JayDee's Review Reply Thread (Games)

[NecroNOMNOMicon]

Is it going to be... romance?

Not hardly.

I'll post it in the next half hour or so...

[NecroNOMNOMicon]

Okay, so it took a little (okay, a lot) longer than expected to post, but my version of the "Daisy Damp Delight" challenge is up.

Don't worry, it's a quick read; a drabble of precisely 100 words: http://cartoon.adult-fanfiction.org/story.php?no=600094733

[JayDee]

I actually find drabbles harder to write than the flashfics. Trying to do a drabble well is one of the toughest things for me. It's even tougher than haiku (Warning: Link: NSFW, death, gore, poetry)

I'll check it out though. S'nice to see the prompts get used - I did a story for the first 52 and then had to stop. Mostly because of PETA protests.

Edited May 24, 2015 by JayDee

[BronxWench]

No, seriously, you were awesome at the challenge prompts. You stuck it out through the Quarter of Amazingly Awful Words!

[JayDee]

I didn't suffer alone!

[BronxWench]

It was the fine tradition of protest via art, I tell you, and we protested our fingers off.

[JayDee]

Adduced

Callipygian

Embrangle

Embrocation

Frittle

Gallimaufry

Incondite

Invidious

Opprobrium

Paronomasia

Quidam

Sobriquet

Vilipend

...I wore out my finger flipping off the threads.

[BronxWench]

I still can't believe we managed all those. When we protest, we do a bang-up job! Or were those the poor characters in our fics? Oh, well...

[JayDee]

Yeah! We wouldn't give up! We didn't surrender!

And I still have a soft spot for the grouchy badger alchemist from the frittle story I did.

[NecroNOMNOMicon]

I actually find drabbles harder to write than the flashfics. Trying to do a drabble well is one of the toughest things for me. It's even tougher than haiku (Warning: Link: NSFW, death, gore, poetry)

I find haiku extremely difficult, and I'm never happy with my results. I like doing drabbles, and I'm usually happy with the results (even if no one else is),

[Blueblur21]

I read your Crushing Cassie Cage story, and while it was interesting, I kind of rolled my eyes at the generic fat guy being the bad guy AGAIN. Why do all fat guys have to be evil and repulsive?

If I had to pick a low point in the story, that would be the Splasher character.

[JayDee]

Thank you for your thoughts on the story. It's a good point, and I think it can probably be extended to my general over reliance on clichéd characters.

I did do a Family Guy story with notable Fat Guy Peter fuckin' Meg in which he wasn't as evil as most examples (though, seeing as he was fucking his daughter, still obviously a bad guy), but that was playing off the redneck incest gag in the show.

Maybe I should try and redress the balance and do a story with a big fat guy who's a much more decent, non evil and disgusting character in a story. Or would it be too little, too late?

Anyway, thanks again for your thoughts on it.

[Blueblur21]

No problem. It's not that you're a bad writer. You're good, but I just dislike stereotyping in general. I wonder what you will come up with next.

[JayDee]

Thanks again! I'm working on and off at some re-writes of around ten old stories I wrote as JD or JayDee before 2008/9 but don't currently have on the site. Before the Cassie story, No Mercy in Novac was also a re-write of one of my old ones.

Also trying to do some of the forum prompts! The meta-humour of "You!" seemed to go down quite well. I even avoided the obvious by not having the demon rape anybody

I see you like Skyrim, I haven't done a Skyrim story yet - I did one a couple for Oblivion and one for Morrowind though.

How about a Fat Dragonborn?

"I'll do anything to save all the people of Skyrim from the threat of dragons!"

"Wait, you'd even try to save Grelod the Kind?"

"Ah, I would, obviously, but there was a terrible accident and she died. Slipped and fell on an axe. The witnesses all swear blind I tried to pull it back out for her."

"Oh, well, to save Skyrim You've got to climb the Seven Thousand Steps to High Hrothgar."

"Fuck off."

...damn it, looks like I would end up in stereotype again. Huh. I really do rely on that shit

Edited July 15, 2015 by JayDee

[JayDee]

The Crushing of Cassie Cage has received an on-story review,

pippychick
I came across this when I did the sweep and only now came back to read properly and review. I don't know the game, so I don't know the character, but I'm glad in a way because I didn't feel all that much for her which made this at least a little easier to read. I'm a big fan of horror: this has lots of it, and it seems like every paragraph goes further than the one before. I can't fault your descriptive work - you made me see everything vividly, giving the same detailed attention to the torture as the body odour at the beginning. Years ago, a magazine here published a short story by Chuck Palahniuk that they claimed was the most horrifically gory story in existence. They were wrong. This, in my mind, has well and truly taken the crown. I am left feeling violated, disturbed and sick. Kudos!

