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JayDee last won the day on January 16

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  1. JayDee

    JayDee's Review Reply Thread (Comics)

    Louisiana Pit Fight: Sandi Stone Vs Jody is one of those stories I always forget I’ve written. It was a request fic for a hugely muscled character I had never heard of. so i stuck her in the the Preacher setting ‘cos Jody was one of the characters could kick anybody’s ass and mean enough to do the brutality the request implied. I was looking through it and this one line, Thank you for the review! I appreciate you taking the time and I’m glad it was entertaining. I suspect you’re right – I don’t think anybody really deserved this. Not the characters, and frankly it is iffy if any of the readers should have been put through it. In terms of muscle women getting beaten and destroyed, VileCorpus (also known as VileCorp) who requested this Sandi story did a lot of work in that area, with obscenely muscled women often fighting other obscenely muscled women. I think he produced quite a few comics that are probably available via google. He did do a bit of writing too – but the forum they were originally on was deleted years ago. Not sure where they would be now. In terms of my stories I’ve got a few more with the violence and the rape (go to my profile and see tags, would take too long to list ), but not so many with the actual muscle woman/fighting back elements. The Crushing of Cassie Cage in the games section might be closest given the kicking meted out to the bad guy before the nastiness kicks in, and it also features a redneck. Cassie isn’t anywhere near as muscular though. I hope you’re able to find more stories with the topics you like. Thank you again!
  2. JayDee

    Who would win in a fight between your OCs?

    I know the term! – not from the comics, but from the paperback books that came out ages time ago (looking it up, I think I read ‘em around 1994 when they came out!), seems they shared a universe with the comics/possibly novelisations of ‘em. I didn’t use the terms and naming from that universe in my story as I specifically based it on the film portrayals (Predator 1 and 2) I’d seen. I hadn’t read the books in a long time so was too hazy. I see what you mean, he is an OC for sure, but in a way it was just me slapping a name, libido and sexual sadism on one of the nameless types from the films so I wasn’t thinking of him as a properly original character. He counts for sure though! In Predator 2 the mask had an alternate mode for the meat freezer warehouse place where the infra-red wasn’t working to see the government guys, so Lupa being room temp wouldn’t matter too much The hypno effect would likely be negated by the mask in the way, too. So could he take the pack? Well, that would depend. He only went against non-superpowered foes when I wrote him. The later stories Deathstalker wrote expanded on his ingenuity at facing considerably more powerful beings and winning, so if Deathstalker was writing him, probably he could take all of them. If I was writing it… My gut feeling is that he could take most of them because that’s basically what he does – if he knew enough about them to decide they were worth the hunt he could prepare effective weapons such as silver for Kate, or binding circles and the like. In the story I wrote he met someone with a sex drive almost comparable to Shannon’s and it confused the hell out of him. So if she just straight up let him fuck her and he didn’t understand the danger despite his preparation she could simply kill him with sex as part of her Succubus abilites. If they were hunting him because he was on an Earth hunt but he didn’t know about them, he would have a far tougher time of it for sure, at least to begin with. Also it would totally depend if the fight was taking place in a rape/snuff fic or a good natured supernatural adventure
  3. JayDee

    Who would win in a fight between your OCs?

    I haven’t really got a whole lot of OCs though and some of ‘em already fought – Kizzy beat Eparlegna (in one canon strand!), Kate beat Jeb… I could come up with a fight between the tentacle monster from Under Joan’s Bed and Shannon from various, but somehow I think it would end up in a very sticky draw. Or possibly the tenacle monster begging for mercy.
  4. It’s the internet. We can have discussions like this. Obviously if you’ve already written yer OCs fighting you have an answer for them, but what about the ones who haven’t fought? What then? Who wins?
  5. JayDee

    JayDee's Review Reply Thread (Games)

