JayDee's (Originals) review reply, story discussion and additional notes thread

[JayDee]

Jude's Tale (original title Fate of a Fagottist) Sometimes you get an idea for a story that almost nobody else is going to want to read, but you feel like writing it, and posting it, anyway. I have this concept for how to end this but I’m still not sure how to get to the end. Still, bit of sex in part 2!

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InBrightestDay

This is really cool.  We've had solo stories involving both Kate and Shannon, but this is the first one with Kizzy as a main character, even if it's just for the first chapter.  It's nice to see what she does in her spare time.  Helping the homeless may seema bit stereotypical, but it's a kind thing to do and is a thing many churches do in real life.

It's also nice to see Kizzy's approach to a problem.  In Blood on the Hay, we had Kate resolving a threat with violence, which is definitely the werewolf solution.  In Fucking Halloween Party we saw Shannon resolve the threat with sex, which is definitely the succubus way of handling things.  Here we get to see how Kizurial handles things, and it's extremely fitting for who she is: a fascinating mixture of intimidation and compassion.

Finally, Jude has me more interested than I thought he would.  From the opening I thought he was just going to be an asshole, but he's a good deal more complex than that, which I think reflects the fact that very few people are just jerks; there's usually a story behind it.

Looking forward to Part Two!

Thank you for your review! I appreciate it. While I don’t think she’ll be in part 2, Kizzy’s definitely going to be important in the story – Jude’s the title character, but then it was Jeb’s blood on that hay in the title of Kate’s story (I’ve been working on part 3 of that in my head, too).  I figure it just happened to be that Jan needed help with homeless stuff that night. It’s probably not the first time Kizzy’s volunteered there – another time it might have been assisting elderly people, or one of other community outreach jobs. She’s certainly volunteering at non-church places, too. Probably sometimes she just goes out for a walk, and sees what she can do.

Kizzy’s first appearance shows her solving Jack with violence, but that was after first getting into a position where she had enough friends for a sleepover. Slow, careful work. Then she didn’t demonstrate quite the best negotiating skills with Shannon, before once again using violence against Eparlegna – but both Jack and Sleazy E were pretty evil, and that’s easy for her to deal with. When it comes to Jude, she’s got things a little harder, especially beause until fairly recently she didn’t really understand mortals so well. She’s getting better.

Jude… eh, he’s got some pretty unpleasant traits on display – the racism, homophobia, slapping Kizzy – but maybe he can turn his life around… and maybe instead he’ll give into temptation in Part Two. Where one of the prompts is gravid. I don’t know how soon I’ll get the second part done, it depends on what the ol’ muses help me put down. Might even get the Fall of Chastia story done first. I kind of want to write a ‘before the battle’ section for that. The Temptation of Chastia, maybe, so I can include a bit of Lucifer and make it less entirely OC for the bible section. And maybe even throw in some thought-to-be-totally-against-the-rules masturbation.  Get caught jilling off by Lucifer? Well, it might appeal to someone.

Thanks again for the review!

Edited March 11, 2019 by JayDee

[InBrightestDay]

11 hours ago, JayDee said:

both Jack and Sleazy E were pretty evil, and that’s easy for her to deal with. When it comes to Jude, she’s got things a little harder, especially beause until fairly recently she didn’t really understand mortals so well. She’s getting better. 

“Sleazy E” presumably being the name he used when he released his rap album.

When dealing with Jude, I liked that she got to be kind of scary, stopping his physical attack, and there’s that funny bit where he tries to slap her and just hurts his hand.  Of course, the followup is some frank but understanding moral advice, again demonstrating her learning.

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Jude… eh, he’s got some pretty unpleasant traits on display – the racism, homophobia, slapping Kizzy – but maybe he can turn his life around… and maybe instead he’ll give into temptation in Part Two. Where one of the prompts is gravid.

As amusing as it would be to see the homophobic guy end up as MPreg, I imagine that’s more him impregnating someone...or something.

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Might even get the Fall of Chastia story done first. I kind of want to write a ‘before the battle’ section for that. The Temptation of Chastia, maybe, so I can include a bit of Lucifer and make it less entirely OC for the bible section. And maybe even throw in some thought-to-be-totally-against-the-rules masturbation.  Get caught jilling off by Lucifer? Well, it might appeal to someone.

That sounds pretty cool in general, and the masturbation would allow Lucifer an opportunity for manipulation.

[JayDee]

1 hour ago, InBrightestDay said:

“Sleazy E” presumably being the name he used when he released his rap album.

He was gonna go with “Straight Outa Hell” but someone already used it

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When dealing with Jude, I liked that she got to be kind of scary, stopping his physical attack, and there’s that funny bit where he tries to slap her and just hurts his hand.  Of course, the followup is some frank but understanding moral advice, again demonstrating her learning.

I figured she would intervene to prevent him touching Jan, but show little concern about the possibility of him hurting her. At the same time she’s very aware that a guy gets drunk and hits one woman might go out and hit another.

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As amusing as it would be to see the homophobic guy end up as MPreg, I imagine that’s more him impregnating someone...or something.

I was definitely considering the Mpreg option, simply because then I’d get to explore something I’ve done very little with, but I think It’s more likely to be a thought-about pregnancy rather than actually happening.

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That sounds pretty cool in general, and the masturbation would allow Lucifer an opportunity for manipulation.

All these folks writing first time stories, then there’s me thinking about doing the “first masturbation in creation” scene. Billions of years later,

“Hey, can you guess what I invented?”

But maybe that’s a bit too Mary Sue tbh. Maybe she ought to get the idea off a canon character.

Anyway, thanks again for the review! Hopefully won’t be too many weeks until part 2.

Edited February 14, 2019 by JayDee

[JayDee]

Twinpregnation was probably the most successful of my old story re-writes. I’ve got more feedback on it already than I ever did on the original version and I get a bit of kick that out of the idea that one of their descendants is serving her country in a tiny cameo in someone else’s story. If it makes the final draft.

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Thundercloud

Quite a fun story you have here. Doing such build up when you jump directly into the action can be tricky but you execute it well. Very hot sex and I really like the twins getting pregnant with twins part.

My only (minor) complaint is that switch of perspective at the beginning seem rather pointless. Having Caitlyn sneaking on her brother would allow you describe about the same visual perspective but without revealing Conners preferrences. Learning that both twins desire to have a child with their sibling kind of prevent you making something of that detail later in the story. Sticking to Caitlyn's perspective and having her struggle with if she should push for getting pregnant or playing it safe in case Connor is not into getting her pregnant would have serious story potential. Giving the reader the actual visuals of how much Conner digs the idea when Caitlyn finally asks would we awesome.

