InBrightestDay

Sweet!  Glad this chapter didn’t drive you off in spite of its flaws.
That’s a fair criticism.  Originally, this was part of a larger segment, along with what is now Part Three.  As a result of breaking it off into its own section, this is now the shortest chapter in the story in terms of word count, and is only two scenes long.  I think where tension is concerned, the idea was that this might be tense for people who hadn’t read Whore of Heaven.  If you don’t know what Luzurial is, then even knowing about her regeneration from the hospital scene, you might expect the Gungnir to really hurt her (and it would have, had the bullets been inscribed properly), and her only getting bruised would be kind of a surprise.
The PPD aren’t really the antagonists of the story, and this was more of a misunderstanding and a way to show Chloe’s team in action.  Having said that, I’m sorry this wasn’t as fulfilling as it should have been.  The good news is that Part Three will be up on Monday and you’ll be able to see what this was originally attached to.
Chloe’s dialogue mentioned a gauss rifle (“That gauss rifle cut an apotheosis in half two weeks ago, Gibbs!”), and I figured Kevin knows what that weapon is, but it was definitely somewhat unfair of me to assume that from that, Kevin would have been able to deduce that it was an anti-armor gauss rifle.  Sorry about that.
As for knowing that it’s the real PPD, that’s ultimately more of a matter of trust than of actually knowing.  Of course, they would have known if I had remembered to have Chloe flash a badge.
Something tells me that emoticon is going to see a lot more use as people point out mistakes I really should have noticed...
Apotheosis means exactly what you described; they’re just not using it to refer to Luzurial.  From back in Part One:
Hobbs: “and then, of course, there was that hybrid thing two weeks ago.”
Chloe: “We call it an apotheosis, actually.  Serial killer made a pact with a demon, or an extradimensional hostile if you want to be more technical, resulting in enhanced strength and durability.”
So an apotheosis is a human granted preternatural powers by a demon (those two cops in Whore of Heaven, for instance).  Granted, they’re infernal powers rather than truly divine powers, but the term was as close as I could get.  No one is calling Luzurial an apotheosis, but rather Chloe is saying that if the Gungnir killed an apotheosis, it really should have done something more to her.
Again, thank you for the review, and for sticking with the story.  Hopefully the next chapter will be less annoying.

It’s a waaaaay better follow on than the heat death of the universe ending, so why not? Was pretty much my point of view. Gave me a chance to do some minor polishing on WoH anyway as well as the extended ending.
I don’t know shit about sniper ranges, and have a bit of blind spot with distances anyway, so I never even noticed anything was off while reading through!

YAY!  Lol.  I'm glad to hear that.  A teacher years ago once told me that good science fiction relied on the characters to tell the story, that the characters are the main focus and the setting is merely icing.  While I don't follow that principle entirely, I do tend to focus and develop characters more.
My apologies for making you feel old.  I'm also early thirties, and occasionally I feel like I'm so out of date that I'm in the stone age with people talking.  And honestly, I wouldn't feel stupid.  I doubt a lot of people know unless they A) are themselves, B) know someone who is or who knows someone, or C) are interested.  (I'm assuming there's a lot of tomatoes flying now...)
That was part of the reason I tried to include the description of it in there, although it does feel a little stiff, I admit.  Again, I hope I did justice to people.  And it was supposed to be a conversation of just normal every day thing there in order to portray the idea that sexuality in the time of Last Full Measure is immaterial in that no one cares who's sleeping with who.  Perhaps I should have explained a little more.  That is definitely a fault of the author.

Ahhh, fair enough. That makes sense too. Well, I’m glad to see a happier ending coming out of it, even if they journey won’t be easy (I don’t think it should be either, considering).

That’s actually not quite what I meant.  I think you might have read my Whore of Heaven reviews, and if you remember my Part Three review, then you’ll recall that when I read the story ten years ago, I got rather emotional and sad and felt incredibly bad for Luzurial.  I emailed JayDee and asked, basically, if I could write her a happy ending.
 I was aware that asking to do a happy ending to a dark torture/rape story would likely prompt some eye rolling, but I felt like it would make me feel a little better if there was some timeline, some completely non-canon chain of events where things got better for her.  That’s more what I meant by therapy.
Now I was not expecting that when I finally got around to writing the story and sent the first four or five chapters to JayDee, that the response would be “This is canon now, by the way.”
I absolutely understand (the Evil Government Agency is kind of annoying to me as well) and the majority of the PPD are good people.
By the way, my phone’s autocomplete now recognizes Luzurial’s name.  I didn’t think I was typing that many posts on my phone, but apparently...