    The Dildo of Kings Thanks for your review! The story is way too short, for sure, but in my defence it was written for a prompt challenge with a 1000 word limit. Heh Looks like we’ve both done stories on the “fucking possessed weapons” kink. Corinthian Knot now has 55050 hits and 10 reviews. That’s quite a lot for AFF! Thank you for this review also! Yeah, that original Tomb Raider game you’re strolling along and suddenly wolves! Scared the piss out of me the first time. That bear and t-Rex later were just as bad. She’s killed a lot of wildlife that was just trying to mind its own business away from human civilisation though. Probably not a PETA spokesperson. The detail of using the ponytail was in the original drawing the story was written about so I can’t claim credit for that one. I’m glad you found it hot and sexy though – it’s one of those stories that I think works for people who enjoy the central idea, but everyone else would be a bit baffled. I’m afraid this may have been the last of the good work – I can’t believe it’s from 2011. Where did all those years go? It was all downhill from there, sadly. Thanks once again for both reviews.
  6. “We’re gonna rock rock rock rock with the ROCK!” The Green Angels’ lyricist was really earning the big bucks. I suspect he might not have been a fan of Metallica “Well, this rock music can’t get any worse after Black Sabbath.” *Hears The God That Failed* “I was wrong.” This here is one sweet gooey WAFFy post. Which I’ll ruin with flashbacks to the old I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream point and click game. I never got around to reading the story; I should do that sometime, it is meant to be an absolute classic. The next reviews being for Whore of Heaven I suspect where I will not take offence if you have some harsh words about Luzurial’s treatment. I thank you for your time! I have replied also
  7. The Green Angels one was great too, with rock music manager Lew Siffer and “Here’s your wedding gift… some AIDS!” Kevin overcomes his fears and fights bad guys! A timeless tale. Put like that it’s hard to argue with! Miharu ended up with a happier ending too. Although, I guess lot of the stories I wrote where the characters straight up died had happier endings than Luzurial did. Thank you! I’ll have another look through the old draft for any terrible errors I missed (besides the characterisation and plot) and send it over.
  8. There’s a few writers on here who are definitely far cross that line seperating them from the cheap nasty pornographers like me. They’re putting out seriously talented writing. I was going to start naming names but then I’d miss someone out and it’d be awkward. Also as at least three or four of them are site staff it would look like I was asskissing. But the point is, your current work reminds me of that level. Thank you also for your reviews on the two parts of Miharu Sarutobi Must Resist! – I really appreciate them, and I am not just saying that. Thanks for letting me know about the times it made you laugh – really went for a jokey tone in a few places so I’m glad it came across well! Yeah, sorry about that, me not being entirely clear. Ol’ Eparlegna’s just there in the flashbacks. Maybe I ought to go for a more pompous setting name like “The Books of Kizurial.” Otherwise I’m just gonna steal slumber-verse from you :p You know, when I saw the Bigotry tag and a Japanese protagonist, I kind of figured that would mean bigotry against said protagonist. Guess it runs both ways. Equal opportunity bigotry! It’s still un-PC but everyone gets a fair share. Dreneparssa backward is...the first time this story made me laugh. Thank you! I think Dreneparssa was the last backwards demon name I came up with. Guy’s a total dork! I see mine was not the only D&D group for whom Dark Dungeons was a rite of passage. I’ve seen a whole bunch of chick tracts over the years, and I realise this isn’t entirely the point, but some of them are hilarious. I don’t know that I got all of the intended value from them to be honest. Weirdly enough there’s a Chick Tracts section on AFF, with a Dark Dungeons fanfic. There's why I thought this was the guy from the second chapter of You! Makes sense! They’re both just mean spirited offensive stereotypes of COD players. I’d forgotten I’d used the COD GOD wording twice tho’ The fact that I’ve written stories around Valve point’n’shoot games like Team Fortress 2, Half Life 2 and Left 4 Dead but portray dickish COD players twice over may suggest a certain amount of anti-COD bigotry. Probably correctly. Heh, maybe Miharu got a saving throw or something. I'd previously assumed that "spike" thing was literal, you know, to cause maximum pain and tear holes in the uterus, but "rounded spike" just sounds like an ordinary penis. The crown’s more like the way a glass coke bottle narrows towards the end, but with rounding at the tip like you see on the top of some metal fences. Drew’s a bit less hardcore than his Daddy. Second time the story made me laugh. There's something inherently funny about using hellfire to power your house. I mean, is that considered green