As for Connor's perspective...the follows up from later months seem like great material for chapters. Why cannot these be from his perspective in chapters of their own. You could show the reader  the actual close calls as he cannot keep his hand and cock away from his prengant sister instead of just telling about such events happening...

Thanks for your review! I appreciate your thoughts. I’m really glad the sex came across as hot – It’s a big part of the aim of a PWP thing like that. Funny enough the “twins having twins” ref made me think ‘Twinception’ for the frst time and I’m glad to see from google that Urban Dictionary got there years ago. In my original version of the story it literally started with the coming in and seeing the picture. I see what you mean about the perspective shift and the potential for the reader not knowing Connor’s thoughts – It never even ocurred to me to be honest! The original version of the story had the perspective shifts without the impregnation emphasis, and then I wanted to really establish all the changes to the characters for the re-write so I kind of made used seeing each character’s point of view to give them a lot of detail – the new opening was a big expansion on that. It almost certainly would have been better the way you suggest!

I don’t know that I’ll ever write sequels. I’ve always enjoyed that whole “risk of getting caught” or “actually having someone talking obliviously to one or both parties having sex while they’re doing it” due to coming in at the wrong time kink/trope/whatever and having some of that going on would be a lot of fun to write. Uncle Declan definitely wants to appear in more stories.

“What are you doing in there, Connor?”

‘Don’t say ‘My Sister’’

‘Don’t say ‘My Sister’’

‘Don’t say ‘My Sister’’

“Your neice.”

‘SHIT’

(With apologies to Family Guy who probably lifted the joke directly from an 80s sitcom)

Thank you again for the review! I really appreciate it and it was a nice surprise.

Edited February 16, 2019 by JayDee

[JayDee]

Jude's Tale (original title Fate of a Fagottist) if I keep bashing out parts might actually make an undeserved 100 views! But I’m having fun writing it, so what the heck.

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InBrighestDay

Well, Jude's self-reflection didn't last long.  Then again, that's how prejudice works a lot of the time: it comes back full force as soon as it gets an excuse.

Thanks for your review! He’s drunk, in an enclosed space with the Duchess who is helping him think with his dick, and had something technically true told to him that allows him to believe he hadn’t broken that huge “don’t hit a woman” rule. He’s got to have been prepared to make the effort to change... Even so, I think in another part his self-reflection may return.

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On the other hand, we're now introduced to a character I've seen once before...

I hope she didn’t offer you a ride too? Oh, you mean in the Shannon’s report scrap! I guess technically you’ve seen her twice, only she was a lot younger and still an Archangel in the Fall of Chastia scrap.

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“My name is hard to pronounce even for a man of culture,

No freaking kidding.  It's hard for me to even type.

Apparantly the easiest demon name to type is Asmodeus’s nephew Asdfghjkl.

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but I am accustomed to my title, Duchess.’ ”

I might even change her name again from that scrap! It could get sillier yet! She’s got quite the sense of superirority that woman. I’m think Duchess works better than the dark grace title too –It didn’t fit the persona she’s putting on for Jude of a concerned inhuman-hunter of wealth and status.

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So we now have a foil for Kizzy.  While both of them are...outsiders visiting Earth, and both of them are aiming to affect Shannon in some way, the Duchess is, I would presume, far more skilled at interacting with (and manipulating) humans, making her very dangerous. 

I think she knew exactly what to say to Jude – She’s got the advantage of being able to read Jude’s mind from a distance, same as old Eparlegna. Never mind the defeated and self-pitying way he walked, she got a look in there and decided he was her patsy, even before he met Kizzy, and then it was just finding a way to get them to interract. Unless my sloppy writing has kicked in and messed it up then her only lies to Jude are lies of omission otherwise everything she says is true – she’s targeting something inhuman with great strength, Kizzy is a dangerous foe to her, and has influence over Shannon, and would spot the Duchess or another demon/damned soul servant approaching her a mile off, and Shannon was in her employ (hers as she sees it!) and as far as she knows Kizzy hasn’t had any interest in any man (There may have been some distinctly less pure thoughts while watching Star Trek, no doubt down to the borrowed flesh, but the Duchess doesn’t know about that.)

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Indeed, she came prepared with an anti-angel weapon of some sort.

It’s a nasty one, too. Hopefully by the end of the story, though, if you choose to read it all through and I manage to write it out as I have it all planned in my head you won’t be left needing to write a SAO to feel better. But if you do need to, well, that’s cool from my perspective because they come out great.

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The sex content is short but still kind of hot.  There's something about the long succubus tongue that is simultaneously gross and sexy. 

Thank you! kind of hot is good enough for me. He doesn’t even have enough experience to note that the tongue was a little unnatural. I’m actually feeling like it might be cool to just do another 1000 word part of them having some more sex, total PWP fuckfest, with the Duchess having to remember not to eat his soul as she needs him alive, unharmed and un-soulless for her scheme, then the part after that can continue with where it was going to be before. The only issue is the next batch of prompt words including haslot (which I swear ought be spelled haslet) and fitting in a reference to cooked animal entrails to a non-snuff scene. Ahh well, I seem to not have the interest to write good sex these days anyway so if it doesn’t work and I miss having a sex chapter, then those prompts would have a use when the weapon is deployed.

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There is also an amusing irony in the fact that Jude believes himself a holy warrior when he is literally working for a demon now.

Yeah, that one made me smile too But, can’t say Kizzy didn’t warn him that intolerance’d end up with him in Hell.

Thanks again for your review! I think I would not be surprised if nobody else who reads it bothers, but it’s nice to get feedback from someone.

Edited March 11, 2019 by JayDee

[InBrightestDay]

7 hours ago, JayDee said:

I hope she didn’t offer you a ride too?

Well, she did.  I said “Not until you tell me if LAILAH’S GONNA BE OKAY!” and slammed the car door in her face.

I then realized she couldn’t answer me through the door, but it wouldn’t have looked very cool if I had then gently opened the door and said “So, about that...”  So I just called an Uber.

In all seriousness, though:

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Oh, you mean in the Shannon’s report scrap! I guess technically you’ve seen her twice, only she was a lot younger and still an Archangel in the Fall of Chastia scrap.

Yeah, that.  We technically saw her in the Chastia scrap, but I wouldn’t have recognized her as “The Duchess” were it not for the report scrap.

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I’m think Duchess works better than the dark grace title too –It didn’t fit the persona she’s putting on for Jude of a concerned inhuman-hunter of wealth and status.

