JayDee's (TV) review reply, story discussion and additional notes thread

[JayDee]

Still not had a chance to write more, very sorry, my aim is to write every day when I can but my job makes it not always possible.

A comment on We'll Always Hang Paris

Anon
You're the one with a hatred for women. You're the one who writes violent porn.

Thank you for your thoughts. I don't see that writing violent fates for characters automatically means the author hates them or their gender. While I often despair about the human race as a whole I don't have the energy for hate. As individuals go, I like and respect a number of men, women, intersex, genderqueer etc etc people. I could probably even stand to talk to an otherkin.

[JayDee]

A couple reviews from Garfield! I mean Jon

Thank you for both of these reviews!

Rory's Gory Story

Jon
This was a greatly told story. I could see what happening. This one is getting bookmarked.

This may be the kind of story that readers don't want to see happening. Then again, it does have kind've a happy ending. From a certain point of view. A long way away. While on medication. But I hope you enjoy the re-reads as much!

Phoebe’s Black Day

Jon
Great read. I love how you added Amy Green into the story. Any chance you will expand the story with the rest of the ladies? Sort of like Phoebe's sister finds her and talks her into a little payback against the girls for leaving her in her time of need? If not, still a great read. And being able to hear her voice through it all.

Ursula's waaaaay to selfish to ever do anything for Phoebe. She's nasty, all the way through. Phoebe's much nicer, excepting all that criminal behaviour on her record. Since it was a re-write of an old story of mine, I don't think I'll re-visit any time soon.

Thanks again for your comments!

[JayDee]

Kill-O-Gram, a Doctor Who story.

Jeremy
Absolutely love seeing Amy meet this end. Perfect story and great work! Is it possible if you could do a part 2 with clara?

Thanks for your review! It's very kind of you to say so.

I don't see a part 2 working (of course, if anybody else had an idea they wanted to write I almost always say yes!), but I did have a few ideas for Clara facing the raven, as it were, but the closest I came to getting any of them done was planning to re-write one of my old currently un-posted stories to be about a parent/teacher falling out descending into some ultra-violence.

Unfortunately, I've had the square root of fuck all in time to get anything done finfic wise for ages. It's pretty much reaching the stage where I am forgetting how to write, something which will fill many with joy (per sig text.)

[JayDee]

 Rory's Gory Story

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ANON

Wow. You know all those consipracy theories ? About the rumors. Of BDSM rituals that supposedly  summon demons. This is like an insiders take of it. But about what happens if the person never gets free.

 

Thank you for your comments! I can confirm I have actually never heard those theories/rumors (did the late Jack Chick start ‘em?) and I can guarantee that I have never summoned a demon through a BDSM ritual. I used a mixture of MS-DOS’s forbidden command line instructions and a Lament Configuration like everyone else. Anyway, long story short, Sarsa just will not stop writing second person Mary Sue fics while laughing a laugh that if not actvely evil, is certainly disturbing.

I guess if a person never gets free they remain captive and damned forever. Kind of like career Dairy Queen employees forever in the thrall of the unholy ruler of cold bloody milk.

Gosh, I miss being creative.

Anyway, thank you again for taking the time to leave a comment, I get where you’re coming from and I really appreciate your time.

[DirtyAngel]

Wow someone still using microsoft’s Demon Operating System? Be careful, it is dark magic indeed

[JayDee]

Mistakes were made. You should see my goat’s blood bill.

[DirtyAngel]

there’s your problem, You were supposed to use RAM’s blood

[JayDee]

Well played!

[Desiderius Price]

4 hours ago, DirtyAngel said:

Wow someone still using microsoft’s Demon Operating System? Be careful, it is dark magic indeed

Sounds like the perfect OS for you!

[JayDee]

Necro’ing this thread after two years on account of Corrupt the Midwife, a story that I am hoping to be able to add FF tags onto starting with the next chapter. It should be canon characters doing all the FF’ing, so as to reduce any accusations of boring people to tears with tedious fake-Irish OCs, should any appear. Cough. As mentioned in the note on the story I originally wanted to write a story called “Ball the Midwife” but since this story as planned features no testicles (the first plan went dickgirl) I seem to have started writing a different story.

Some reviews!:

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BronxWench

I will confess I've never actually watched this show, but I simply can't resist your take on things. Now if only bicycles like that really existed. I might even bestir myself to ride... LOL!

