to know most of the people who've replied. Also, after reading a few posts on this thread, I realized you were the person who left the flattering review of my story - so thank you, I really did appreciate that someone likes it. My hits appear to be decent (at least they've read a paragraph or two) but I lacked reviews and comments on the forum page I created. I started my story about a year ago on the blue site, back when it allowed under 18 (even if post-pubescent). I'd written a handful of stroke stories over the years and gotten a fair amount of hits at a site which seems to specialize in those. I migrated my reading to the blue site because it, at that time, allowed portrayals of teenage sex. Last summer I was caught up in reading two long form serials that focused on teen romance, with enough sex thrown in. I was inspired to pull out a story idea that originally had two scenes (seduction and sex) and expand it to a full length novel. It was my first try at serious writing and was OK in quality. It got a decent amount of hits and even topped the ratings lists once or twice, but soon I was caught up in the troll wars and the age nazis. I bailed and went over to storiesonline where I re-posted. One thing I do like about their ratings system is registered users get to vote a story from 1 to 10. 7 was my most common, then 8, 9 and 10, followed by 6 on down to 1. Meanwhile the two authors who had inspired me ended up here, so I checked it out. Since last fall I'd also been reading some blogs about fiction writing and as I tried to finish my latest chapter became disillusioned. Without changing the story line (which I have outlined from start to finish), I went back to the beginning and focused on "showing, not telling." Vast amounts of words were re-written, and many scenes added to create back stories and subplots and foreshadowing. That's what I've posted here, "The Re-telling", and so far three redone chapters of about 25k words total are at this site. I have two beta readers who haven't done a lot in the editing area, but who have been able to give good comments on the story line and have suggested a few items which in my opinion have strengthened the story. In conclusion, yes I like to see the hits and ratings, if they're honest, to give me a sense of the quality of my work. It's a story I want to tell, but I want to be able to do it well. I'm still learning, and feedback greatly helps that. Also, even though this is my only piece of serious fiction, I do also write non-fiction under my real name, and have found that my overall writing skills, along with my ability to form and organize my thoughts, has greatly increased over the year that I've been working on the fiction.