TCR's Review Response Thread

[Tcr]

3 minutes ago, InBrightestDay said:

I don’t mean to make this sound worse than it was.  Trust me, if you actually found out why I was depressed, you’d probably think it was hilarious.

For that, I will definitely take your word for it.

4 minutes ago, InBrightestDay said:

I figured he called someone, and eventually word got to Adara.  It makes sense, don’t get me wrong, but I still thought it was funny.

Lol.  Kind of, but the idea I had was just that Adata had been there walking by and was like "Wtf?" upon seeing the Stellar Navy guy backtrack.

[Tcr]

With the start of a new challengefic story, welcome to the first review of "Strange Things From Stranger Places", from @CloverReef:

From PlagueClover on February 24, 2019
 

LOL that was not what I expected at all. Nice little twist. And I like your use of the singular 'They', though I would suggest you thin it out a bit (where possible) to make it feel more natural. Lovely little oneshot, thank you. 

I'm really glad you liked the twist.  I struggled to find a way to keep it from being too obvious while sprinkling hints throughout in order to make it less out of nowhere.  I admit, I might have oversaturated it with They, so accepted.

[Tcr]

And back to Last Full Measure (and @InBrightestDay).  Another review to keep the shelves clean (so shiny...).

From InBrightestDay on February 28, 2019
 

Well, finally getting around to the latest chapter of this.  Sorry for how long it's taken!

So...Celeste's problems just got a lot more serious, as far as I'm concerned.  If she's literally jumping awake a split-second from killing someone, that's not just a problem, but a pretty disqualifying one.  Like, she could kill someone if she's nappingand they try to wake her up.  Once they're down on the planet, I feel like that's going to be a massive problem.

In other news...

“Are there are questions?”

Hudson: "How do I get out of this chickenshit outfit?"

Sorry.  It was the first thing that came to mind.

There is something I'm wondering about with regards to that Q&A scene, though.

“Any idea of hostiles in the area?” Staff Sergeant Tsu asked.  Celeste shot her friend a quick glance, but said nothing to Lian.

“No intelligence on hostile numbers yet, no, Staff Sergeant,” Hamilton said.  “We’re going in blind.”

Aren't they in orbit?  Shouldn't they be able to see the colony from space?  I mean, sure, that won't tell them about hostiles inside of buildings, but they would know whether or not there were troop formations or vehicles outside.

***

Well, finally getting around to the latest chapter of this.  Sorry for how long it's taken!

As always, never need to apologize.  It's always a pleasure to get a review and seeing one from my fan, it's always great.  As long as you're enjoying it.

So...Celeste's problems just got a lot more serious, as far as I'm concerned.  If she's literally jumping awake a split-second from killing someone, that's not just a problem, but a pretty disqualifying one.  Like, she could kill someone if she's nappingand they try to wake her up.  Once they're down on the planet, I feel like that's going to be a massive problem.

It's a substantial and quite disqualifying issue.  It will be touched on further down the line, in a different manner of effect.  I did want to show that Celeste shouldn't be out there (a lot of it being her pushing her father to throw some weight around (something she did on Mars to disastrous results)).  It's also a major play throughout the story, so I hope I work it out properly. 

In other news...

“Are there are questions?”

Hudson: "How do I get out of this chickenshit outfit?"

Sorry.  It was the first thing that came to mind.

Lol.  "When they said alien, she thought they said illegal aliens sign up."

"Fuck you, Hudson."

"Any time, anywhere."

Bringing Aliens to mind, never apologize! Lol.  Like I said, it and several others were inspirations for LFM.  Besides, Hudson's one of the best of that group.  Lol.

There is something I'm wondering about with regards to that Q&A scene, though.

“Any idea of hostiles in the area?” Staff Sergeant Tsu asked.  Celeste shot her friend a quick glance, but said nothing to Lian.

“No intelligence on hostile numbers yet, no, Staff Sergeant,” Hamilton said.  “We’re going in blind.”

Aren't they in orbit?  Shouldn't they be able to see the colony from space?  I mean, sure, that won't tell them about hostiles inside of buildings, but they would know whether or not there were troop formations or vehicles outside.

This is definitely an issue, too.  They say I saw it, they were able to scan the base and colony, but not find lifesigns (kind of like modern sonar) and the colony is kind of like spotting an anthill from a plane in flight.  It's not huge.  I know, this doesn't discount imaging technology (which I should have stated the terraforming provides a heavy cloud cover and rain...  but I didn't think of that until 10 ....  I'm bad, I know ...).

Thank you, InBrightestDay.  I hope I have your interest piqued for nine and ten .

[Tcr]

Well, we have a twofer today...  One from @Sinfulwolf on Hunted and an anon on Last Full Measure...  Both greatly appreciated.

Hunted:

From SinfulWolf on March 04, 2019
 

A very combat focussed chapter, and it's quick paced and brutal. You are certainly much better now than you were at the start of this story. The improvement is notable. However, this chapter is rather short and it's all just the one fight. I think this chapter could have been combined with the last, and the story would have moved forward just as much.

You're most likely right.  I did break the chapters for a couple reasons I can distinctly remember...  1) I wanted to add a little suspense into the mix (in the case of Lucretia, who appeared behind) and 2) I didn't want to whiplash the readers in the chapter with too much back and forth.  Im not sure it worked as well as I had hoped, though.

And thank you.  I have tried to take some suggestions.  And vampires aren't my norm, so I am a little out of my zone...  But I'm glad you've noticed.  And I hope you're still enjoying it. 

