Tomb Raider: Fat Man Chronicles, review and discussion thread.

[Guest Guest]

God Hitcher, you really have no idea what it is you're reading do you.

The only reason Hanson sees Lara as a slut is because of what he has seen as a result of what Fernando, and Gordo want him to see. This was not an opinion he held till this dig

And he doesn't really see her as one, he sees her as something he wants do to sate his own lecherous desires.

[MorbidFantasy]

All this debate lol.

You guys do realize that in the end, I'm basically writing this piece with my dick doing half of the thinking, right?

Yes, plot is important, as is characterization, but since this is AFF, the creativity of the sex is also important, and sometimes I tend to compromise heavily in order to satiate my carnal desires to see Lara do certain things that I'm sure she wouldn't realistically do.

Picking on the blackmail plot at this point is basically beating a dead horse. Among the other things you'd find on AFF like animal sex (the excellent "The Wolf's Snare" fic by JustS), you have to allow certain liberties in setup for the sake of entertainment. I'm not against asking questions but there's no need to get an headache over plot elements such as blackmail, rape, bestiality, tentacles, and any number of standard AFF tropes.

The bottom line is that without the blackmail, then the majority of this fic would be impossible. Also, the original intent of the first two chapters was a liberal remake of Destiney's fat bastard fic.

I do hope that despite the inherent handicap to realism, you critical minded readers still enjoy the fic for what it is, a healthy dose of smutt.

Really trying to get the next chapter up by Sunday. At this point I'm primarily caught up with whether to include Hanson, which changes the perspective (if he attends the "party" we'll see a lot of his thoughts and partially see the chapter from his perspective.)

[Guest Guest]

Sunday? So we should be ready for the update say... June?

[Guest Guest]

Just remember, if you have your beloved 'new Gordo' Hanson see her as a slut, he would reasonably aproach her directly. So good bye to your nocturnal escapades, and her being unaware... please don't bother with this fucking asenine subplot. Derail this preposterous train of thought here and now.

[Guest Guest]

The Lara in "The Wolfs Snare" is passive from the first sentence, therefore CONSISTANT - a major aspect to making the story excellent. YOURS is....? Take this as a suggestion for the future; and stop making excusess for your 17 year old selfs laziness.

[Guest Guest]

Hanson's on the dig, please don't loose focus to appease one kid who doesn't even understand what he is reading. If Hanson starts to think of her this way, that will violate the base terms of the aggrement. PLEASE do something right.

[MorbidFantasy]

I'm assuming the same person posted four times in a row...

Next time, order your thoughts and get everything across in one post, if you please.

[Guest Guest]

Yes sir. But I ask you to understand, that I sometimes don't want to put divergent thoughts into the same post. I prefer to get the one prevailing thought in my mind out to best express it in as few words as possible without being side tracked by another thought that has yet to dawn on me.

I get the feeling you are more anoyed by the fact there are so many posts notices on your email than the fact there are so many posts? You have said thus before. My appologies. I hope you will consider what I have said... the parts that actualy pertain to the construction of character, and might help you not become so lost in the old and comfortible routine which is becoming too cookie cutterish.

Once again, feel free to ignore any suggestions, as you so judiciously have, and continue embarking on this journey of repetitious boredom. OR do as you did last chapter and proove beyond all doubt, you can be original, interesting, and truly creative, a rarity in THIS genre.

L

[Guest Hitcher]

I guess I didn't realize what kind of wasp's nest I was putting my hands into by making some remarks. I'm here to support the author, and I think he has done a very good job so far.

You are confusing the two, and were too interested in making your own point regarding her pride (wrong word - if it had been pride? she would have let him fuck her corpse)being the great flaw to even address my STILL valid point about her nature. SO, let me speak plainly: LARA - IN THIS FIC - starts off by killing, without remorse, or hesitation, a roomfull of UNARMED men. Let me now explain what that says about her... in this stor. There existed no threat she could not neutralize with a verbal command - being the only one w/ a gun : SHE DIDN'T CARE A FUCK FOR THEIR LIVES, NOR THOUGHT OF THEM AFTER. THIS WOMAN is told where Gordo lives by the dumb fuck. She knows he is a coward by the fact he had to wait till she had her back turned to knock her out, SHE has two weeks to get the information... THIS SOCIOPATH... and does nothing. INDEED SHE she tolerates insults to, and repeated injuries to her pride.

