Guest Guest Posted March 9, 2014 Report Share Posted March 9, 2014 Be warry of consistency in plot and character. I understand the flow of this project is prone to change. Just try your best to keep thsee key elements consistant. Best of luck. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Guest Posted March 9, 2014 Report Share Posted March 9, 2014 Just an observation: Gordo was supposed to be being "weened off Laras pussy"?. When? He hasn't been out of it for more than a few hours since this expedition started.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Guest Posted March 9, 2014 Report Share Posted March 9, 2014 Another observation: Why would you bother wasting an entire chapter on characters who are all as you are presently headed nothing more than the cock in the other hole of Laras Gordo isn't occupying? Get rid of him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Guest Posted March 10, 2014 Report Share Posted March 10, 2014 M.F. I hope things are well with you. If you are simply busy with life I hope it goes well. If you are re-examining your plot descisions or fantasies choices, use your gut. Either way, hope it makes you happy. L. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest everymann Posted March 12, 2014 Report Share Posted March 12, 2014 I am going to describe, hopefully with more tact, what I feel may be an issue some have. I do this for you to consider the possible arguments for future projects. Regarding Lara being mindless(?) I imagine the argument stems from her choice to not, as a few have pointed out, kill or torture or ignore the initial blackmailer(s). A good observation, one could argue, seeing as she begins this odessey by slaughtering an entire room of unarmed men without a moments hesitency or regret once the dead have fallen; and not one so much as calling her a cunt. (I realize this event was in the initial author's work and was not your decision. However, you ran with it. ) This woman (the one from the first paragraph; not however the one who, for reasons unknown, trusts the last guy standing to witness this act to not lead her to his boss,) would, without hesitation, kidnap, torture, and kill them for having raped her once the address was learned; or had them brought to her. I could be wrong. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Guest Posted March 15, 2014 Report Share Posted March 15, 2014 So she goes through all these scenarios with these bosses(and a few gangbangs) and NONE of this gets out, AND nobody finds out or survives to brag? Even though she has to first finish all these assignments before going back to kill them all? Where is this scenario even remotly plausable? given the proliferation of modern recording devices, and there being no way to guarente 100% prevention that there are no other cameras? GOOD LUCK. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Guest Posted March 15, 2014 Report Share Posted March 15, 2014 So she goes through all these scenarios with these bosses(and a few gangbangs) and NONE of this gets out, AND nobody finds out or survives to brag? Even though she has to first finish all these assignments before going back to kill them all? Where is this scenario even remotly plausable? given the proliferation of modern recording devices, and there being no way to guarente 100% prevention that there are no other cameras? GOOD LUCK. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Guest Posted March 15, 2014 Report Share Posted March 15, 2014 that second posting was a site reprompt error NOT my doing Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MorbidFantasy Posted March 19, 2014 Author Report Share Posted March 19, 2014 (edited) that second posting was a site reprompt error NOT my doing It's all good, I know those bugs happen. Yeh the premise of Lara's blackmail and continued rape is far fetched, although I did sort of address it with the prison arc in the following ways. 1. Her captors have more than enough clout to simply lock her up, whore her out, or simply make her disappear from the world. 2. They also have enough clout to manufacture a libelous story that Lara is part of a human/drug/blackmarket smuggling ring. The evidence could easily be faked eg altered bank accounts, false confessions, staged police raids. 3. Lara's history of violent encounters might not be entirely known to the public, but is known and judiciously suppressed by her blackmailers. If they reveal this violent aspect of hers they could paint her as mentally deranged and, like #2, change public perception of her. So technically, Lara's blackmail has extended far beyond simply being about recorded sex, but now includes a more comprehensive destruction of her reputation. The prison stint was basically the bosses telling her "not only can we destroy your reputation, but we can make your life a living hell beyond what it already is." For those of you who are stuck on the subject of character consistency, I'd recommend reading this ( http://brendycaldwell.com/2012/06/24/the-real-lara-origin-story/ ), then coming back to FMC with a little more leniency. I may have recommended that link before though, so apologies if I did. The idea is that Lara Croft as a character (pre-reboot) has always stretched the realms of being believable given her body count and in game destructiveness, thus any attempt to rationally humanize her ultimately relies on audience goodwill or willful suspension of disbelief. As for the current arc, I know I said I was updating about a month ago but truth be told I've sense scrapped and rewrote things several times. Although the thought has occurred to me, I won't be deleting the chapter with Hanson's late night voyeurism. While that chapter definitely did not work out the way I wanted it to, I'm planning on working around it. Currently, though the focus is on Xavier Salvatorelli and how he's being portrayed. Here is the gist of the variety of sex scenes I've written for what happens after Xavier's bdsm themed sex scene with Lara. Each is a fully fledged scenario with about 6000-7000 words (two chapters). 