 

Last Full Measure:

From ANON - boop on March 04, 2019
 

I'm really liking the main character! She's so strong and just unf, also very hot. I Love your writing style it flows so well and is descriptive!

Short, sweet, and too the point.  Lol.  Thank you, Boop.  I'm glad you really like Celeste.  And I don't know what unf stands for, but judging from the after statement, I'm going with a compliment (and I'm glad you think she's got, too...)  She probably the most broken of the characters I have written this far, so I hope she continues to be really liked .

As for my writing style…

Thank you.

Edited March 4, 2019 by Tcr

[Tcr]

And, from the oneshot collection, Strange Tales from Stranger Places, a review from @Sinfulwolf!

From SinfulWolf on March 05, 2019
 

"Come What May"

A short, and to the point little tale, that acomplished it's goal well. Interesting to see Celeste again, especially since it's not focussing too too much on her past, as her off shoots seem to do sometimes. I think it could have been a bit longer. Build up some tension on the mountain there, let the danger seep in just a bit. As is, it's mostly just being told it's dangerous.

Thank you, Sinful.  I had a rough time with this prompt before settling on writing in the LFM universe.  I'm glad, though, that you found it interesting to see Celeste again.  (It is her past, though...  lol.  The opening takes place one year after Christmas, Bloody Christmas)  I didn't intentionally dwell on the dark side of the immediate aftermath of Mars.  Admittedly, I agree, I should have let the danger sink in more.

[Tcr]

And, from the always great @CloverReef, on Strange Tales from Stranger Places, Come What May:

From PlagueClover on March 06, 2019
 

First of all, I just want to say that this was well written. 

Though there were a few typos. I'll give one example:
It wasn't so much a valley as more skin to Valles Marineris 

But those typos didn't really detract from it. It flowed fairly smoothly and was quite reminiscent of Mass Effect. Well done. I enjoyed it. 

Thank you.  I really had several false starts for the challenge, so it means a lot to hear it was well written.  Second...  Maybe Hades Valley was more skin...  lol.  Yeah, I wrote it mostly on my phone and for some reason, my phone really wants either a snuff story, exceptional PWP, or implied bestiality...  Kind of scary...  I think it's possessed.

I'm glad you liked it and I'm glad another inspiration for the overarching Last Full Measure universe came through.  (On a side note, I seriously debated showing a backstory for Adara...).  Thanks, Clover.

[Tcr]

Another on Strange Tales from Stranger Places.  This one from @JayDee (who I believe is a first on mine, so...  Welcome to tcr's nuthouse?... lol).

From JayDee on March 07, 2019
Part 1 oneshot–

The perspective from the alien works amazingly well. It also made me smile some, imagining the big alien trying to get some sleep when a capsule hits it’s dwelling. Can’t roll over and go back to sleep with that sort of thing going on!

I was happy to see the tent code up the top, and this one delivers in a brief hot scene. The tentacles changing color with desire was a neat touch. The idea of so many more drawn by the pheromones... I guess it could either go Nightmare or Night out round Temple Bar.

I enjoyed this’n!

***

The perspective from the alien works amazingly well. It also made me smile some, imagining the big alien trying to get some sleep when a capsule hits it’s dwelling. Can’t roll over and go back to sleep with that sort of thing going on!

I'm glad you thought so, JayDee.  I kind of struggled with just how much to present about them in order to keep it hidden (hopefully no one reads the reviews, lol).  Not to mention the opposite, being how much to reveal so it's not out of nowhere.  It made picking words for every day actions that much more interesting.  Lol.  And LOL.  Nope, just plain nope...  no sleep there.

I was happy to see the tent code up the top, and this one delivers in a brief hot scene. The tentacles changing color with desire was a neat touch. The idea of so many more drawn by the pheromones... I guess it could either go Nightmare or Night out round Temple Bar.

I enjoyed this’n!

I admit, the colour change was a last minute addition to add some unique features to Zenia and her race.  And I'm glad it was a hot scene...  First time writing tent scene, so I was nervous.  Lol.  (I know what I intended, but I like hearing what people think of it).

I'm quite happy you did.  Look forward to hearing more from you.

[JayDee]

1 hour ago, Tcr said:

 This one from @JayDee (who I believe is a first on mine, so...  Welcome to tcr's nuthouse?... lol).

I reviewed your AFF Holiday oneshot too, but that got replied in the thread there

Quote

(hopefully no one reads the reviews, lol). 

...d’oh, I’m normally good about spoiler warnings or else doing my best to keep spoiler free. I’ll go delete and edit it. Sorry about that!

[Tcr]

30 minutes ago, JayDee said:

I reviewed your AFF Holiday oneshot too, but that got replied in the thread there

...d’oh, I’m normally good about spoiler warnings or else doing my best to keep spoiler free. I’ll go delete and edit it. Sorry about that!

Lol.  Okay, you have a point...  Welcome to this Tcr Nuthouse.  And don't worry,  JayDee.  It's okay .

[Tcr]

And back to Last Full Measure and @InBrightestDay.  Always a pleasure to see you've reviewed.  Thank you very much.

 

From InBrightestDay on March 09, 2019
 

I'm back!

Not much happening in this chapter, but it does some nice world building, explaining the conflict between the Rebels and the United Earth government, and it's rather nicely balanced.  In quite a few works, the UEMC characters would be the bad guys, the storm troopers trying to kill an independence movement, but of course, as we've seen in conflicts across the real world, it's never that black and white.  So the likable characters working for the UEMC balance out their colonialist goals, and the atrocities committed by the Rebels balance out their noble goal.

