something feels off here

[SirGeneralSir]

I have a line here and I can not figure out what is the best way to articulate it, advice? 

Context, goddess just gave the young man some of her power to make him a Champion and eventual Hero, the calling him a good boy part is what I have an issue with.

"That was me giving you some of my energy, just a little bit of it. Now you and I will be connected for all time, you will grow stronger and faster, and you will be more resilient to poisons and other nasty little things. Heroes and champions are only a few steps from becoming a demi-god. If you were to have children now they too would have the unlocked power that you do. You don't have any children yet do you?" 
Loric just looked away blushing even more.
"Oh my, I really did find a good boy don't I? Do not worry about it, maybe sometime you will find a woman worthy of bearing your children," Ava said while biting one of her fingernails and giving him a devilish smile.

[Deadman]

1 hour ago, SirGeneralSir said:

I have a line here and I can not figure out what is the best way to articulate it, advice? 

Context, goddess just gave the young man some of her power to make him a Champion and eventual Hero, the calling him a good boy part is what I have an issue with.

"That was me giving you some of my energy, just a little bit of it. Now you and I will be connected for all time, you will grow stronger and faster, and you will be more resilient to poisons and other nasty little things. Heroes and champions are only a few steps from becoming a demi-god. If you were to have children now they too would have the unlocked power that you do. You don't have any children yet do you?" 
Loric just looked away blushing even more.
"Oh my, I really did find a good boy don't I? Do not worry about it, maybe sometime you will find a woman worthy of bearing your children," Ava said while biting one of her fingernails and giving him a devilish smile.

Well I think it sorta depends on how the relationship is between the two characters. As a goddess, she would probably see a human as like a child. So it can work, but if you’re thinking this relationship is more equal or sexual in nature, it might be weird. Unless that’s something they’re both into. Or the goddess is more dominant in the relationship.
 

[Thundercloud]

Replace “good” with “shy”?

[SirGeneralSir]

The goddess is 100% sexually teasing him, that is her thing without actually prompting him or directly offering anything.

In this world all the other gods, goddesses, and demon lords are all either dead or banished during a war over 1k years ago, but the remains of their armies are still around and without anything to command or control them, they do what they want.

Think of Goblin Slayer meets witcher, the young man becomes the witcher without the potion/ritual thing

[Deadman]

6 hours ago, SirGeneralSir said:

The goddess is 100% sexually teasing him, that is her thing without actually prompting him or directly offering anything.

In this world all the other gods, goddesses, and demon lords are all either dead or banished during a war over 1k years ago, but the remains of their armies are still around and without anything to command or control them, they do what they want.

Think of Goblin Slayer meets witcher, the young man becomes the witcher without the potion/ritual thing

Okay well, I don’t watch Goblin Slayer or Witcher personally, but I have a general sense of those.

So now that we know the goddess is sexually teasing him, that could work well. Though @Thundercloud’s suggestion of replacing it with shy might work.

But if the goddess has power over the individual she’s calling a “good boy” in their relationship, you should be fine. I get why it is difficult.

[SirGeneralSir]

I was going with “good boy” because in this instance, it is supposed to hind that the young man not only is respectful based on encounters from before but that he hasn't even been with a woman.

so she is teasing him and also complimenting him at him being “a good boy” not sure about shy

[BronxWench]

2 hours ago, SirGeneralSir said:

I was going with “good boy” because in this instance, it is supposed to hind that the young man not only is respectful based on encounters from before but that he hasn't even been with a woman.

so she is teasing him and also complimenting him at him being “a good boy” not sure about shy

Why not have her call him a little virgin?

[Desiderius Price]

13 hours ago, SirGeneralSir said:

I was going with “good boy” because in this instance, it is supposed to hind that the young man not only is respectful based on encounters from before but that he hasn't even been with a woman.

so she is teasing him and also complimenting him at him being “a good boy” not sure about shy

Given age (& power) disparities… other options might include “kid” “child” or even “beast”/”toy”.

[SirGeneralSir]

Not sure if that would fit her personality or goals, as she needs him and starts off just trying to be flirty and playful, she eventually ends up with strong romantic desires and feelings for him.

She likes to clearly flirt playfully, more directed at the idea of being a very fun-loving goddess though it also hides her isolation and loneliness, that she becomes dependant on the character to be there with her even though she has a lot of power.

 

[Desiderius Price]

2 hours ago, SirGeneralSir said:

Not sure if that would fit her personality or goals, as she needs him and starts off just trying to be flirty and playful, she eventually ends up with strong romantic desires and feelings for him.

She likes to clearly flirt playfully, more directed at the idea of being a very fun-loving goddess though it also hides her isolation and loneliness, that she becomes dependant on the character to be there with her even though she has a lot of power.

I’m going for the shotgun approach on suggestions, giving a bunch and seeing which ones stick.  A nickname or two between them can help describe the relationship too.  And as the founder of Home Depot once said, anybody under 80 is a “kid” to him.

[SirGeneralSir]

8 hours ago, Desiderius Price said:

I’m going for the shotgun approach on suggestions, giving a bunch and seeing which ones stick.  A nickname or two between them can help describe the relationship too.  And as the founder of Home Depot once said, anybody under 80 is a “kid” to him.

If I was to give Loric a nickname from the Goddess (Ava) I think her calling him sweetheart or sweetie would be more her style. 

 

[SirGeneralSir]

Something I thought of for context, is that in the first encounter with the goddess, she is dressed in something kind of like a Roman goddess only less, you can't actually see anything but you can make out a lot of her body shape.

Being the gentleman that he is, Loric looks away casually so as not to offend her instead of trying to get a better look like many others would.

So Ava is impressed by him and gives her all the more reason to tease him and try to entice him, he is interested but wants to be respectful too.

[Desiderius Price]

10 hours ago, SirGeneralSir said:

If I was to give Loric a nickname from the Goddess (Ava) I think her calling him sweetheart or sweetie would be more her style.

Aw, traditional.  Naming can definitely hint to attitudes too.  In my potter fanfic, this girl’s name is Andrea, which is what the mother uses.  However, the girl prefers “Andy”, and the brother uses a derogatory “Ant” nickname.