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InBrightestDay last won the day on December 29 2021

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  1. InBrightestDay

    Winter Holiday 2021

    Like Thundercloud, I may be late. Work at the lab is kind of strained at the moment (sometimes a lot of people call out and those of us who are there end up stretched rather thin). As a result, I haven’t gotten much writing done. I have the 31st off, so I’m going to try and spend most of the day writing, but don’t be surprised if this ends up being one or two days late. I am also struggling a bit with what to include. Don’t want to use all of the kinks, since that’ll make all my sex scenes rather similar. Makes the end result a bit tricky. I try and work around that generally by focusing on the emotional context of a scene like this, which is generally somewhat different from story to story, given what leads up to the sex scene. I do worry, admittedly, that the sex scene in a future story might end up looking familiar, but hopefully the stories as a whole will be distinct enough for audiences.
  2. InBrightestDay

    JayDee's Review Reply Thread (Harry Potter)

    It might also be, to be very generous about this, that the reviewer began with the books or films when the characters were like 11 and has a difficult time allowing them all to grow up in his mind. I know I actually struggled with that a bit when I was watching the films. Granted, that was a rather immature response. I had hopes we were kind of past that as a society when it came to internet reviews. ...I say things now that I never really said before. Odd sentences are becoming commonplace.
  3. InBrightestDay

    "Nonsense reviews"

    I’ve gotten three: two on WitS and one on The Least I Can Do over in Books. I’ve deleted them, and thankfully had the same thought as Bronx when it came to the links. I don’t really want to turn off anonymous reviews, as I’ve gotten several genuine reviews from fans who simply don’t have an account, so I’ll just keep deleting them as they pop up.
  4. InBrightestDay

    InBrightestDay's (Originals) Review Reply & Discussion Thread

    Ok, so I looked back to see where I’d last responded to @Sinfulwolf’s reviews, and it turns out I’d somehow neglected to do so since her review of Chapter 9. So I have several reviews to respond to, not just one. First, Chapter 10. I have included this sentence of the review purely for the sake of irony. Thank you! I’m pretty sure I’ve mentioned this elsewhere in this thread, but I got my start writing Gundam fanfiction, and writing the action scenes has always been fun. I should probably write another space battle one of these days. Not to spoil anything I’ve started reading recently, but you write some pretty intense action scenes yourself, so that’s a serious compliment. I definitely see what you’re getting at. It is a tricky sort of balancing act, and I’m not sure I’ll ever entirely master the “detail versus flow” thing, but I will try! Thanks again! Your comments did make me really think about why I was writing this the way I was, and made me realize that while it’s somehow socially acceptable for a male protagonist to have a love interest who’s a noncombatant, it doesn’t seem to be done the other way around. I guess we’ve gotten to the point where a large segment of the population will accept women as action heroes, but at the same time there are boundaries on masculinity we’re reluctant to push. The Non-Action Guy, as TV Tropes puts it, is often played for comedy rather than just accepted as viable. The traps are another example of me trying to follow stuff @JayDee set up in WoH, expanding on a quick line and working to figure out what “the traps of Hell” might be like. While I like the matter prism from Chapters 11 and 12 is cool in a very “high magic” sort of way, there is something about the aesthetic of the fractal impalement trap that I think works on a visceral level; I may have mentioned The Evil Within as an inspiration before, but that trap is something I can sort of imagine being in the first game, crawling through a maze while spikes grow toward you with metal rasping noise. And once again I am really glad at how popular Luzurial’s “Fine, I’ll let you talk to my boss” moment is. Because, as I said when I read (some of) MRaD, fuck that guy.
  5. InBrightestDay

    InBrightestDay's (Originals) Review Reply & Discussion Thread

    I got two more reviews for WitS, though, which I can respond to before work. Well, Cthulhu fhtagn. Note that these aren’t the entirety of the reviews, but the rest are links to...somewhere (I didn’t follow them). As this is rather obviously spam, I’m deleting these.
  6. InBrightestDay

    InBrightestDay's (Originals) Review Reply & Discussion Thread

    Wait, I...*looks*… … AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!! So I thought I’d replied to that, BUT IT WOULD SEEM I NEVER DID! Expect one later tonight after I get back from work!
  7. InBrightestDay

    AFF Holiday Party 2020

    *nods* Such are the choices that vex the hearts of men...
  8. InBrightestDay

    Jaimie's Campfire (StarRebels)