I imagine “your Dark Grace” is more a form of address she employs exclusively in Hell.  It kind of gives away that you’re the bad guy if you use it on Earth.

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Unless my sloppy writing has kicked in and messed it up then her only lies to Jude are lies of omission otherwise everything she says is true – she’s targeting something inhuman with great strength, Kizzy is a dangerous foe to her, and has influence over Shannon, and would spot the Duchess or another demon/damned soul servant approaching her a mile off, and Shannon was in her employ (hers as she sees it!) and as far as she knows Kizzy hasn’t had any interest in any man

Don’t worry, you didn’t mess up; all her statements are technically true.  She just leaves a few important things out.

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There may have been some distinctly less pure thoughts while watching Star Trek, no doubt down to the borrowed flesh, but the Duchess doesn’t know about that.

Kate: Kizzy, why do you keep watching that part where Kirk’s shirt gets torn off?

Kizzy: I am uncertain.  I must study this mystery.

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The only issue is the next batch of prompt words including haslot (which I swear ought be spelled haslet) and fitting in a reference to cooked animal entrails to a non-snuff scene. Ahh well, I seem to not have the interest to write good sex these days anyway so if it doesn’t work and I miss having a sex chapter, then those prompts would have a use when the weapon is deployed.

I don’t think that’s actually an issue.  Your idea for the sex scene would involve some stuff from the Duchess’s PoV, so as Jude leaves, she might be thinking about precisely what that weapon would do to her enemy.  Haslet, in British English, refers not to edible viscera as such (as it does in American English), but rather to a sort of pork meatloaf with herbs.  Given that you gave her an accent from somewhere in the UK, perhaps she’s actually familiar with the food, and is imagining exactly how easily that blade will slice through preternaturally tough angelic flesh, just like a soft loaf of haslet...

Edited February 20, 2019 by InBrightestDay

[JayDee]

8 hours ago, InBrightestDay said:

Well, she did.  I said “Not until you tell me if LAILAH’S GONNA BE OKAY!” and slammed the car door in her face.

I then realized she couldn’t answer me through the door, but it wouldn’t have looked very cool if I had then gently opened the door and said “So, about that...”  So I just called an Uber.

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I imagine “your Dark Grace” is more a form of address she employs exclusively in Hell.  It kind of gives away that you’re the bad guy if you use it on Earth.

So does “Duchess”! [/angry class warfare reaction.] Wait, yeah, that’s basically what I thought about it, and she’s no interest in the Earth version of plain “Your Grace” and sees letting Jude talk to her like an equal, given his own sense of superiority, works in her favor.

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Don’t worry, you didn’t mess up; all her statements are technically true.  She just leaves a few important things out.

Whoohooo! For once, no sloppy writing! I think the Duchess found that leaving a couple more things virtually hanging out also worked at holding Jude’s attention.

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Kate: Kizzy, why do you keep watching that part where Kirk’s shirt gets torn off?

Kizzy: I am uncertain.  I must study this mystery.

 I bet Shannon’s been keeping an eye on her ‘study’ of the mystery too. No doubt gifting a back massager because “You seemed tense.”

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I don’t think that’s actually an issue.  Your idea for the sex scene would involve some stuff from the Duchess’s PoV, so as Jude leaves, she might be thinking about precisely what that weapon would do to her enemy.  Haslet, in British English, refers not to edible viscera as such (as it does in American English), but rather to a sort of pork meatloaf with herbs.  Given that you gave her an accent from somewhere in the UK, perhaps she’s actually familiar with the food, and is imagining exactly how easily that blade will slice through preternaturally tough angelic flesh, just like a soft loaf of haslet...

When they supply an actual definition for an obscure prompt word I try and use that meaning in the story. If there’s multiple defintions I’ll sometimes try and work more of them in – like when the prompt was Frittle, I ended up using about three defintions. Think that was the one where I had a talking badger fuck a talking horse. Bit furry really. I have thought up a way around using the entrails definition though, so it’s all good

I gotta say this has been a really helpful suggestion  because it’s got me thinking that the next part ought to be as near as possible entirely from the Duchess’ point of view as part 1 was from Kizzy (excepting sloppy writing, others’ direct thoughts were being either read through phsyical contact or assumed) and part 2 from Jude.

[JayDee]

A Big Girl's Bad End is some fucked up repugnant shit. And to think folks thought Michael was the worst member of the extended Van Dijk family. Anyway, somehow managed 600+ hits possibly due to either search engine bots or a sort of morbid curiousity. I promised in my author’s note that I would be shocked if anybody bothered to review it so here it is: I am shocked. Shocked I Say. And also surprised.

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DarkWater

This had to easily be one of the most uncomfortable and nastiest stories I've ever read, and I'd have expected nothing less from you. Just as I usually do when I finish your stories, I had to lay down for a minute and try to process whatever the fuck I just saw. I find some of these more extreme stories fascinating sometimes, and impossible to not finish. So basically; good job once again, you sick fuck.

Thanks for your review! I really appreciate you taking the time. You’re part of the select group of not-easily-bored people who can actually finish my more extreme stories! Honestly a lie down and ‘what the fuck’ seems like a pretty fair, entirely human reaction. Can’t blame you for it. As a sick fuck, I appreciate the recognition!

Thanks again.

[JayDee]

Whore of Heaven was posted to AFF in October 2007 and now has 9 reviews and 10330 hits.  The first reviews were all posted before I started responding to reviews on the forum (this thread started November 2010) and so I don’t know if I emailed or anything else back. So here’s some quick replies to them as well! I think I did this with old reviews on another story before, but not WoH. Oh, and I’m totally going to write a story called Whore of Hell starring the succubus Shannon just to confuse people.

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ANON - jubilee on November 28, 2007

I loved it ! I was just thinking about how beautiful it'd be to rape and break an angel, the purest of women. I like how shes still mutilated and tortured forever despite the outcome of the guy/

Thanks for the review! It’s amazing the coincidences we sometimes have in life. I remember one time wishing I was bored to tears, and then I accidentally re-read my Ohio Vanilla story. This is the kind of story that I think works really well for the target audience for the whole defeat/violation/torture etc fetish Now the ending has been… extended since this review and it’s no longer forever, but for those 75 years every single second feels like eternity so same difference, right? Plus folks who prefer the old ending can stop reading where it finished before.

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Altered Reality on February 04, 2008

Very disturbing with the gore scenes...

Thanks for your review! Totally understandable. I think most folks would be disturbed and it does get pretty darn gory in places.

