InvidiaRed

Writing Advice from my former professors
largely paraphrased
If a point can be delivered with a pinprick, avoid substituting a sledgehammer unless the situation really calls for a sledgehammer. In that case, illustrate the fallout from said sledgehammer. There are good writers, and there are popular writers; rarely are the two the same, but overtime, they may become viewed as the same. CoughcoughSHAKESPEAREcough. If your narration has to include “somehow,” you’ve probably got a plothole. Get a shovel and fill the damned thing. Books aren’t gardens – take it easy on the flowery prose or your readers may start sneezing. Hook them in the first sentence or you’ll have to fight to reel them in; land them in the first paragraph, or all you’ll have is a fish story. Know your audience and choose your vocabulary accordingly; learned middle age Brits may know what it means to dandle a baby but teenagers will assume you’re a sex offender. Dickinson never said anyways. Austen never used the word orbs. Orwell didn’t write bugged eyes. If you’re going to emulate someone, pick someone who knows what they’re doing, not a teenager who just discovered twilight and writes in emojis. Mark Twain. You either love him or you hate him, and if you love him, chances are, you also kinda hate him a little bit. Avoid the monologue – your characters need to breathe! They need to process things! They aren’t standing alone on a stage bitching at a bleached human skull, let them be interrupted! Adverbs. Know when they contribute to the story, and slaughter them when they don’t. It’s okay to gate-keep parts of speech. Sheep is already plural, you bloat-brained mindless self-important turnips. Pluralizing plural words will earn you a failing grade and a sound brain-dusting. Keep a hard copy of common references handy while writing, especially a decent dictionary. It takes a minute to flip through pages; checking online leads you to Facebook which leads you to Twitter, then your favorite blog, then five or six click-bait articles, then next thing you know, it’s one and your assignment was due at midnight. English is bullshit. Next question. We’re taught that Paragraphs need to be 4-6 sentences, but guess what? Paragraphs aren’t prescriptions. Sometimes they need to be smaller. Sometimes, larger. Always, they’re prescribed for one speaker at a time except in extenuating circumstances. Start a new one for each new condition and each new patient, or you’ll never break down the text walls. You can’t apply the same rules and fixes to every single situation. Learn what to apply and when, otherwise you’ll just confuse yourself. Vary your fucking sentence structure and length, you filthy rotten philistines. Don’t line the entire page with rows of naked uncut spaghetti noodles and olives and expect the reader to call it delicious! Syntax! Variety! Don’t leave your readers lost and hungry! Do! Your! Fecking! Research! You! Lazy! Impudent! Brats! Don’t write about high wind warnings on planets with no atmosphere or gravity or you’ll look like an out of this world idiot.

Chapter count for The Woman in the Statue is being changed again, this time to 11 chapters.  This isn’t because I’ve added a ton more story or anything; it’s just a matter of word count.  For instance, even after splitting Chapter 10 into 10 and 11, what I have of the final chapter is still over 11,000 words, and I am not done.
Of course, I wouldn’t be posting this just to say that.  Ok, so...*deep breath*
I will be posting Chapter 10 of 11 of WitS one week from today.  That chapter is done (and JayDee’s already seen it) so that won’t be a problem.  One week after that, Chapter 11 goes up, and we finally finish this.
Full disclosure: I’m terrified.  Fingers crossed, everyone!

This is what I get for Googling myself: "21 Die in Lake George Glass Bottom Boat Accident"

Things dog people should know about cats:
They don’t hate everything – some of them just have resting bitch behavior. They don’t want to kill you in your sleep – they want to cuddle...your face. Some are picky about food. Others? “Feed me right now oR i WiLl ScReAm!!!” The fat ones are the cuddliest. The skinny ones make good parrots. They’re not lazy – they conserve energy for their one-am zoomies. No, they don’t care if that doesn’t work with your schedule. Hairballs...that’s really just a euphamism for “fur-filled barf-cigar.” If you treat them right, and don’t treat them like dogs, chances are they’ll love you for life. If you treat them like dogs, they’ll become assholes. On the other hand, some really are just assholes from the start. It’s a toss-up. Toe-beans. ‘nuff said. Brought to you by my two babies, Heiferlump Chance and Woozle Thomas...one of whom is screaming for food right now. Cats.

Damn it, phone, I said "erect nipples," not "wrecked nipples." Do you do this stuff just to mess with me?

After 10 years of writing porn, I have finally learned to spell “ecstasy” without the help of autocorrect.

New chapter for
Muggletum Finivi

Here’s to all those morrowind lovers out there <3

The upside of being an unpublished SFF novelist is that you have tons of made-up names to use as website passwords.

Just got a desktop computer for the first time, and feel like I’m staring at a giant screen… the forum is HUGE now… 

I didn't used to have a favorite Disney villain. But the other night, I watched the Princess and the Frog, and now it's Dr Facilier -- the Shadow Man. Even his death is awesome.

only good thing that is happenening in 2020 is that all walmarts are closed on thanksgiving and there might not be a black friday this year! thats kinda sad not that i think about it, but eh!

Wear a mask.  That is all...

Since I can’t eat scallops in peace. i’ve decided ya’ll have to  live with this image too.

Since I can’t eat scallops in peace. i’ve decided ya’ll have to  live with this image too.

Since I can’t eat scallops in peace. i’ve decided ya’ll have to  live with this image too.

Since I can’t eat scallops in peace. i’ve decided ya’ll have to  live with this image too.

Body horror is surprisingly tricky.

Working 60+ hours is not conducive to writing.

The very happiest of birthdays to WillowDarkling, my sweet Neko-baby! I’m wishing for only wonderful things for you this year!    

Final grade for the fan fiction terminology final assignment is in, and the assignment earned me an 8,5 (out of 10), which resulted in a final grade for the course, of 8. Not too shitty…