Also, I couldn't help but wonder about the M-450.  It's never explained beyond being a heavy weapon, but I can't help but wonder what it is...

Also, this was interesting:

“Corporal Olafsdottir, ensure everyone is aboard,” Celeste said, glancing between Sam and Tirsa.  “I have nothing for you, PFC, though I’m sure Major Hamilton will.”  She stepped away and headed towards the drop ship bay’s control room, where Hamilton and Finnegan were standing.

“Get aboard, Sam, I’ll do a final check,” Tirsa said.  Sam stepped aboard the drop ship and Tirsa took a deep breath.  Not sure why youdidn’t get Ingvild todo this, SergeantMajor, but fine.

It does make me wonder why Celeste did that.  Perhaps she sensed some tension with Sam and, having issues with her own ex, wanted to give Tirsa a little space?  Maybe it's something else.  Either way, it's a nice little character moment.

***

I'm back!

YAY!  Welcome back!

Not much happening in this chapter, but it does some nice world building, explaining the conflict between the Rebels and the United Earth government, and it's rather nicely balanced.  In quite a few works, the UEMC characters would be the bad guys, the storm troopers trying to kill an independence movement, but of course, as we've seen in conflicts across the real world, it's never that black and white.  So the likable characters working for the UEMC balance out their colonialist goals, and the atrocities committed by the Rebels balance out their noble goal.

I'm glad the nuances and subtlety of the world isn't lost too much in the mix of worlds.  There are too many examples of real world conflicts that ultimately go to illustrate your words.  Indeed, one of the other inspirations for LFM was the Anglo-Zulu War, specifically the Battle of Rorke's Drift.  (The Battle of Castle Itter,  known as the strangest battle of World War II, was another.) And yes, war and conflict are never as simple as black and white, at least never as teachers and instructors like to present.

Also, I couldn't help but wonder about the M-450.  It's never explained beyond being a heavy weapon, but I can't help but wonder what it is...

Lol.  The M-420, which will be explained a little more as the tale goes on, is a GPMG (general purpose machine gun) (thank you, @Sinfulwolf).  I think I might have forgotten to change some of its designation though...  oops.

Also, this was interesting:

“Corporal Olafsdottir, ensure everyone is aboard,” Celeste said, glancing between Sam and Tirsa.  “I have nothing for you, PFC, though I’m sure Major Hamilton will.”  She stepped away and headed towards the drop ship bay’s control room, where Hamilton and Finnegan were standing.

“Get aboard, Sam, I’ll do a final check,” Tirsa said.  Sam stepped aboard the drop ship and Tirsa took a deep breath.  Not sure why youdidn’t get Ingvild todo this, SergeantMajor, but fine.

It does make me wonder why Celeste did that.  Perhaps she sensed some tension with Sam and, having issues with her own ex, wanted to give Tirsa a little space?  Maybe it's something else.  Either way, it's a nice little character moment.

This was a bit of a twofer action, lol.  First was, as you said, yes, a little of the "I see tension, here, I'll help you out, Corporal."  The second was supposed to be this subtle start that, like Celeste trusting Lian, shes starting to trust Tirsa (not to mention a little bit of a crush on her).  And trust for Celeste is not the easiest thing to come by.

But, I'm glad you like it .  Chapter 10 I hope to have posted within the next day.

[Tcr]

More reviews?  I'm not used to this attention... <curls into fetal position, rocking in dark corners>.

Another review from an anonymous reviewer, the first in a long time on Blood Prize:

From ANON - Crazychickhull on March 12, 2019

Just stumbled on your stories I think they are great I read the whole of blood prize in 2 sittings it's fantastic couldn't put it down keep up the good work can't wait for more installments

Firstly, hi, Crystalchickhull. 

Secondly, I'm really glad you loved Blood Prize.  And finishing the entire thing in two sittings (you can't see me, but I'm blushing right now...), it must have really pulled you in.  And I have a few chapters written and "stockpiled" for post, so they'll have a few more for sure.  .

 

[Tcr]

It's the week of reviews! Lol.  From Strange Tales from Stranger Places, a review from @pippychick.  Welcome back to the Nuthouse .

From pippychick on March 12, 2019
Part One

Oh, that was wickedly clever! I didn't see it coming, so when I knew the answer, I had to go back and read it all again.

I really love that ambiguous ending, where the pheromones bring others. Lol, could be Cara is about to have a busy year, or ten. I'm not sure if that would be fun or not. I do know no one has ever imagined and written a space landing quite like this... but I like it.

At first I did find the "they/their/them" use a little strange, but all made sense at the end.

Thank you for sharing

***

Oh, that was wickedly clever! I didn't see it coming, so when I knew the answer, I had to go back and read it all again.

Lol.  I'm really glad.  I tried to lay out clues without being too direct or vice versa.  As I've said before, subtlety is not my strong suite, so it was definitely a struggle.  I'm glad it made you go back and read it again (did you catch the clues the second time around?).  Lol.

I really love that ambiguous ending, where the pheromones bring others. Lol, could be Cara is about to have a busy year, or ten. I'm not sure if that would be fun or not. I do know no one has ever imagined and written a space landing quite like this... but I like it.

Lol.  I was kind of worried about tagging this one.  Not sure if it constitutes implied rape, 3+, gangbang, or death by sex, but I knew I wanted it ambiguous.  I know my kind of inspiration for it actually comes from Star Trek (lol). I was always like...  All these races, come in contact and have some adverse affect on humans, but never the other way around.  Definitely wanted to show the flip side.  Lol.