Thank you for your review! I have seen the show, but I’ll admit it’s been a good while – and even longer since Season One This bicycle seems like a good idea sure, but it’s going to be mightily distracting for Chummy from Saturday through to the next Friday if circumstances insist she needs to keep using it. It’s almost like it’s cursed. Insert evil laugh here. I think my take on things is sometimes to be avoided, especially when writing around the less polite story codes. None of that stuff here though, although corruption can be problematic. I am sure Chummy is capable of remaining pure. Probably. Maybe. Oh dear. Thank you again!

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LordWolfe

Absolutely love this; the period language used, and the fetish of being pleasured by a bicycle is always one I've liked, though sadly rare. I'd love to see you write some Downton Abbey stuff sometime, as an aside!

Thank you M’Lord. *Tugs forelock* I am ever so ‘umble, and appreciate most be-heartedly your kindness. But enough of the period words (which, before anyone gets funny, doesn’t just mean ‘cramps’ or ‘blood’ or ‘sanitary towels’.) I actually hope I get it all pretty much right. Dialogue has always been my weakest element, along with character survival prospects. Although this story is going to be entirely death free. I guess it’s always nice to find something that ticks the old fetish box – I know that in a lot of cases it can make an otherwise un-interesting story really quite tempting. Sadly, the bicycle will probably play a lesser part in the rest of the  parts, with more focus on FF fumblings, although Chummy will find cause to use it daily. 

As for Downton Abbey, I actually didn’t get to see more than a few episodes of that. It just didn’t grip me the same way. I could certainly see me writing something sometime, (Lady Grantham “disciplines” her maid type filth) but probably not for a while. Thank you for your interest and I appreciate your review!

[JayDee]

Corrupt the Midwife Part 2 update

I have finished the second draft of part 2. Needs a bit more polish and re-write and then when it goes up I’ll be sliding the story firmly over to the misc FF catagory (at least until the day when the site gets a Call the Midwife subcat!)

I have decided to gratuitously cheat with the prompts, by not tackling the weeks in order. I’ll move slightly further ahead with the weeks for part 2, then back to cover more for the future parts. This is partly because the story structure they suggest to me works better with a library scene in part 3 to part 2, and while cranciform suggested something cool that goes better in part 4 than either of them. Was a bit put out to click on one prompts week, think “Those would work great!” and then realise I’d already done a prompt story for that one.

I mean, I’m just amazed I am still able to write anything at all at this stage so if cheating gets it done… I mean, I still might not get it done. I’m not great at finishing stories.

Part 1, posted last wednesday, 127 hits. The pitfalls of tiny fandoms! Maybe ramping up the Porn in part 2’ll spark some interest. 

[JayDee]

Corrupt the Midwife gets a shock third review

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swirlingdoubt

Jesus JayDee. Your brain is twisted in the most delightful way.

I watched one episode of this series a couple years ago and was bored. If only it had more indecent interludes and cheap tricks, it would be much more engaging. If I were to offer some constructive, uh, something - it would be great if you play up the embarassment over immodesty even more. I think that is what will really get this fic off.

Awaiting chapter 2. "Oh, my petticoat!"

Thanks for your review! I genuinely thought it started good but didn’t keep the steam going so much, they should have gone with the old British Brevity and canned it after three or four series. Well, plus I thought Jenny and Chummy were the best characters.

There was some indecency at least… Chummy did once announce “underneath this raincoat, I am practically naked.” to her nice young man.

There’s not so much time for immodesty in part 2, it’s a bit fast paced and mostly in private, but part 3 is likely to have more room for dwelling on it as it’ll be covering Chummy doing her job with the side effects of the bike, as well as trying to track down some info on what’s happening. And hopefully some drunken Trixie. I hope you enjoy it when it’s posted anyway and thank you again for the review.

[JayDee]

Corrupt the Midwife part 2 is live.

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swirlingdoubt

The dialogue for Chap 2 really put it over the top. Peachy keen, jellybean!

Thank you for the review! Well, trying my best and I appreciate the support on this story. Only three or four more parts to finish it!

I feel like I am too quite of practive with proper writing from scratch rather than my old work re-writes, I guess all skills rust if they are not getting used and creative writing is no different. This being the case, It’s not quite feeling tickety-boo for me. I tried to get it Ship-shape and Bristol fashion, and feel like it went a bit shit-shaped and borstal fashion, as they might have said in the 50s. I also kinda regret not sneaking in the 1957 Little Richard lyrics :

“Jenny Jenny, ooo, Jenny Jenny,
Jenny Jenny Jenny, won't you come along with me,”

Still, thank you kindly again! I hope part 3 is better.

[swirlingdoubt]

12 minutes ago, JayDee said:

Corrupt the Midwife part 2 is live.

