CloverReef's Review Centre

[Sinfulwolf]

Your welcome as always. But now I’m looking forward to Halloween!

[CloverReef]

Kiss of the Snake (A oneshot challenge fic)
Review responses! 
 

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From tcr on March 06, 2019

An interesting take on the challenge, but definitely a good one.  It was intriguing and I was drawn to Corine and the plight being forced on her.  The King was as deceitful as expected from the summary, which only made the end that much more enjoyable.  An excellent read.  Thumbs way up

@Tcr I’m glad Corine drew you in. Even though she doesn’t start out in a position of power, I really wanted power to be a consistent theme, so it was important to get a few hints in there at an inherent power. I do love witchy characters, and thanks to @Sinfulwolf and her contributions to the holiday fics, I was inspired to play with one. Thank you for the review. 

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From SinfulWolf on March 06, 2019
 

A nice little tale, showing the corruption that power can hold, and the lies that we allow ourselves to believe. The setting seems interesting too, and I'd love to see this expand into something wider, broader, and meatier. As it was, this was a lightning paced piece. 

Still, very well written.

@Sinfulwolf I am actually really wanting to do something more with the setting itself. Though my ambitions tend to be more adventurous than my typing fingers. You hit the messages I intended right on the head, so it makes me happy they came through clearly. Thanks for the review! 

Edited March 6, 2019 by CloverReef

[CloverReef]

A review for Kiss of the Snake

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From pippychick on March 06, 2019

Wow. What a wonderful dark fairytale! I am completely blown away, and I love it

It reads like some ancient truth and allegory that I must have read before.

Here:

“This is not Serpentina,” he growled with great indignation deepening his voice. “This is a trick. This is the witch trying to turn you against me! Are you so easily fooled?!”

That ridiculous man. He would deny the goddess he claimed to serve even as she stood before him?

This is the source of all frustration.

Well done... just amazing. Thank you for sharing.

@pippychick I seriously adore you, Pippy. I’m so happy you enjoyed it, and calling it a dark fairytale made me blush. I like little challenges like this that allow me to indulge in a societal message or two. Thank you so much for the review! 

[pippychick]

It’s wonderful  

And while I’m here, I just wanted to say that I still miss Blackbird. I wonder if he’s out there somewhere in the ether, waiting for his chronicler to see him win his way through… somehow. Not nagging at all.

Just like this little piece here, you are a sensational writer. I am quite sure I haven’t told you that often enough.

[CloverReef]

3 minutes ago, pippychick said:

It’s wonderful  

And while I’m here, I just wanted to say that I still miss Blackbird. I wonder if he’s out there somewhere in the ether, waiting for his chronicler to see him win his way through… somehow. Not nagging at all.

Just like this little piece here, you are a sensational writer. I am quite sure I haven’t told you that often enough.

High praise coming from you. <3 

And I could really use Blackbird's help right now. Been dying to write something dark and thoroughly depraved again

[Sinfulwolf]

Glad I could inspire something with that character, I do love dusting her off occasionally, and Corine seems quite cool.

And I do hope you do more with this setting. Ambitions versus typing fingers battle or not. Perhaps something deliciously dark, and depraved. Like a good dark red wine.

[CloverReef]

11 minutes ago, Sinfulwolf said:

Perhaps something deliciously dark, and depraved. Like a good dark red wine.

Yaaaas! Exactly what I'm in the mood for.

[Sinfulwolf]

Woo! I want to read your dark and depraved.

[CloverReef]

Kiss of the Snake

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From JayDee on March 07, 2019
 

Full honesty here I clicked the story, saw the second implied warning, and noped right the fuck back out. Then, thinking about it, I figured if it’s not enough to need a minor1 tag I can probably stick it – I mean, I don’t have to leave the room when someone plays Michael Jackson songs.

Anyway, needless to say I’m glad I gave it a shot. Very satisfying ending. Clearly those brutes didn’t realise that fucking around with a witch is a bad idea in that of setting. Like, a truly stupid thing to do.

So from the reaction the King actually believed, or came to believe, he was a consort of Serpentina?

And hey! At least the surviving henchmen get to hunching for the new boss. It’s a thankless job sometimes.

@JayDee IKR, it’s like they’ve never even watched witchy movies or something. The whole “I can’t possibly be wrong, so the fact hitting me in the face must be the problem!” mentality amuses me, so I enjoyed this King. But don’t worry about the henchmen: labour unions come in real quick. Thank you for the review!