At first I did find the "they/their/them" use a little strange, but all made sense at the end.

I'm not going to lie, it felt a little strange as I was writing.  I've written non-binary characters in the past (Alana Romanov in Come Hell or High Water) but they were not the MC.  I always seemed to revert to writing she in place of they.  But I'm glad it worked and made sense in the end .

[InBrightestDay]

On 3/11/2019 at 8:55 AM, Tcr said:

And yes, war and conflict are never as simple as black and white, at least never as teachers and instructors like to present.

In fairness to said instructors, wars are such complex things that you could probably spend an entire semester just discussing one of them, and usually a class has to cover centuries worth of history, so I can see why they tend to simplify things.

Quote

Lol.  The M-420, which will be explained a little more as the tale goes on, is a GPMG (general purpose machine gun)

I imagine, then, that there will be a moment where the characters will have to...#M-420blazeit.

I regret nothing!

Quote

I think I might have forgotten to change some of its designation though...  oops.

Oh, that happens to all of us.  I go through my own story from time to time looking for typos, and I found two of them in my latest chapter just today.

[Tcr]

22 hours ago, InBrightestDay said:

In fairness to said instructors, wars are such complex things that you could probably spend an entire semester just discussing one of them, and usually a class has to cover centuries worth of history, so I can see why they tend to simplify things.

Definitely.  I did have one instructor in university years ago that did an amazing job.  Every war covered, he laid out a lot of the contributing factors before the initial engagements, then focused on major combatants (ie, World War 2, Field Marshal Rommel, for instance) and the heroics and damnings of both sides.  (The Battle of Castle Itter, the Soviet March across Europe with orders that would be war crimes, the Soldier of Three Armies, the Winter War.)

22 hours ago, InBrightestDay said:

I imagine, then, that there will be a moment where the characters will have to...#M-420blazeit.

I regret nothing!

Lol.  Well, I'm not giving out anything out.  But Chekhov's gun rules apply.  Lol.

22 hours ago, InBrightestDay said:

Oh, that happens to all of us.  I go through my own story from time to time looking for typos, and I found two of them in my latest chapter just today.

Now that, I know the feeling.  I've done that so many times it's like "Good to go <whistling a happy tune; halts> (voice changes to SM Hartmann (Full Metal Jacket)) what is this?  What the fuck is this?!"

[Tcr]

Well, I damn near had a heart attack...  4 reviews on Blood Prize...  Thought I read it wrong...  But nope, it was just @pippychick thoroughly enjoying them.  So, <cracks fingers>, this is going to be a long one, folks...  Strap yourselves in.

From pippychick on March 14, 2019
Parts 1 - 5

It's all very intriguing, and I really like the characters. You've got that sense of them all sharing close quarters and yet still somehow managing not to kill each other. This feels a little like Firefly at times, and I wonder at all the various reasons the crew have for being part of this.

The fictional language adds realism, and the little descriptive touches of the aliens are great! I love the engineer already. Actually couldn't help picturing the Orion woman from Star Trek TOS for Kala, but that's a good thing.

The sex was hot, if a little eye-watering! I wonder to what extent Kala's physiology effects Chantal. I guess it means she can take it and still walk, lol. But it was great fun. I only wish it lasted a little longer.

Aside from that, I'm sure they all know it's some kind of trap, but they're hoping to get out of it. Though I do wonder why Chantal expects the other Captain to keep her word about the pay (if they do somehow manage to pull it off).

Thank you for sharing this story

***

It's all very intriguing, and I really like the characters. You've got that sense of them all sharing close quarters and yet still somehow managing not to kill each other. This feels a little like Firefly at times, and I wonder at all the various reasons the crew have for being part of this.

Oh, I'm getting giddy...  That's still a thing, right?  I'm glad you like the close quarters, not yet killed each other vibe.  Firefly was definitely an inspiration (what with the failed missions and all) and another show, Dark Matter, was, too.  As for reasonings, some are drawn out as the tale goes along.

The fictional language adds realism, and the little descriptive touches of the aliens are great! I love the engineer already. Actually couldn't help picturing the Orion woman from Star Trek TOS for Kala, but that's a good thing.

Thank you so much.  I have spent a great deal on creating Straxi and I'm glad it worked well!  Lol.  I'm glad you love Hranik, he was intriguing to write.  And Kala...  Well, I'm a Trekkie (any doubt, read Star Trek Adventurer on my page...  Nerdgasm!)...  

The sex was hot, if a little eye-watering! I wonder to what extent Kala's physiology effects Chantal. I guess it means she can take it and still walk, lol. But it was great fun. I only wish it lasted a little longer.

lol.  I was worried the sex was going to be awkward.  Lol.  And, uh, yeah, maybe I shouldn't have her walk the morning after.  Lol.  But why eye watering?

Aside from that, I'm sure they all know it's some kind of trap, but they're hoping to get out of it. Though I do wonder why Chantal expects the other Captain to keep her word about the pay (if they do somehow manage to pull it off).

I kind of hoped the idea that Chantal doesn't want to meet in a controlled area presented her suspicions, but you're right.  Perhaps I should have made it more apparent.

Thank you for sharing this story

Thank you, Pippy, for reviewing.  And I hope you continue to enjoy (as much as your next reviews suggest).

***

And chapter 6:

From pippychick on March 14, 2019
 

Part 6

Chantal is cool and capable here, but I am loving the snark between Kala and Hranik with Chantal as referee and the only adult in the room, lol.

