Joe Long Posted October 5, 2015 Report Share Posted October 5, 2015 New chapter tomorrow surprised? I am too Cool! I'll plan mine for next week, because the last thing I want to do is go head-to-head with SITO. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joe Long Posted October 5, 2015 Report Share Posted October 5, 2015 @ Joe Long: You're a baseball guy. How would Sam's team mates deal with him having a boyfriend? Would they let it slide or would Sam be ostracized? As this is high school, I tend to think it would be the latter. Previously I gave a more general response, but as I was driving past Brow Ridge today on my way to work a better reply came to mind. The following does not imply my endorsement of any particular position, other than what I state. There are still a sizable portion of the population that is not comfortable with anything other than heterosexuality, and I expect this to be lowest among the folks in high school. You would expect some amount of reaction from discomfort to antagonism. There's another group that in the abstract will say they're fine with same-sex relationships, for Sam and Joe, but it's not their thing (and this is the closest to my feelings.) However, in a sports setting people will be getting undressed and showering together. Normally this isn't a deal when it's a bunch of regular dudes because everyone is fairly confident that none of the others are checking out their junk. However, if it's known that Sam was kissing Joe and them Sam is showering with the rest of the baseball team, even if some say they're fine with what Sam does with Joe, they might not be comfortable being naked in front of him. It's a situation where a person is exposed and possibly feels sexually vulnerable to someone they have absolutely no sexual interest in. The same reason girls wouldn't want to shower with the guys. Even if it's not an overt feeling, there can be some guys who would not be as comfortable as they once were around Sam, afraid that they might be the next guy Sam's sizing up for his sexual interest. Of course Sam may have absolutely no interest, but some degree of trust might be lost. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joe Long Posted October 5, 2015 Report Share Posted October 5, 2015 I've been writing a lot recently, but I've hit a problem. I'm not a very funny person. Like, sure, I'll crack the occasional joke, but generally, I'm not able to do it. So adding jokes in my writing is hard, because they often feel forced. Joe can do it quite well, to the point where I've had to stop reading because I was laughing so hard. I was wondering what anyone else who writes does to incorporate humor into their stories. Mine certainly aren't all serious, so sometimes I feel there's a gap. First I'd ask, "What makes you laugh?" Identify the things that you think are funny, then see if you can replicate them. I tend to like absurd stuff. I don't watch a lot of comedies, but on TV, it's been Cheers, Wings, Monk, Psych and Brooklyn 99 kinds of shows. A woman who I know in real life who has written a book of her own read my original version last year and thought the 'dick measuring contest' was great. There's no gag lines, it's just an absurd premise to imagine, and the best thing is, it actually happened almost exactly as described. [spoilers!] She was also LOL'ing at the scene where Joe returns home with an afterglow but can't share it with anyone, and thinks to himself, "What was I supposed to say? Hey Ma! Hey Pa! I'm a man now! Remember that little cousin of mine? Turns out she's quite the cock-sucker!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chester57 Posted October 6, 2015 Report Share Posted October 6, 2015 - Matt is based, almost down to the name, on a friend I made the same way. Won't say his significance yet but I really did want to include him. I've been trying to figure out what role Matt will play in the story. At first I thought he would be incidental-- his locker is next to Jacks', big deal. But then he shows up in theatre class and both of them are cast in the play. Add to that a mutual disdain for Ms. Locke and they would seem to have much in common. I will predict that if there is a Belle/ Joe - Amanda/ Sam train wreck that leads to the Fracture, then Matt will become Jack's new best bud. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joe Long Posted October 6, 2015 Report Share Posted October 6, 2015 I've been trying to figure out what role Matt will play in the story. At first I thought he would be incidental-- One of the rules of fiction writing - never include anything that isn't important to the plot Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thismy Posted October 6, 2015 Report Share Posted October 6, 2015 One of the rules of fiction writing - never include anything that isn't important to the plot So very true. If every you're watching a tv show, reading a book, or so on, and a character is introduced, even if they seem trivial, they're bound to be important later. Sometimes you get people who play small side roles, but usually they come in later as big pieces. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jashley13 Posted October 6, 2015 Report Share Posted October 6, 2015 Chapter 41 has been posted! Holy crap, how did I get this one done so fast? I mean, relatively speaking. I can't forget that, initially, I had Chapters 1, 2, and 3 all up in a matter of four days so I'm not working at my peak efficiency, but I'm still stunned I was able to get this one done this fast. Hopefully nothing has been sacrificed in the way of quality. I don't want to promise that all chapters will be coming out this quickly but...well, frankly, I'm really enjoying writing this part and I can't wait to see exactly where it's headed (I kind of know, but the journey will write itself). Sorry for not updating much but I will be making my best effort to fix that. Hope you're all well! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joe Long Posted October 6, 2015 Report Share Posted October 6, 2015 (edited) University of Pittsburgh, Dept of Veterinary Medicine Carnegie-Mellon University, one of the most distinguished acting schools around Walking distance from each other! edit: I check a link and saw that Pitt doesn't had a "Veterinary School" which is post-graduate, but a page from on of Pitt's branch campuses says that students in 'pre-vet' can major in anything, but they'd suggest lots of biology and chemistry in order to pass the grad school entrance exams. Still - Jack can go to CMU and study acting, while Kayla can go there as well, or down the street at Pitt. The are literally acrossed the street. but also, we probably encourage too many kids to go to college, when they should be in more vocational-technical programs. Joe sounds like that kind of guy who would spend a lot of money on college and not get much valuable from it Edited October 6, 2015 by Joe Long Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
that-one-guy Posted October 6, 2015 Report Share Posted October 6, 2015 University of Pittsburgh, Dept of Veterinary Medicine Carnegie-Mellon University, one of the most distinguished acting schools around Walking distance from each other! but also, we probably encourage too many kids to go to college, when they should be in more vocational-technical programs. Joe sounds like that kind of guy who would spend a lot of money on college and not get much valuable from it True, I think an apprenticeship would be more Joes style Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joe Long Posted October 7, 2015 Report Share Posted October 7, 2015 Letting you guys know about a Halloween themed round robin original writing event. http://www2.adult-fanfiction.org/forum/index.php/topic/60996-affs-tales-from-the-shoutbox-2015/ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thismy Posted October 7, 2015 Report Share Posted October 7, 2015 ----Spoilers---- So... Intro to the prostitution ring... Jack likes voyeurism? I thought the part where he was super turned on by it was a little weird, but whatever. Should be fun to see how that goes. The people who keep meeting under bleachers are asking to be caught by Jack. Tad cliché, but if you read any of my stories, they're cliché out the wazoo, so I've got no ground there. My point is, don't fucking fuck around (heh heh) under the bleachers. I could talk for days about the ending. So many things could go wrong. I'm think Jessica is once again being conniving. Always love the foreshadowing. We all know that the secret about Sam and Joe will get out. Even Jack knows. The question is when will shit hit the fan. Very soon, I think. Pipe bomb, Chinese water torture anyone? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Delta4 Posted October 7, 2015 Report Share Posted October 7, 2015 A light and nice chapter. 1st conversation with jessica,i was reading on my chair edge and it was amazingly written.Nice policy Jack "keeping enemies closer" but the way she talks i kinda wish she is not bad as we all think she is. and Jack respeonse to seeing BJ is like a teenager,whether he has Kyla but we dont control the things which might turn us on.and deprive from sex is a big factor.i am a married person and i know when dont get sex for some time,mind is clouded with lot of unwanted thoughts and some things turning me on which should not do in normal circumstances.so this is a real guy thing.and there is no shame if jack goes to kyla for relieving him. may be Jessica wants out of ring if she is part of it? and she need Jack/Kyla help? Loved the Jokes through out in chapter especially "Was incest just a lot more common than I thought? I mean, Alan and Amanda, Jessica and Ted…who the Hell else would be doing that shit? You, a voice in my head said, You and Tara." LOLS "I’d sat between the two of them, just in case Kayla’s hands gained a mind of their own and wrapped themselves around Jessica’s throat." ha ha " new buddy-buddy style relationship" "School ancient demon" yup thats true And he’d just gotten a blowjob not ten minutes ago. Dude was a good actor. "Another message was from my service provider, wondering if I’d like some free upgrade something or other…Who knows? I was deleting it before I really had a chance to read it.(so true) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chester57 Posted October 8, 2015 Report Share Posted October 8, 2015 I've been trying to figure out what role Matt will play in the story. I will predict that if there is a Belle/ Joe - Amanda/ Sam train wreck that leads to the Fracture, then Matt will become Jack's new best bud. Well, so much for that theory! One thing I don't get is why the gym always seems to be deserted after school lets out. I know that Brow Ridge High has a Main gym and an Auxiliary gym-- we had two gyms at my old high school as well. As I recall they were never empty after school. There was always practice, workouts or sporting events going on. An un-written rule was: If you aren't in gym class, stay out of the gym. Anyone out of uniform was instantly noticed. Another rule that most certainly WAS written: If you get caught under the bleachers, it's an automatic detention-- no exceptions, no excuses. Of course, this was in the '70s so maybe things are different. Another good chapter. How much you want to bet that the girl on her knees was one of Jessica's cronies? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joe Long Posted October 8, 2015 Report Share Posted October 8, 2015 (edited) Another good chapter. How much you want to bet that the girl on her knees was one of Jessica's cronies? Jessica was showing an effort to distance herself from her 'friends', but I'd think it would be risky to be accepting payment for services rendered in a place where people knew who you were. Matt did make statements making it appear he picked the girl out of a catalog. Wouldn't it be something to order a girl, and when she shows up for the appointed BJ, he says, "Wait, aren't you Jessica Wilson? You're taking money to blow my cock?" Better to be anonymous, either a college girl or a student from another school. I’d heard my parents having sex more than once while I lay awake in bed, my eyes wide and my cock hard. Is Jack having mommy issues? Edited October 8, 2015 by Joe Long Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chester57 Posted October 8, 2015 Report Share Posted October 8, 2015 Better to be anonymous, either a college girl or a student from another school. Sounds reasonable but I have no idea how easy or hard it would be for a non-student to enter a high school these days. Perhaps someone in the administration is running interference for the ring and has provided student I. D. for the little tarts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joe Long Posted October 8, 2015 Report Share Posted October 8, 2015 Sounds reasonable but I have no idea how easy or hard it would be for a non-student to enter a high school these days. Perhaps someone in the administration is running interference for the ring and has provided student I. D. for the little tarts. Yeah, back in our day we just walked in. But remember Occam's Razor - the simplest explanation is the most likely. Once I did get busted trying get on another's school's bu by their vice-principal. My college was cross the street, and when my car was in the shop I went to the morning bus stop for the area vo-tech. I knew several of the kids. The second or third day I was waiting for the bus to come home before the kids were dismissed, which caught the administrator's eye. If I would have waited I'd be just another kid lugging books onto the bus. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chester57 Posted October 8, 2015 Report Share Posted October 8, 2015 Is Jack having mommy issues? Possible. He's already had (at least) sexual contact with three of the four most important women in his life, so maybe he is fantasizing a "Grand Slam" with Hannah. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joe Long Posted October 8, 2015 Report Share Posted October 8, 2015 Possible. He's already had (at least) sexual contact with three of the four most important women in his life, so maybe he is fantasizing a "Grand Slam" with Hannah. Jack mentions this in reflection, so I believe it's something which predates the rest, which then suggests it may be a root cause. 12 or 13 year old Jack, getting hard while listening to his parents do it. I've been there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chester57 Posted October 8, 2015 Report Share Posted October 8, 2015 Jack mentions this in reflection, so I believe it's something which predates the rest, which then suggests it may be a root cause. 12 or 13 year old Jack, getting hard while listening to his parents do it. I've been there. Ah, now I get you. Since the voyeuristic aspects of sex are such a strong turn-on for Jack, it makes you wonder how he will react when he becomes aware of the prostitution ring. He may decide it's none of his business and do nothing-- unless the ring somehow tries to involve one of the girls in the group. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest MrMe Posted October 9, 2015 Report Share Posted October 9, 2015 It's actually pretty easy going into a high school when you're not a student. I graduated in June and go back every once if a while to hang out with a few friends that went back for another year. Then again I used to attend, but meh. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Delta4 Posted October 9, 2015 Report Share Posted October 9, 2015 The group togather is becoming heavy on story,too many charcters and dialogues and its getting old may be. i wish Sam and Joe get caught again in that Craig party and group divides.as Jack said earlier,It will be jack,joe and kyla.and as the other girls are not here,so Jessica might fit in,will make things interesting and chances of jack involvment with ring will be more if jessica is in the ring. But this is a cruel idea as the person most suffer will be Amanda,due to her successive rejections. and if Jessica found guilty in the ring and jack's involvement, than Kyla will freaking Kill her!(m getting shivers down my spine typing this ) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest . Posted October 10, 2015 Report Share Posted October 10, 2015 . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest MrMe Posted October 10, 2015 Report Share Posted October 10, 2015 I extremely doubt that Jessica is actually in the Prostitution Ring, since she even said earlier in the story that Craig was her first time. What kind of girl would want to join a prostitution ring after being used and dumped. I know she's conniving and deceitful, but I just don't think that that's a good enough reason for her to join. That's just my opinion though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joe Long Posted October 10, 2015 Report Share Posted October 10, 2015 and if Jessica found guilty in the ring and jack's involvement, than Kyla will freaking Kill her!(m getting shivers down my spine typing this ) Last year Kayla was much more subdued that this year, dare I say, after the threesome. Early on Kayla was almost Jack's super sweet arm candy, but now she's developed a quite strong independent and aggressive personality, and to me it's not always attractive. I know she's hot and great in the sack, but I don't know if I'd fall for her. Honestly, the female character I'm most attracted to is Rhona, and I've been thinking of her a lot lately, but that's another post. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chester57 Posted October 10, 2015 Report Share Posted October 10, 2015 Honestly, the female character I'm most attracted to is Rhona, and I've been thinking of her a lot lately, but that's another post. Yes, Rhona is still pretty much a mystery as all we really know about her comes from her conversations with Jack. The fact that her brother Evan's group of friends are all afraid of her suggests that she has some serious power over them. Maybe she is their connection to the ring? Rhona could be "middle management" for ring, but she may be smart enough to run it herself. Another thing that made me laugh was Matt forking over wads of cash to his favourite bimbo for the BJ. How times have changed! Jeez, back in my Junior year if I had $25 to my name I was living large. And I know just how Matt got the money-- "Hey Mom, can I have $200 to order my class ring?" "I don't have it, dear. Go ask your father." "Dad, I'm getting a blow job after school today. Can I have $200?" "Oh, alright-- here. Make sure your mother doesn't find out about this." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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