I did notice a couple of lines that had errors in.

Here: Cassie Cage’s self-congratulation has been premature. She felt as if a red mist came down when Splasher called her ‘missy’ againagain.
And here, an extra 's': You are s so fucking wet!”

Thank you for sharing this.

First of all, thank you for pointing out those errors! I hate missing stuff like that, but just can't seem to help it, even with waiting for a while and re-reading before posting. I'll get them corrected

Second of all, thank you for the review over all! Yeah, a lot of it is on the torture porn side of horror, the hostel/wolf creek/saw type of thing. I'm glad that you appreciated the horror aspects and I'm pleased the description works! I'm sorry that it's left you feeling violated, hope it doesn't affect you too badly. I try and put in warnings to avoid people who might be triggered by my stuff continuing down.

I did a whole string of gory stories at one point, I think the goriest of the lot was the Firefly story I did, and the others working on re-writing and re-posting are from that period, but there's quite a bit of gore in Chuck Palahniuk's stories - I remember reading Guts from I think Haunted printed stand alone in something and thinking it was pretty extreme. .

I think the goriest thing I've read is either American Psycho from Brett Easton Ellis, or one of a couple of Clive Barker's stories, because his body horror is awesome.

[pippychick]

I'm sorry that it's left you feeling violated, hope it doesn't affect you too badly.

Ha! Of course I mean that in the best possible way - I like fiction that disturbs me. The violence is what caught my attention when I was passing through, and made me come back.

I will have to check out your Firefly story now, you have made me curious

Guts is the story I was thinking of, I believe - the kid who likes to hang around at the edge of the pool, right? Although to be fair that reminded me a bit of King's The Running Man. He has a good bit about intestines in there that was quite gory. It's been a long time since I read it, so I can't be sure exactly where it is (I think it's after he flies the plane into Killian's building), but the description stuck with me because he wrote the sensation of it really well.

I like Clive Barker too, though I do have to be in the mood for his recurring theme of worlds within worlds, within worlds. But again, he's very good at sensation, and he occasionally has these little bits of cruelty that I find rather more disturbing than mere gore.

And I'll stop right there before I go into full-on "Why horror?" mode.

[JayDee]

That's the one, the guy, the pool, the not entirely likely suction incident. I don't tend to watch a lot of horor films - I always preferred the really cheesy horror - but a well written story is great. I just use some of the horror elements to write porn sometimes. Like how Clive Barker sometimes uses porn elements to write horror (in Coldheart Canyon it was more 50/50, and there again, a world within a room!).

Thanks again foir your review and comments.

[JayDee]

The Crushing of Cassie Cage

archon

I read your original 'Crush' a while back and I enjoyed this as much! Keep up the good writing.

Hey, thanks for the review, and you're not the first person who read the original and read this version and enjoyed it - I think this version is better myself!

I'm 90% done on a re-write of one of my old stories to a Gilmore Girls story, but I'm not quite happy with how it flowing.

Edited September 11, 2015 by JayDee

[JayDee]

The Crushing of Cassie Cage

Drops_of_Evil

Very well-written and descriptive. I especially loved the details about Cassie's torture! She is one of my least favorite characters so I must admit that I truly enjoyed reading this.

Thank you for your review! I actually quite liked the character. Some of her intro interractions and her selfie fatality were pretty funny. Still, this was a re-write of my original that took a bit of time so it is nice to see people enjoying it and it does make it feel like salvaging the descriptions from my old stories I won't post anymore was worth it. Edited September 11, 2015 by JayDee

[JayDee]

It's been so long since I had time to write, I may have forgotten how.

Shokan Lust

Super_Harami

Love the story.

I have a huge hairy armpit and painful bondage fetish.

I have always been turned on by Shiva ever since I saw a hentai pic of her with hairy armpits.

I would love to see a reverse of this story with Shao Kahn turning on Shiva and ordering Sonya to punish her incredibly hairy pungent stinky armpits with all manner of pain. Sonya is crazy for those thick black bushes and feasts on them while Shiva helplessly screams in pain the whole time as she has her four muscular arms chianed above her head.

I am also open to other stories featuring this kinky fetish of mine.

Thanks.

S_H

Thanks for your review, I am glad you liked the story. Can't help you with the request, try making a thread in the challenges/requests section of the story, see if someone takes it up.