Thank you for the review! Well, trying my best and I appreciate the support on this story. Only three or four more parts to finish it!

I feel like I am too quite of practive with proper writing from scratch rather than my old work re-writes, I guess all skills rust if they are not getting used and creative writing is no different. This being the case, It’s not quite feeling tickety-boo for me. I tried to get it Ship-shape and Bristol fashion, and feel like it went a bit shit-shaped and borstal fashion, as they might have said in the 50s. I also kinda regret not sneaking in the 1957 Little Richard lyrics :

“Jenny Jenny, ooo, Jenny Jenny,
Jenny Jenny Jenny, won't you come along with me,”

Still, thank you kindly again! I hope part 3 is better.

Your fics are a real bash! Don’t take a trip to Downsville on account of those high standards or that‘s bad news. You razz my berries, chicky-boom.

I know it’s just the title, but I keep having Scissor Sister’s “Bicycling with the Devil” stuck in my head when I read that story. Which is a song no one should ever use as a reference. 

I wish more people would review on this site, then I would feel less obnoxious reviewing multiple chapters. 

[JayDee]

Definitely nothing obnoxious about it. A lot of folks on here love to have someone review every chapter. And come back later and re-review. Although tracking down writers in person and requesting they write a specific story while muttering about dirty birdies is a step too far. Thanks again for your interest!

I had Soundgarden’s Black Hole Sun in my head while I was writing, which has nothing to do with cycling at all.

Well, pedal on part 3 where readers may be enlightened to know “Gosh you’re rather tight,” could just mean “You’re a bit drunk” back in ‘57 London.

 

Edited November 9, 2018 by JayDee

[Guest LordWolfe]

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Lady Grantham

Oh yes. Yes please. 

I’d be willing to pay for such a story, if you accept commissions at all. 

[JayDee]

I’m sorry to disappoint and say that I don’t accept commissions, and it’s not just because AFF has a rule against them. Although that’s part of it. I have always been fuck awful with deadlines, and variable in quality and never felt that taking money for my original writing would be fair, nevermind abusing someone else’s intellectual property for gain (instead of for shits and giggles as with my freely produced fanfic).

I’m sure you can find an author with higher self-regard and no moral qualms to do it outside AFF. Probably even inside AFF if the mods aren’t looking.

On the free request front I’m afraid I’m too busy to start on Lady Grantham filth at the moment (although I’m sure O’Brien getting a firm bare bottomed spanking from her Ladyship would have gone down well with prime time audiences)– If you have specific ideas for a Downton Abbey story I would suggest starting a thread in the TV challenges/requests subforum and seeing if anybody is able to take ‘em. It does happen. Occasionally.

On the plus side, there’s going to be more bicycle riding in part 3 of Corrupt the Midwife!

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BronxWench

Chapter 2:

My, my, that's certainly an interesting bike. Bright blue, and mind control, too? Or is Chummy quite capable of delirious acts of imagination sufficient to make her pursue Jenny?

I'm thoroughly captivated, and I think I can count on one hand the number of times I've said that about femmeslash. Well done, and more, please?

Thank you for your review!

It’s a quality bike that is, none of your cheap rubbish. Cobbled streets, gyroscopic-like ability to stay upright, and a saddle that seemingly self adjusts for the rider are just the ticket to get a well bred midwife dripping like a fucked fridge, as the poet chappy has it. There’s a physical influence on Chummy – the riding is getting her body aroused which in turn has a distracting impact on her mind.

It’s not meant to be mind control, free will is important for what’s happening, she has to make choices, like the choice to respond to kissing, and to go along with Jenny’s sudden sexual advances – but it’s all visions in her mind, sort of like showing her her possibilities, testing how she reacts while physically aroused and faced with willing offers and of course building her long repressed lusts to the old fever pitch but with orgasm denial. Sort of like a lucid dream where if she cottons on to it being a dream she can be more actively in control. She could be keener to ask questions during the next erotic reverie, and probably actively angry during a third, perhaps suggesting that whatever’s behind it is somewhat lacking in direct experience at the corruption gig. Bit new to the role. No doubt Chummy’s heightened-lust fuelled imagination is focussing on other midwives due to mining Chummy’s half forgotten teenage dreams about girls from her school. And not just because I fancied writing femmeslash. Ok, mostly that.

