Myths and Facts of Homosexual Relationships

[Guest Alien Pirate Pixagi]

I'm really getting tired of reading M/M fics where two manly men are turned into simpering little girls because they start fucking.

Seriously folks.

Now, I've ranted (rather incoherently) about this before, and since that's gotten washed out, I shall rant again in a far more coherent and helpful manner!

Here, folks, I shall list the myths and facts of homosexual relationships, all taken from chatting with my male gay friends, or from reading articles and interviews on the subject. Woo!

MYTH: There's always a top and a bottom.

FACT: This isn't even always true in heterosexual relationships, why would it be in a relationship between two men/women? While there are some couples who work like this, as far as I've seen, most don't. There's usually no official top or bottom, and even when there is, it's not always determined by how flamboyant a person is. It can be determined by age, but usually, it's done by preference. Some, no matter their personality, prefer to take it up the ass rather then give, and visa versa.

MYTH: All gay men are flamboyant, and all lesbians are butch.

FACT: Erg... Just because that's what's most commonly advertised doesn't mean it's fact. I believe this one comes from the fact that the most identifiable homosexuals are those who act out of "gender norm," so to speak. However, the idea that all people act a certain way do to sexual preference is rather short sighted and narrow minded. There's also a lot of pressure on homosexuals to act this way, primarily by other homosexuals, with the belief that if a person is a certain way, they must act a certain way as well or else their posers. That's just ridiculous folks, there's more to a person then who they fuck.

MYTH: All gay men have AIDS.

FACT: ...WHAT? Folks, if all gay men had AIDS, EVERYONE would have AIDS. COME ON! While, yes, it's shown to be most prevalent in the gay community, it should also be noted that half of all people who have AIDS are WOMEN.

MYTH: All anal sex must be prepped no matter how often you have sex.

FACT: The first few times? Definitely. However, if the "bottom" is particularly experienced, and has had his "booty plundered" pretty often, then all that is needed is lube for a smooth entry because the anal muscles have become accustomed to being stretched and are no longer so tight as to cause pain.

Hmm, I think that's all. Feel free to add to that list, and I'm also open to debate on these points.

[WotanAnubis]

MYTH: There is always a man in a lesbian relationship.

FACT: Lesbians are rather notorious for being women. There is no 'man' in a lesbian relationship. Even if the butchiest butch hooked up with the femmiest femme there would still be nobody to take on the role of the 'man'. Because they're women who like women.

[Guest Alien Pirate Pixagi]

Here's one I forgot...

MYTH: Bisexuals are usually promiscuous.

FACT: I have no idea where this comes from. Perhaps bisexuals are more open minded by nature, or perhaps it's due to the notorious "College Bi" who's not really bi, but either experimenting or just doing it to attract attention from guys. Whatever, I don't know.

What I do know is that sexual orientation does not dictate promiscuity level. Bisexual just means that a person likes both men and women who fit a specific mold, not a person who'll fuck both at the same time.

[Guest Agaib]

Myth All gay tops have penises the size of Canada.

Fact Just... no. Sorry girls.. no....

[DarkCabaret]

MYTH: All gay men are flamboyant, and all lesbians are butch.

This made me laugh....I do know a couple of flamboyant gay men, but most gay people I know are 'normal' people and one of them I would never have guessed was gay! That was a real shock!! (I have no gay-dar so...) LOL.

Myth: Bisexual women are more than likely full on lesbians.

Fact: Okay this isn't true LOL. A friend of mine said this to me once and my only comment was "No, sorry it's not true." Most bi-sexual people enjoy both genders. There is no particular preference. They enjoy the best of both worlds

[Jadwin]

Myth: Most folks are only bisexual because they can't seem to find a sexual relationship with the opposite gender.

Fact: You wouldn't believe how many times I've heard this. For some people, gender flat out just doesn't matter. Bisexuality is just another orientation.

Myth: Gay men are easy.