Suggested title, "What if Mortal Kombat took place in the 1970s or modern Portland, Oregon?"

[JayDee]

The Crushing of Cassie Cage one of the re-write-of-my-old-fic fics. Still got a couple of those re-writes on my to-do list, which, at this stage, is more of a wishful thinking list. I may add "Travel to Petra and pretend to be in an Indy movie" to it.

ANON

Disturbing, but very hot, great vocabulary it does increases the imersion in the story, keep up te good work

Thank you for your review! I figure if that kind of story isn't disturbing I either wasn't doing it right, or the reader is already a little disturbed. The story was set on a very hot day, which undoubtedly made the morbidly obese antagonist's bodily aroma somewhat more pungent than usual. I'd love to keep up any work at all, but I am ridiculously busy. Supposedly had a couple days off work and just spent them catching up on stuff that needed doing. But no doings that needed stuffing.

[JayDee]

Ending the Fan

Thank you for your review. I’m really happy to hear you liked this story and find it re-readable. I feel that this story and “Shokan Lust” are the two best things I ever wrote. Mostly by luck. It’s really nice of you to add a review. I remember planning out a prequel fic to explain how Moz got into the Imperial Prison Cell at the start of Oblivion, it was going to be called “Before She Was Shameless” but I never got around to it. I also had a oneshot based around the Staff of the Everscamp quest that I only ever got planned out. Definitely could have done more with the character, but at least Ending the Fan had a beginning and an end. Thanks again!

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TheGravekeeper

I have to say I've always loved your Ending the Fan series and especially Moz. To the point I go and re-read it all every so often and just worked up the nerve to say I think it's great and you're writing is amazing!

 

Edited August 7, 2017 by JayDee

[JayDee]

Taken by Surprise was one of three short request fics I did as thank yous a good while back, forgot to post for ages, and then finally remembered to post. Or something. It gets a little hazy tbh.

Thank you for your review! I appreciate it and I totally understand how the lore points not being quite right can harm immersion. Unfortunately with it being a topic I’m less knowlegable about I kind’ve had to ask the requester and the forum here for some points but obviously made a few errors anyway! Actually, I sometimes made stupid mistakes in fandoms I do know. Like the electric shock incident in Five Women. One Night. But thank you again I’m glad you got something out of it and thanks for further educating me on Drows.

 

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From Xeriph87 on October 09, 2017

I am happy to see Drow actually used in a story, they are probably my favorite fantasy race in their various incarnations. However a few things did bother me, though this mainly stems from my knowledge of the race.

1. Drow, like all elves, do not have body/pubic hair. It's not a huge deal, but it's something that takes me out of it.

2. No male Drow of any station would sexually assault a female Drow, if he did, his female superior would remove his genitals with a hot knife.

3. While it isn't unheard of for Drow to rape lesser beings, I'm not sure they would do so in such an open manner, or to a dwarf. A light elf, certainly, afterwards they would probably cut their heart out as a gift to the goddess.

4. Too short, I would have liked to see her raped a bit more, and by something other than fingers. Tentacles, Flayer cock, raped by thralls, something more to build excitement. He'll, I would have loved to see her trade sex for her life, only to be killed after anyway.

 

Other than those points, it works for me.

Edited October 11, 2017 by JayDee

[JayDee]

A review for the Undead Legions: A Homage to Deathstalker collection of vaguely connected zombie feeding frenzy oneshots I wrote set in DS’s zombie city (with permission!), and, hey, DS did a bunch of fantastic stories with the further adventures of my character Gogedheh from Five Women. One Night. so it evened out

Thank you for your review! I see I first loaded the story to AFF in 2011 and so it only took 7416 hits for someone to comment which is pretty good going for one of mine . I am afraid I don’t think I’m likely to continue writing that series, though I may do further zombie stories at some point outside of the Deathstalker city setting. I think DS is still writing them elsewhere on the internetnets so they might get onto Timesplitters sometime – bit of a blast from the past that, I remember Timesplitters 2 on the original Xbox like 15 years ago! I don’t think I played the others though, guess it’s probably due the whole HD reboot thing sometime.

Thank you again! I really appreciate the review.

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From Iceassassin25 on January 03, 2018
 

This is brutal but really well made and I hope you keep writing more stories on this site also will there be more of this story as I kind of want to see this story continue with more characters (it would be neat if you continue it and use a character from the timesplitters game series)

 

[JayDee]

Taken by Surprise got a review!

Thank you for this review, I liked getting the review very much also I appreciate it!

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From Elspeth_Despate on April 22, 2018
 

Very much liked this. Thank you.