    And wouldn’t you know it, one story became your own little shared universe! Lots of effort, I realize, but hey, the result is kind of cool. Sorry about that! I realize it can be kind of a hassle. That’d be a hell of a thing, though there is some precedent historically. Christian modernism (or liberal Christianity, whichever term you prefer) was the predominant form of the religion in the US up until the world wars happened. It’s debated exactly what the cause was (it may have been the world wars or even the Cold War; why change your traditions if the world is about to end in nuclear fire?), but post WWII saw the rise of evangelicalism, a term I’m using here in its political science definition (Christians who tend toward biblical literalism/fundamentalism and social conservatism), as the larger branch of Protestant Christianity in the country. I’m not sure what would cause a shift so drastic that the WBC would look normal, but it’s possible. I just really hope that doesn’t happen (fingers fucking crossed). Hey, we have something in common. We’ve obviously landed in rather different places, and talking with you more, I really do hope nothing I’ve said has brought up any bad memories. I wasn’t really aiming for a debate, but I am glad this is a positive experience for you!
  9. InBrightestDay

    Jaimie's Campfire (StarRebels)

    Ok, so I’ve finished Chapter 2, and am sort of figuring out how to write the review for it, but it occurs to me that there’s a question concerning Chapter 1 I actually forgot to ask. I’m not going to ask about how the theocracy works in general, since you explained a decent amount of it in the post above, and the question of how we got here may come up later (or, frankly, might not actually be important), but I will ask about this: the theocracy is referred to as Christian, and it is, in broad strokes, but throughout the first chapter you seemed to be dropping hints that these people aren’t a denomination of Christianity as it is practiced today. During the baptism scene, for instance, the reverend says to Joe that it’s been x amount of time since his brother “was given angel wings”, and says that said brother is watching over them. While you do sometimes hear this from laypeople, it would be somewhat odd to hear it from an actual minister. In Judaism, Christianity and Islam, angels are a very different form of life, and humans do not become angels when they die. Later, during the shared birthday, you had one of the boys given a “Saint James Bible”. So far as I can tell, no such translation exists, which suggests that the theocracy has its own version of the scriptures, likely edited for its politcal purposes. I thought this was actually really clever, but it did catch my eye that the gang is attending what’s referred to as a Baptist church. The theocracy has practices that don’t align with Baptists (a toddler is being baptized in that one scene, and the Baptist denomination doesn’t practice infant baptism, instead waiting until the child is around seven or eight years old), so what’s going on there? It’s possible that Southern Baptists were allowed to continue worship as they do (though a lot of Christian denominations would end up opposed to this theocracy, and would likely have been driven underground), or that this church used to belong to the Southern Baptist Conference but now belongs to whatever denomination the theocracy is. I was just curious about how it worked out. Examples of the “driven underground” thing above:
  10. InBrightestDay

    Jaimie's Campfire (StarRebels)

    Sorry if that came across as harsh. The cut-offs really were the only thing I would call a criticism, and that is a delicate balancing act, figuring out when and where to employ it. Like I said, there were times it worked exactly as intended and made the dialogue feel more real. As you no doubt noticed from there being no review today, I won’t be able to do one of these daily. I have several other things I’m reading and writing. Amusingly, one of the stories taking shape in my head (I have the plot, but haven’t worked out the main character’s arc yet) is almost like Fiends’ mirror image. Anyway, I will try and steadily work my way through Chapter 2 soonish. You mention that this is an early work and maybe a little rough compared to your later stuff, but while I don’t have anything later to compare it to, I think it’s a hell of a good start!
  11. InBrightestDay

    InBrightestDay's (Originals) Review Reply & Discussion Thread

    Alright! The last review from @GeorgeGlass I won’t go into this too deeply, as a future story may have a scene addressing the topic again, but this is definitely an overriding philosophy on display here: science and philosophy (religion included) are two ways of looking at the world, and if both religion and science are equally valid, as is the case in this story, then at the points where the two touch, they should overlap without conflicting. I personally like the effect when you combine the two. This comes up in Chapter 3 with Luzurial’s happiest memory being 13.6 billion years ago, fusion igniting inside the first star, when Luzurial explains that lower-ranking angels look like the mortals of whatever planet they’re assigned to and so on. It’s something I really enjoyed doing with the story. I had so much fun with that. Credit must also be given to @JayDee, because way back in the day, I was actually just going to have Luzurial get a new sword when she regained her wings. However, during conversation with JayDee, they mentioned that the sword is actually a part of Luzurial, like a shard of her soul, so at that point she had to get it back, and the idea of using the flaming whip like that was way too good to pass up! I thought about that, and I admit this has to do with the mental image that resulted. Holy water is water that’s been blessed by a priest, and when I considered it being standard use against beings like this, I had the image of a bunch of priests on like an assembly line, blessing holy water in huge quantities...and I started chuckling at the image. So yeah, holy water is made in relatively small quantities, but it’s for a very personal reason. So...I am very sorry about that. I wish there were some manner of explanation I could give you, but the simple fact was that I didn’t think of it. I can’t begin to explain why I never thought to have her say it in the denouement. Doesn’t make me look particularly intelligent, does it? Again, I’m sorry. Thank you again! The Hell scene wasn’t something I’d planned from the beginning but evolved out of the storytelling. It all started with that bit in Chapter 4 where I was sort of summing Eparlegna’s character up through dialogue, and then later with his dialogue with Kevin in Chapter 6 he kept insulting Lucifer and I started to have thoughts... Thank you for the reviews, and I’m really happy you enjoyed it.
  12. InBrightestDay