energy? There's zero carbon footprint, but the screams of the damned probably count as noise pollution... It still makes less noise than that one the family had in Home Alone! You got to get some benefits out of being a demon. Like how Shannon has literally never had to buy a drink for herself in any bar or club. Third and fourth times the story made me laugh, first because of the delivery and then because how did that happen? Was Eparlegna just having an off day? Was he morbidly curious about what consensual sex felt like? I think he was just impressed by her enthusiasm and willingness to be taken hard over and over. She might even have been the one who summoned him in the first place to unleash him on others and played to his pride enough that he left her basically what she was when he first met her – mentally screwy but physically ok. Perhaps Luzurial would have got an easier ride after all if she’d submitted immediately. He might have just recently eaten a group of ravers off their heads on MDMA or something. The less likely but possibly funnier possibility is that another considerably less intimidating demon was engaging in a bit of ID theft/demon catfishing and pretending to be Eparlegna. Such things likely wouldn’t go down well with the old bastard, but nobody said demons were all smart in this setting. Case in point of less than top intellectual brilliance: Drew. Ah, there's the bigotry. as casually racist as most evil creatures and many FPS gamers. Truth, unfortunately. When you’re playing a game and half the rest of the team have swastika symbols in non WW2 games and shout racist abuse every time they get killed… yup that’s FPS online play. I expect all the jokes, and the fact that Drew is considerably less threatening and actually pretty pathetic probably account for it – As you said further up the review – A bit less than Eparlegna’s wish to see the entire world in his dominion with an angel bound in a statue and suffering for all eternity for opposing him. I can't imagine why... Drew’s demon junk actually tastes better than Wendys chicken nuggets. The guy’s a moron! Plus, he has anger control issues, and when he couldn’t get her off he kept attacking her with force which then made it worse. So an asshole as well as a moron. Well, that or all the guides he read had been written for “how to please an extreme masochist” topics. Miharu Sarutobi is Ian Fleming's James Bond, complete with her own brand of the cultural chauvinism. Miharu: And don’t you forget it, baka!. Now get me a Asahi while I play the new Final Fantasy! Fifth time the story made me laugh, because of course the washer and dryer are in the hellmouth. It’s okay except on a full moon and then the washing comes out dirtier than it went in. Laugh number six... And Janet just carries on regardless Huh. Apparently he did just want to know what consensual sex felt like. Also, he has tentacles now, I'm guessing because this story has a Japanese protagonist. If Shannon can manifest a cock for a story where there’s a gay guy who likes bottoming, Eparlegna can manifest some tentacles for background flavor in a story with a Japanese character! Although thinking about it, I’m sure I was intending that they were a variant on the old stone tentacles used for restraint in Whore of Heaven, only being used much more actively - maybe formed from the flesh of other victims or just something else. He’d still be the one directing them after all, and presumably he can choose to get sensory feedback even if they aren’t attached to him. Well, that, or it really is another demon pretending to be him. Could explain why Drew is such a loser. At the point Drew’s thinking anal is kind of gay even his demon half is basically face palming. I am 90% sure that the whole “Miharu hating and despising anal, and then coming from it and ending up having a lot” was one of the basic elements requested by Devil_PS for the story. After about six months he is totally her bitch, and Janet’s probably hacked off because she’s got another damn teen living in her basement, she never got to unleash Drew on Mrs Jenkins, and none of the demons are answering her booty call summonings anymore. Thank you once again! I’m glad you didn’t end up suffering through something too terrible expecting more slumber-verse shenanigans at least. A few good laughs probably makes it much more worthwhile. There’s one 1000 word prompt story I haven’t posted with Lupa under a silence spell and Shannon, (Mentioned in this post!) where I decided that I didn’t like Lupa’s characterisation as being happy at killing. I much prefer her as snarky or outright bitchy and happy to bruise flesh and break bones, but not happy killing people at all (as opposed to, say, Kate, who’ll kill and chew on anyone who deserves it like good ol’ Jeb). I might one day post it as a “non canon” or “imaginary story!” to steal from DC silver age, or maybe even try and re-write it to feature Kate instead of Lupa. Reason I am mentioning it is just to throw out there if you’d like me to send it to you to read, with it being slumber-verse related? If not, no worries!
  9. JayDee

