Halloween 2023 Reviews

[InvidiaRed]

This is where they’ll be ❤️

[GeorgeGlass]

From InvidiaRed on October 21, 2023

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The Ultimate

by George Glass

That was fascinating and hightlighted the eerie otherworldliness that can only be the good neighbors.

 

Glad you enjoyed!

[InvidiaRed]

From GeorgeGlass on October 30, 2023

"Beyond the Monster Isles" by InvidiaRed

Wildly imaginative, as I've come to expect from IR. Some of the punctuation and capitalization is a bit random, which slowed my reading down a little, but the characters are inventive (I particularly liked the dwarven sea captain), and the ending is satisfying. 

Indeed! Very randy but his honor is beyond question.

 

[InvidiaRed]

From InBrightestDay on October 29, 2023

Beyond the Monster Isles

Well...it's been a while, hasn't it?  Figured even if I don't contribute, I should review both of these by Halloween, so I'll start with yours! It is always a treat, and always a pleasure.

Warning, this review will contain SPOILERS

This one doesn't feel particularly Halloween-themed, but the story itself is pretty cool nonetheless.  It kind of reminds me of some of Robert E. Howard's Conan stories, though it's hard to say why beyond a sort of feeling: something about the tone and the harshness of the fantasy world.  That actually ties into something I found myself pleasantly surprised by.  When Berta's husbands are first mentioned, the way they were talked about felt a little callous, a bit "Well, they should have listened..."  It reinforced that feel of the world, of course, and it was clear that Berta misses her first husband at least, but it felt a little unpleasant. I think what is most fascinating is… that’s who’ve I’ve started reading.

So needless to say when the old man (Polis?) decides to dunk on them some more and Berta's like "Oh, don't you say SHIT about my husbands!" that was a very nice turn of events. She was trying to deescalate right up until he had the audacity to speak the name of her child that she told no one. That was the exact heartbeat, he had to go.

As for the story itself, I feel it's evidence of your continued improvement as an author.  A problem that some of your other stories faced was that the shorts would feel like they were part of a much larger story we didn't have, and moreover that they were difficult to understand without the broader context, the feeling of "This story is assuming I've read something else already..." I always strive to improve, well that and getting an actual map for the book lol.

Beyond the Monster Isles feels far more readily accessible and self-contained.  It does venture a bit into that territory with some of the stuff on the island (not sure what was up with the piranha visions or the thing that picks up Berta when she dies), but overall the story felt like it generally told me what I needed to know, and what was out of focus didn't need to be in focus.  There's also some really cool visual imagery, especially the bit where the ship gets lifted into the air and then disintegrated.

All in all, nicely done! Thank you. I’ll go more in detail in my own thread.

[InBrightestDay]

It is unfortunately way too late at night for me to post another review or respond to Invidia, but I will get to it tomorrow.

In the meantime, please enjoy this dramatic reenactment of @GeorgeGlass’s story.

 

[GeorgeGlass]

Wow, @InBrightestDay, you really captured the essence of the story.

[GeorgeGlass]

From InBrightestDay on November 04, 2023

The Ultimate

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I like the way the world is revealed.  At first I thought this was taking place in a sort of medieval setting.  The way the glen is described even made me think of it as a faerie portal, in which case the warnings about getting stuck there would be pretty valid (not everyone in the feywild is nice).  However, the little details, like how marriages only last seven years, or the different gods and goddesses, worked well to clue the reader in that this is a fantasy world even before the two women went through the portal and the Ursans showed up.

Yeah, it’s meant to be medieval fantasy. And I had a little fun with the world building.

Speaking of which, after that it's a pretty hot sex scene.  I'm not generally into anthro stuff, but the Ursans are human-like enough, and generally the story doesn't focus too much on their nonhuman traits (aside from mentions of their muzzles during kissing), so it didn't bother me.

It took me a while to figure out what the creatures beyond the portal would actually be, such that I was well into writing the story by the time I made up my mind. So those details were added in later.