But what now? Are they discovered? I kind of thought there really was a mission, and that the other capt intended to get them later, once they'd performed their task.

Glad you continue to love the snark between the two.  I really wanted it to feel like just a crew that has grown to be family, especially considering what eventually happens. 

Lol.  As for the second bit...  That would be giving spoilers.  Lol.

***

From pippychick on March 14, 2019
 

Part Seven

So... Kala is the "Queen in exile"? That's interesting... what is she running away from??

I don't like this head of the military, but I have a strong feeling Kala can't do anything to him. I hope she's going to be okay.

That's the title those loyal to her have Kala.  Well Qas Ekalta (Exiled Queen), but humans and their translation issues.  As for what she's running from...  lol, you ask questions that I could only answer with spoilers.  Lol.

And I know you read ahead, but I hope you find Detar as creepily rapey as I intended.

***

From pippychick on March 14, 2019
 

Part Eight

Never easy, indeed, but since there are so many more chapters to go, I can be confident it doesn't end here. I was worried for Kala then, especially at this point: “I thought Straxians loved pain!” It's that attitude. Of course, there's much more to it than that, but this guy doesn't really care.

I wonder how they're going to get out of there.

Lol.  There's that.  Or maybe it does and it goes to Johannes' perspective?  Lol.  I am glad that the concern I wanted felt was for Kala.  And Detar's comment was a bit of a show of cultural misunderstanding (or, rather, in his case, just not caring about the intricacies of the culture).  As for getting out...  Guess you'll have to read to find out .

Thanks, Pippychick, all your reviews today, unexpected, but all appreciated.  I hope you continue to enjoy the Fortune crew's adventure.

[Tcr]

I may have to wear sunglasses to view these shelves, all the attention they're getting.  Another from @pippychickon Blood Prize.

 

From pippychick on March 16, 2019
Part 9 - 11

I don't believe Chantal is dead, even if Kala does. It's just too awful, though I completely understand them leaving her - on her order. Better to lose one than lose all, but damn....

This thing they've picked up had better be worth it. I don't think they should just hand it over. Whatever it is, it's clearly important, and if Chantal is still alive, this thing might help to get her back.

I know... but I'm hoping...

 

Well, how can I start with an opening like that?  Lol.  I can't reveal a lot about following chapters or the characters involved, but I can say that you're going to enjoy them.

And definitely.  To quote Trek, the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the one.  As much as Chantal may not seem like the greatest captain, her crew is first and foremost.

This Macguffin is...  Wait, almost had me.  Lol.  Let's just say it's important enough.

Hopefully you still enjoy it as the chapters go on.  Thank you for the review, Pippy, and look forward to the next.

[Tcr]

And a review from @InBrightestDay on Last Full Measure.  <fold into fetal (not curl, but fold, a feat to say the least> So much attention...  SO MUCH ATTENTION!

From InBrightestDay on March 16, 2019
Well holy crap!  Things just seriously escalated.  I know you've said this story was influenced by Aliens, but this chapter has me wondering just how much.

At first, I was actually thinking more along the lines of Predator, what with the soldiers goodnaturedly giving each other shit on the helicopter/dropship, but that stopped when we reached the colony.  The massacre and the terrified rebel survivor really make me wonder whether this was done by humans at all.  Did an attempt at a new rebel tactic go hideously wrong, resulting in something more like Reavers?  Hecatoncheires is a terrestrial planet in the habitable zone, so does it have indigenous life, perhaps something really nasty that the soldiers on the base didn't know about?  Or, after humanity has spent so much time warring with itself, did something come from outsidehuman space in ships of its own?

Things to think about for sure.

I did catch one little typo:

“Sergeant Major, we’ve reached thearmoured depot,” the voice of Private First Class Sam Dennis stated through her headset.

Given that the building is full of tanks and an APC, I'm assuming that was meant to be "armour depot"

Also, this seemed a bit odd.

“A rebel?” Sam asked.

“Not all rebels are hideous monsters of fairy tales, Sam,” Tirsa stated bluntly.

In the previous chapter, Sam was the one saying she admired the rebels for their focus and determination, as well as admiring their goal of independence.  Maybe she's thinking of them as monsters right now because of what she's just seen, but it still felt a little strange.

All in all, though, this was a serious game-changer and I am eagerly looking forward to the next chapter!

***

Well holy crap!  Things just seriously escalated.  I know you've said this story was influenced by Aliens, but this chapter has me wondering just how much.

At first, I was actually thinking more along the lines of Predator, what with the soldiers goodnaturedly giving each other shit on the helicopter/dropship, but that stopped when we reached the colony. 

Lol.  There are several inspirations.  Lol.  Aliens is probably the most notable.  But Predator, too, and the game series Mass Effect, Star Trek, Star Wars, Battle of Castle Itter, Battle of Rorke's Drift, the Battle of Vienna...  The battle of me rambling onwards...  lol.

I wanted the good natured banter in there to keep showing the unit cohesion and the fact that they've mostly been together a while.  I do hope it came through. 

The massacre and the terrified rebel survivor really make me wonder whether this was done by humans at all.  Did an attempt at a new rebel tactic go hideously wrong, resulting in something more like Reavers?  Hecatoncheires is a terrestrial planet in the habitable zone, so does it have indigenous life, perhaps something really nasty that the soldiers on the base didn't know about?  Or, after humanity has spent so much time warring with itself, did something come from outsidehuman space in ships of its own?

I struggled with what and how much to show when they dropped to keep suspense and tension growing.  Based on the questions, I'd say went quite well.  But I can't give away too much.  Lol.