No you are confusing the two In all seriousness though, what's happened has happened, I can't quite understand why you are following this story if you are so enraged reading the first five chapters.

It seems to me that a lot of the commenters in this thread are too focused on seeing Lara escape freely without any more sexual abuse. Let me be the first one to say, I would like this story to detail as much sexual abuse of Lara Croft as possible! That is the reason I'm reading this, and the reason I started reading it.

So... how does Hanson, the failure who only got this dig because she signed on, in any way undermines her view of herself by being a closet pervert?

He's not a failure per se, is he? I mean he is a professor of archaeology, You can't be a complete loser if you have managed to get a degree like him. Hell, I myself dream of one day becoming a bitter professor bitching about funding and how my department never gets anything if they don't bring along some stupid bimbo postergirl.

The point is that he represents something outside the conspiracy surrounding Lara and a voice of the archaelogical community. It might just be that Lara Croft has some higher thoughts about herself than the average archaeologist out there.

God Hitcher, you really have no idea what it is you're reading do you.

The only reason Hanson sees Lara as a slut is because of what he has seen as a result of what Fernando, and Gordo want him to see. This was not an opinion he held till this dig

And he doesn't really see her as one, he sees her as something he wants do to sate his own lecherous desires.

No need to label me as a god, Hitcher will suffice. Hanson may not think of her as a slut, but he certainly doesn't like her either He sees her as an irritating piece of buracracy that is a threat to good scholarly pursuits. The way I see it, Hanson isn't a pervert first and foremost. He is a scholar, who just happens to be a man.

Regarding the following chapter, I would really enjoy Hanson's presence there. If MorbidFantasy decides against it, it will probably be a kick ass chapter just the same. But I would like to see Hanson's confused reactions to Lara's behaviour and the sorts of conclusions he draws when watching her debase herself.

On a more general level I think changes in points of view would be a nice way to keep the story interesting. I would have loved to read more about how the other characters in the story react, and not just Lara.

Anyway, as I said earlier, I really like this fic, and I don't think MorbidFantasy gets enough credit for writing it. Keep up the good work, man. The creative powers of your dick is obviously strong enough!

[Guest Guest]

We all support him. I won't bother arguing the points you presented, some are quite sound, and have been well expressed. That said...

The animosity is a result of not hating him, or wanting to see her get off scott free. The animosity, for me, is that he hasn't, till this chapter, done much forward momentum in the plot; and he was suffering, as I saw it, from repetition of, and cock blocking of Gordo on all sorts of levels: a creative level, and story/character development level, as well as this very talented authors skill development.

Morbid for so long it seemed, depended too much on Gordo alone to express Lara's inner thoughts and feelings.{I get it, he is the titular character, and the pricipal guy to start this story line.} But I felt we needed to move on to other rapists, other characters who need to be developed through having their sordid fantasies with her.

Morbid has expressed a desire to give whole chapters to these other players in this game through having a go with her. Great, I am all for it... but he wouldn't get rid of Gordo from those sex scenes. This was also happening with the over use of the ometer.

The beating of the dead horse of the opening chapters profound character change, was to make him think of character development from the get go, so he could develop one that better matched the story from the start.

I was trying to help the writer write.

Perhapse I had the wrong tact.

[Guest BLUNT FUCKER NUMBER 2]

Kissing ass has it's place... at school, at home, and in the beginning of a sexual relationship. NOT in helping an author develop as an author. All that accomplishes is stagnation in creativity and self delusion. The heavy hand of criticism delivered in the manner we deliver it is ment to help artists like Morbid Fantasy to think about the creative choices they have made and how they truly come across. FANS see only what they want too see, as well as the genius, brilliance, and all those things they cannot think of in their most sordid dreams. They admire, justly, the remarkable creative flow of the artists imagined world. The problem with the opinion of these justly impressed souls is they cannot see the artists work as what it is, a construct to be built, given a foundation of validity and rules, characters to interact consistantly to create believible interactions based on the character model, and it is these models - consitantly expressed - that determine if those interactions are valid for that world, or are in stark contrast to it. So please, by all means sing his praises, there is much to praise; but let us help keep him centered on the road he himself has paved. We may seem cruel, ruthless, too blunt; but we do it because THIS author and this work are worth it. Thanks.

[MorbidFantasy]

Whoa whoa now, let's not get our panties in a twist.