Fact: Yeah, there are a few downright sluts out there, and I do know a few, but come on, people. Just because I'm gay, and you're gay, it doesn't mean I want to sleep with you.

[Kyouryoku Senshi]

MYTH: People who write slash or M/M or F/F must be homosexual.

FACT: Writers of any sexual preference can write just about anything and everything. Just because you write a slash fanfic doesn't make you homosexual. I am heterosexual and I've written just about every sexual preference.

[Leonhart29]

I have to say that I have someone in my family that thinks all of these myths are true, and quite a few more as well.

Her favorite ones...

Myth: All homosexual people are pedophiles.

Truth: Just because you like the same sex does not mean you are more predisposed to this. If anything, there might be a few less - I don't know as I haven't really done a lot of research on it.

Myth: All homosexuals are just "mixed" up and need someone to show them the right way to act.

Truth: There is no right or wrong way to act or be when it comes to sexuality as long as your partner is of age and you're not hurting anyone.

Myth: Homosexuality is a disease that can be cured.

Truth: Give me a fucking break! Even if down the road we find out that it's a genetic disposition it's not a disease. It's how you feel, what you believe to be right, what you prefer, and above all how you are. There is no cure because there's nothing wrong with it.

And my favorite one of all (which she throws at me all the time)-

Myth: If you can write M/M or F/F relations then you must have dabbled in it at some point.

Truth: Just because I've done my research, talk to people, and write about M/M or F/F doesn't mean I've dallied. I'm female - and I love cock. That's not to say I'm not curious about the opposite side of the coin, it just means that I haven't found anyone I found to be attractive to try it out with.

[Iggy_lovechild]

Argle. You guys stole all the best myths! Right, so I'm gonna try to dream up a few anyway.

Myth: The pretty boy with the long hair is always the bottom and submissive.

Fact: Certainly not. Being a bottom and submissive has to do with your personality and not so much what you look like.

Myth:Gay guys don't like women and find them repulsive.

Fact: It's prefectly resonable for a gay man to flirt with and have a close relationship with a woman that might even border on platonic.

Myth: All slash writers are screaming yaoi fangirls.

Fact: Ah, to speak personally, I am not. While I am female and do have some fangirlish qualities toward certain fandoms, I really don't like yaoi for anything but some of the art. There are of course many others out there who feel the same way.

Myth: The right guy can turn any straight man gay or bi.

Fact: While I believe that all humans are bisexual/bicurious to a certain degree, I don't believe that a guy who has been a practicing and confirmed straight all his life just "hasn't found the right man".

[NinjaGaijin]

Can I ask instead of supplying myth/demyth...

Transvestites and people who have sex with them (male or female): What is usually their sexual orientation?

[Guest Agaib]

It really depends NinjaGaijin. For example, one might have a biological male who undergoes an operation to become a female but is still attracted to women and this considers herself (and her partner) lesbian. This is the same with women becoming and and all the other convoluted situations you'd like.

I don't know statistically which is more common, but I would guess that the statistics would mirror stats on general homosexuality or heterosexuality.

[NinjaGaijin]

Okay, so I get the answer I fear I'd get. 'It depends'.

What about people [male/female] who's sexually attracted to [male] transvestites? What's their orientation?

I'm doing this for research. I'm getting the urge to write something with transvestites (see personal limits thread)

[WotanAnubis]

It really depends NinjaGaijin. For example, one might have a biological male who undergoes an operation to become a female but is still attracted to women and this considers herself (and her partner) lesbian. This is the same with women becoming and and all the other convoluted situations you'd like.

You're talking about transexuals. NinjaGaijin was asking about transvestites.

Personally, I think people who are attracted to male transvestites are straight or bisexual if female and gay or bisexual if male.

But that's just a guess.

[NinjaGaijin]

Personally, I think people who are attracted to make transvestites are straight or bisexual if female and gay or bisexual if male.

You think so?

