JayDee's Review Reply Thread (Games)

[JayDee]

And two more reviews, bringing the total up to seven, for Shokan Lust

Theo

Normally I dont review stories. Makes me paranoid someone I know will find out im a complete degenerate.

But because this is probably the only story I have ever seen in which Sheeva is a woman and doesn't have a massive penis attached to her, i would like to offer support the the kind author.

I like the story a lot. Its quite enjoyable, although, personally I would like to see more focus on Sheeva then Sonya. I am, after all, a degenerate who is into 4 armed dragon ladies.

Someone else mentioned more detail in the sex scenes, and i tend to agree. But aside from that, i hope you keep up the good work.

The only real way you could make this story better for me (and I am, of course, just one man) would be to include something foot fetish related with Sheeva. Her feet are... Im into that.

That and more power. More dominance. More of Sheeva as the Master.

(Oh...and not killing Cage...Hes my favorite...)

Thank you for your review. What you can always do is, get a username with no connection to your real life, and then only log into AFF through a Firefox private browsing window. Then only your ISP will know of your lust for Shokan feet Seriously, though, us writers love feedback so thank you for reviewing!

That's another vote against the cock finale, I guess I will definitely have to see about writing two versions - one with cock, one with strap-on. I suspect there may be a rule against posting both versions to AFF (I remember the rules relating to stuff I do most often more clearly!), but I can always supply a link to an alt version!

I agree a lot of detail in sex scenes is desirable, I am trying for a good porn/plot balance, build up and anticipation as well as four armed fisting extravaganzas!. We'll see how that works out as it goes on!

More of Sheeva powerful and dominant and the master? I got that in the plan! See me and the requester got kind've a balance, I've always been a big Sheeva fan, they're a Sonya Blade expert. I figure the story will work best if I can get both characters in. Back to the hoping for best there, I think.

Feet: Here's the thing. Folks who like feet? Well, folks who like feet can read for hours on feet. Them as are not so bothered, well, they get bored quick. Since the requester hasn't indicated any specific foot fetish I wasn't gonna go do any, but if I find a moment where it might fit I could try and do a little foot focus. As I recall I had her give Stryker a bit of a footjob in my previous MK fic, but that had penis and so wouldn't appeal!

Cage: His destiny remains... un-chosen. Ish. Kind've favoring Death. I am JayDee...

But look on the bright side: The requester really doesn't like necro, so at least he can remain undefiled if he does die. For most writers this wouldn't be worth mentioning, but for JD!

DJ_Lucky_Duck_Fuck

dont usually sign in to the site to leave reviews, i like to stay hidden and direct things from the shadows like some eeeevil lesbian overlord lol, but i was gonna leave a review for witching hours too and i just wanna say before i do that, that a multi-part sheeva x sonya story is fucking great. i mean its happened before but its always had her as a futa, which, since im not attracted to penises, is not my thing at all. i like how its going so far, could have a little more attention to the sex but theres nothing wrong with it, but overall im enjoying it. ive been reading the reviews and ur responses to them, first of all ill say that im with theo on the foot thing, i loev me some f/f foot worship/sex! secondly, im saddened by the fact that it will become futa after chapter 8, because honestly how many several-chapters-long f/f stories nowadays are there that don't eventually devolve into futa? its fucking inescapable!!! but i do respect that this is a request fic and u made a comittement to somebody about it so i can accept that and just be thankful for the amazing gift of 7 chapters of f/f goodness. anyhways i like this a lot keep up the good work, and make that corruption of sonya sexy, delicious, and deep

Thank you for your review! Thanks to you also for decloaking and leaving a review. I've tossed my foot thoughts out to Theo above, and can only say the same really. I guess I spent too much time on plot and character thoughts for once, and not on the sex!

It's not exactly futa after chapter 8, it's chapter 8 is the last chapter and that's futa (unless I get a strap on alt written). But, hey, if I hadn't written Sheeva with a cock the requester wouldn't have requested a Sonya/Sheeva story! Thanks for your understanding over the request, and thanks for your support on the rest of the story!