She definitely has a good imagination, I’d say. I might change the last line of dialogue in the dreamstate though. It’s supposed to indicate Chummy being ‘woken’ before she gets off (the orgasm denial thing), not that it was being directed, but I don’t think the intent is clear. Definitely one of the bits I’m not entirely happy with in part 2, and generally I’m finding it tough going pulling the overriding ideas into a coherant whole that makes sense. Still, if I fuck it up with huge plot holes and the whole thing proving pointless as a plot, there’ll at least be some fair to middling bits of porn description and fun dialogue to pull out. I am trying to do each part completely in a week, a bit like the old dribs drabs prompt style (though cheating on the order of prompts and knowing what comes next).

I’m really glad you’re enjoying it and finding it captivating and I hope other readers like it too! If I ever get on to do my Ball the Midwife idea, at least that one won’t be femmeslash! And I’m sure it would be better received than an epic tale of “Fred Gets Fingering”.

Fingers crossed part 3 is done by next weekend! Unless I spend all my time reading other stories or get another review and ramble on like this in reply. Which could happen. Maybe. The rambling, I mean, not the review.

Thank you once again for the second review, I am truly grateful.

Edited November 10, 2018 by JayDee
Whole buncha typos and misplaced words for some reason.

[BronxWench]

6 hours ago, JayDee said:

Probably even inside AFF if the mods aren’t looking.

6 hours ago, JayDee said:

She definitely has a good imagination, I’d say. I might change the last line of dialogue in the dreamstate though. It’s supposed to indicate Chummy being ‘woken’ before she gets off (the orgasm denial thing), not that it was being directed, but I don’t think the intent is clear. Definitely one of the bits I’m not entirely happy with in part 2, and generally I’m finding it tough going pulling the overriding ideas into a coherant whole that makes sense. Still, if I fuck it up with huge plot holes and the whole thing proving pointless as a plot, there’ll at least be some fair to middling bits of porn description and fun dialogue to pull out. I am trying to do each part completely in a week, a bit like the old dribs drabs prompt style (though cheating on the order of prompts and knowing what comes next).

Oh, I wouldn’t change that. It was clear enough once I got to that bit that she was in a dream state, and I felt a bit sorry for her that she’d woken before getting a chance to experience her own orgasm.  I love doing exactly what you’re doing—flashfic chapters with a plot to hold them together—and I miss having enough free time to do those, but yeah… Anyway, I’ll be waiting happily for part 3, and happier knowing I won’t be taking an endless subway ride to the lower reaches of Manhattan whilst daydreaming happily about misbehaving midwives.  (Of course, the epic “Fred Gets Fingering” might ensure I miss my stop and wind up in the bowels of Brooklyn. The only upside to that is Melrick having discovered an Aussie-style pie shop in Brooklyn which looks worthy of a visit. :D)

But anyway, keep writing, and I’ll keep reading! (See, you have a stalker-y sort of fan-wench…   )

 

[JayDee]

Chummy will get her orgasms. All of them. It’s only fair Just not yet. Thanks again for your support with it.

What gets me is it’s 7 years or so since we were doing all of those prompts, week in, week out, no matter how hard they were. 7 years! Time just rolls on by. I’ve had some really hectic months and years since then, and I miss hitting that target every week.

Always worth trying a pie shop! Do they do the meat pie floaters? Kinda sound like something out of It.

 

[BronxWench]

2 hours ago, JayDee said:

Always worth trying a pie shop! Do they do the meat pie floaters? Kinda sound like something out of It.

I don’t think so, but I’ll find out. We’d gotten into a discussion of my favorite pie shop, but they’re English pies and don’t have the requisite gravy to make them edible in Australia.  But, hey, Brooklyn!

[JayDee]

Got some tasty looking pies there, for sure. And Scotch eggs! Always appreciated, those.

[JayDee]

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Pippychick

Oh, Chummy is in for it now... a mystery to solve, all the while having to ride the bike around getting more and more wound up. Perfect!

I was going to review each chapter, but that cliffhanger after the bike ride was such that I had to see what would happen next. You made this reader very happy.

But also, this is hilarious, and Chummy is so in character that I can just see it all happening in my mind. I wonder why the Shannon girl has decided to pick on her? Is it for fun, or is there something more to all of this? Hmm...

Have to say I loved the idea of “saving” that young eighteen-year-old from the bike's... effects. It's all extremely well thought out. I wonder if she'll get Fred to take a look at it, and get all disconcerted when he says: “Well, what's wrong with it? Ride it about the yard so's I can see.” *giggles* This is so good, though. Even better than I imagined when I urged you to write it.

I also want to say that your use of language is spot on. I really appreciate the work that goes into that. It keeps the environment in character, as well as Chummy.

Please, please continue!!!