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I did feel a little bad for Meri's husband, I have to admit.  Usually in stories where the wife isn't getting enough attention from the husband, he's being neglectful.  Here, he's just burned out because life in a pseudo-medieval setting involves a ton of physical labor.  Hopefully Meri does still enjoy her sex life with him, as she seems to take charge a little more at the end.

He is a bit neglectful, in the sense that he has been prioritizing his responsibilities so much that Merri isn’t getting a very big share of his attention or energy.

I had in my mind, but didn’t really put on the page, that in this world spouses are held to a slightly higher standard in terms of marital attention because marriages are time-limited.

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All in all, awesome work and a great read!

Thanks! Looking forward to your end-of-year story.

[InBrightestDay]

Alright, now that I have a moment, let me talk a bit here!

On 10/31/2023 at 4:52 AM, InvidiaRed said:

I think what is most fascinating is… that’s who’ve I’ve started reading.

Well then I think you nailed it. 😁  There’s something I can’t quite describe about the stories, something you can feel about the world of the Hyborian Age, and I got that same feeling from your story.

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She was trying to deescalate right up until he had the audacity to speak the name of her child that she told no one. That was the exact heartbeat, he had to go.

And he actually led with that one!  I don’t think he started shit-talking her husbands until after mentioning that he strangled her baby in the womb.  That does make me wonder about his goal there.  It felt like he was deliberately antagonizing Berta, but I can’t see what that was supposed to accomplish...aside from being the world’s most epic suicide, I suppose.

5 hours ago, GeorgeGlass said:

Yeah, it’s meant to be medieval fantasy. And I had a little fun with the world building.

Sorry 😅, I was bad at wording it there.  I meant I spent a while trying to work out if it took place in actual Medieval Europe, rather than a fictional equivalent.

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It took me a while to figure out what the creatures beyond the portal would actually be, such that I was well into writing the story by the time I made up my mind. So those details were added in later.

Aha, so it was a bit of surprise to the author as well as the reader!  Writing is kind of an interesting process like that, both creation and discovery, in a way.

 

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He is a bit neglectful, in the sense that he has been prioritizing his responsibilities so much that Merri isn’t getting a very big share of his attention or energy.

I had in my mind, but didn’t really put on the page, that in this world spouses are held to a slightly higher standard in terms of marital attention because marriages are time-limited.

Apologies for that bit.  I actually went back and forth about whether to even put it in the review, as I didn’t want it to sound like I didn’t enjoy the story.  Maybe he just didn’t seem that bad compared to other spouses I’ve read in stories like this; I don’t know.  I don’t think you did anything wrong as a writer, I promise. 

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Looking forward to your end-of-year story.

Thank you!  I’ll do my best!

Edited November 6, 2023 by InBrightestDay

[InvidiaRed]

16 minutes ago, InBrightestDay said:

Alright, now that I have a moment, let me talk a bit here!

Well then I think you nailed it. 😁  There’s something I can’t quite describe about the stories, something you can feel about the world of the Hyborian Age, and I got that same feeling from your story.

And he actually led with that one!  I don’t think he started shit-talking her husbands until after mentioning that he strangled her baby in the womb.  That does make me wonder about his goal there.  It felt like he was deliberately antagonizing Berta, but I can’t see what that was supposed to accomplish...aside from being the world’s most epic suicide, I suppose.

 

He was blind to the true danger she truly represented, Being as immortal as long as civilization endured he was absolutely banking on there was nothing she could do that would matter, His first temple suffused with his power was as immortal as he was. There was no attempt at resisting, no attempt to miracle.

What he hadn’t counted on (if the first time we met Berta was at her worst, This time we get to see her at her apex, her absolute zenith) One of the strongest mages to ever grace that world and capable of blurring the edge of what mortals can achieve. Three different gods, two of which are two entirely different generations long at war Monster Deities and Ever-Sheltering, And the first crossover… She called out and Duncan answered.

Polis was such a resolute bastard that warring gods and existence all agreed that everything within that boundary didn’t. For crimes against life itself he was thrown outside that universe. That temple and Polis himself experienced a sudden lack of existence. Not dead, just gone. Cast into a null space. Probably colliding with Amphisbaena