Edited March 8, 2019 by CloverReef

[JayDee]

3 hours ago, CloverReef said:

Kiss of the Snake

@JayDee IKR, it’s like they’ve never even watched witchy movies or something. The whole “I can’t possibly be wrong, so the fact hitting me in the face must be the problem!” mentality amuses me, so I enjoyed this King. But don’t worry about the henchmen: labour unions come in real quick. Thank you for the review!

Now I kinda want to read the follow up with the unionized henchmen set in the same universe

“What do we want? Better pay! What are we against? Darkness leaving us just bones! Also, Karen using the last of the milk and not getting more in.”

[CloverReef]

Review for Screw It, I’m Posting (A collection of drabbles and short shorts.)

 

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From pippychick on March 12, 2019
 

Wow, this is so very Lovecraft... amazing imagery!

That idea of the masters being eaten by something even larger and more terrifying was a little shivery, and it added to the atmosphere of being somewhere completely alien. Descriptors like "glassy" "sleek" and "black" add to the power of the imagery.

You make me want to know what happens next, and that's entirely due to your skill as a storyteller.

You said to excuse typos, but the '8-limbed' instead of 'eight-limbed' did make me blink. Apart from that, I didn't see any.

Love it!

@pippychick You are sooo fucking sweet. I honestly didn’t think anyone would read this, lol both because they’re drabbles, and because I kinda intentionally undersell it. I’m glad you loved it. I don’t think they’re that impressive, and I’m certain they’d be underwhelming to most people not in my head, experiencing this world, but I actually loved these drabbles too. So it makes me happy that I’m not alone in that. Thank you for the encouragement 

Edited March 12, 2019 by CloverReef

[CloverReef]

Review for “Screw it, I’m posting”

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From JayDee on March 14, 2019
 

When I looked at this it had 69 dragon prints. “nice.”  Possible SPOILERS  in review!

Maybe it’s just the use of tentacles but it definitely seemed erotic when the tentacles were checking him over on the stage.

The guy’s reaction that he doesn’t even get his own cage, and the  “Great. A fucking show dog.” Line made me laugh, kind of imagine the first guy as a highly strung pooch flouncing around.

The second part’s feels much more intensely creepy. The first part is sort of bleak with them trapped there as lab rats, but the second chunk has the stronger horror vibe. I think part of it is the sheer size of what the narrator is seeing, but also that the tentacle there is clearly painful, with the stinging feelers and the venom. The final line, too, that drives home the helplessness. No rescue coming.

I used to be one of those really anal people who insisted drabbles should be 100 words exactly and anything else was flashfic/microfic depending on length. Then I realised I was being an asshole. Which at least fitted being anal theme.  So now, meh, folks can call short stories what they want I say!

Final inspiration from title – You could have a Memento style story with someone who forgets things they’re doing all the time and uses sticky yellow square notes. So, for sex they have to remember to write a note and stick it on their partner. Story title? “Post it: I’m screwing”

@JayDee It was absolutely meant to feel a bit erotic. I intended there to be a ton of tentacle sex, and then I blocked so there wasn’t. I’m glad the second one is more of a horror vibe. I did it because the first one felt too silly and I wanted something more serious and dark. 

As for drabbles, I admit I call anything short without a full plot arch a drabble. Like I’m vaguely aware there are wordcounts to define these things, but I never bothered to learn and decided to define them my own way lol. And for like 10 whole seconds there I actually considered trying to do a “Post it: I’m screwing” spinoff. Thank you for the review!

[JayDee]

Sorry to hear ‘bout the block. Nothing worse than tentacles that go soft and just won’t perform.

“Get up that character’s ass!”

“No.”

“Fuckin’ tentacle critters.”

[CloverReef]

Screw it, I’m posting!

 

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From JayDee on March 16, 2019
 

Those rhymes aren’t horrible! They’re classy as hell. It’s such a vivid image of the old girl coming out with her filthy doggerel. This pretend rape’s build up was funny as hell, mostly due to the filthy old lady and her showwomanship. Hell even off stage, that “None give a whit what his nose looks like.” I love that, they ain’t there for his face Also the grin when she offers to do the greasing.

The crowd uh, showing their appreciation towards the end was hot as fuck.

Also, the last exchange at the end, nice touch. Almost sweet.

So what’s with the guy’s temple? Fairly relaxed religion to this kind of thing?

Part 2's story was great fun.

@JayDee I feel like there’s a bigger story at play with the temple thing, but I never did figure out what it was lol. I’m glad you enjoyed it. Especially the crowd stuff. I was worried it wasn’t very hot, but I posted it anyway because I felt like I needed to give that old woman’s story to the world lol. Thank you so much for the review!