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Ssussuna on April 04, 2010

Great story.

Exactly stories like that are the ones i am looking for.
Goes with a perfect 10 for me

Thank you for this review! Another one from the target audience I’m glad you enjoyed it! Although every time I read ‘perfect 10’ I hear the old Beautiful South song in my head. Can’t argue with a perfect 10!

Now, onto the brand new review!

@pippychick Thank you so much for this amazingly in depth review. I really appreciate any feedback but as much as this… Wow right back at you! Thank you again I’m very grateful. A lot of people I’d say ‘eh, this one may not be for you,’ but you’re great at writing the creeping chilling horror atmosphere yourself (and the brief imagary in your acrolith prompt drabble was surely dark and disturbing per my review there!) so this is not a trial for your imagination

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pippychick

Wow.

I've never read this particular story of yours before (how the hell did I miss it?), but I think I'll definitely be reading it again.

I'm writing this review up in a libreoffice document, because I want to say a few things.

I've told you so many times how much I envy your ability to write gore, and you really delivered here. Yet, despite all the sexual torture, oddly, my favourite part was when he ate that victim while keeping her alive, until at the end only a living head was left. The smile as she died gave me a genuine chill. That was true horror. Kudos!

It actually put me in mind of one of Jeff Lindsay's Dexter novels, I think, where a killer goes about turning people into “living, screaming pincushions” by surgically removing their extremities, and all the unnecessary bits and pieces of their faces. IIRC, he also does all of this below a mirror, so his victims can watch, which is similar what happens to the Archangel later on. I do love Lindsay, but I think you do it far better here, given the evocative reminder of Jesus as well.

Thank you! Keeping someone alive while he’s reducing them to almost nothing is one of his favored cruelties – he kept his original human mother’s head alive at the end of his first apperance, too. He very much embodies the ‘Death is too quick’ philosophy when someone gains too much of his attention.

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I also appreciate the reminders of her strength and endurance, which allow us to suspend our disbelief over what is happening to her, although I must admit to wondering why an Archangel would need internal organs, particularly bowels and intestines, whatever the outward cosmetic appearance.

InBrightestDay, and I’m paraphrasing here, pointed out the meta reason was so she could be anally raped. In universe the cruellest interpretation (and not one I subscribe too) would be to take the Calvinist Predestination theory and assume that she has that anatomy because her creator pre-ordained that she would one day need an asshole to have a corrupt demon-hybrid cop stick a fist in it. I prefer the happier interpretation that the same creator hoped/forsaw that one day the angels and archangels and the likes would one day (whether on Earth or other populated planets), pass amongst mortals sharing their food, and drink, and watching their sci fi shows, and maybe accidentally taking the last bit of bacon that a werewolf was going to… sorry I’m off topic and a world way. Nevermind.

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I haven't moved onto the story this inspired (I probably will, since you wish it), and without meaning any offence, I have to say I think I would probably have preferred your original ending. I'm kind of a fan of sick, twisted and unhappy endings in my own darker stories. But as well as that, I think it's quite important here.

You're wickedly sharp, and so intelligent (much more so than me), and I don't usually take deeper meaning from your more gory offerings, I just enjoy the shock and body horror aspect. But here... oh, here eternal agony until the ending of all things... well, it fits, doesn't it?

Whoa now! Don’t feel obliged to do anything because I wish it! Me mentioning it was more in line of how I occasionally drop references to how people should read The Price and now that I have both stories linked in my sig I’ll just keep finding ways to promote them to people, but if you (or anyone else!) don’t fancy it don’t bother with it  (I doubt I could persuade InBrightestDay to read The Price either tbh, but it won’t stop me joking and promo’ing) – I will say it does have some wonderful nasty moments, mind (Amongst other bits, there’s this one sin creature that’s so awesomely creepy in a very body horror way it would make me take my hat off if I wore one.)

I’m absolutely not taking offence – well, except for you saying I’m more intelligent. No way. you’re definitely the more intelligent person, I ain’t even in the top 10 on this forum. You can understand Lord of the Rings! I thought Elvish was just Elvis saying his name while drunk.

There’s still the original ending there at least, but making someone suffer until entropy and the end of everything for refusing to leave humanity to face that sick fuck, well, I do kind of feel it didn’t fit so well. Like, a bit too harsh for what was basically one mistake. 75 years of every second feeling like eternity is still a pretty hefty dose of suffering. And it really raises questions like, if she was so beloved by her fellows for her wisdom and the like, why would no other angel help her? Turns out some out-of-touch Seraph stuck a flaming nose in. Seraphs, right? Swanning around all on fire and shit. Send one out to buy some ice for cocktails, they just bring a bag of steam.

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You've referred to a 'Creator' here. There is an element of this story that gets right to the heart of the problem I have with religion. Well, barring all the horrid, meaningless death and fanaticism, obviously. This Creator must have known her eventual fate, from the moment she was brought into existence. Clearly, her fate was her purpose. Just as a God (assuming it exists), in perfection, must know every consequence of creation. Imagine knowing all the awful, horrific, real shit that goes on, every day, everywhere... and going ahead anyway. There's no Heaven, outcome, or eventual 'reward' that can make up for the sheer amount of suffering involved. There can be no justification. I don't see how an argument can be made for morality, or any ethics except for those which we decide upon for ourselves. Frankly, we can do better. God is dead, or else is no better than the Beast.

It’s definitely a bleak take you’ve got there. But I totally see how you arrive at it – it is pretty much how I see the real world sometimes! Alright, most of the times, I think a lot of the very anti-creator thought expressed in the story was intended to be from Eparlegna’s viewpoint, which supports everything he wants to do  -rape, torture, kill, dominate, drink IPAs, flip the bird at the creator, and become ruler of his own domain, but I don’t know that the creator here actually intended for Luzurial to go through what she did. The command not to do it was there, and she disobeyed. She got to exercise free will (just as most humans exercise it to be right bastards to other humans.) Doing so made things worse for her, and for the people. Perhaps the creator here only knows what is likely? I suppose the argument in this universe would be suffer for three score’n’ten and then have eternity in paradise (I went creator rather than God I think, to have it as less Christian specific). It’s still kind of sucky, but they at least get the paradise. We get worms. Or dust. Or my personal likely fate, being undiscovered for five years until someone else walks up the high cold lonely place where I go to die. Still, you’ve got to laugh. 

