Is it bad...

[Guest DarkAvenger]

Is it bad to think of someone else other than your significant other when you have sex or masturbate?

If so, why?

If not, why?

Have you ever? If so, was it someone you knew personally or a celebrity or a character of your own creation, etc?

Did you feel bad about it afterward or during? If so, why? If not, why not?

If you haven't, why do you think that is? Have you stopped yourself from it for fear of it being like betrayal to your significant other, or why?

[Guest Agaib]

Its not bad unless the reason one does it is because one don't feel much of a connection to your partner. If someone doesn't find themselves sexually attracted to their partner it might be indicative of a problem

My girlfriend and I both like to fantasize about all sorts of things while engaging in sexual activity.

[Leonhart29]

I don't think there's really anything wrong with it - if it's only fantasizing. The problem comes about when you take it to the next step with either IMing (cybersex) or a real affair. Everyone fantasizes - it's human nature.

Sometimes when I was married fantasies were the only thing that got me through the intimate moments.

[Guest echtrae]

Unless you force your significant other to dress up like the person you keep fantasizing about. I would think that if you're doing that, then you and your SO need to have a talk.

[EveKnight75]

I haven't had anal sex ever or vaginal sex with a man, but I've had other types of sex.

I think everyone has fantasized about someone else while masturbating during at least one session in their life. I see nothing wrong with that. Everyone's entitled to their sexual fantasies, no matter how weird it is, provided that they're not hurting someone else. How is masturbating hurting someone else? Unless it's a mutual masturbation activity, the whole experience is private, isn't it?

I think everyone has also fantasized about someone other than their partner during sex at least once (this applies to people who have had sex with someone else multiple times). I don't think that's necessarily a bad or hurtful thing. However, I think there are certain limits.

If you fantasize about a fictional character or celebrity once in a while, that's OK. It's not like you have a chance to get with that person in real life, and chances are your partner's guilty of that type of fantasy, too.

Once, I did fantasize about someone else while fooling around with one person. To make things worse, that person was a mutual friend. I felt slightly guilty about it. I think that guilt varies from person to person. Humans aren't fully monogamous by nature. A lot of people find themselves occasionally attracted to other people while dating someone, and can't help but fantasize.

I think it actually becomes a problem when you start to fantasize too much during sex with another person. It's OK to let your imagination wander once in a while, but if you do it often, there's a problem. You should be aware of your partner and have the image of your partner in your head most of the time when it comes to sex. If you fantasize about someone fictional (including celebs), most of the time, it's hurtful because it's as if your partner doesn't measure up to your ideals and you'd rather live in a fantasy world all the time. If you fantasize about other people that you know in real life all the time, it means that you don't really love your partner anymore and maybe you don't truly want to be with him/her. Maybe you're just settling because you think you can't get what you truly want, and that's a low blow to yourself and your partner.

So yeah, I voted yes to both, but within reason. Fantasy is a healthy aspect of sexuality, provided you don't let your sexuality become nothing but an aspect of fantasy.

[Guest Adara]

I've thought about others...though most of the, "people" I think about are, well, imaginary. My husband and I like to try different stuff, so yeah, Role playing through sex is one of them.

[DarkCabaret]

I wouldn't say it's a bad thing. I mean if you didn't think of someone else once in awhile (in my opinion) things would get boring. Just as long as you don't scream their name....you're good.

I haven't but I know a couple people who do.

[Guest Alien Pirate Pixagi]

I feel very odd. I've never fantasized about anyone other then my SO, masturbating or with actual sex. Don't necessarily find anything wrong with it or anything, it's just... well, he's always the first person I think of when the mood arises.

(And no, I'm not just saying that because he lurks around the forums every so often )

[Kyouryoku Senshi]

Don't feel odd, I'm in the same boat. I'm getting married next year to my first SO and I couldn't imagine it with anyone else. I am not ashamed! However, I am not surprised that a lot of people fantasize about others when having sex, it actually seems very common. I think it's the worst when you yell out someone else's name while having sex. Lol. Not for me though. :-)

[Leonhart29]

You know - if my one and only husband hadn't been an I never would have done it. I never did before him and as there has only been one other person in the past 11 years I haven't since. That doesn't mean that when I'm not in a relationship I don't fantasize. I do - believe me. Kinda have to with some of the shit I come up with in my writings. I guess it completely depends on how your relationship is going at the time. Honestly, when I had to think of someone else I should have gotten out - fast. It just wasn't that easy ya know?

[redsliver]

I really should have read all the answers and voted the last one instead of the first.

I fantasise all the time, I've thought about any number of people and unrelated things during sex and masturbation. I don't see me as being a bad guy for it, rather absent minded and easily distracted, yes. Masturbating, I rarely think of only one woman so it'd be a lie not to vote for that. During sex I think I've always done it, except for the first few times with someone.

[StoryJunkie]

not during sex. I'm too focused on what's going on.

otherwise, yes. when alone, I tend not to think of my SO. I've never felt guilty about it mainly because there are no thought police around (that I can see) ...

Are you the thought police? *worries for a moment or two*

...and its been an activity of mine since age 5 or earlier, way before any kind of thoughts of an SO came up.

[Nanaea]

...and its been an activity of mine since age 5 or earlier, way before any kind of thoughts of an SO came up.

Five? Wow, SJ, you really started young.

I've always had a rich fantasy life (which I believe is what SJ was alluding to in her post). Why wouldn't that hold true for my sex life as well?

When I'm by myself, an erotic fantasy is essential. Without it I can't get anywhere. When I'm with someone I try to be really with them, but sometimes the mind wanders. The thing is - when I do fantasize - it's always (except for the occasional Snape fantasy) about people who exist solely in my own mind. They don't have names and they aren't based on anyone I personally know. Fantasizing about celebrities squicks me out, and fantasizing about anyone else leaves me feeling guilty, so I don't go there.

[Leonhart29]

I happen to agree that fantasizing about celebs is squick worthy. I never have been able to fantasize about a real person unless it was my SO at the time.