[CloverReef]

Review for Brick and Bone

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From pippychick on March 17, 2019
 

Oh, this was so perfect! I should really put these here more often but....

Spoiler Alert - please don't read this review before the fic.

 

I was drawn in immediately into what seemed like a mystery, only it soon became apparent that something was very wrong. I, like the character, assumed it was a ghost, so when he had an actual physical presence, I was like... Oh-oh.

Still, you wrote this so well that I couldn't be on Troy's side. Because you've established an emotional link between the reader and the character, my mind still wanted some kind of normal, rational explanation that would make it all right.

And then... such a heavy hint in that kiss, and I knew, but I didn't want to believe it. Until Troy.

This is so expertly delivered, and part of the horror is that even right to the end, you're kind of still on his side. Even though you shiver when you think of what Dante might have to deal with now, and all of those bones begin to make sense, because someone has been in Dante's place before, haven't they? I don't think he's getting out of this easy. ((shivers))

@pippychick Aw you left a review too! That’s so sweet. God, I love ghost stories. Yet somehow whenever I write one it turns out like this. I’m so glad I managed to tether that MC to the reader, at least in your case, because even though he’s doing naughty things, I adore him so, and I want everyone else to adore him too. But I guess that could be said by most writers about most of their characters. Thank you so much, Pippy! 

[JayDee]

10 hours ago, CloverReef said:

Screw it, I’m posting!

 

@JayDee I feel like there’s a bigger story at play with the temple thing, but I never did figure out what it was lol. I’m glad you enjoyed it. Especially the crowd stuff. I was worried it wasn’t very hot, but I posted it anyway because I felt like I needed to give that old woman’s story to the world lol. Thank you so much for the review!

That old woman feels like the kind of filthy reprobate you could spin worlds from. The elf and the pseudo-Orc were interesting too!

[CloverReef]

Review for Kiss of the Snake

@InBrightestDay LOL you certainly win the award for longest review I’ve ever received. That’s awesome. Instead of putting it all here, I’ll just quote the bits I’m responding to directly! 

 

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Something else I really liked was the really creepy use of the crown of thorns.

I admit, I’m not entirely familiar with the religious significance. I’m aware there is some of course, but I was raised atheist and have never been all that interested in learning religious stuffs, so I’m quite ignorant on what that significance is. I like that it had a strong cringey reaction for you though, because it was meant to represent a lot of things I find problematic with power as it stands in this story. Like Sadism and entitlement. 

 

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...was that the King, like so many who use religion as a means to acquire power, didn't really believe in it, and was hoping at first to spin this to his advantage, but then when Serpentina outed him as definitely not being her consort, he tried to deny her to hold onto power.  Thing is, though, when Serpentina first appears, his expression flashes "between terror, doubt, and hope," which made me think he might actually be a believer, in which case I'm not really sure what his thought process is.

I think it’s kinda in between. Like he believed in Serpentina, but though the consort thing started as a scam, he slowly grew to believe his own lies over the years. Hard not to! Everyone else did! 

 

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 I kind of assumed Corine was born as a way of righting the wrongs the King was committing, so the fact that things only started going wrong when she was born kind of confuses me.

Corine was unlucky. I don’t really go into it in the story, but the drought was completely natural, she just happened to be born at the start of it, and the toxic powers and the superstitions of the people twisted that coincidence into something they believed was evil. You’re right tho, that Corine was born to right the wrongs, she just had to find out she could do it first! This was my intention for it anyway, lol. 

 

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Don't misunderstand, though, I really liked this story, and I feel like this was a great way for me to be introduced to your work!  As another reviewer said, this has the feel of a dark fairytale, and it's wonderfully creepy.

I’m glad you liked the story! Don’t worry, I didn’t take anything you said in the review as negative – since this story is so thick with political messages for me, which I’ve been dying to do for ages – I enjoy the opportunity to talk it out with someone. So thank you for the encouraging review!

[InBrightestDay]

1 hour ago, CloverReef said:

I admit, I’m not entirely familiar with the religious significance. I’m aware there is some of course, but I was raised atheist and have never been all that interested in learning religious stuffs, so I’m quite ignorant on what that significance is.

Eh, it’s nothin’ much.  The Romans crucified this Jewish carpenter a few thousand years ago, and since there was this thing getting said about him being “King of the Jews” they stuck a crown of thorns on him.  Executing that guy...might have backfired a little.

In all seriousness, while the crown of thorns isn’t as famous as the cross, for Christians it’s heavily tied to the crucifixion/passion story, so it’s very much linked to the idea of suffering for the sake of others.  Here the symbolism is inverted, with others suffering for the King, hence my cringey reaction.