    InBrightestDay's (Originals) Review Reply & Discussion Thread

    Ok, so I was away from home for a while, but we have some more reviews for WitS from @GeorgeGlass! This is definitely an area where the compressed timeframe of the story affected how fast it moved. This whole thing takes place over about a week, and I had a hard time believing Eparlegna would wait too long to make his move. Given that, I definitely ended up having Luzurial come to her decision faster than if the story had taken place over, say, a month. I was definitely aware of what you’re talking about, which was why I stretched the timeline out by one more day, so that Luzurial had around an entire day to think about what she was going to do, rather than, say, a few hours. Thank you! That kind of came from JayDee. In Whore of Heaven, the barrier is described as looking vaguely like smoke, so I figured there might be a sense of that as it expanded, and with the agents driving away from it I was kind of reminded of the pyroclastic flow scene from Dante’s Peak. Correct. I didn’t think I’d be able to create a Sloth monster that was actually threatening, but figured out I could make it work if it sapped the energy from people around it. The Gluttony creature you only hear about, from the elevator shaft, actually has a little bit of extra story behind it. I remember talking in the review thread for one of @InvidiaRed’s stories about insect mouthparts and the proboscis, and posting by way of example a wheelbug up close to show it. Invidia was like “Well THAT’s terrifying.” I couldn’t resist having a creature design with a similar organ and have someone else take Invidia’s “Well SCREW that!” attitude toward it. Thank you again! I was rather fond of that one. *shakes fist at the sky* JAAAAAYDEEEEEE!
  13. InBrightestDay

    InBrightestDay's (Originals) Review Reply & Discussion Thread

    Another review from @GeorgeGlass, this time for WitS chapters 4-6! One does wonder about the insurance claim there… Kind of reminds me of that bit from Big Trouble in Little China where Jack Burton is trying to figure out what to do concerning the loss of his truck due to supernatural forces. “...And I don’t want to hear ‘Act of God’.” The Charnel Spider does seem to be something of a fan favorite. Because none of this would have happened without JayDee giving me permission to write it, they got an advance copy of every chapter before posting, and I remember being really excited to show them the Charnel Spider, due to the...well, I guess it really being kind of fucked up horror imagery. I wasn’t really sure how to portray an Envy-based monster. The problem there was that the obvious solution, shapeshifting to be what it wants to be, was something that, if I recall correctly, Fullmetal Alchemist had already done with the homunculus Envy. The idea of, instead of copying what you want, taking it from someone else, was sufficiently creepy to me (“I wish I had skin like I’ll just take yours.”) that I went with that. I’m glad the confrontation was reminiscent of WoH, as this was probably the part of the story where I was most dedicated to evoking some of the feel of JayDee’s first story. Thanks again for the review!
  14. InBrightestDay

    InBrightestDay's (Originals) Review Reply & Discussion Thread

    Ok, so, I’m working on a few different things, and I just now happened to go to my gmail account and oh crap @GeorgeGlass left a WitS review two days ago and I didn’t notice it! Well, let’s rectify that. Thank you! The “castrate him with a spork” thing made me chuckle a bit as well. I mentioned this in the AN, but the tentacle scene was the first one I’d ever actually written, so I was definitely nervous. The positive reception it’s gotten has been very encouraging. Finally, I’m glad you enjoyed the little bit of payback Hobbes gets. I knew what I was going to do to Barbara, and I just kind of wanted to give her...I don’t know, something, some little moment where she gets back at him at least a little. Glad you’re enjoying the story so far, and I hope it continues to be fun for you!
  15. Ok, so it’s been a long time since I’ve posted anything here.  Not a long time since I visited the site, but I’ve been very quiet.  I have, however, in the last week had JayDee, Sparrow and one person on the DR asking “Are you dead?”