And, since you're reading the replies, Hi! Thanks again!

And, one other bit of promo, I did do a couple other FF game flashfics if you want the no penis stuff -

Left 4 Dead 2: The Witch's Lust and Half-Life 2: Judith's Punishment

Short, but I think they came out quite well.

[Guest "Theo"]

More of Sheeva powerful and dominant and the master? I got that in the plan! See me and the requester got kind've a balance, I've always been a big Sheeva fan, they're a Sonya Blade expert. I figure the story will work best if I can get both characters in. Back to the hoping for best there, I think.

Feet: Here's the thing. Folks who like feet? Well, folks who like feet can read for hours on feet. Them as are not so bothered, well, they get bored quick. Since the requester hasn't indicated any specific foot fetish I wasn't gonna go do any, but if I find a moment where it might fit I could try and do a little foot focus. As I recall I had her give Stryker a bit of a footjob in my previous MK fic, but that had penis and so wouldn't appeal!

Cage: His destiny remains... un-chosen. Ish. Kind've favoring Death. I am JayDee...

But look on the bright side: The requester really doesn't like necro, so at least he can remain undefiled if he does die. For most writers this wouldn't be worth mentioning, but for JD!

"Theo" has found his way here.

Of course, i understand what you are saying. And i think its awesome that you actually respond to peoples reviews. Perhaps i will give your Stryker/Sheeva story a read, if only to see the footjob sceen. Though i expect i will enjoy the whole thing. The penis isnt a turn off, its just not my preference if i was offered a choice.

In regards to poor Cage, mayhaps he can survive if, oh i dont know, Mileena decides she wants him for a sex slave? Im not saying id read that story or anything, (I am saying that.) but Mileena is just delightfully insane, and would make a lovely master.

But enough of my not so subtle requests. Do keep up the good work. I believe im a new fan of yours.

[JayDee]

Hi Theo!

Thanks for visiting the thread here. There's a few authors here who do respond to reviews in forum threads, but it doesn't get quite the usage it could do - I only started reply threads myself in 2010. A bit of a missed opportunity, as writers and readers communicating through a forum seems like a good thing!

Not so much a footjob scene as a bit within about three paragraphs, but if you check it out I hope ya like it.

As for Mileena, well, it's clear she's in the story from the message Sheeva got at the end of part 2, but her role is planned differently I'm afraid. I'm sure everyone loves a Mileena blow job, though, it's that wonderful goofy smile of hers. Such a darling.

Can't promise anything about Cage. I might not even manage to write that far! S'a big project. Sorry on that, also. But, hey, he's died and come back in the games like, what, three times? Death isn't the end in the MK Universe, as Scorpion's famous self help guide "How To Bone Death" revealed.

I feel I ought to add a note of caution - while I am always happy to hear it, I've had a lot of folks say they're a new fan, and then read something other than the one story they'd read, and then I never hear from them again. Except possibly with a lot of cusswords. The thing is. I've written a lot of quite widely differing very-niche stuff, and the futa fans don't like the lesbian stuff, the violent fans don't like the WAFFy M/M stuff, the beast fans don't like the necro, and nobody likes the furry stuff. Not even furries.

Still, if you like Shokan Lust at least, it's all good and I hope I can live up to some of your hopes.

[Guest "Theo"]

Well, you cant blame me for trying, right? As you said, she has such a lovely smile, and Mileena Blow jobs are the best kind.

And, I know, its Mortal Kombat. People always come back, so im not too bothered by it anyway.

In regards to your caution, thats understandable. Thankfully, i read the tags, and know what i should and should not be reading. Just because i may not enjoy the content of one story doesnt mean i wouldnt enjoy the content of another you have written. And, for what its worth, i do like the furry stuff.

But really, i'll pester you no longer.

(P.S. I read the one with Sheeva and Striker, and did like it a lot. )

[JayDee]

Pester me all you like, it's all good. S'what the threads are for! I don't blame ya, I just figure I'll be honest as to the likelihood of it gettin' done that way!