I realize I’m not the original author, but I always saw the outfit as a result of Luzurial’s naivete concerning sexuality.  It’s not that she’s clueless about humanity in general (she’s not surprised by cars, guns, modern buildings, etc.) and she knows what sex is, but other stuff surrounding sex is kind of a blind spot for her.  Given that, she knows that she shouldn’t be seen naked by mortals, but doesn’t realize that covering up a little of herself, but not enough, just makes her look hotter.
That was my take on it, anyway.

Darn it, JayDee!  Now I’m going to have to completely rewrite Part Three!

Thank you so much!  I basically wrote this as a form of therapy, so hearing that other people are enjoying it is always wonderful.
If by tropey you mean cliched, well, I have been known to write like that from time to time, and I’m sorry about that.
In-universe, the reason for the “shoot first” approach is down to two things.
First, Chloe’s team is basically the PPD’s version of a SWAT team, so she assumes that if Hobbs gave her the assignment, then violence is called for.
Second, in this universe, the last time an extradimensional creature showed up, it had preternatural powers and killed millions of people, so some of the guns blazing approach is due to fear of a repeat performance.
Well, yes and no.  On the one hand, Chloe & Co. are genuinely good people, and what happened in this chapter was down to a misunderstanding.  On the other hand, the PPD is a law enforcement organization, and no law enforcement organization is free of corruption, especially when you’re dealing with something like demons…
You ready to hear a true but really dumb story?  I did research on what a long rifle shot would be, and originally that distance was way more than 200 meters, but then I realized that since all parties involved are on campus when this goes down, Gibbs probably wouldn’t be too far from his target, otherwise buildings and trees are going to get in the way.
Now this is where any reasonable author would cut the line entirely, but I, not thinking this through, just altered the range value and left it like that.
So yeah…
I’m updating weekly, so Part Three will be up on February 4.  You’re likely to run into more tropey stuff down the line, I’m afraid, but I do hope that the story continues to be enjoyable for you in spite of that!

Heh, tropes are there cause they work right? Sometimes dancing along trope lines works, because not using them just doesn’t make sense. And I get the form of therapy, I often write to vent and get all the shit out onto the page. Certainly helps.
When it comes to the assault team, don’t worry, I full well knew they were the Tactical Unit for the PPD from the introduction in the office. I am, fairly familiar with how organizations like this operate. Which is why I initially raised an eyebrow to the charging in method. But, it makes sense in this case, considering precedent. 
Guess I’m just tired of having these groups always painted as the villain as a whole. It seems, cheap.
As to the range thing. Heh, fair nuff. 
Looking forward to Part 3. I do believe, from what I’ve seen, that I will enjoy what continues to come out.

Don’t worry I won’t talk about the karaoke night where Luzurial stuns everyone with a pitch perfect rendition of Iron Maiden’s Hallowed be thy name. Or the issues when the IRS turn up to discuss 75 years of back taxes owed for “Being one of those busking statue guys.” Or when Kevin asks her why she keeps killing birds and shouting about “75 years of goddamn crap, you feathery bastards!” Or anything about a dimension hopping succubus.
Yeah I can see that the English Major version would possibly have proven less useful. If we assume that ‘evil born of Hell itself, and it's coming back’ from the summary comes back, being able to dash in and correct grammatical errors or quote a bit of Maya Angelou would perhaps prove less helpful than the whole applied theology gig. Especially as said evil might be quite happy about caged birds being unable to sing and cheerfully ready to give an example.
And to be fair, NPC path finding and combat has come on a bit since those- wait, nevermind, you didn’t take the computer game route. And absolutely, champions are often known for their band of true companions anyway. No doubt a big guy did some kind of heroic sacrifice just beforehand, and the champions’s old mentor probably died too, still kvetching about the mess the bad guy made.
“It wasn’t the high five that got you sent to Hell. It was the ‘Down low… too slow!’ you followed it up with.”
Another good thing that Calista was there to point out Luzurial couldn’t be a demon, because you’d be getting really bowel looseningly nervous if it was a demon, you know the aftermath of Whore of Heven, and both weapons hadn’t worked. Luckily no urgent extra request for brown uniform pants needed.