I'm still confused, because male transvestites usually try to look like women. Wouldn't that appeal to the preferences of straight males/gay females too? Or am I missing some factor?

Or they exaggerate (i.e. drag queens).

[WotanAnubis]

I'm still confused, because male transvestites usually try to look like women. Wouldn't that appeal to the preferences of straight males/gay females too? Or am I missing some factor?

Well, I'm not saying I have any knowledge of the drag scene or whatever, but...

For one thing, I don't think anyone's in drag 24/7. Also, I think it's more about screwing around with gender roles, traditions and expectations rather than sexuality.

[Guest Alien Pirate Pixagi]

You think so?

I'm still confused, because male transvestites usually try to look like women. Wouldn't that appeal to the preferences of straight males/gay females too? Or am I missing some factor?

Or they exaggerate (i.e. drag queens).

They still have penis'. Straight men who have NEVER been attracted to men before, are not likely to be attracted to a person who's a chick in all ways but the penis.

The only way it works is if the person is at least bi-curious.

[WotanAnubis]

They still have penis'. Straight men who have NEVER been attracted to men before, are not likely to be attracted to a person who's a chick in all ways but the penis.

The only way it works is if the person is at least bi-curious.

You have no idea how many arguments such a statement would spawn on a futanari board.

But then again, futa's are usually considered female whereas transvestites are usually considered male (provided they are... you know... men dressing as women, not women dressing as men).

[Guest Agaib]

Lets just say that if you like the idea of touching another male's body (dressed as a woman or not) or engaging in intimate activities with someone with male genitalia, I'd say you're at least bi-sexual and probably gay if you aren't attracted to women. Some gay people may be attracted to the heightened femininity exhibited by male transvestites. Same thing with women I suppose, but because women can look mostly normal wearing men's clothes they're less often classified as "transvestites."

In the end the problem is that this words "homosexuality" and "heterosexuality" are just human ones. Nature doesn't have some sort of "gay straight switch" that is clearly defined. For that reason gray areas, such as being attracted to transvestites, exist.

(I suppose this one is My opinion and some may not agree, but I believe it quite fervently)

Myth It matters whether or not homosexuality is a choice or inborn.

Truth If homosexuality is a choice people have a right to choose to be gay. If it isn't, people have a right to be who they are. Neither situation justifies condemnation.

Myth Women become lesbians because they were raped or had some sort of bad experience with men.

Truth Women become lesbians because they decide that they like the idea of fucking women more. Not necessarily because of an inborn hatred of men.

Myth Two men who hate each other can randomly burst into gay sex if the situation is right.

Truth Sorry Fan Girls, no.

Myth Gay teachers and authority figures will try to "recruit" people into homosexuality

Truth A person wont randomly start to like men just because they had a role model that did.

Myth Seeing the naughty bits of other men will turn men gay

TruthPeople need to stop screaming "Oh Noes! Penis!"

Myth It's a valid criticism to say that homosexuals can't have babies and we would all die out if we were all gay.

Truth There's no fucking way everyone in the world is going to become gay. Furthermore, considering the overpopulation issues in the world we could do with a few more homosexuals to adopt and help more children find homes.

[The Black Shirt]

Can I ask a question? Do the majority of yaoi stories on AFF.net exaggerate male relationships?

Seriously, I've seen a couple that just pass the line. Like you've mentioned on here, I read one story where two gay men were fighting one second and were engaged in intercouse... God, it's like all yaoi stories nowadays are the same.

Also, I've seen how poor some stories are. I swear, non-homosexual fan girls shouldn't write stories if they don't know what they're talking about. I dislike screaming yaoi fangirls...

[Iggy_lovechild]

Can I ask a question? Do the majority of yaoi stories on AFF.net exaggerate male relationships?

Seriously, I've seen a couple that just pass the line. Like you've mentioned on here, I read one story where two gay men were fighting one second and were engaged in intercouse... God, it's like all yaoi stories nowadays are the same.