A surprising amount of users don't read the tags. Is a shame. They do good job of warning.

Thanks, glad you liked the Sheeva/Stryker one too

[JayDee]

Another review for Shokan Lust, but before that, two things:

One, an artist was having a sale of cheap quick-produced commissioned so I commissioned a $30 Sonya/Sheeva Not Safe For Work picture which you can See here if you like. One or two minor technical issues, but otherwise pretty darn good.

Two, I discussed the whole foot fetish thing with Melora84, and won't be adding any to the story because it just doesn't do anything for 'em, and I'm trying to get the request to match what they like. Will also edit a couple bits out later.

Anyway, the review,

Mellow Tangelo

Looks like these bitches need a man to give'em a good dicking. Don't listen to any of these pretentious, deluded little dykes in the other reviews, no matter what she wants to believe every woman wants a man to fuck them, they're never going to be happy and satisfied without it. Next chapter, have one of the MK men come in and show that whore Sheeva her place. It doesn't matter which guy, any of them will do, even that wuss Stryker can automatically out-fuck both of them.

Thank you for your comment. I respectfully disagree with your opinions on lesbians, and think part of it may be against the site TOS on references to other users, although I can sort of understand where you're coming from as actually I'm pretty sure most men secretly want a man to fuck them, hence all the homophobia. Thanks for taking the time to share your thoughts, but I rather suspect the story won't be following a plot path you enjoy!

[JayDee]

And another review, thankfully less anti-FF

SailorNemesis

Chap3, very good! Sexy stuff. Hope to read more soon. With fisting. Hopefully Sheeva will make a good pet of Sonya.

Thank you for your review! Glad to hear you are still reading and enjoying it, yes, hoping Sonya will be a good and happy pet!

[Guest "Theo"]

I figured rather then cluttering your review page with multiple reviews from me, i would just say this here.

Chapter 3 was amazing. You are most definitely improving, and the story was already pretty awesome. The use of Sheevas very scent overpowering Sonya and turning her on was simply delightful.

Two, I discussed the whole foot fetish thing with Melora84, and won't be adding any to the story because it just doesn't do anything for 'em, and I'm trying to get the request to match what they like. Will also edit a couple bits out later.

Also, this is a bit disappointing, but if nothing else, thank you for trying. That was above the call of duty.

Oh well. Maybe next time.

Im excited for the next part. Keep up the good work.

[JayDee]

I didn't really do anything, I was well below any call! It's like I said before tho', those who like feet like 'em and those who don't just don't have that level of interest! I'm sure someone will cover that feet love somewhere

I never get enough reviews for my pages to feel cluttered, but obviously I can see comments here just as easily so go ahead and comment wherever is easier

Thanks for your further comments, I'm happy to hear you're still enjoy it, despite the whole "ankles up" point of view.

And another one on the page for Shokan Lust

Anon

This just keeps getting more and more delicious. Looking forward to the next part!

Thank you! Glad you liked it. Hopefully have part 4 done in about a week!

Edited July 4, 2014 by JayDee

[JayDee]

First draft of part 4 is done! Melora84 gave me some good pointers on how to improve the opening so I am gonna try and get that done and polish the rest and then it'll be posting time. Hopefully. This is a slightly bigger part, but then part 5 is kind've a one scene/two kinks part so it'll be shorter again.

Part 5 will have Mileena's first appearance, too, but isn't written yet. Heh.

[JayDee]

Review for Shokan Lust

Anon

You want my review that badly? Fine. I don't like anal stuff. Most women don't. Dildos are like cocks: they aren't the big main event that men think they are and that this chapter's making them out to be. Tongues, fingers, certain other toys, there are lots of other, more dextrous methods of pleasure that are much more enjoyable. I've even had a halfway skilled set of toes do more for me than half the dildos and three quarters of the dicks I've had before. Your writing is good but your narrative perspective seems less and less like the women you're writing. I like this story and I'm still reading it, but a large portion of this chapter is disappointing and does nothing for me.