    Allow me to settle that.  I am, in fact, dead.  I’m sure you’re all wondering how I’m typing this, and it is a mystery.  I can’t quite answer it myself.  Blame JayDee’s slumber party super team for this; it sounds like something that would happen to them.

    Ok, obviously I’m not dead.  A lot has been going on, some of which is cool and some of which will be awkward to talk about, but I feel like I should tell you all about it.

    First off, I turned 35 back in April, and had my latest midlife crisis.  I have one of those every year, stressing about all the things I haven’t done in my life, and they’re getting more appropriate since, in four years, I’ll hit what, statistically, is mid-life for an average American male.  Likely in response to this, I am...endeavoring to get a new job, after working at a grocery store for the last decade.  I don’t want to elaborate too much, because this might fall through, and I may instead have to just push harder to advance at the store.  If things work out, there will be a prolonged training program (about six months), but after that I should be making enough money to live on my own, meaning I will no longer be an approaching-middle-age-man living with my parents.  I don’t want to say any more than that now, lest I get my own hopes up too much, but I will let all of you know if things move forward.

    Up next, I should explain why I stopped talking.

    Part of my Asperger’s is something whose technical name I don’t know, but that I’ve heard referred to simply as “avoidance.”  Generally, when something stresses me out, I tend to begin looking at or doing anything else.  That became a factor recently.

    Some of you have presumably been following Mortuus Orbis, a multi-franchise crossover story I co-wrote with Sparrow.  It’s massive, far larger than I realized it would be when I agreed to work on it (to be fair, I also think it’s far larger than Sparrow thought it would be).  Two arcs, the one just titled Mortuus Orbis and the second one, titled Bunkerkampf, have been written, but there are three more to go, and then there were also plans for a sequel.  It’s part of a much bigger multiverse too, and as we talked during writing, I remember multiple other stories being discussed, including a story involving the Halo and Metroid franchises, another involving a massive planetary siege, and another that involved Avatar: The Last Airbender.  I also couldn’t see an endpoint to this, a place where it would really be over and done with.  Assuming these were all like MO, I would be doing the vast majority of the writing.

    I saw this multiverse stretching out ahead of me, potentially forever...and I panicked.

    Well, panicked isn’t the right word.  That sounds like I was like…


    What really happened was that the avoidance kicked in, and I began to not-entirely-consciously withdraw from conversations that could or would likely involve this huge project, ending up with me going very quiet on AFF.  This did result in me being more relaxed, but at the same time it meant me abandoning Sparrow and not interacting with all of you here, so this is an untenable situation.  I have to figure out how to approach this again.

    I’m not entirely sure how to do this, but I want to make it work.  At the very least, I will eventually finish the remaining three arcs of MO.  I’m not sure what the writing schedule will look like, given what I said about the possible (fingers crossed) change in careers.  If I get settled into an apartment and therefore don’t have to constantly take care of dogs, I’ll actually have more uninterrupted time to write, but again I really don’t want to get too far ahead of myself.  At any rate we’re in an uncertain time right now, but I hope to know reasonably soon whether the training will start or not.

    I do have some other projects going on at the moment, though, so I’d like to take a moment to discuss a few of them.

    Mommy Loves You: Games (Dungeons & Dragons).  A oneshot, it is nearing completion, expecting around 5k words.  This story is entirely Sparrow’s fault, and he will thus have it dedicated to/inflicted on him. ;)

    Sins of the Fathers: Games (D&D).  A possible sequel to MLY, this is still somewhat theoretical, but I have a rough idea of how it would go.

    Noctis Sector Chronicles – Do Not Go Gentle: Original (kinda).  In progress.  A oneshot and partway done, but longer than MLY (will likely end up around 15k words).  This is part of the Dark Star universe created by John Drake.  He allowed several of his readers to design alien species for the universe, which led to characters created by readers and stories that introduce them, which came to be called the Noctis Sector Chronicles.  Two are already up, and this is to be mine.  The character, Selara, will also be one of the protagonists in a huge project below.

    Title Redacted: Miscellaneous crossovers.  In progress.  Sparrow-adjacent.  Takes place in the multiverse; obvious connection.  Entire cast classified, wish to preserve surprise, but fact that I’m speaking like a scientist Salarian *inhale*...suspicious.