I started getting the connected multi-verse to be a bit more hopeful with The Slumber Party of Evil Doom prompt fic two or three years later, where a demon saved a trapped angel to help her defeat a much nastier demon. I’ve tended to follow on from the brighter and more hopeful viewpoint in my angel/demon stories since. I think it depends a bit on my mental state at the time I’m writing. I was in a really dark cold place when I wrote some of that stuff. And with other stories I was pretty cheerful and just keen to see the reactions. Troll? Moi? Never! More of an Orc.

Edit: Of course, getting meta again, her actual creator, that asshole JD, did create her purely for that fate. What a scumbag.

Hey, Nietzche is dead too! :p

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I also like the statue being in the middle of a park. That the evil is gone, and yet it isn't. That she is in some version of Hell, that it continues, while around her, life carries on as always. I mean, that's some good psychological horror there too.

Day after day, year after year, decade after decade, barely aware of the people passing due to her endless pain from wounds that are prevented from healing but won’t give her the release of Death. Her only bright spot the fact that she was spared meeting Piers Morgan.

It’s a bit like how some folks end up living their lives, stuck in a personal hell with everyone else apparantly getting on and living. There’s probably a few of us know what that feels like.

Thanks though! That’s a sweet compliment! I appreciate it

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Anyway, thank you for this. You made me think, and I'm not certain I'm going to be able to return to writing the slashy elf romance I was getting into just yet. But reading was still well worth it.

Thank you again for the review! I hope you can get back into your slashy elf romance – in all honesty it’s not my favorite genre, but I can always appreciate folks writing what they like and having the fun of completing it, and sharing it and getting that feedback from the romantic elf slash fans. I still haven’t seen the Game of Thrones tv show (at this stage I’m definitely going to wait until it finishes and then binge the whole damn thing. Really hoping screen Tyrion holds up to book Tyrion!) but when I do I am looking forward to reading your GoT fic.

I hope things continue better for you now

Edited February 26, 2019 by JayDee

[InBrightestDay]

1 hour ago, JayDee said:

I doubt I could persuade InBrightestDay to read The Price either tbh

You obviously haven’t checked the reviews page for The Price recently.  I haven’t read the second chapter yet, but I will get around to it at some point.

and @pippychick, you do not need to read The Woman in the Statue if you don’t want to.  As wonderful as it would be to find out you enjoy it, if you really love how incredibly mean-spirited that original ending is, I don’t want to ruin something you enjoyed (in fact, I actually warned JayDee that by making my story canon, he might piss off people who loved the original ending).  Feel free to pretend WitS doesn’t exist.

[JayDee]

37 minutes ago, InBrightestDay said:

You obviously haven’t checked the reviews page for The Price recently.  I haven’t read the second chapter yet, but I will get around to it at some point.

...D’oh. To be fair, I just do promo’ing, what happens afterwards comes down to the reader! Also, neat review. And the ending might not be what you expect.

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(in fact, I actually warned JayDee that by making my story canon, he might piss off people who loved the original ending).

Yeah, but pissing readers off is basically my brand. There’s an old flames thread where I’d copy and paste the flames I got for my godawful Firefly fanfic ‘fore they had to be deleted in line with site rules. I used to get emails urging me to die in a fire. Those were the days.

[pippychick]

2 hours ago, JayDee said:

Keeping someone alive while he’s reducing them to almost nothing is one of his favored cruelties

The best villains are this way. Though it’s not always easy to write them. You did a great job.

2 hours ago, JayDee said:

but if you (or anyone else!) don’t fancy it don’t bother with it 

Of course I fancy seeing it! The greatest thing about fiction and fanfiction is that there’s always a different path to go down, and we can look at them all, and ooh and ahh at different interpretations and fresh angles.

2 hours ago, JayDee said:

It’s definitely a bleak take you’ve got there.

Yesss… I’ve been told that before. Unfortunately, when I was made someone forgot to adjust the optimism, or, you know, include it at all.

2 hours ago, JayDee said:

Edit: Of course, getting meta again, her actual creator, that asshole JD, did create her purely for that fate. What a scumbag.

lol… I find writing harsh things like this does take a toll. It’s hard work, and it’s largely thankless. But you can only write the horror properly if you feel it, just like anything else.

2 hours ago, JayDee said:

Her only bright spot the fact that she was spared meeting Piers Morgan.

(smirks) To be fair, she’s probably not right wing enough…

2 hours ago, JayDee said:

but when I do I am looking forward to reading your GoT fic.

Ha, that would be interesting. For what it’s worth, it’s a bit more violent, more pornographic, and is sprinkled with a liberal amount of swearing (courtesy of Clegane).

2 hours ago, JayDee said:

I hope things continue better for you now

Thanks. Honestly, it feels great to settle back down. Your midwife story was the first thing I went to  

[pippychick]

1 hour ago, InBrightestDay said:

You obviously haven’t checked the reviews page for The Price recently.

Ahh… that was you! Thank you.   I still need to make time for responding to reviews that have come in while I’ve been somewhat distracted. I will, though!

 

1 hour ago, InBrightestDay said:

you do not need to read The Woman in the Statue if you don’t want to.

@InBrightestDay As I said above, the great thing about all of this is that we can speculate, and explore, and I’m awfully curious to see how you’ve saved her, and what her reactions are like to that. How damaged is she? See just thinking and talking about it whets my appetite to read your story

[InBrightestDay]

4 hours ago, pippychick said:

Ahh… that was you! Thank you.   I still need to make time for responding to reviews that have come in while I’ve been somewhat distracted. I will, though!

Don’t feel bad about not responding to that first review.  I still haven’t gotten around to reading and reviewing Chapter 2, and it’s been a month!

Oh, and I realize you guys were discussing this earlier, but if I may offer my two cents here…

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There is an element of this story that gets right to the heart of the problem I have with religion. Well, barring all the horrid, meaningless death and fanaticism, obviously.

First, on behalf of religious people, I’m sorry for any unpleasant experiences you’ve had.  I know this doesn’t make up for it, but know that we’re not all dicks.

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This Creator must have known her eventual fate, from the moment she was brought into existence. Clearly, her fate was her purpose. Just as a God (assuming it exists), in perfection, must know every consequence of creation. Imagine knowing all the awful, horrific, real shit that goes on, every day, everywhere... and going ahead anyway.

7 hours ago, JayDee said:

I don’t know that the creator here actually intended for Luzurial to go through what she did. The command not to do it was there, and she disobeyed. She got to exercise free will (just as most humans exercise it to be right bastards to other humans.) Doing so made things worse for her, and for the people. Perhaps the creator here only knows what is likely?