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I think it’s kinda in between. Like he believed in Serpentina, but though the consort thing started as a scam, he slowly grew to believe his own lies over the years. Hard not to! Everyone else did!

True enough.  Something I forgot to mention in the review itself is that I like how the religion was corrupted here, since it went from worship of the deity to something more of a cult of personality, with people worshiping the King instead of the goddess he was supposed to be an intermediary for.

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Corine was unlucky. I don’t really go into it in the story, but the drought was completely natural, she just happened to be born at the start of it, and the toxic powers and the superstitions of the people twisted that coincidence into something they believed was evil. You’re right tho, that Corine was born to right the wrongs, she just had to find out she could do it first! This was my intention for it anyway, lol.

There really needs to be a facepalm emoji here, but this will have to suffice:

I really should have figured out that the drought might have just been a coincidence.  Oh well, this is why the forum exists, so I can ask the authors about this stuff! 

One last thing I forgot to say in the review: I like that you had a snake deity that was benevolent.  Snakes, like bugs, often get a bad rap and appear frequently as bad guys in fantasy settings (the Yuan-ti from Dungeons & Dragons, the snake god Yig from the Cthulhu Mythos, etc.), but I’ve always thought they were really cool animals.  While they do make for cool villains, it’s nice to see them as good guys here.

[CloverReef]

1 hour ago, InBrightestDay said:

I like that you had a snake deity that was benevolent.  Snakes, like bugs, often get a bad rap and appear frequently as bad guys in fantasy settings (the Yuan-ti from Dungeons & Dragons, the snake god Yig from the Cthulhu Mythos, etc.), but I’ve always thought they were really cool animals.  While they do make for cool villains, it’s nice to see them as good guys here.

IKR? I adore snakes… from a distance. Really, I adore all things with teeth from a distance – including people lol. Fucking with stigmas is fun. 

[CloverReef]

Review for Worship

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From InBrightestDay on March 18, 2019
 

A while back, we were both on a thread involving who would win in a fight between OCs, and you mentioned Loja and someone named Blackbird.  Now, I haven't found Blackbird yet, but I realized that this is at least one of the stories Loja comes from.

I really liked this story.  There are a few parts that are almost scary, like that moment where the "statue" turns its head.  After the atmospheric buildup, that's wonderfully creepy.

However, the main emotion this got out of me was actually laughter, because of the way Magni approaches divinity.  "I've found a god, and actual immortal deity, possessed of unfathomable wisdom from the ancient past, a living exemplar of real magic, a bridge to a higher understanding of the world.  ...I'mma fuck it."

Loja's reaction is kind of funny too, a sort of bemused "Well, apparently this is now happening."  Frankly, it's amazing the inevitable didn't happen sooner.

@InBrightestDay LOL I’m glad you got a laugh out of it. This story was an indulgent thing for me. A little bit of PWP char development for a char I loved but never really got to use in the context he was created for. Blackbird is from a fic with 16 completed chapters that I have pulled from the site, just because I had dropped it and don’t like having dead projects up. Anyway, thank you for another awesome review. <3

[CloverReef]

Review for Dying for the Devil Chapter 1

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From InvidiaRed on July 06, 2019
 

I enjoy the slow burn of got going. <3

@InvidiaRed First of all, thank you for the review. You’re the first review on this story! Yay! That deserves a prize! Second of all, I have no clue what you meant by that, or if that was just a typo, but since I love GoT sooo much it made me blush anyway. Thank you <3 

[InvidiaRed]

14 hours ago, CloverReef said:

Review for Dying for the Devil Chapter 1

@InvidiaRed First of all, thank you for the review. You’re the first review on this story! Yay! That deserves a prize! Second of all, I have no clue what you meant by that, or if that was just a typo, but since I love GoT sooo much it made me blush anyway. Thank you <3 

Haha.

it was supposed to say I enjoy the slow burn you got going haha.

I know for a fact that you could give GoT a much better ending than what we got.

[CloverReef]

LOL I was wondering since my story has zero resemblance to GoT but I’ll take all the ego stroking I can get, even if it is a miscommunication! 

[Melrick]

Dying for the Devil, that’s a damn fine title for a story.   Must have been a freaking genius that came up with that title! ;-)

[CloverReef]

33 minutes ago, Melrick said:

Dying for the Devil, that’s a damn fine title for a story.   Must have been a freaking genius that came up with that title! ;-)

Yeah, he was awesome! Pretty sure he took off with my wallet though… or my soul… Either way, something feels a little light. Hey, you look a little familiar...