Review on Corrupt the Midwife. I accidentally deleted my initial reply while trying to delete another post of mine that was just rambling on.

So thank you again for this review, I really appreciate it! I think weirdly the language is the thing I like best about this story, at least in the earlier two or three parts, I think I’ve got it less right later on.

Thanks again for urging me to write it! I hope to do the MF Ball the Midwife story sometime too!

Edited November 28, 2018 by JayDee

[JayDee]

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swirlingdoubt

These midwives are trollops, the whole lot of em!

You've built a good theme, and perhaps is more on th PWP side, but you give yourself plenty of room to develop it however you wish. It is still a carnal treat, besides. Poor chummy, will she ever get her O? If you don't "finish" the story that would be some good irony that I'd hate you for.

...suddenly, the idea of leaving it unfinished is so incredibly appalling. Not just because I’m a monster or anything, but entirely for the idea of it fitting the theme so well. That’s hilarious that is. I’m laughing to myself at the thought of it

Unfortunately, the next part is pretty much finished and just needs a bit more polish. Likely getting posted tonight or tomorrow, then one last part afterwards so I’ll probably have to go ahead and finish. Curses!

Thank you for the review! I really appreciate it. I normally say this first, but I was so impressed with the concept of leaving it without a climax I had to rush through that first! Thank you again.

Sadly I’ve not really got the penultimate part as good as I was hoping, but the final part might make up for it. That’ll be the one with all the orgasms.

Edit:...and pulled me finger out and got it posted. Final part by next week!

Edited November 29, 2018 by JayDee

[swirlingdoubt]

On ‎11‎/‎29‎/‎2018 at 8:14 AM, JayDee said:

...suddenly, the idea of leaving it unfinished is so incredibly appalling. Not just because I’m a monster or anything, but entirely for the idea of it fitting the theme so well. That’s hilarious that is. I’m laughing to myself at the thought of it

Unfortunately, the next part is pretty much finished and just needs a bit more polish. Likely getting posted tonight or tomorrow, then one last part afterwards so I’ll probably have to go ahead and finish. Curses!

Thank you for the review! I really appreciate it. I normally say this first, but I was so impressed with the concept of leaving it without a climax I had to rush through that first! Thank you again.

Sadly I’ve not really got the penultimate part as good as I was hoping, but the final part might make up for it. That’ll be the one with all the orgasms.

Edit:...and pulled me finger out and got it posted. Final part by next week!

It would be delicious if you left it wanting. 

So you know, “That’ll be the one with all the orgasms” aught to be spoken out of context while at a party full of strangers.

And whee! New chapter. I’ll get to reading it when I have more time to savor it. 

 

[JayDee]

Corrupt the Midwife has 1044 hits so far. Seems fair as ultimately I didn’t get it right. InBrightestDay had look though ‘cos Shannon’s tied in with the whole slumber-verse (given that it ultimately all originated with an OC in another TV fanfic I guess it was just getting back to roots)

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Chapter 1

So I was hitherto unaware of the existence of this show, and thus don't really know any of its characters.  Nonetheless, this was pretty funny.  Knowing that this is Shannon makes the Irishness really amusing, like she's playing it way up.

Also, knowing Shannon...

Saddle seemed the wrong shape.

This is a magical Sybian, isn't it?

The shape of the thing, and the undeniable fact that it vibrated all the more as she went faster across the cobbles, was having an effect through sensible skirt and even more sensible unmentionables.

I knew it!

Thanks for the review! Shannon’s voice is heard and influence felt through the rest, but with not knowing the TV show you might be as well skipping ahead to part 6 for her showing up in person again.

Ha, indeed, she’s playing it up a lot. I could just see the real Dubheasa of Shannon going “Who in the fuck would fall for that? You’d have to have never met an Irishwoman!”

Yeah, a magical Sybian is very Shannon and of course, picking as her first target a woman who could be an actual saint with time,  but with damagingly repressed lust as a weakness, would have gone down very well with Hell.

Her failure to ensare said soul perhaps less so. I mean, they’d ask, “how much of a fool must she be to have left the woman both no longer damaged by repression and stronger in her faith?” And thinking about this made me realise that her next attempt would have demanded results much more quickly, which led me to start thinking about a scene set prior to The Slumber Party of Evil Doom which if I can get down right I’ll probably even post to the story as a prequel chapter. (at the same time as either labelling Part 3 as definitively non canon, or changing the ending a little, perhaps so that Eparlegna instead finds himself experiencing every torment he ever inflicted on everyone else, not just Luzurial, without actually being them. I think that could work, with him stuck in a loop).

Thanks again for the review!