Calling someone a kiss-ass or a sycophant, especially on the internet, seems to be giving them too much credit.

By that I mean that because of the anonymity of the internet we're pretty much empowered to say whatever we truly feel without a care for other's feelings.

So while it's possible that someone might want to butter my intellectual muffin, it's also possible that they just happen to share similar views and tastes with where I'm taking the story. It's a matter of opinion. The same goes for the strong feelings against the directions I'm taking the fic.

Back on topic, I do think that the suggestion to keep Hanson out of the loop is the better choice. This is after playing around with a few free writes and finding it too hard to fit him in.

[MorbidFantasy]

Hi all,

No more false promises, no more apologies, just the truth. I often think I’m about ready to post a chapter or lock a narrative in, only to find that the chapter’s ideas no longer interest me, or, somehow does not work with the rest of the piece. When I publish too early without consulting people, I get silly chapters like the Hanson-night-time-prowl escapade.

So from now, I’m not going to make promises like “another chapter ready for next week”. Instead, I have a slightly less obtuse plan.

I will be posting a separate story in The Tomb Raider section titled “contractually indentured”. Basically, it serves as a repository for chapters that I feel fits into the FMC story universe but doesn’t fit into the main narrative. This would eventually include extra sex scenes that I’ve written that are only referred to in one or two sentences in the main piece. These stories may or may not occur at the same time as the main FMC story, and may even represent things that happen in the future.

It’s not that I’m trying to boost hits or anything, but a lot of what happens in “Contractually Indentured” will directly impact or inform what is happening in the main arc. They answer questions such as “what rules in the contract govern Lara’s being gang raped” and “just how much sex and time is Lara required to dedicate to this contract”. I tried to work in a chapter just detailing some of the more plot related texts in the contract and ended up with a narrative that simply didn’t mesh well with the action from FMC.

It will be explained in more detail, but basically this is how chapters from “Contractually Indentured” (CI) are going to function:

Each chapter from will open with a reference chapter from FMC and vise versa, which in this case CI, Chap1 will reference to FMC 32: Assignment One: Initiations (Xavier) cont.

If a CI chapter takes place somewhere in the future of FMC, I will also state so right off the bat, and when the FMC chapter that is related to that CI chapter is posted, I will retroactively insert the interstory reference.

What this does is free me up to write scenes that break linearity without having to scrap them simply because they don’t fit in the current FMC plot. It also means that some CI chapters will set in stone the kind of future Lara is going to be facing in the main FMC storyline.

What this will not become is a spoiler for the ending. I’ve said many times that I’ve had the ending chapter written, and that still holds true, but at this point it makes no sense to jump there as many of the crucial plot developments have not happened/been written yet.

In summary: more hot sex scenes (I hope), more transparency with what I’m doing with the plot, and less tangential chapters with FMC itself.

Spoilers for CI Chapter 1: We get a look at three specific specific scenarios in the contract, of which Lara must always be part of.

1. Days working only as a sexual object: How much sex is required, and in what way does the contract's wording affect how Lara conducts her sexual services.

2. Days working as a archaeologist/consultant: How Lara balances sex with real work, when can she work, and how much autonomy does she have regarding choosing work over sex.

3. Days off: When can Lara have a little time to herself and how can she earn these free time.

In all three scenarios, the contract has been worded in a way that can be liberally "reinterpreted" by Lara's handlers in order to maximize their use of Lara against her will. It's also geared to give minuscule rewards for Lara's humiliating cooperation while levying heavy penalties for her using the contract's own words to her benefit (eg asking for time off, bargaining for various changes/rights, etc)

I won't say when CI: Chapter 1 and FMC:32 are going up, except that I'm working on both of them simultaneously. Once I post CI:1, I would love some feedback and will post specific questions here to that affect. Try to look past the fact that the first chapter will largely be kinky legal text and not too much plot.

[Guest done with the fat man]

In other words... twice the Gordo. Morbo old boy I've had enough of him, and so... Good luck, and good bye.

[Guest Guest]

Sounds interesting.