    Found Family: Original (kinda, again).  In progress.  This started out as a story idea of mine, using all of the alien OCs as characters, and then another reader, currently going by Aia (she changes her screen name frequently) got super excited and REALLY wanted to co-write.  And then she just took off with writing it herself.  I’m very much involved in story planning and editing, but basically Aia and my writing relationship is Sparrow and my writing relationship backwards.  I came up with the story idea and most of the plot, she writes (except for a few select scenes I did myself) and I edit.

    Aia is a beast, though.  Where I may get a scene done in a day, Aia usually gets a chapter, something like 18,000 words, done in a day.  It’s a lot to read and keep up with.

    Anyway, FF started out as one book with three acts, but given the increased character focus, it became three books (it’s like the Snyder cut of an internet fic).  Anyway, this will go up on AFF, along with my NSC story, once both are done.

    Tales of the Multiverse: Containment Breach: Anime crossovers.  In planning.  Action/horror story starring Marlene and Yuji from Blue Gender and other characters I need to come up with (‘cause what’s the point of a multiverse team if you can’t throw some other people in there?) facing a threat from an alternate Earth that went very bad.

    The Arena: Miscellaneous crossovers.  Still very much in planning.  I haven’t started writing because this one needs more work in terms of story structure, specifically laying groundwork for the third act.  I have a lot of moments in there, but some of the things I’d thrown in fall into that category where they’re badass, but aren’t rooted in character arcs, and without that the events feel empty.  I’m somewhat nervous now that the field of “Deathstalker Giant Crossover-Inspired Fics” is no longer empty, so this has to be as good as I can make it so that it’s not completely overshadowed by MO.

    Long Is the Way: This one won’t even be on AFF, but I want to mention this for completeness’ sake...and because you all will laugh when I tell you that yes, I am in the process of rescuing someone else’s angel.  I have an outline, which I’ll almost certainly share with JayDee because they must suffer all of my stories like this. :P  The short version is that this will be “InBrightestDay does Dante’s Inferno” and the title comes from a Milton quote: “Long is the way and hard, that out of Hell leads up to light.”

    The Spider House: Original.  In planning.  Cody and Yua’s intro story.  Y’all know about this one, but I am looking forward to whenever I get to writing it.  Low on the list because it doesn’t have to come out at any specific time.

    Anyway, I hope this sheds a little light on things.  I wish I could elaborate on the job thing, but again, I’m really scared of getting too optimistic and then being let down, so I don’t want to go into detail.

    1. Show previous comments  6 more
    2. JayDee


      I think it’s at least partly that I’ve had more exposure to them, besides enjoying Social Distancing and the Halloween 2019 After Party oneshots, and the little extracts you sent like Yua [edit – wait, fuck spoiler, sorry!] I got to have my own little shot at writing Cody for the end of Parlor Games which would get anybody even fonder of a character :)


    3. Sparrow


      Actually no, I need to say more than that. Since this is my fault to begin with.

      Where to start…


       Assuming these were all like MO, I would be doing the vast majority of the writing.

      Yeah, I’m sorry about that. I fell back into some bad habits. In the increasingly unlikely future where the rest of MO gets written, I’d definitely try and do more to pull my own weight.

      As for my multiverse madness, don’t worry about it. Even in my own mind it’s a long way from ever getting written, assuming I ever do. Mainly because I can’t figure out how to frame any of it in a way that would work as a story.


      stuff about new job

      As someone who’s been struggling to find gainful employment myself for these past six months (and then some), I very much hope this works out for you. I’ll be lucky if I can get minimum wage, nevermind enough to buy my own place. 


      Mommy Loves You: This story is entirely Sparrow’s fault, and he will thus have it dedicated to/inflicted on him.

      ...It is? The only thing you told me about that could be this, didn’t have anything to do with D&D. This is as much a mystery to me as everyone else.


      stuff related to the Dark Star stories

      I had assumed that was what you were working on all this time, and that you were working on it on Drake’s discord, since you knew that’d be the one place I’d never go. Least I wasn’t entirely off the mark.


      I’m somewhat nervous now that the field of “Deathstalker Giant Crossover-Inspired Fics” is no longer empty, so this has to be as good as I can make it so that it’s not completely overshadowed by MO.

      Unlikely. Aside from how much more coherent what of it you’ve described to me is, mine is much more obviously a rip of DS’s original, whereas yours could easily stand on its own.

      Besides, MO has a readership of around five people. That’s not much of a shadow to get out of.

      You’ll be fine.

    4. JayDee


      Good luck with the job hunt.