BronxWench Posted December 20, 2010 Report Posted December 20, 2010 Techno-Ninja: Thank you! This series is supposed to be more about the emotion, so I'm glad it's coming through. Things will heat up... soon! Apollo: Thank you! The Chantry boy is a little slow to get going, but once he warms up, oh, yes! And of course I had to slip the elf geekdom in there somewhere! FairySlayer 1 Quote
BronxWench Posted December 21, 2010 Author Report Posted December 21, 2010 Gah, this was too cute for words. So freaking sweet and adorable. I swear, even stoic, brooding Wraith is just bloody *cute* with the way he fidgets and then lets Alistair hold his hand. The tidbits of lore were awesome, especially since you can just feel the characters telling you their stories. It's a lot of lore and it really doesn't come off as exposition. The gesture at the end is very nice, but I would give you a little concrit there. We don't know how much time has passed between Ostagar and the Circle Tower, so the sudden breach of personal space (especially between a shy Chantry boy and a Dalish male) might be completely justified... but we're not seeing it there in the story. Of course, FlashFic are bitches because you have to stay under the word limit, but an introductory paragraph that sheds some light on how their relationship has evolved throughout this time would have been a nice touch. It's obviously nothing huge, I'm just saying this because I know you're like me with the concrit. It's really the only thing that stands out.<br /> <br /> The rest is just warm, fuzzy goodness. Which makes me seethe with envy, lol. I am honestly squirming in my seat to read the next instalment. Yikes, these two are amazing. You truly write them well. First of all, thank you! They are pretty sweet, but I blame it all on Alistair's influence. But you hit squarely on what was bugging me with this fic. The time lapse isn't clear when you're hopping from flash fic to flash fic like I'm doing, and it's hard to squeeze enough backstory in to make the progression of their relationship make sense. I think, depending on the next prompt, I can either make it clearer or somehow get enough backstory in there to make it more logical, and therefore believable. I get lost in other descriptions... and then I forget that not everyone is actually living inside my head with me! (Gods, I hope not -- it's a mess in here!) But I do like this pair, and I will be writing more of them! FairySlayer 1 Quote
Techno-Ninja Posted December 21, 2010 Report Posted December 21, 2010 Your welcome. : ) I love stories that focus more on emotions rather than just jumping right into the action. Though I have never played the game, I will definitely go back and read the rest of the story, and continue to follow it! FairySlayer 1 Quote
BronxWench Posted December 21, 2010 Author Report Posted December 21, 2010 Fairy Slayer: Thank you so much for the review! Yes, I am such a geek when it comes to the lore and background stuff, but it makes it easier to write in a world when I understand it thoroughly. I'm especially glad that the bits of elvish aren't too jarring, since it seems Wraith would certainly think in what little elvish he knows. Alistair is sort of opening up a bit, but I'm not quite sure he's going to be ready for Wraith... But these two will be back! FairySlayer 1 Quote
BronxWench Posted December 21, 2010 Author Report Posted December 21, 2010 Your welcome. : ) I love stories that focus more on emotions rather than just jumping right into the action. Though I have never played the game, I will definitely go back and read the rest of the story, and continue to follow it! You know what? That's probably the biggest compliment and best praise anyone could ask for, so thank you again! You've made my day! FairySlayer 1 Quote
Shadowknight12 Posted December 21, 2010 Report Posted December 21, 2010 First of all, thank you! They are pretty sweet, but I blame it all on Alistair's influence. But you hit squarely on what was bugging me with this fic. The time lapse isn't clear when you're hopping from flash fic to flash fic like I'm doing, and it's hard to squeeze enough backstory in to make the progression of their relationship make sense. I think, depending on the next prompt, I can either make it clearer or somehow get enough backstory in there to make it more logical, and therefore believable. I get lost in other descriptions... and then I forget that not everyone is actually living inside my head with me! (Gods, I hope not -- it's a mess in here!) But I do like this pair, and I will be writing more of them! [/font] That saucy Alistair... Hah, I understand. I often scowl at FlashFics for being so unwieldy, limit-wise. I think it's easy to pull off a little backstory in the next prompt, since you'll have less lore taking up words. You can have Wraith reminisce about Alistair as they hold hands or something. It's very realistic to go "holy crap, I can't believe we got this far!" in a relationship, especially when there's a lot of stuff occupying the person's mind. And hah, your other descriptions are very nice. They give the fic the sweet flavour that makes it interesting to read. I don't doubt the head of a wench is a messy place! And I can't wait to read more. Quote
BronxWench Posted December 21, 2010 Author Report Posted December 21, 2010 pittwitch: Thank you! I was dancing fast to get Yule in there! FairySlayer 1 Quote
BronxWench Posted December 23, 2010 Author Report Posted December 23, 2010 pittwitch: This is the first time anyone's actually reviewed a onshot of mine twice, and I'm so glad you enjoyed it that much! I'm just really all gobsmacked that you'd come back to it, so thank you! FairySlayer 1 Quote
pittwitch Posted December 23, 2010 Report Posted December 23, 2010 It must be the warm and fluffy time of year! It was a very nice one shot. I love elves anyway, any type. FairySlayer 1 Quote
BronxWench Posted December 24, 2010 Author Report Posted December 24, 2010 JayDee: Nothing makes me feel better as a writer than to have people from outside my fandom read, and then come back for more, so a heartfelt thank you! FairySlayer 1 Quote
JayDee Posted December 25, 2010 Report Posted December 25, 2010 It probably doesn't hurt that, having read raving reviews of it too and liking the gameplay descriptions, I'd quite like to play the game the fandom is for Maybe next year if I buy a more powerful computer for Elder Scrolls V I'll get Dragon Age Origins as well. Quote
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