[Guest Guest]

_{Unlike 'done with fat man' I will keep reading. I love watching denial in action. I enjoy it when people continue on blindly, ignorant of the truth all others see. I wonder if you can realize what the success of your last chapter should have clearly tought you. God I hope not. Because I don't think you can... ever, and I like being right.}

_{Can you take your bloated swimmies off, and write any more sex scenes without Gordo being in one? No one outside your 'H' happy fan club, who tell you all you want to hear so you'll like them does.}

_{We beg: "Kill him off NOW, for the sake of your own growth, and that of this piece." While all the whioe we honnestly DON'T think you can - no one does. In a way, it is the reason I read this: you; and watching you circle this giant 'star' of your own creation - convinced he is great, brilliant sun... and all the while, he is a black hole.}

_{It is sad, sickly hysterical, and truly mesmirizing.}

_{I will continue to read for one reason: reading this story fills my 'morbid fantasy' with a man's inability to hear everyone around him, sans his enablers, screaming."This obvious dependency Is not working." I find it self satisfying to watch you continue to write about him, blisfully unaware he is holding you in place. So please, keep him in, please do... for me?}

_{It's like an alcaholic tellling me he can stop drinking, then opening a bar.}

_{"Welcome to happy hour!"}

[MorbidFantasy]

In other words... twice the Gordo. Morbo old boy I've had enough of him, and so... Good luck, and good bye.

lol what part of my post had you thinking I wanted to put Gordo in more sex scenes?

_{Unlike 'done with fat man' I will keep reading. I love watching denial in action. I enjoy it when people continue on blindly, ignorant of the truth all others see. I wonder if you can realize what the success of your last chapter should have clearly tought you. God I hope not. Because I don't think you can... ever, and I like being right.}

_{Can you take your bloated swimmies off, and write any more sex scenes without Gordo being in one? No one outside your 'H' happy fan club, who tell you all you want to hear so you'll like them does.}

_{We beg: "Kill him off NOW, for the sake of your own growth, and that of this piece." While all the whioe we honnestly DON'T think you can - no one does. In a way, it is the reason I read this: you; and watching you circle this giant 'star' of your own creation - convinced he is great, brilliant sun... and all the while, he is a black hole.}

_{It is sad, sickly hysterical, and truly mesmirizing.}

_{I will continue to read for one reason: reading this story fills my 'morbid fantasy' with a man's inability to hear everyone around him, sans his enablers, screaming."This obvious dependency Is not working." I find it self satisfying to watch you continue to write about him, blisfully unaware he is holding you in place. So please, keep him in, please do... for me?}

_{It's like an alcaholic tellling me he can stop drinking, then opening a bar.}

_{"Welcome to happy hour!"}

Whoa, the silliness of your mockery. IT HURTZ

True story, I haven't written an explicit sex scene in months with Gordo because like most of you, that simply doesn't turn me on anymore. I'm well aware that I've pretty much exhausted the gross factor of having a fat man fuck Lara (well, mostly, chubbsy will never stop being gross).

One of the early feedback for Reality of Lara's Legend was that it was a good thing I kept switching out antagonists (and usually killing them by the end of the chapter). I get the feeling I avoided the problem with the level/chapter setting with that fic that I'm having with Gordo right now.

Gordo's role as a sex antagonist in the story is pretty much over, since he has Kitty now. Now he's basically just in a managerial position in charge of designing and building more sick shit for Lara to experience.

I might be killing off Vasily the giant Russian too. Not a whole lot going on with him and tbh the sentimental connection with Lara didn't really grow on me past the prison arc. Advice on how to proceed with killing/using Vasily are welcome.

I hope you guys understand, that many of your issues with the fic are shared by yours truly. Whether it's reader fatigue regarding Gordo or plot issues like the midnight chapter with Hanson, some scenes simply don't work out the way they're intended. I'm doing my best to take FMC in a fresh direction, but it's possible that I'm getting boxed in by some of my more abused tropes, so that's where I can use the most help, is plot direction (fixed ending notwithstanding) and specific variations on bondage/torture/humiliation/sex that you would like to see.

The main point of my previous post is that I'm going to be focusing FMC on more plot driven chapters, and extraneous or supplementary chapters that are somewhat necessary or were written just for the smutt will end up in Contractually Indentured.

Will probably post here when I've updated, but of course I'm always open to your criticisms. Contrary to what you guys might think, my ego is not preventing me from seeing things in FMC that aren't working out.