I'd have just shut up and let you do your thing, but you wanted a review, so there it is. Sorry. Sometimes it's nicer for your readers to hold their tongues.

Thank you for your review, and please, don't apologise! There's no requirement for reviewers to be nice, just honest. (there's not really a requirement for honesty, either, though it's preferred!) I'm certainly not going to try to convince you that you should have loved the part, because obviously it was not to your taste, but I'd like to respond on one point:

Anal - There's no anal penetration in the part, unlike the male characters of Slash, there's no prostate to milk for the female characters, so the only anal penetration will be on a male character in the last part. The anus does have a similar amount of stimulatable nerve endings for both genders, though, and I hoped here the emphasis was more on Sheeva coercing Sonya into doing something like that; she doesn't get off from the rimming alone, but from Sonya also fingering her. It's a fair point that most women don't enjoy rimming, most men aren't that into it either I'm told, but I figure the same would be true of the main sexual warning of the story: It's a rapefic, with coercion. Anyway, this was the last bit of rimming planned so hopefully won't spoil future chapters for you

Thanks again for your feedback, and I hope the next chapter is more to your liking although in some ways the main kink there is perhaps just as niche.

Edited July 16, 2014 by JayDee

[JayDee]

Shokan Lust review

Nemo

Interesting story. I look forward to reading more, but I hope that Sheeva will give in and let Sonya use those thighs on some deserving victim soon (even if it isn't Kano).

Thanks for your review! She used the thighs in part 1 May use them in a later part, but I'm thinking it's more likely not to be, sorry. Kano is off enjoying Motaro's hospitality, I'm sure it's stretching his abilities.

Edited July 16, 2014 by JayDee

[JayDee]

Shokan Lust review

Anon

i like how sonya is getting proper trained in this chapter

Thank you for your review! If that's what it reads like I am happy to take credit for it being intentional

[JayDee]

Another Shokan Lust review!

Shokan Lust

Great chap 4! I appreciated the references to Sonya's body hair, stubble and dream muff. Would also enjoy Sheeva playing with Sonya's hairy armpit. Good sex scenes, I like the way Sonya is being trained. I hope all ends happily with this pair. Looking forward to next chap!

Thank you for your further review! I figured she'd be likely to be unshaven in the dream as it was something Sheeva only did to her fairly recently, as for the body hair, I think I said before it was quite likely given her time in the dungeon that there'd be some. I'm afraid there's very little chance of armpit play in this story, sorry. At least there was horny hardcore, hairbrushing in part 4.... just me then.

Hopefully won't be too long 'til the next part. I'm trying to write a short oneshot story before I do it though (certainly hoping it'll be shorter than the two-part original fic I did between parts 2 and 3!)

[JayDee]

I've had major problems finding time to write more for Shokan Lust, which is a shame because it's all planned out and ready to rock (and possibly also roll). In the meantime, another review:

Shortchannel

Liking this story a lot.

Thank you for your comment! I hope you continue to like it when I manage to get part 5 scrawled.

[JayDee]

Shokan Lust review

Some Guy

I like the story, I do hope you continue it! It's very hot, love the idea of Sonya getting high off Shokan pheromones and falling in love (?) Cool take on dub-con. Also Sheeva's hot as eff gurl

Thanks for your review - I too hope I continue it. I'm glad you find it hot - since it's porn an' all that's part of the point! - and the pheromone element. I would clarify though, it's not dub-con or meant to be any kind of take on it - it's rape. Sonya is held prisoner, coerced and effectively drugged into participation. There is no point in which she gives, or later, is able to give, full informed consent which makes everything portrayed rape.

I personally dislike the term dub-con because every time I see it, someone is using it to describe rape and not wanting to call it rape because rape is evil. Which it is. But the fact remains that despite the strenuous claims of the legal representatives of frat boys, intoxicating people to get them to fuck you is still rape. As is all the many other cases labelled "dub-con" where clear unequivocal consent for sexual activity is not obtained.

...mini rant over. Thank you again for your review, and apologies if my fundamentalist approach to terminology has caused you offence.

[JayDee]

Shokan Lust

Angel

oh I like this story a lot. I can't wait to see what else happens.

Thank you for your review, glad you're liking it. I've been totally run off my feet and maybe a little burned out but hoping to get part 5 done soon. I've finally made a start on it!

[JayDee]

Still not made any progress on part 5 of 'lust, have been busy as all heck and I started it but didn't like what I had. So back to the drawing board.

A second review for Struck Down and Sodomised, the latest in what is apparently a long, long line of Sheeva with a cock stories. At least based on the reviews for the non-cock story.

Churn

Absolutely loved this. Your writing style is perfect for Mortal Kombat fics. Sheeva is a character that was practically made for sex like this. Sheeva with a cock and balls just adds even more options. Enslavement is a big plus too. I hope to see more of this character from you (especially this well-endowed hermaphrodite version).

Thank you for this review also! The other MK story I'm writing, Shokan Lust, is hopefully ending as a prequel to this one, so when it is written part 8 could well have cock!Sheeva (unless I end up doing strap-on instead!) Really nice to get feedback on the story so thank you again.

[JayDee]

Shokan Lust

Anon

If you don't release the next chapter soon, I'm going to rip your spine out of your ass and then whip you with it.

That's an especially Mortal Kombat flavored statement. Very appropriate Unfortunately, I have no spine. Which is why I sit terrified whenever I post fanfiction that my door will be kicked down and I'll be dragged off for crimes against humanity. Sorry for all the delays, I'm not as expert on getting out multi-part fiction as some folks (Some might say my Black Cat story has been awaiting a final part for a few years... They wanna see the adventures of Boner, the ugliest security dog in the world) and I have just been so busy with real life stuff I haven't had the energy to write. This is the current status:

I started the first draft of part 5, stopped, threw it away. Re-wrote the complete part first draft last week. Sent it to the requester who made some very good points for how to improve it, so I need to implement them and then it ought to be good to go. Just time/energy again, I'm afraid. I sometimes think I should have held off posting any of the parts until it was all complete.

Thank you for your continued interest! I am dedicated to finishing this story even if I take a while, and at least with a planned ending after eight parts I have something to aim at.

[JayDee]

Shokan Lust

SailorNemesis

Good to see chap5. A few word errors. Not my favorite chap, mostly just gory, but I enjoyed seeing Sonya getting dommed. Looking forward to kicking (hopefully that refers to penetration with a foot) though your comment after that leaves me puzzled.

Hoping for more soon.

Thank you for your review! Sorry 'bout the errors, feel free to point to any specifically wrong, 'cos even with a couple drafts it's possible for me to overlook 'em Funnily enough, the first draft was less gory, but without the extra violence then, amongst other things, it didn't really emphasise Sonya's change over to the Outworld mindset enough. Getting off over a slapfest isn't the same as over Mileena taking that poor ol' palette swap apart. I'll give warning now, that as the story's planned there's a bit of violence in parts 6, 7 and 8 too so it might not be your cup of tea to continue!

I guess Mortal Kombat wasn't really known for having peaceful solutions to problems. Friendships don't count

Sorry for confusion over the comment - what I meant by was "There's kicking in part 5, and no foot focus. Am I evil?" - the kicking was in this part with Mileena kicking Hornbuckle, and Hornbuckle's flying kick back, so I was kind've jokingly apologising for the characters using their feet but in a non-sexual way, given the feet-requests in the reviews.

[JayDee]

Shokan Lust

archon

I haven't read a story by JD that I haven't enjoyed. This is no exception. Hope theres more coming soon. Keep up the good work.

Thank you for your review, glad that you're enjoying it - but really? I sure as hell have written stories I haven't enjoyed. Some of that shit was appalling. Ahh well, maybe you missed the worst! Thanks again!

[DemonGoddess]

I have to agree with archon. Some things, as you said, are appalling. But it's not the writing that is appalling, it's the subject matter. Despite that, I STILL read through because you're a good writer and make wonderful word pictures.

[BronxWench]

I have to agree with archon. Some things, as you said, are appalling. But it's not the writing that is appalling, it's the subject matter. Despite that, I STILL read through because you're a good writer and make wonderful word pictures.

Exactly how I feel, and quite frankly, I like having my own limits challenged, as you've done. I've surprised myself, and enjoyed your writing thoroughly at the same time, so it's a total win.

And besides, who else kept me company throughout that quarter of remarkably insane prompt words?

[JayDee]

Eh, that gallimaufry prompt wasn't too terrible - but, we had it rough in those weeks!

No, but seriously, content aside (and anything I did with Real Persons) 'cos the current story I'm on is too gory for some, and not gory enough for others (waaay less gory than the source game!) some of the writing in my old stories is appallingly weak in places, I went back through one of my older Mortal Kombat chapters before starting on my current multi-parter and it has bits that're clunky as fuck! Instead of word pictures, imagine an etch-a-sketch being used by a one handed gal on a roller coaster.

I'm not fishing for praise here with that comment - the shit I really can't stand I took down from everywhere I could. Like this one Dragon Ball Z request I did as a despite knowing nothing about the series. I assumed it was something like Pokemon. Apparently not. That was a steaming pile...

[JayDee]

Shokan Lust Part 6 has gone up, with only two parts and possibly an epilogue still to write!

Two new reviews:

Anon

I like most of the story, very sexy. I don't like the rape scene here. It's not as blatantly manipulative and unnecessary as most stories' rape scenes are, but a wise writer once told me that, when writing stories, rape is the clumsy hammer that a better writer casts aside in favor of more subtle tools. "Save the girl from rape" is a tired, unimaginative, trite, and honestly very offensive cliche in fanfiction, being used as a crude way of emotionally uniting two characters (the victim/almost-victim and the rescuer) when the writer lacks the creativity and skill to forge and prove that emotional bond through real means. And the fact that it's used so casually, that this vile and horrible act that scars the psyche is a thoughtless go-to device for fic writers...it's really disturbing. It's disappointing to see it here, because you're good enough to do better.

Thank you for your review - I was a little confused to start with, because all of the sex scenes are rape scenes, but I do get what you're driving at - the servant's attempt, rather than all of Sheeva's successes. I just had a look, and given how many examples there are on TV Tropes Attempted Rape page to the point of cliché, it's definitely fair to describe that part of the chapter as cliché.

I'd like to point out that including that section was my idea, and not part of the original request so Melora84 doesn't bear any of the responsibility for it being there. I would say, and this isn't a defence, but just a clarification of motivation, was that the aim wasn't about forging a bond between the characters, the whole "Rape is true love thing!". To my mind there isn't, can't be, a true bond (or true love) between them because of Sheeva's manipulation of Sonya. The aim of the scene when I suggested it was partly to get a shitload of blood over the place for Sonya and Sheeva to fuck in, to show Sheeva brutalising someone, and to emphasise Sonya's changes throughout the story. The obvious one being Sonya getting off on the violence and bloodshed that mark her as transitioned to Outworld, and seeing herself as Sonya's property/pet, the way Sheeva wants her to be. It's not love.

A threatened rape was probably the wrong way to go about it, though, especially with the context of all the other rape. I guess it was a little different in part one, when Sonya wasn't bound, so she could just kill the rapists herself rather than just severely injure a knee.

Thanks again for your review, it really made me think.

SailorNemesis

Enjoying the hotness. I like seeing Sonya pierced and tamed. Hoping for more fisting and domination.

Thank you for the review. Glad it was hot! The piercings actually increase sensitivity, so I guess that and aesthetic value were partly behind Sheeva's doing 'em. Not sure how much actual sex there will be in the next part, I want to include at least one scene though because, dammit, I'm a pornographer rather than an author. Fisting could feature.

Edited October 9, 2014 by JayDee