Oops, spelling.  Although I might have that as routine...  may have to double check.  

And with Sam...  Um...  I think I originally had it as someone else, then cut that back to avoid too many characters in that kitchen and gave Sam the line.  Oops, again.

All in all, though, this was a serious game-changer and I am eagerly looking forward to the next chapter!

YAY!!!  Great to hear and I'm glad to keep your interest piqued.

 

 

[InBrightestDay]

19 minutes ago, Tcr said:

I struggled with what and how much to show when they dropped to keep suspense and tension growing.  Based on the questions, I'd say went quite well.  But I can't give away too much.  Lol.

Oh, it went quite well, alright.  I am very interested and yet legitimately have no idea what happened here.

Quote

And with Sam...  Um...  I think I originally had it as someone else, then cut that back to avoid too many characters in that kitchen and gave Sam the line.  Oops, again.

Don’t worry about it.  Like I said, her perspective on the rebels might have gone out of whack for a moment due to the HOLY MOTHER OF GOD WHAT HAPPENED that they just saw outside.

Quote

YAY!!!  Great to hear and I'm glad to keep your interest piqued.

Absolutely.  This really drew me in, and I’ve added your story to my “currently reading” list on my archive profile, so hopefully anyone who goes through said profile will be encouraged to check it out.  Even if they don’t, I’ll keep coming back.

Edited March 17, 2019 by InBrightestDay

[Tcr]

Well, the season of reviews continues (please don't be a dream, please don't be a dream!) with @InBrightestDayon Last Full Measure. 

 

From InBrightestDay on March 20, 2019
Well, the atmosphere we got from the last chapter continues to build, and then some!

Adara continues to be a rather enigmatic character.  It's impressive how she can be sympathetic sometimes and then do something that makes me flinch at other times.  In particular, her insistance on torturing the Rebel prisoner (okay, no one uses the T-word but that was the vibe I was picking up) is a much darker take on the character than I'd seen before.  Granted, I understand why she wants to do it (the massacre she just witnessed), but still, I'm with Celeste in terms of being unnerved.

Speaking of being unnerved, that keeps up.  It starts with the Rebel prisoner.  In previous chapters, we've read about howbrutal Rebel tactics can be, so seeing this woman completely traumatized by what happened here really ramps up the tension.  I also like how, when Celeste and Tirsa go to check out the armoury, there are hints of Things Not Seen moving about in the shadows, starting out lighthearted with the tarp joke, but then escalating with...whatever is or is not inside the armoury with Celeste and that Rebel.

Finally, while there's no goodtime to have a PTSD flashback, I'm pretty sure this was the worst possible time to have one.  It's both a serious danger for Celeste in the here and now and gives us a nasty explanation of just where those scars of hers came from.

***

Well, the atmosphere we got from the last chapter continues to build, and then some!

Well, I definitely try.  I'm of the belief that a well defined and created atmosphere adds whatever one wishes to the story (ie warm, terrific, terrifying, et cetera).  And in the case of LFM, the two most important elements are the people (with emphasis on Laurier, Dennis, Finnegan, and Olafsdottir (the resident unit incests).

Adara continues to be a rather enigmatic character.  It's impressive how she can be sympathetic sometimes and then do something that makes me flinch at other times.  In particular, her insistance on torturing the Rebel prisoner (okay, no one uses the T-word but that was the vibe I was picking up) is a much darker take on the character than I'd seen before.  Granted, I understand why she wants to do it (the massacre she just witnessed), but still, I'm with Celeste in terms of being unnerved.

Well, not sure if it came through completely, but it definitely did a little for sure.  Adara, I started off as a complete bitch, but someone pointed out it would be a difficult task to redeem her (should it ever come up).  So I lightened her hard ass bitch self...  And she was supposed to still be in love with Celeste, even after everything.  But, Adara is a consummate professional when it comes to mission ops.  Lol.  I wander in verbal circles.

Speaking of being unnerved, that keeps up.  It starts with the Rebel prisoner.  In previous chapters, we've read about howbrutal Rebel tactics can be, so seeing this woman completely traumatized by what happened here really ramps up the tension.  I also like how, when Celeste and Tirsa go to check out the armoury, there are hints of Things Not Seen moving about in the shadows, starting out lighthearted with the tarp joke, but then escalating with...whatever is or is not inside the armoury with Celeste and that Rebel.

Lol.  I'm glad the setting is unnerving still.  Not to mention that, I'm the last person to write subtlety.  Lol.  But writing these things, making people wonder, alongside Celeste, if there is, if there isn't, or if something is stalking them was fun.

Finally, while there's no goodtime to have a PTSD flashback, I'm pretty sure this was the worst possible time to have one.  It's both a serious danger for Celeste in the here and now and gives us a nasty explanation of just where those scars of hers came from.

Never a good time for PTSD, no.  And this certainly was the worst time she could have one, definitely.  It's definitely a sign of how truly shattered Celeste is and how much of a danger she is to the 77th and herself.  In many ways, this goes to show that she is still cocky, still all but confident, arrogant, in herself.

As for the scars...  This is partially how they happened.  I know that I have said you dont need to have read "Christmas, Bloody Christmas" to understand or enjoy the story, but it does offer a look into Celeste (her arrogance and how she was scarred) prior to LFM.

 

[Tcr]

Another review from @Sinfulwolf on Hunted.  YAY!