Also, I've seen how poor some stories are. I swear, non-homosexual fan girls shouldn't write stories if they don't know what they're talking about. I dislike screaming yaoi fangirls...

*heavy sigh*

Sadly yes. It seems that many slash/yaoi writers on AFF as heavily influenced by the Japanese formula for "how gay guys act", most of which is a bunch of bullshit. While I am inspired by some yaoi/shounen-ai imagery, I don't like the rest of the portrayal. Like the uke/seme crap that is prevelant throughout most yaoi fics these days.

*sighs again*

Really, yaoi is essentially just m/m smut. It doesn't mean everyone has to go by the silly rules exhibited in 99.9999999% of all the mangas and animes. It's a tiring thing to deal with.

*coughs* I however, do not go by those guidelines.

[Guest Alien Pirate Pixagi]

Considering that YAOI is specifically a style where men act overly effeminate and are constrained to the same types of cliches as heterosexual relationships, yeah.

Which leads me to...

MYTH: Slash and YAOI are the same thing!

FACT: No, no they're not. There's a distinct difference. While they're both slash, they're not both YAOI. YAOI, as I just said, is a type of slash, rather then a catch-all term. YAOI is a style of fiction and graphic novels that first appeared in Japan written by and for women, meaning it's basically bound down by the same rules and cliches of dime store HET romance novels, but both of the characters are men, and at least one of them is overly femme.

Myth Women become lesbians because they were raped or had some sort of bad experience with men.

Truth Women become lesbians because they decide that they like the idea of fucking women more. Not necessarily because of an inborn hatred of men.

To add to that fact, most women, I find, who became lesbians after have BAD shit happen with the men they were with, or who specifically hate men, were usually already bi then gave up on men, are crazy feminazis, or, decided they should be lesbians because they have some crazy delusions that all women are great lovers. It's a very, very narrow mind of thinking.

[NinjaGaijin]

They still have penis'. Straight men who have NEVER been attracted to men before, are not likely to be attracted to a person who's a chick in all ways but the penis.

The only way it works is if the person is at least bi-curious.

Hmm....

Well, I was trying to insert IT'S A TRAP into a story.

Then if the guy who's attracted to the girl who turns out to be a tranny was straight at the beginning, he would go limp at the sight of another penis. (EXAGGERATION).

That suggests a few things, anyway. Let's see how I can work around that...

[Iggy_lovechild]

Considering that YAOI is specifically a style where men act overly effeminate and are constrained to the same types of cliches as heterosexual relationships, yeah.

Which leads me to...

MYTH: Slash and YAOI are the same thing!

FACT: No, no they're not. There's a distinct difference. While they're both slash, they're not both YAOI. YAOI, as I just said, is a type of slash, rather then a catch-all term. YAOI is a style of fiction and graphic novels that first appeared in Japan written by and for women, meaning it's basically bound down by the same rules and cliches of dime store HET romance novels, but both of the characters are men, and at least one of them is overly femme.

Um... Actually, I was under the impression that the silly rules of most yaoi manga was more of a trend than the definition of the term. I see varying degrees of the seme/uke bullshit happening in some of the stories. Honestly, I think it all comes down to the preference of the manga-ka in question.

I mean, when you break it down, the term yaoi only refers to the portrayal of an m/m relationship complete with smut. When you take it as the anacronism, there's the suggestion that all yaoi amounts to is pwp.

[The Black Shirt]

It's a common mistake. Authors don't really care about labels, so they'll just say whatever... sadly, critics do.

It makes you wonder where all the homophobia comes from: Christians making up excuses to persecute gay people, or rabid fan-girls drawing up cheap interpretations of how gay people behave?

[Iggy_lovechild]

Little off-topic: I am actually happy to report that I recently read a yaoi manga that had little to no traces of the seme/uke bullshit whatsoever. In fact, in the most explicit sex scene it was the guy who might have been considered the seme of the relationship who was topped. So yay to that, yes?