1. Xavier parades Lara naked, wearing a bondage yolk (looks like http://freakishdesigns.blogspot.it/2010/07/lockable-wooden-yoke.html ) through the village, showing everyone he's subjugated the one who injured him. This culminates in a public shaming where Lara is bound to a platform (placed in stocks) and displayed to everyone for a whole day. This is scrapped because writing in a village gang rape would be inconsistent with the goals of the prison arc (to create a contrast to Lara's serving a few versus her serving many). Writing a public shaming scene without gang rape also proved to be somewhat boring, since most of it would just be her standing there immobilized. Lara's outfit: Manacles around feet, yoke securing wrists and neck, hanging steel weights from piercings, later replaced with chains literally chaining her to the platform by her nips and clit. 2. Xavier throws a lavish party, and Lara goes as his "date". Those at the party are aware of Lara's prior transgressions against Xavier, so he makes a point of having her pretend to fawn all over him, including a lot of mouth to mouth and the eventual ducking under the table to blow him. This is to show those present that she's submitted to him willingly, rather than him capturing her and forcing her to do anything. Lara's outfit: short form fitting evening tube skirt, with liberally cut cleavage (no nip slips tho). Her hair is done up with an overall out-to-party look. Heavy on the makeup, with some of it smearing when she gets out from under the table with residual cum at the corner of her mouth. Care is taken to cover up any marks left on Lara's body from the whipping and electro prodding. 3. Xavier is still throwing a party, but this time primarily for his village. He brings Lara out only after retelling the story of how she blinded him in one eye and took some of his fingers away. When he does bring her out, it is in bondage. He then frees her and demonstrates that he is willing to let Lara walk out of there unharmed, even providing transportation for her. Lara meanwhile has already been instructed to not except this "gracious offer of extradition" and instead beg Xavier for his forgiveness. When she does, he makes her the guest of honor (seated next to him.) what happens next is a similar scene to #2 with under table blow job and some exhibition. Edit: in this version Lara is made to strip in front of everyone to present the marks on her body, showing that she's already been thoroughly punished for her wrong doings. Xavier then extends a token offer of having Lara pleasure his subordinates or having them rape her, only so they could offer their token refusal as they would rather see Xavier himself show his dominance over her. This would lead to Lara's blowing Xavier as well as other exhibitionist scenes. Lara's outfit: Initially, dressed in her tomb raiding outfit and with her hands cuffed behind her and manacles on her feet. After her "willing surrender", the cuffs and manacles are removed. There are several other scenarios/outfits that I tried for Lara, each about 1000-2000 words, not really worth summarizing since they don't have much besides lots of kinky smut. The two main portrayals of Xavier I'm juggling here are as follows: 1. A pretentious prick who wants to privately humiliate Lara but publicly pretend that he's the forgive and forget type and she's just willingly coming back to apologize to him. He also wants his men to believe that he's something of a chick magnet, that even his one time enemy has fallen for his masculinity and can't resist putting her hands on him. 2. A vengeful and domineering boss who always repays his enemies, who wants his subordinates to know that he conquered and subjugated Lara, and wants to humiliate her in front of his men and the village or whatever he's based in. In this version, Lara is shown off as his conquered sex slave, and would probably be asked to do more demeaning things in public (short of being gang banged like the prison arc) I have some other disorganized thoughts on the matter but will postpone posting them until we get the characterization of Xavier out of the way first. Edited March 19, 2014 by MorbidFantasy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest L Posted March 19, 2014 Report Share Posted March 19, 2014 Go with scenario number 2/persona1. The being seen with him will be humiliation enough, it will also reduce the post blackmail resolution body count. Xavier should be the coward - but not an idiot. He knows she is here , not killing him, due to blackmail. He should see this as an oportunity to make nice with her by being a 'lothario', when he could be a leach Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Guest Posted March 20, 2014 Report Share Posted March 20, 2014 You repeated a paragraph while describing the archeologist - check it. Ok, getting back on track w/ the main plot... good. I agree w/ 'L', but I feel they didn't read the chapter first. Personaly I like the idea of her being forced to fake the love thing, but the stupid fuck just killed himself - poor little shit. Are you going to off the little dig is plundered?