From SinfulWolf on March 20, 2019
 

Your action is indeed improving. There was some good fight in here, with good amounts of gore, and good descriptions. I was able to follow what was happening, and apreciate the brutality of it all. I think you should watch for the term "slit to tit" though. That really feels like something someone would say in conversation. And even then, it comes across very crude this brutal fight, and almost a touch disrespectful to your female protagonist.

Also, these last few chapters have been the one fight, and they're all ending in cliff hangers. This is starting to drag a bit, and instead of building the tension and concern, it's just stretching things unneccesarily. Especially since these chapters are fairly short. I think you should wrap the fight up at least next chapter, instead of using another cliffhanger.

***

Your action is indeed improving. There was some good fight in here, with good amounts of gore, and good descriptions. I was able to follow what was happening, and apreciate the brutality of it all. I think you should watch for the term "slit to tit" though. That really feels like something someone would say in conversation. And even then, it comes across very crude this brutal fight, and almost a touch disrespectful to your female protagonist.

I'm glad the action is improving.  It's always good when the reader can follow the fight and it's great you enjoyed the gore and brutality.  I changed the statement in the chapter.  Definitely didn't want disrespect in there, at least unintentional disrespect.

Also, these last few chapters have been the one fight, and they're all ending in cliff hangers. This is starting to drag a bit, and instead of building the tension and concern, it's just stretching things unneccesarily. Especially since these chapters are fairly short. I think you should wrap the fight up at least next chapter, instead of using another cliffhanger.

Good to know.  You'll be happy to know that the fights are pretty much done (and this one is).

 

[Tcr]

A review on Remembrance?  Now I must be dreaming.  Nope, it's a review...  from @InBrightestDay!

From InBrightestDay on March 22, 2019
This was a cool little oneshot.  The violence in the battle scene was visceral and pretty brutal (the sword-through-the-head kill Phileia does with that rebel was a standout), and the action was quite engrossing.  It was also kind of an interesting detail that no one bleeds red: Elves have teal blood and Hakorn have purple.

I also wanted to bring up the main character's name.  It's kind of an interesting contrast.  Phileia is presumably derived from the Greek "philia" meaning love or affection, and Apollyon is also Greek, but means something like "the destroyer," and of course Apollyon is the Greek translation of the Hebrew name Abaddon, the angel of the bottomless pit.  Given that Phileia has red skin, orange eyes and horns, I'd imagine that's not a coincidence.

I'm kind of curious about the other words.  I knew from Last Full Measure that you draw from many languages, so are the Elvan and Hakorn words from real world languages or did you invent those yourself?

***

This was a cool little oneshot.  The violence in the battle scene was visceral and pretty brutal (the sword-through-the-head kill Phileia does with that rebel was a standout), and the action was quite engrossing.  It was also kind of an interesting detail that no one bleeds red: Elves have teal blood and Hakorn have purple.

Firstly, thanks .  When I first had it up here, I got really discouraged and pulled it and shelved a story that would have continued Phileia's story forward.  There wasn't much love for it.

Second: Definitely love my brutality in stories.  I think it adds a realism to the scenario that toning down takes away, if that makes sense.  And yep, no red blood there.  Lol.  I kind of wanted different, though I'm not sure the small detail made any difference in the over all arch, it still was different.

I also wanted to bring up the main character's name.  It's kind of an interesting contrast.  Phileia is presumably derived from the Greek "philia" meaning love or affection, and Apollyon is also Greek, but means something like "the destroyer," and of course Apollyon is the Greek translation of the Hebrew name Abaddon, the angel of the bottomless pit.  Given that Phileia has red skin, orange eyes and horns, I'd imagine that's not a coincidence.

Definitely not a coincidence on either account.  The contrast was intentional, and hopefully drawn out a little through her softer interactions with her lover and the harder change when she goes full warrior.  And the fact that the Hakorn have horns, red skin, orange eyes...  Kind of reminiscent of a certain...  demonic entity...  Nope, not ringing a bell.   .

But I am glad you picked up on the contrasting names.  I looked up some in order to find ones that kind of fit and had the idea I wanted to convey without banging people with the bat over their heads.  Lol.

I'm kind of curious about the other words.  I knew from Last Full Measure that you draw from many languages, so are the Elvan and Hakorn words from real world languages or did you invent those yourself?

This is a bit of a mix.  The city name of Vltavas is reality based.  I took the name from the Vltava River that runs through Prague (more because of the first and final battles, 30 years apart, in the Thirty Years War, much like the Thirty Years Conflict in Remembrance).  But the vast majority is my own creation.  (Shameless promo, I created a language (Straxi) in Blood Prize that is routinely used throughout, if interested.)

 

[Tcr]

Well, it seems Last Full Measure is popular...   At least with @InBrightestDay, who graciously leaves another review.  (On the opposite news, I'm starting to think I might just need to replace the shelf.)

From InBrightestDay on March 24, 2019
 

Well, I feel rather conflicted with this one.  I mean, since Chapter 1 Celeste has been putting herself and others in danger by hiding her illness.  On the other hand, I can't help but feel bad for her because...well, woman's mentally ill, and is in that state because of horrific trauma.  The same applies to other characters.  Lian and Adara are covering for Celeste, which could well get her (or them) killed, but you can understand why they're doing it too.  It's unprofessional, and normally when you care for someone as Lian and Adara clearly do for Celeste, you want them to get help, but right now, removing her from the team will mean...what?  There aren't exactly surviving therapists on Hecatoncheires given the monster attack, so they'd have to keep her under guard, I suppose, which would use up yet more personnel, whom they are going to need if and when the monsters return...