[Guest BOO YEAH BITCHES]

Someone tell Dr.Evil to get another hobbie besides openly advertising he has no life beyond being an angry New York film critic wanna be. Yes anon fuck nut with the word 'asshole' spray painted on his face, I am talking to you. Happy? You got a pair of responses, to make up for the testicals you lack! You are not just a gutless fuck, but an 'astronomical' one! Morbid. It is I, the enormous prick. I realize you needed no help putting this PUSSY to bed (and don't give me that 'am what I eat shit', any dog can lick - guys who have BALLS, don't need to.) But this BITCH is the kind I love to slap. Rant aside, welcome back. Killing my man Vassily. *sniff* well he did bugger her, a lot. I say he goes out killing the Russian boss. Hear me: the russian is the last guy standing(her Crofttacularness having done the deals, and got Everest his ends, somehow orchestrates the demise - post mission - of the other bosses) The Russian sees this, and thinks it's Everest's plan. Since he doesn't want this to be his fate, he waits till after Lara finishes her assignment, then has his fantasy: his prize 'bull' Vassily mounting the 'hefer' Lara. Shes tied down on all fours. After, in an act of pure malicious one upsmanship against Everest, the boss attempts to brand her on the face(, tits, ass, snatch- eh no) and Vassily smells the brand, and looses it.

[MorbidFantasy]

Someone tell Dr.Evil to get another hobbie besides openly advertising he has no life beyond being an angry New York film critic wanna be. Yes anon fuck nut with the word 'asshole' spray painted on his face, I am talking to you. Happy? You got a pair of responses, to make up for the testicals you lack! You are not just a gutless fuck, but an 'astronomical' one! Morbid. It is I, the enormous prick. I realize you needed no help putting this PUSSY to bed (and don't give me that 'am what I eat shit', any dog can lick - guys who have BALLS, don't need to.) But this BITCH is the kind I love to slap. Rant aside, welcome back. Killing my man Vassily. *sniff* well he did bugger her, a lot. I say he goes out killing the Russian boss. Hear me: the russian is the last guy standing(her Crofttacularness having done the deals, and got Everest his ends, somehow orchestrates the demise - post mission - of the other bosses) The Russian sees this, and thinks it's Everest's plan. Since he doesn't want this to be his fate, he waits till after Lara finishes her assignment, then has his fantasy: his prize 'bull' Vassily mounting the 'hefer' Lara. Shes tied down on all fours. After, in an act of pure malicious one upsmanship against Everest, the boss attempts to brand her on the face(, tits, ass, snatch- eh no) and Vassily smells the brand, and looses it.

My inner Grammar Nazi died reading this post.

P.S I say that with the most lovingly ass-buggeringly way possible .

Edited June 5, 2014 by MorbidFantasy

[Guest Guest]

I never said I was a writer:) but killing nazis wherever they may hide? Awesome!

[Guest BOO YEAH - AGAIN]

By the way, that last post, was*fap* woops - me. Anytime a nazi or smug, opinionated, assholereamedbeyondtheabilitytoshit asshole reamed beyond the ability to shit- die nazi scum!) gives someone who is sharing their time, considerable talent, and delicious inner-leather-clad curvaceous demons with us debotched degenerates... I'll be there.. eventualy. FapFapFaaaaaaaaaap! One more thing

[Guest B Y (OWN BONER)]

...I forgot.

[Guest Some Random Guy]

I don't know where all this hate is coming from, but nevertheless I am greatly enjoying the story. Keep up the great work.

My 50 cents on this argument (or on work in general): If you enjoy doing something it is more likely to be good, so focus on what you like not what we (the readers) like, which doesn't mean we (at least I ) won't enjoy what you are writing.

This is of course only my opinion.

Some criticism I have though, those updates take a goddamn long time .

Hope for a new chapter soon

[Guest BOO YUP-EAH]

And now... my response.* Ahem *HEY RANDOM GUY! Keep your reason and common sense out of this idiotic, tantrum tossing, fuck-nut sucking shit-head too pathetic to have an ounce of mojo so he sits at home finding ways to make himself feel good by ragging on a guy who is simply trying to share his excellent literary porn skills with his fellow degenerates, filled forum... *GASP!*you may draw their fire. (Not that the fuckless wonders will know how to spell fire) Needless to say RG glad you dropped in. Fap. Now run!

[Guest Guest]

An idea for 'plot revelant' gang bang. Natives: no radio, tv, etc. In other words harmless to her reputation if they had her as an offering to say, allow 'trespassing'. She might even see it as research; and no cause to kill them. Let the filthy creative juices fly.