( a 'overlooked' trap?) Ties up the whole thing nicely for Lara - just thinking. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Guest Posted March 20, 2014 Report Share Posted March 20, 2014 (fucking typo) You got that I was saying Xavier should die(w/ Fernando - maybe) while inspecting the dig sight once Lara 'clears' it and is out of the scene? Thought so. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Guest Posted March 20, 2014 Report Share Posted March 20, 2014 Good job! Paragrah repeat not withstanding. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MorbidFantasy Posted March 20, 2014 Author Report Share Posted March 20, 2014 Good job! Paragrah repeat not withstanding. Yeah the repeat was from me constantly moving passages around, sometimes I forget to delete the original. This chapter was Frankensteined together from three different short riffs so I'm just happy it didn't show more scarring. The repeat has been removed. I'm saving a pure Lothorio character for another setting. Xavier on the other hand leans a little more towards the suppressed-brutality end of the spectrum. He also won't be doing any "wooing", as in he wants it to look like Lara's the one coming on to him, and that he's "allowing" her to do so despite all she's done to him. Privately however he's really into physical abuse, stopping short of permanent damage due to having signed into the whole deal with the other bosses. In terms of manipulation of Lara, Xavier is the most short sighted, only wanting her for immediate gratification and personal pride, fairly obvious from his actions in this chapter. Some of the other characters will be more interested in using Lara as a tool or even as a temporary ally. Obviously, even if one of the characters really tries to make nice with Lara and get on her good side, it's hard to imagine a scenario where Lara would let any one of them go. Probably going to go with scenario 2 as recommended. The only remaining variations I'm working on is who's attending the party. The following people are guaranteed to be there: Lara Xavier His men The villagers that witnessed Lara maim Xavier The following people's presence at the party will potentially alter the plot so I'm still mulling it over: Kitty and Gordo: Kitty's presence is mainly in the bedroom, as a dominatrix of sorts, in order to put on a show for Xavier. Gordo would just be a familiar face there to watch and taunt Lara. Hanson: he will see Lara's "seduction" of Xavier, which will make him suspect that she slept her way into archaeological fame through sex) The rest of the villagers (changes the size of the party. A smaller party would be focused on the presentation of Lara and Xavier's faux-relationship, while a larger party goes to demonstrate Xavier's power and influence) I'm also toying with what Lara should wear and how her appearance might interact with the environment, here are a few things I've brainstormed beyond simple party-going outfit: The fabric starts out opaque but turns semi transparent under the right conditions (lighting, moisture, heat) The fabric is transparent but turns opaque with arousal, so Lara needs to constantly be aroused in order not to have herself completely exposed. Black lighting illuminates cum stains on Lara Bright lighting that threatens to shine through Lara's outfit. An ear piece or some other equipment that conveys to her what to do (eg get under the table, mash her breasts into Xavier's face, etc) Long knee length skirt- hides any toys Xavier may wish to attach to Lara. Extra short skirt- visual humiliation+ ez access. Maybe Lara's chair has retractable dildos that no one else can see. Or if she straddles Xavier's lap, there is actual penetration occurring. Stationary- Most of party for Lara is spent sitting or in close proximity with Xavier Moving party- Xavier walks around with Lara in one arm, actively showing her off, versus simply displaying her at his main table. a lot of options, some of which I might end up using in other future chapters, but the idea is to pick a combination that best adheres to what Xavier's character might want. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest I saw that Posted March 20, 2014 Report Share Posted March 20, 2014 "Short sighted?" Lara quiped as she remenised "Don't think too lowly of him. His limited vision, a result of being unable to see eye to eye to the average person, was an after effect of being belittled by his parents..." sorry - can't help myself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Guest Posted March 22, 2014 Report Share Posted March 22, 2014 Gordo can't taunt Lara at the party - that will prove it's a farce. His just being there will suffice to upset her enough. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Please no repetition Posted March 23, 2014 Report Share Posted March 23, 2014 Keep it going! THIS was awesome for one awesome reason, and I beg you to keep it up by Just -PLEASE! - keeping what seemed like a creative crutch off her. Really, Gordo, we got him: fat, degrading, BORING... great - been there, done him...TO DEATH! Great job not turning to this dull, overused crayon to color the sex with this time. KEEP IT UP! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Guest Posted March 23, 2014 Report Share Posted March 23, 2014 Oh my God... you, you did it. You really did it. You moved the story forward without miring us in that preposterously, irrationaly, not even remotly probable behavior for a oversexed preteen sex offender to be - let alone a respected sixty year old archeologist! GOOD BOY! And it was well done. KEEP IT UP INDEED! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Guest Posted March 24, 2014 Report Share Posted March 24, 2014 Well done. The issue I have regarding consistency is not with the character as she is generaly presented in the games, but how she jarringly contradicts herself in THIS story. I can only speak for myself, but I think as the one creating this Lara, I feel YOU are the one responsible for keeping her consistant; as you see her. She goes from coldblooded killer, indifferently killing a room full of unarmed men too a willing victim of torture to two men she could easily extract the needed info from before killing them LONG before Everest got involved with no problem. Keep this in mind when developing new stories. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Hitcher Posted March 27, 2014 Report Share Posted March 27, 2014 I, for one, don't see where Lara's character is overtly inconsistent in this fic. I mean, it's obvious that the story has been written over the course of a long time (It started briefly after TR: Legend?) so a few things are bound to change. But that's really a part of the genre. I don't think one should confuse character development with inconsistency either. One of the things I like about this fic, is the subtle changes in the main character. The chapter called "Airtime Interlude" summed the changes in Lara's mind up pretty good. She isn't the same person as she was when she met Gordo the first time Regarding Lara's journey in this particular story, I think it is pretty obvious that she has a flaw that has made her end up in this mess. That flaw of course is her irrationally strong sense of pride. Instead of going to the police or whatever when the blackmail begins, she tries to resolve the situation herself. The thought of anyone seeing the tape of Gordo fucking her, seems to her to be worse than dying. In trying to resolve the problem herself, she underestimates Gordo and thus digs herself deeper down into the problem until there is no way out. Everest, on the other hand, offers her a way out. A slow, painful and degrading one, but still a way out. The way I see it, due to Lara's critically important flaw, pride, her biggest fears are not being raped, tortured, mentally abused or sexually humiliated, it's people finding out about this. And that theme is consistent throughout the entire story. It is at the core of the character and it makes her behave irrationally. One of the reasons why the chapters with Hanson were very fun to read, in my opinion, was that in addition to being a well written, humorous character he undermines Lara's view of herself. To put it bluntly, it's deeply ironic if she has been considered a slut all along, at least by one bitter archaeologist. It shows that Lara's pride is all the more irrational and that her own view on her public image is, at least in part, delusional. I really enjoy the turns this story has taken the last chapters, and I hope the subtle characterization of Lara, and the differences about how she sees herself compared to how other people see her will be present in the following chapters as well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Guest Posted March 27, 2014 Report Share Posted March 27, 2014 You are confusing the two, and were too interested in making your own point regarding her pride (wrong word - if it had been pride? she would have let him fuck her corpse)being the great flaw to even address my STILL valid point about her nature. SO, let me speak plainly: LARA - IN THIS FIC - starts off by killing, without remorse, or hesitation, a roomfull of UNARMED men. Let me now explain what that says about her... in this stor. There existed no threat she could not neutralize with a verbal command - being the only one w/ a gun : SHE DIDN'T CARE A FUCK FOR THEIR LIVES, NOR THOUGHT OF THEM AFTER. THIS WOMAN is told where Gordo lives by the dumb fuck. She knows he is a coward by the fact he had to wait till she had her back turned to knock her out, SHE has two weeks to get the information... THIS SOCIOPATH... and does nothing. INDEED SHE she tolerates insults to, and repeated injuries to her pride. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest huh... Posted March 27, 2014 Report Share Posted March 27, 2014 So... how does Hanson, the failure who only got this dig because she signed on, in any way undermines her view of herself by being a closet pervert? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest CHILL Posted March 27, 2014 Report Share Posted March 27, 2014 Ok. Let us all chill. I think Hitcher was just trying to make a observation. Guest? Really - relax. I agree with Guest , not his aggression, but point. In this fic we see a character - as presented by the writer - do a full, instantanious, 180 degree turn in inherent nature without valid reason. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest CHILL Posted March 27, 2014 Report Share Posted March 27, 2014 Oh, and before you say anything about Everest, I am refering to her in the first five chapters.It never shhould have gotten even to her being 'hammered' let alone pierced - based on this authors stated rendering of Lara. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Guest Posted March 28, 2014 Report Share Posted March 28, 2014 Hitcher? There is no self delusion in her. She knows what she has accomplished, deserves the accolades. What you are mening to say is she is deluded about how a select few see her. It is they who are delusioned about her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts