Flames

[Guest Alien Pirate Pixagi]

When did you get your first flame? What did it say? ...Still have it?

Mine was pretty mild, and it was the first review I ever got! It was to my first ever Harry Potter fic, which was slash, and was on FF.Net.

Harry and Draco hate each other! You suck! Your story sucks! Fag Hag!

^__^

[madlodger]

Wow, Pixagi,

I just posted my first so-called Flame in Deleting Reviews poll. Let me cut and paste it:

No

I haven't deleted a single review yet. So far there was only one soft-core flame on Forever Fandom (same story as on AFF). I kept it; here it is:

No, so instead of pansy-bashing you made her a stunningly beautiful girl... you mayaswell be 12-yr-old girl putting yourself into your favourite character and making some 'improvements'...

It was pretty funny, actually, I replied with:

Author's Response: 12 years old? You flatter me so:) He, He. Pansy is beautiful because she is an Elf, as well as Draco, Crabbe and Goyle. They all are tall, blond and gorgeous. They all changed their looks to go to school. Pansy is not my favorite character but I can't imagine Draco as having only idiots for friends. He is pretty smart and good looking himself (snobby and conflicted too, ha). In most fiction I've read Pansy is all the same, boring. She was made a prefect so she is not ordinary. This fic is AU so I have freedom to play with characters a bit. Does that help?

Overall I would most likely keep real Flames which might occur in the future (considering all the kink and a future non-con bit)

Does that even qualify as a Flame?

[Guest Alien Pirate Pixagi]

Does that even qualify as a Flame?

Indeed it does! A flame is any message made to insult. That "review" you got was mainly to insult you (calling you a 12-year-old) and showed that the reviewer probably didn't read the entire story.

To her/his credit, they did tell you what it was they didn't like, but it was really lacking in anything truly constructive.

[teeta]

My first flame ... is kind of hilarious.

I got it on 2nd April, when I posted 19th chapter of my story. It went like this:

"Hmm... I don't normally do this, but I need to offer you some advice. PLEASE in the future of your writing, get to some symblance of a plot within your story before chapter 19!!! I chose not to review this until this chapter in hopes that it would get better, but sadly I was wrong. Now, I am not one of those people who "flame" stories, but this one is in needs of some serious editing of redundancy."

It made me laugh wholeheartedly because ... hm, my story has a plot, quite developed one. Yeah, I kept it ^__^ And that's my response to it:

You know, I must say I admire you. You were able to read 19 chapters (200+ pages) of a redundant story with no plot whatsoever. Wow! I would stop after chapter 1! Thank you for your advice but I think I will keep this story the way it is. A chocolate Easter bunny for you for the silliest flame ever! It actually made me laugh so I have no hard feelings for you.

This really is one of the silliest flames ever, can't bring myself not to like it ^__^

[EveKnight75]

Lololol. Moronic. I would stop writing if I were you.

My first flame ever. I kept it for sentimental reasons. Some of the other reviewers told me not to pay attention to it. I responded with:

Whichever person under Anon called my story moronic and told me to stop writing should come be more specific and tell me why it is moronic. Otherwise the comment doesn't mean anything.

The funniest part? The review right above that one is:

We want more We want more

and the next anonymous review after the flame contains this:

I really wish you'd continue with the story. who cares what one persons review of your story was bad, when you more then five or more that think it's great! PS. In case that jackass is reading any reviews, The series has been edited for US release because Martian/Diana were engaged lovers as well as step-bro/sis.

I mean, go ahead and flame me if you must, but put some effort into it and do it with some finesse. Flamers can have finesse, you know. Hell, if you tell me it sucks and give me a list of why it sucks, I'll pay attention to it, look through the fic, and acknowledge you if you have any valid points.

I seem to lack an ego. I can't help it. Really, the only reaction I had aside from laughter was "I really wish they'd change the system so that reviewers would be forced to provide an alias."

[DodgeSuperBee]

1997. A girl posted her negative opinions of my Star Wars fanfiction on her site, and she even went so far as to include my photo from my own site and invite others to write a deathfic about me. For the record, no one took up her challenge.

She had some legit issues with the weaker aspects of my fic (including pointing out a Sue I'd naively written and another character who was somewhat OOC) but to her credit, she apologized profusely and took down the photo and flames after I told her I felt they were more of a personal attack than helpful criticism.

I did rewrite the Sue into a better character and was more conscious of my writing after that!

[Kyouryoku Senshi]

God, it was a while ago...I think it was on ff.net to one of my first Inuyasha stories and it said 'It sucked' or something along those lines.

[StoryJunkie]

very first story I posted, I got this. the one and only flame, defined by the same person in the next review.

"Yes, Link has a sister. Last time I checked Aryll is not spelled Z-E-L-D-A."

1. OMG! They both have blue eye and blonde hair! That must mean that they're related! - Yes, because everyone with blonde hair and blue eyes is related.

2. OMG! Link only has a mom! Zelda only has a dad! They must be related! - Following your logic, I'm my best friend's sibling and the sibling of millions of other people in the world. No. Plus, Link's father = knight, and yes, Nintendo has stated this. And the Queen couldn't be Link's mother. First, why would she run Link to the Kokiri Forest and leave Zelda behind? Why the hell would she run out into the middle of the battlefield anyway?

Okay, so everyone in the world that has the same hair and eye color, and (if paired together) are missing one opposite parent, are related. - ...Right.

Anon 2005-11-13  id # 2035493649

But, other than that, I like your story! >_>

It actually pointed out a major flaw in my story, but the entire story was based on it. I think it might have been my opening line:

If you don't like the idea that Link and Zelda are brother and sister, in spite of the fact that they both are blonde, have blue eyes, Link has a mom and Zelda a dad, and Zelda dresses like a nun (i.e., a "sister"), just read it anyway. I’ll try to change your mind.

So I think I invited it. XP

My reply to the flame:

I had the opprotunity of being able to extract the dna from the two rpg characters, and the results indicated that yes, they were indeed closely related

which is SUCH a blatant lie...

[JayDee]

No idea of my oldest, but I think this is my most recent for a Firefly story posterd here:

Disgusted 2008-01-02 id # 3000019283

This was the most twisted and horrific piece of "work" that I've ever read. You are not welcome in our fandom, and should consider counseling.

The previous review on that story:

Aleta Rois 2007-11-25 id # 3000018901

I feel disgusted just from reading that.

While I also got an email just the other day:

Subject:You Absolute monster

I just read Taking the Sky from Kaylee, your a monster, how you could write somthing so utterly horrible is beyound me, I really, really hope these ideas stay in your head. There is somthing, very, very wrong with you, get help.

I guess the moral of the story is that Browncoats ignore story codes, disclaimers and summaries.

[Solaris]

I deleted a story on FF.net because of the flames it got, because it added a tenth member to the fellowship. The canon police were all over the story and flamed it because it was not canon and yet these same canon police would write slash stories dealing with Legolas and Aragorn and they call it canon! WTF, was wrong with that? Beyond the fact that the author never said anything about those two characters being gay at all or in love with them.

And I moved the story here where the flames have been almost nill.

Beth

[Obsolescence]

Out of the three stories I've ever posted, I've never received one flame. Though I play devils advocate with myself and pick apart my story. . . I want a flame from someone else. (this is not asking you to flame me. only do it if you really mean it.)

[Guest Zyx]

Well, I checked... Not one flame... I feel sorta left out XD

But I'm glad I don't have any

I should post more stories though...

Edited March 2, 2008 by Zyx

[Terri]

Same as Zyx... *looks around* Now just wait - watch the flames come in now that I've admitted to not getting any >.<

[bitBlackmage]

I've been flamed many times, but here's one I have from another site that I actually have access to:

DIE! HOW DARE YOU PUT KEIKO W/ HIEI! YOU WILL DIE FOR YOUR DEFILEMENT OF HIEI!

When I first got it I was like "Wow. Just wow." Then later on when I read it I laughed long and hard with my younger sister. In fact every time I read it I can't stop laughing.

[hanyou-elf]

my first ever flame was from somebody who called themselves the "The Spelling Nazi Flamer Bitch" and was given to me like this:

Dear

[X] Fanpoodle

[_] Pervert

[_] Teeny Bopper

[_] Poser

[_] Wanker

[_] Underage Brat Who Shouldn't Be Using Mommy's Computer

[_] Snob

[_] Pseudo-Literary Snob

[_] Dilettante

[X] Obsessed Maniac

[X] Waste of Life

[_] Self-righteous Git

[_] Idiot

[_] **

[X] Other: Unoriginal and generally pathetic human being

[_] All of the above

Your fic is being flamed because:

[_] YoU tYpEd iT lIkE tHiS.

[_] You don't know where your capslock/shift keys are

[_] You can't spell more than 3 words right.

[_] There are monkeys who have a better handle on english grammar than you do

[_] You can't string one coherent sentence together

[X] You need to buy a thesaurus

[_] You used bizarre euphemisms for characters and/or their body parts

[_] You've ripped off a book/movie unrelated to the fandom you were writing in

[_] You've ripped off another fanfic that sucked in the first place [many, in fact]

[_] You've ripped off another fanfic that was actually good

[X] Without managing to rip anyone off directly, you still wrote nothing but cliches

[_] Your grasp of the material you are fanficcing for is based solely on fannon

[_] Everyone is OOC without a discernable reason to be OOC

[_] You keep injecting another language into your fic with no explanation or need

[_] This fanfic is an obvious Mary Sue/Gary Stu

[X] You obviously put no thought into any of the characters' motivations

[X] You obviously put no thought into the plot/actions

[_] You have no grasp of human anatomy

[_] Your fic is obviously a sad attempt to foist your mental problems on others

[_] Your fic is obviously a sad attempt to introduce others to your way-out and wrong kinks

[X] Your fic is just plain wrong

[_] Other:

[_] All of the above

To repent, you must:

[X] Buy a thesaurus

[_] Buy a dictionary

[_] Learn to use your spellchecker

[_] Take an anatomy course

[_] Take a rudimentary english class

[_] Take a classic course

[_] Stop masturbating in front of the computer

[X] Go to therapy

[X] Tell mommy what you've done

[X] Tell your mommy to up your medication.

[X] Send fruit baskets to anyone and everyone who came into contact with this garbage

[X] Send an apology letter to the person or persons whose work(s) you bastardized

[X] Give up the series which you fanficced for- it's obviously bad for you

[X] Never again associate with online "cliques" regarding fanfiction or what you fanficced for

[X] Leave your computer for more than 40 seconds a day

[X] Print off all the tripe you've inflicted on the world so far and consume it page by page

[_] Beat yourself to death with some Proust

[_] Give your fanfic to a more competent person to MST

[_] Stop writing. Now.

[_] Other:

[_] All of the above

In Closing, I'd Like to Say:

[_] Blow me

[X] Get a life

[X] I'll never be able to look at [insert what was fanficced for here] again because of you (And others like you)

[_] I'm tempted to sue you for punitive damages

[_] Your IQ must be 7

[X] You're one of those people who makes the internet look bad

[_] There are monkeys who write better than you

[X] Take your obsession somewhere else

[_] Go jump into some industrial equipment

[_] You suck

[_] The writing of sex is best left to people who know the difference between a ** and a **

[_] Other:

[_] All of the above

=

The preceding Fanfiction Flame was constructed for use on people not worthy of actual thought or effort in being flamed.

Original idea by BlackLightning.

Fanfiction version by The Queen of Blueberry Toast.

far from making me upset, i ended up writing another chapter to the story she flamed and then proceeded to having her reported. now, if the site has done anything about her, i don't know. i don't care enough to look her up and find out. she was good for a laugh, and that was it. flames, while they can hurt your feelings, can also give you drive to write more, to write faster, and to update much quicker than you had intended before. but, they can hurt too. i've had reviews that have hurt my feelings, but i have people around me who are sweet enough to help me keep going. that's all.

[bitBlackmage]

Minus the suicide coercion and assertions of being mentally messed up, what a marvelous flame! I wish I had thought of that!

[Guest Tuftiperkys]

Oh my god, Joandoe and hanyou-elf's flames cracked me up. I would honestly be proud to get them and keep them to cheer me up! 'Joandoe,' I have no idea what you're writing but it only makes me want to read it! That you could get 'twisted' from people on THIS site is truly an accomplishment and you should be proud that you are gracing people with something that is clearly unique. As for 'hanyou-elf,' your story made someone go through all that trouble just to flame you, a truly vast achievement. Congratulations, I tip my hat to you both.

I have never gotten a flame myself, but I hope when I do they're as enjoyable as yours!

[shinigamiinochi]

When you write a fic about incest and then write "incest" in bold, all caps, five times in the warnings, then recieve a flame telling you that they were shocked and disturbed about the incest, you start to question reality, or at least the intelligence of certain readers.

[JayDee]

Oh my god, Joandoe and hanyou-elf's flames cracked me up. I would honestly be proud to get them and keep them to cheer me up! 'Joandoe,' I have no idea what you're writing but it only makes me want to read it! That you could get 'twisted' from people on THIS site is truly an accomplishment and you should be proud that you are gracing people with something that is clearly unique. As for 'hanyou-elf,' your story made someone go through all that trouble just to flame you, a truly vast achievement. Congratulations, I tip my hat to you both.

I have never gotten a flame myself, but I hope when I do they're as enjoyable as yours!

Hi there, I just got the email about your review, and read it, and was really pleased to do so. I've kind of not had time to write much or check out the forum recently, so it was a timely reminder it was here.

If you want enjoyable flames, you just need to write stories that have kinks that are not other people's kinks!

And so this post isn't just me thanking Tuftiperkys, my latest flame from a few days ago:

Anon 2008-03-27 id # 3000020458

That just killed a part of me. So dark and awful, I feel sorry for you having to carry around such horrific scenes in your mind. That's just not right.

Browncoats. Unable to follow simple disclaimers and story codes.

Also, there's loads of movies, books, comics and so on with worse scenes for people to carry in their minds, including any scene with Liz Hurley trying to act.

[SkyaraSnow]

Mine wasn't the first....but it certianly made me laugh. It went like this:

mary sue alert, bigtime, fail

I thought I was going to die of laughter. The character in question was meticulously made to NOT be a Mary-Sue. And her use of punctuation.....I won't even start.

Oh, the review was on ff.net....which might explain a few things.

[greenwizard]

It had to be done.... I must share this review on my Snarry story....

James tutored SNAPE in Potions?! Sorry, that's about as believable as Voldemort, Neville and Bellatrix building a lovetriangle and a nursing home to lovingly care for insane Cruciatus-victims...

And the potion-brewing happens randomly in James' BEDroom (Which sounds like a perfect environment for fumes, stains, explosions, stench and so on that go along with brewing, really. I wonder why no one else had that glorious idea! All this wasted class- and labspace at Hogwarts), never mind that he'd have a dormroom with 4 others to share like everyone else - even ultra special Golden Boys as we see.

Your idea sounded interesting. But with such a ridiculous setup, Snape's characterization as well as random super good looking!stud!James - hasn't anyone actually READ the books where he is described?! - I think I'll pass up on further chapters.

Ok now, I'm sorry she didn't like it... but did she really have to go on a little rant? I know how James was characterized in the books and I didn't like it so I changed it. It's called creative liscense ladies and gentlemen. Maybe it's the lack of sleep that makes me look at this review and go WTF. Oh well, you can't expect to please everyone. I still have 7 positive reviews.

[Guest MortiferLascivio]

I don't have my first flame anymore, but I sort of remember what it said. She went by Snarky Bitch and she was anon (what else?) it said stuff like "Does your mommy know you're writing slash?" and "Do you actually read this shit before posting it on the internet?" and "You write like a five year old foriegner". This was about two years ago, and I wasn't very used to flames so yes, it did hurt my feelings immensley.

I also got a fresh flame, just today. It said "this is shit" and nothing else. It did make my heart sting a little but I replied politely asking them to expand on why it was "shit" and thanking them for reviewing. Really, how else can you deal with a flamer?

[canterro]

It had to be done.... I must share this review on my Snarry story....

James tutored SNAPE in Potions?! Sorry, that's about as believable as Voldemort, Neville and Bellatrix building a lovetriangle and a nursing home to lovingly care for insane Cruciatus-victims...

And the potion-brewing happens randomly in James' BEDroom (Which sounds like a perfect environment for fumes, stains, explosions, stench and so on that go along with brewing, really. I wonder why no one else had that glorious idea! All this wasted class- and labspace at Hogwarts), never mind that he'd have a dormroom with 4 others to share like everyone else - even ultra special Golden Boys as we see.

Your idea sounded interesting. But with such a ridiculous setup, Snape's characterization as well as random super good looking!stud!James - hasn't anyone actually READ the books where he is described?! - I think I'll pass up on further chapters.

Ok now, I'm sorry she didn't like it... but did she really have to go on a little rant? I know how James was characterized in the books and I didn't like it so I changed it. It's called creative liscense ladies and gentlemen. Maybe it's the lack of sleep that makes me look at this review and go WTF. Oh well, you can't expect to please everyone. I still have 7 positive reviews.

well, actually...

sometimes I'm thinking why someone would write a fan fiction if changing characters and so on?

the idea, in my opinion, is that you should keep the character, to make the fiction as believable as possible; and if you want to change it, just give them a new name

when reading fan fictions where everything apart from names and places has changed, I wish the author wrote it as original story, maybe mentioning an inspiration...

[greenwizard]

I guess that's true with most. But James Potter isn't mentioned much. In the books he's just sort of there. So I used a bit of what was in the books to make the character and give him life.

[canterro]

I guess that's true with most. But James Potter isn't mentioned much. In the books he's just sort of there. So I used a bit of what was in the books to make the character and give him life.

okay, I get it

it was just a general issue... I don't like 'fan fictions' (as they call it) where everything is from the top of writer's head...