    Thundercloud's Review Responses

    Sorry about the name mix up – I wanted to copy and paste the character names (except Frank!) for the review to make sure the spelling was right. It looks like I still had Lydia’s names copied when I’d meant to change it to Eleneore’s for that comment. For me with reviews I sometimes worry too much about spoiling and so it’s just basic “Wow, I liked the fucking!” and sometimes I try and cover specific bits or quote lines that really appealled to me. I’ve never been any good at constructive criticism so I am generally looking at positives and not seeing negatives!
  10. On the plus side, there doesn’t need to be a specific pairing category for you to load the story you write! You can just load it to the Slash Male/Male section, you don’t need to select a pairing subcat.
  11. I think that’s pretty good. It’s got some good emphasis on what is the meat of the story, the recovery of Luzurial and her relationship with Kevin. It feels – and this is just my reaction at reading it – that maybe the end could be punched up in some way, to have a greater sense of foreboding or threat if that makes sense. I’m sure it’d be fine as it is though. I mean, it’s Shannon. She wasn’t always a succubus but she sure was always Shannon (Edit: Although she had a different name!). No doubt such thoughts were contributing factors in her fall, particularly if someone else already on Lucifer’s side in the early days of plotting noticed an unguarded admiring glance, a flush of skin or a lip bite, or even came across her top secret carefully hidden “Things I’d like to do with Luzurial” ‘diary’. “I’ll have slippery nipples, a mouthful of angel’s tit, a slow comfortable screw against the wall, sex on the beach, slam a red-headed slut and a white russian, and then I’ll go out and have some cocktails.” Bob: “Guys guys! Imagine if you could fuck your flashlight!” Jake (who already has one handle first up his ass): “That’s so unrealistic, Bob.” They’re completely different things really. Mine was a PWP rapefic that was as long as it needed to be to fit in the cruelty and terrible cop jokes; basically mine was just porn. Yours is much more like a proper novel with some erotic elements and so the increased detail, the character interactions and disucssions, and background descriptions, the alternate events happening away from Luzurial, all add immeasurably to the experience. Yours is literature. I feel I probably should spellcheck forum posts, but I always just never bother. I’m lazy, me.
  12. ...just noticed that. I do know the difference, I swear.
  13. Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do. And then when you’ve finally got through all the blood, sweat and tears of getting it just right you have to write a summary to draw in the readers. And that could be a hell of a conversation with Kizzy some day. “I just wish we were allowed to screw back in the old days, you know? I was totally happy there apart from that even though I was like, the humblest of the host.” “What do you mean?” “Duh. That fucking celibacy command that came down from you Seraphim. The Creator gave Luzurial a rack like that, and then said hands off. It’s the deal with the tree in the garden and Eve loving figs all over again.” “That.. that wasn’t… My friend, I tell you truthfully I never knew of any order given for celibacy. Though there was always one of the cherubim who debated most strongly in favor of it, no argument would have made us issue any order contrary to the Creator’s creation.” Later “Hey, Kiz, why’s Shannon eating a big tub of ice cream and crying?” My badly written BDSM really hurt the masochists. So they demanded I write more. Thanks for raising this! I always appreciate little pointers like this. For this one example I think I’ll keep it as it is because it has a faint echo of the phrase “carrying a torch for someone” and she isn’t carrying one. I have to make my own fun. I think I did know the term Flashlight from all the media I consume, but always worry about mistyping it as Fleshlight. Yeah, Sarsa’s lack of imagination does mirror my own. I think I may have seen the bottle in a room in Fallout New Vegas. Chances are none of them are really superfluous! Plus the interractions you’ve written for them are so natural and realistic – that’s one of the many reasons I think folks who give it a chance on AFF will love it. I mean, some right bastard of a writer put her though absolute hell so a little comfort is no bad thing. No doubt with billions of years they’d have done a bit of redecorating! I suspect it would be more the demons of Shannon’s attitudes rather than the likes of Eparlegna. Even so, I thank you for the reading and the feedback. And also for writing the superior-in-every-way sequel to Whore of Heaven.