So, on Luzurial’s suffering being her reason for existing, I don’t know that that’s clear.  Cars eventually break down, and the manufacturer knows this will inevitably happen, but that’s not why the car is made.  Luzurial is mentioned as being valued for her wisdom and having distinguished herself in battle, so she has touched the lives of her fellow angels and protected the universe (or at least the Earth) before, and I don’t see any reason that couldn’t be her purpose.  Her rape and torture are things that happen to her, but it doesn’t seem right (to me, anyway) to imagine she exists specifically to be raped and tortured.

With regards to divine omniscience, what pippychick describes is a valid criticism of the deterministic interpretation (the future is set in stone), but there is another way to look at it.  A vital part of Christian dogma, and I think it also applies to Judaism and Islam, is that humans (and any other forms of sapient life that may exist) have free will, the ability to choose.  God is believed to value free will so intensely that He allows it even though many make the choice to do terrible things, so I’ve never been comfortable with determinism, which removes free will from the equation.

Another interpretation, however, is that omniscience means that God knows every possible outcome, all of the billions of billions of possible futures made by all the interacting choices of billions of sapient individuals.  However, while all the possible results of all our possible choices may be seen, at the critical inflection point, our choices matter.  In other words, it’s not “these horrible things will happen,” but rather “these horrible things may happen, but the choice is yours.”

Bringing this back to Whore of Heaven, God would know all the outcomes of everyone’s possible choices, including the chain of events based on the choices made (Luzurial’s choice to intervene, her choice to help the survivors, her choice to try to talk to Eparlegna, her choice to try to spare the caged women, his choice to torture her, Shondra and Molly’s choice to serve him, etc.).  All of these things are known ahead of time, but they are not fate; until the choices are made, they are only possible outcomes.

Or, to put it way more simply, the future is foreseen, but it is not foregone.

I hope I haven’t annoyed or offended either of you.  I’ve told JayDee about this elsewhere, but I don’t have anything against atheists.  In fact, randomly enough, most of my friends in high school were atheists, and now it’s a fairly even mix.  I don’t think you’re getting in trouble for not believing in God.  Honestly, I think that what really matters is that you live your life trying to do what you genuinely believe to be right.

Again, no offense was intended, pippychick, and I hope I haven’t irritated you.  I’m not trying to convert anyone; I just wanted to discuss another potential way of looking at the omniscience idea.

Edited February 27, 2019 by InBrightestDay

[pippychick]

4 hours ago, InBrightestDay said:

First, on behalf of religious people, I’m sorry for any unpleasant experiences you’ve had.

Oh, I really haven’t! Some of my best friends, etc… I’m actually involved with things at my local church, because of community stuff. I’m not saying at all that others shouldn’t believe – I just don’t share it. If I had to believe in something, honestly I’m closer to being some kind of pagan than anything because it appeals to me on some deep level I can’t explain. The great majority of the time though, I am an atheist.

I’m not trying to get into an argument here, but

5 hours ago, InBrightestDay said:

God is believed to value free will so intensely

Ah. Apologies, but there it is. There can be no justification for some things. I’m not talking of anything that has happened to me. I’m not referring to “ordinary human unhappiness” or even its twin. Throughout the course of our history there are things so absolute and terrible that they only way they can be explained is if there is no God. Sorry, but that is the conclusion I have come to after many years. Also, free will tends to let capitalism off the hook, and I don’t believe we should do that either. Most of us live at the expense of others. If I live without God, then ethically I should strive to encourage the best world possible.

Then there are the animals. Humanity has an overinflated sense of itself. Fear, terror, pain and suffering are not exclusive to our species. Nor is comfort. Any knowledge I may think I have doesn’t make me “worth more than many sparrows” – that’s just pure egotism. It makes me responsible, but that’s a different thing entirely, and I fail far too often (I mean, I still eat meat and there can’t be any justification for that, not now).

I’m so sorry, I don’t mean to offend anyone with these thoughts. If there is any rule at all, it should probably be: believe in what you love and be happy.

I believe in fic.

5 hours ago, InBrightestDay said:

Again, no offense was intended, pippychick, and I hope I haven’t irritated you.  I’m not trying to convert anyone; I just wanted to discuss another potential way of looking at the omniscience idea.

Likewise.

@JayDee Sorry to have derailed this thread and gone so far OT. Luzurial’s fate did prompt this discussion, though, so I’m blaming you…

[JayDee]

No apology required! You’re all adults, you can have different opinions over things in this thread as anywhere! Forum mods would have the final say mind :p

19 hours ago, pippychick said:

(smirks) To be fair, she’s probably not right wing enough…

She didn’t have left or right wing by the time Eparlegna was done with her! [/tasteless joke]

 

Edited February 27, 2019 by JayDee

[JayDee]

Blood on the Hay got a review!

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Thundercloud

Checked this story out, mostly since there is a reference to the The Slumber Part of Evil Doom characters. I enjoyed the interaction between the characters even through the plot itself is kind of shallow, more like a story fragment than a complete story.

Very good effort to establish the main character for chapter 2, it takes effort to all the good detail you manage to drop into the scene without doing info dumping. On the other hand I think chapter two kind of fades into nothing, somekind of exchange/confrontation with the trio could have made it a more interesting ending.

Thank you for the review!  Absolutely see where you’re coming from – with the flashfic/1000 word prompt stories sometimes it was possible to tell a proper story in the short bursts and sometimes, well, it comes across more like a fragment. I can totally see it here – similar issue with the end of part 2, in that I wrote what I had for 1000 words but there isn’t really a full finish, just the dude realising that Jeb was a piece of shit and there ain’t a lot more to say – but conflict can always add more, a bit of a driving force to things. One way to have it would be to have the trio checking out the bloody barn and getting caught by the lawfolk coming back. And when the Slumber-verse characters appear in the next story chronologically, Kate’s back part of the pack and they never seem to speak of it again. I really need to write a third concluding part to cover it all off, tie things up.

One of these days, maybe.

Thanks again! I appreciate your time in reading and reviewing.

[InBrightestDay]

9 hours ago, pippychick said:

Sorry to have derailed this thread and gone so far OT. Luzurial’s fate did prompt this discussion, though, so I’m blaming you

The irony of the situation is that this is kind of the same thing that happened back in 2008 when I read Whore of Heaven, got all depressed and wrote to JayDee asking if I could write what, ten years later, would become The Woman in the Statue.  I literally asked if WoH was intended as an anti-religion piece, not because I was mad, but because I didn’t want to write a sequel that would contradict the original story’s message.