So yeah, sympathy for everyone's decisions here.

On the other end of the emotional spectrum, I laughed a lot at the swearing in this chapter, with my personal favorites being "Holy flaming dogshit!" and "Fuck me with a spoon."

Finally, we now have confirmation that this was notdone by humans, but what are these creatures?  Now Celeste and a small team are going underground, which is usually a bad thing to do in a monster movie, so things are likely to get dicey…

***

Well, I feel rather conflicted with this one.  I mean, since Chapter 1 Celeste has been putting herself and others in danger by hiding her illness.  On the other hand, I can't help but feel bad for her because...well, woman's mentally ill, and is in that state because of horrific trauma.  The same applies to other characters.  Lian and Adara are covering for Celeste, which could well get her (or them) killed, but you can understand why they're doing it too.  It's unprofessional, and normally when you care for someone as Lian and Adara clearly do for Celeste, you want them to get help, but right now, removing her from the team will mean...what?  There aren't exactly surviving therapists on Hecatoncheires given the monster attack, so they'd have to keep her under guard, I suppose, which would use up yet more personnel, whom they are going to need if and when the monsters return...

So yeah, sympathy for everyone's decisions here.

I will admit, I was really worried about adding that in.  On one side, I know that to many people, it makes Celeste selfish and, as such, unsympathetic as she is actively putting people in danger knowing her condition.  On the other, to some, I know it would be sympathetic; a flawed character in the way that people could associate with.  In the end, I kind of went for what worked for the story (even if, to some, she becomes disliked and hated).

On the other end of the emotional spectrum, I laughed a lot at the swearing in this chapter, with my personal favorites being "Holy flaming dogshit!" and "Fuck me with a spoon."

Lol.  I'm glad you laughed at them.  I certainly wanted to avoid the "direct" approach.  And, while flaming dogshit is not in my vernacular, "well, fuck me with a spoon" is definitely one of mine when it comes to being surprised.

Finally, we now have confirmation that this was notdone by humans, but what are these creatures?  Now Celeste and a small team are going underground, which is usually a bad thing to do in a monster movie, so things are likely to get dicey…

Well, I certainly hope it comes out as dicey.  Its definitely trying to be written like that.  Lol.

 

 

 

 

 

Edited March 27, 2019 by Tcr

[InBrightestDay]

1 hour ago, Tcr said:

On one side, I know that to many people, it makes Celeste selfish and, as such, unsympathetic as she is actively putting people in danger knowing her condition.  On the other, to some, I know it would be sympathetic; a flawed character in the way that people could associate with.  In the end, I kind of went for what worked for the story (even if, to some, she becomes disliked and hated).

I think what you’ve crafted here is a flawed but genuinely sympathetic character.  PTSD is nothing to be ashamed of, but all the way back in the first few chapters, we got a sense of how she was raised, and...well, this may sound weird, but while Celeste is a woman, I can’t help but feel that what she’s dealing with is something very close to the idea of toxic masculinity.

What I mean by that is that she has a problem, a completely understandable problem given what she’s been through, and she feels the weight of it at all times, given that in Chapter 2 you established that she periodically has suicidal thoughts...and yet she can’t really deal with it because of how she’s been raised.  When her mother tries to tell her that her family is there for her, Celeste assumes that they’ll just tell her to “get over it”, and mentions that her father would just tell her that “Lauriers don’t cry.”  This is the kind of stuff men get stuck with (or expect to get stuck with) in modern culture: suck it up, get over it, take it like a man, men don’t cry, etc.

Obviously, this version of it isn’t tied to sex or gender, so it’s not toxic masculinity per se, but I suspect something to do with her family’s tradition of military service.  She’s been raised to be stoic when what she clearly needs is to let those emotions out.  Given this, I don’t think she’s consciously being selfish; I think she’s been raised to think that her mental problems are something she’s just supposed to power through, which is why she’s forcing herself into combat again: she thinks the best way to fix herself is to get back on the horse, so to speak, bottle her problems up and hope they go away.  She needs help, but she thinks it’s wrong somehow to even reach for it.  That, to me, is the really heartbreaking aspect of the character.

Or maybe I’m completely wrong.  It’s happened before.

Quote

Lol.  I'm glad you laughed at them.  I certainly wanted to avoid the "direct" approach.  And, while flaming dogshit is not in my vernacular, "well, fuck me with a spoon" is definitely one of mine when it comes to being surprised.

No joke, I burst out laughing at “fuck me with a spoon,” which was somewhat awkward since I was reading this chapter on my phone at a local pizza place.

[Tcr]

@InBrightestDay…

Well, that's quite an evaluation.  Lol.

Being completely honest, I enjoy hearing the thoughts, theories, ideas, and even some forms of canon not of my own.  Hearing that my writing gets people thinking, I'm glad.  And unlike some people, what I fully intended to be isn't the end all and be all, so there isn't really any wrong thought.  .  I'm kind of laid back like that.  Lol.  (Besides, all reading lends itself to the reader's perspective as they do. 

[Tcr]

Well, well, I'm back...  And a new oneshot from Discord prompts and a new review!  Gracious thanks to @CloverReef on Plundering Booty in the Tales of the Starbound Glory oneshot prompt anthology.

 

From PlagueClover on July 12, 2019
 

Awesome story. Nice and bloody, and with just enough girly bits smooshing together. Good job dude

 

I'm glad.  I'm not the greatest with pirates, but I'm definite looking forward to playing more with Charlotte, Isolde, and the rest.  .

Edited July 13, 2019 by Tcr