  14. Fucking Halloween Party was great fun to write! Still worth a read for folks who want some slightly spooky succubus sex without the kind of horrific death found in some of my stories. Nobody even gets a nosebleed. Someone does get a finger up the ass, but overall it’s a positive learning experience. Thank you for the review! I am also happy to hear your getting some progress down after the screen glaring. It might never get released! I mean, purely on the unliklihood of me never getting around to the story. At worst it’s “I’m really sorry if I’ve hurt your feelings. Yes, I did get a blowjob but I never dreamed someone as awesome as you was interested in me when I did, please don’t dump me… ” at best it’s “You want a threesome with her involved? Well, I mean, I love you, Jen, but if you really want it I guess we can try and find her…” I am glad ya liked it though, it’s pretty feel good right? Shannon as a succubus would probably only have ensnared souls that were going to Hell anyway. She was never the cruellest of the fallen. Had things been a little different she may never have fallen at all. I'm not checking to confirm this, but I just know that somewhere on the internet there is either a pirate porno with that exact title, or that has a character with that name. There's no way no one has taken advantage of that pun yet. I did have a look and there’s like 33 hits on google, and I don’t honestly know if the porn guy was before the original writing of the story (rather than the current loading date) or not. A little bit of interracial that was entirely good natured anyhow. They had fun! Hopefully the good cap’n met a decent guy afterwards and was really happy. I love that line. Thanks! It seemed better than my first thought of looking at the BDSM gear, rolling her eyes and muttering ‘amateurs’. Introducing a sex dungeon in a story and only using it for background would probably enrage Chekov, mind. And that one. Thanks again! Just think how strong the spell would have been if she’d been able to source some IRN-BRU. (This joke only applies for the people of Scotland.) Yeah, Sarsa’s just her pen name! (There was a bottle of Sarsaparilla in the room when she came up with it.), but she wanted You to believe you had power over her. “Writers are liars,” as Neil Gaiman wrote in The Sandman, although he may have been lying. Poor old Astrid, and all she did was mock the fanfic. So, you can imagine that COD troll was not likely to be having a romantic handholding date after his flame. Rumor has it they found bits of him in 18 states. Including Kansas. And those bits were all still alive. *flinch* Two reviews into the future... I guess one thing with a story like this is that for 99%+ of the readers who choose something like it they’re unlikely to have previously chosen Whore of Heaven and so it wouldn’t any flashback moments for them, it’s just a threat with the dramatic irony of knowing she’s not a real angel. For the less-than 1% of you who did read both, well, flinching isn’t unreasonable Shannon’s one of the all round nicest characters I ever came up with but I guess at the end of day she’s still one of the fallen who rebelled against the throne and was cast down into Hell. That’d intimidate most people, especially on a first date. The thing with beauty is that it can always in the eye of the beholder. There are those who absolutely love the aesthetics of death. And for the others, well, say you’re soaring high over the plains and forests, the cities and lakes, you can find beauty in what you see as long as you don’t look too closely. Maybe. I think I probably just thought it was a nice image. Yeah! Well, as long as Astrid doesn’t mind that total lack of monogamy or occasional cock thing. To be honest, those might be deal breakers. Thanks for your feedback on this! It was a fun one to write and I remain pretty happy with it so It’s cool to hear you liked it.
  15. Just the tip! thank god!