[JayDee]

I don’t even know what the original story’s message was… “Really shitty things happen to good people,” maybe? That certainly happens in the sequel so you keep it running!

 

Edited February 27, 2019 by JayDee

[Thundercloud]

5 hours ago, JayDee said:

Blood on the Hay got a review!

Thank you for the review!  Absolutely see where you’re coming from – with the flashfic/1000 word prompt stories sometimes it was possible to tell a proper story in the short bursts and sometimes, well, it comes across more like a fragment. I can totally see it here – similar issue with the end of part 2, in that I wrote what I had for 1000 words but there isn’t really a full finish, just the dude realising that Jeb was a piece of shit and there ain’t a lot more to say – but conflict can always add more, a bit of a driving force to things. One way to have it would be to have the trio checking out the bloody barn and getting caught by the lawfolk coming back. And when the Slumber-verse characters appear in the next story chronologically, Kate’s back part of the pack and they never seem to speak of it again. I really need to write a third concluding part to cover it all off, tie things up.

One of these days, maybe.

Thanks again! I appreciate your time in reading and reviewing.

I think chapter 1 is actually pretty solid as standalone story. Chapter two as bridge to a future chapter would also work, but when it ends after chapter two it feels more like a fragment..

[JayDee]

Then I must write chapter three one of these days! Gotta be done.

[JayDee]

Meanwhile back in the slumber-verse InBrightestDay kindly reviews the third part of Jude's Tale (original title Fate of a Fagottist)

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Well, you said this was a PWP chapter, but I don't really think that's true, since we learn more about what the Duchess is planning.  Depending on how we interpret her plan, she might be too focused on the short-term victory against Kizzy and hasn't thought through what will happen if she succeeds; there are going to be far fewer mortals to tempt after the mass extinction, after all.

Then again, maybe she's assuming that Kizurial will choose to die rather than blast a giant crater into the Earth.

 Firstly, thank you for this review!

You’re absolutely right it didn’t end up properly PWP, so I left the tag off in the end. I realised that I could use the chapter to explain some things that otherwise would have gone unspoken, or maybe just come out of nowhere – at least this chapter lets folks know there’s a werewolf and so on hanging around Kizzy! Still managed to fit in a chunk more sex than the previous part had though, so yay!

It’s not as clear as it was in my first draft on this where I made it really explicit, but she actually is assuming Kizurial would choose to die rather than blast a giant crater into the Earth and cook all the entrails. I left it with the more subtle implication at the end of the part where she’s thinking of Jude’s specifically sharing the fate of Kizurial, oblivion, rather than him getting it alone and the Seraph surviving.

I figure she thinks Kizzy would kill a few mortals to save millions, but Kizzy wouldn’t kill billions to save herself.  From the Duchess’ point of view, scoring a kill against a Seraph would be great for her standing in Hell, but she also gets to make Shannon suffer by hurting her friend. That’s maybe even more important to her because Shannon left her service for Kizzy’s friendship. A lot of these arrogant demons are petty as fuck when I write ‘em And if she is wrong and she’s misread the Seraph (always a possibility!) well, whatever evolves in another 65 million years could be just as easy to tempt.

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Also...

“Do you know... Kizzy’s greatest crime?” <snipped for forum> Her crime... There is a holy warrior bound in a statue, suffering terribly. They say Kizzy used her influence to ensure none of the warrior’s comrades would save her. She’ll stay... in agony... forever. ”

That definitely paints a somewhat darker picture of Kizzy as a character.  Not that she's evil or anything, mind you, but that before she came to Earth she was very detached, and made a decision that discouraged other angels from disobeying orders, but didn't have enough in the way of empathy for Luzurial's motivation and her suffering.

When the order came down not to break Luzurial free there would have been a few in the old chain of command keen for others to know it wasn’t their order. I figured this degree of bad feeling would become known to some of the more well informed demons in Hell.

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I also like that the Duchess orgasms thinking about Luzurial's pain.  She might not have approved of Eparlegna's rampage, but torturing an archangel is torturing an archangel (especially one you've got a history with), and it's a very demonic-sounding reaction to have.

And that’s another reason Thanks! Glad you liked it, and, yes, perhaps her dislike of Luzurial has been bubbling away for a few billion years.

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Also, this amused me:

“If you strike Kizzy and return to me, I swear by all that I am that I shall be yours, in any way you desire, whether we live or die. I will give you protection from any further harm.”

She felt a little jolt deep inside and realized that the oath was binding under Hell’s laws. Still, she was sure Jude’s very soul could not survive his wielding a Void Blade. He’d never return.

That could go wrong in truly hilarious fashion, like if 75 years later...

Luzurial: And how did you meet your special mortal?

Duchess: I was contractually obligated.

Haha! Nice – now that’d be a hell of a New Year’s Eve party :p

As for whether it might come back to haunt her somewhat sooner, well, I was never much good at subtle foreshadowing. Heh.

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Finally:

The story of Luzurial ending up in the statue is told in my story Whore of Heaven. You, um, you probably don't want to read it.

I mean, it's gotten positive reviews from pretty much everyone who's read it, including me (it made me really sad, but that's hardly a criticism of it).  Readers just need to know what they're getting into in order to decide.

I’m grateful for all the reviews! The thing is rape,  torture, snuff, gynophagia, anal fisting, and that godawful cop humor are a very niche product. I’m fairly sure most readers here just want to see Draco and Harry have babies, or Hinata fucking everyone except whatshisface (or the same for whatever fandom/original subcatagory they’re in). So, yes, some readers might like and enjoy it, whether for the porn, the horror, or Eparlegna’s natty suit at the end, but I think probabably most wouldn’t. Also, with 9 reviews out of 10334 hits on AFF (Plus one or two by email when the old grey archive was around, and when I was on hentai foundry’s writer section) I do think it’s safer to say that the vast majority of readers probably weren’t that bothered.

So I put the info there like with the “See more Kizzy here!” in part 1, but unless I’m talking to someone who specifically likes those kinds of themes I don’t say “Go read this stuff!” about the violent porn. If that makes sense! If not, me rambling again. I do that.

Thanks again for your third review!

Edited March 11, 2019 by JayDee

[InBrightestDay]

9 hours ago, JayDee said:

From the Duchess’ point of view, scoring a kill against a Seraph would be great for her standing in Hell, but she also gets to make Shannon suffer by hurting her friend. That’s maybe even more important to her because Shannon left her service for Kizzy’s friendship. A lot of these arrogant demons are petty as fuck when I write ‘em

Actually, while there’s some level of pettiness to it, I don’t know that that’s all there is.  Kizzy is doing some real good here.  She’s in the process of redeeming a fallen angel in the form of Shannon, has likely kept Kate from harming any innocents, has headed a team that’s foiled or interfered with any number of schemes (as Sarsa could attest) and, in human form, has an additional effect that’s difficult to quantify.  Every person whose life she touches, everyone whose day she makes just a little bit better is someone who will find it just a little easier to choose Good over Evil.

Killing Kizurial isn’t just a spiteful punishment of Shannon; the Duchess is playing the Long Game.

And she’s petty as fuck.

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When the order came down not to break Luzurial free there would have been a few in the old chain of command keen for others to know it wasn’t their order. I figured this degree of bad feeling would become known to some of the more well informed demons in Hell.

Seems reasonable.  Agents of Heaven and Hell might interact from time to time on Earth (or elsewhere on the material plane) in ways other than outright combat (that would draw far too much attention), and information may pass back and forth if only by accident.  Succubi seem like a natural fit for this role, since their preferred tool, seduction, requires a keen understanding of how to communicate with and read people.

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I’m grateful for all the reviews! The thing is rape,  torture, snuff, gynophagia, anal fisting, and that godawful cop humor are a very niche product. I’m fairly sure most readers here just want to see Draco and Harry have babies, or Hinata fucking everyone except whatshisface (or the same for whatever fandom/original subcatagory they’re in). So, yes, some readers might like and enjoy it, whether for the porn, the horror, or Eparlegna’s natty suit at the end, but I think probabably most wouldn’t. Also, with 9 reviews out of 10334 hits on AFF (Plus one or two by email when the old grey archive was around, and when I was on hentai foundry’s writer section) I do think it’s safer to say that the vast majority of readers probably weren’t that bothered.

So I put the info there like with the “See more Kizzy here!” in part 1, but unless I’m talking to someone who specifically likes those kinds of themes I don’t say “Go read this stuff!” about the violent porn. If that makes sense! If not, me rambling again. I do that.

No, that makes perfect sense, and I actually misunderstood what you were saying in the Author’s Note.  See, I wasn’t saying you should write “Go read this stuff!”  What happened was that when I heard you say “You, um, you probably don’t want to read it,” I didn’t realize that was you saying “Warning: if you read, you may see this shit in your nightmares,” but instead thought it was you beating up on yourself as a writer again.

Edited March 1, 2019 by InBrightestDay

[JayDee]

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Actually, while there’s some level of pettiness to it, I don’t know that that’s all there is.  Kizzy is doing some real good here.  She’s in the process of redeeming a fallen angel in the form of Shannon, has likely kept Kate from harming any innocents, has headed a team that’s foiled or interfered with any number of schemes (as Sarsa could attest) and, in human form, has an additional effect that’s difficult to quantify.  Every person whose life she touches, everyone whose day she makes just a little bit better is someone who will find it just a little easier to choose Good over Evil.

Killing Kizurial isn’t just a spiteful punishment of Shannon; the Duchess is playing the Long Game.

And she’s petty as fuck.

Heh, well, that makes her sound a lot more dangerous! If only someone could find a way to keep her distracted from evil schemes…

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No, that makes perfect sense, and I actually misunderstood what you were saying in the Author’s Note.  See, I wasn’t saying you should write “Go read this stuff!”  What happened was that when I heard you say “You, um, you probably don’t want to read it,” I didn’t realize that was you saying “Warning: if you read, you may see this shit in your nightmares,” but instead thought it was you beating up on yourself as a writer again. 

It’s a fair assumption – I do it a lot! I guess my writing of the warning was so bad that it wasn’t clear. God, what an awful piece of trash writer I… etc etc 

I kid kid…

[JayDee]

Jude's Tale (original title Fate of a Fagottist)

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pippychick

There I am, looking through the archive, and I find you! Or... not You! but something else with Kizzy. You're making an entire universe here, and it's brilliant. I really do like Kizzy - she's very cool - and the first chapter made a great smile break out over my face, especially when she showed her power, and restraint.

Thanks you for the review! I appreciate the heck out of it. I’m really happy to hear you liked it. Definitely a bit of restraint – if I was her, I’d have wanted to slap him back, but that would probably have detached his jaw…

It’s weird, Kizzy and the others were just created as a throwaway oneshot to end up with the amusing-to-me reveal that one of them’s an angel, and then they kept coming back in story ideas… The continuity can be a bit flimsy and the characterisation varies, but I think Kizzy has mostly stayed the same. I guess one day I’ll have to do a sex scene with her. That could be a challenge. 

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Changing the pov for each chapter really works, and it adds layers and depth to the story. Jude is really well done, since we see his guilt over hitting Kizzy, and his seduction through his eyes. It becomes kind of difficult to blame him.

I pretty much had to change POV with part 2, but I gotta thank InBrightestDay for the inspiration to keep doing it! Someone gets manipulated like that, well, I guess it’ll come down to what his own conscience tells him…

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The sex was fantastic, and I really appreciated the taking of innocence and references to lack of technique, made up for by sheer enthusiasm. Those things make it very real, and increase our sympathy for Jude. The line about him being a musician was very evocative. Mmm...

Whoohoo! Been ages since I wrote sex that wasn’t just re-writing/touching up my old sex writing as part of a re-write, so it’s cool to hear it came across ok!

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That oath, though... why do I get the feeling that's going to backfire bigtime? Haha... I can't wait to see what happens next.

I’ll get the next part up next week! And I mean what could possibly go wrong with that spur of the moment “Buck up the troops!” promise? Surely the Duchess can’t lose! If he doesn’t strike Kizzy with the blade it doesn’t count, and if it does he shares her fate from which there’s no coming back! 

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As always, thank you for sharing with us

Thank you again for reviewing! You’re always very kind about my writing and I appreciate it.

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Oh, and I enjoy trying to see where the prompt words are, though I sometimes miss them because I get so caught up in reading, and your vocabulary is so varied that only the strangest ones ever stand out. Haslet... I kept thinking: it's a typo, and then I worried I was wrong and had been misspelling it all my life. Kind of a relief, that last author's note

Haslet’s the spelling I know, too, but I guess some of these prompts use archaic spellings and definitions so I just went with it. It actually did end up working better in that chapter than what I’ve now drafted for the next part.

These days the challenge for me is more working the prompts into a story I’ve semi-planned out, but I’m sure I’ll get some inspiration from them again sometime.

Thanks once again!

Edited March 11, 2019 by JayDee