Thank you!  The age thing is partly my own religious beliefs and partly due to the mixture used in the story mine is a sequel to.  In JayDee’s story, there are references to the past that imply a literal reading of Genesis (the Tower of Babel is mentioned, as is the Flood), but there are also references to a scientific cosmology (the heat death of the universe is implied), so I tried to keep that up.  This lead to me using the scientific age of the universe (13.8 billion years) and then accounting for the fact that Luzurial (and therefore the rest of the angelic host) is stated to be older than spacetime, so I gave her an extra 200 million years, though as she says, it was difficult to count years back then.
Thanks again for the review!

Well, Part Two is up, and we have new reviews!
 

Fixed!  I swear, that’s what I get for posting the chapter as soon as I rolled out of bed.
To respond to something you said elsewhere, you needn’t worry; your “spoiler” reviews are not too spoilery.  If they were spoiling future chapters, then we’d have to talk.
The funny thing is that she was originally supposed to be an English major, and then I realized that I had to introduce this whole new theology/magic hybrid discipline, and it would make things a lot easier to just have her majoring in that.  It also gave her a reason to get involved in the stuff that happens later on.
Well, you said a human champion bested him and his followers, but you never said the champion couldn’t have help!
Yeah, I kind of chuckled at the idea of her doing that, since for the moment everyone is still treating Luzurial as just another person.  Had she been introduced to her as the Archangel Luzurial, Calista never would have done anything like that.
The fourteen billion exchange was one of my favorite things to write, especially Kevin’s “Billion?  Like...with a B?”  And yeah, I thought it was kind of cool to play up just how old an angel would be in a universe that is as old as science tells us this one is.
In these early chapters, I tried to write Chloe as someone who is both highly skilled and a little nervous, though the longer the story goes on the more she adjusts to the insanity going on here.  Her shooting Luzurial mid-sentence, in particular, is a mix of trying to save the world...and nerves.  This extradimensional being, which she still thinks may be dangerous, just started moving toward her, after all.  I also kind of chuckled when I wrote Luzurial’s reaction.  If a .49 caliber hypersonic round didn’t do more than bruise her, then a 9mm handgun round isn’t going to do anything.  The “Ow” is more out of a slight annoyance than any actual pain.

Thank you!  The age thing is partly my own religious beliefs and partly due to the mixture used in the story mine is a sequel to.  In JayDee’s story, there are references to the past that imply a literal reading of Genesis (the Tower of Babel is mentioned, as is the Flood), but there are also references to a scientific cosmology (the heat death of the universe is implied), so I tried to keep that up.  This lead to me using the scientific age of the universe (13.8 billion years) and then accounting for the fact that Luzurial (and therefore the rest of the angelic host) is stated to be older than spacetime, so I gave her an extra 200 million years, though as she says, it was difficult to count years back then.
Thanks again for the review!

Rock hard, even.
Yeah, it is actually rather interesting.  Greek art tends toward the ideal (the sculptures aren’t necessarily what the human body is but perhaps what it should be), and yet their deities display all the flaws of humanity.  It’s a neat idea.
Not sure if I like that joke.  You might have laid an egg there.
And of course there’s how he got Danae pregnant with Perseus.  Zeus came to her in the form of a shower of gold...and many laughs were had in my high school literature class.
Greece: writing adult fanfiction long before the internet.

A Song Of Forgotten Beauty – I said recently I’d loved to write a sex scene with a winged character that wasn’t Spyro. I must have forgotten this one. I just read through it again and noticed a couple bad typos/errors I’ll probably polish, but apart from that I feel quite happy with it. So I don’t always put my own writing down!
Certainly feathery! I have the story Harvest Mouse under original with a full on MM furry fuck (you don’t want to read it), but this probably is in the same ball park.
Thank you for this review! It was cool to get it and actually unexpected.
I actually read chunks of Hesiod’s stuff at school, what, 20 years ago now. We went through a lot of other old Greek and Roman stuff too (Tragedies, Comedies, Histories, poems… Thucydides’ History of the Peloponnesian War had some good bits!), I really loved that material although I was never that great at Latin or Greek, and it’s rusted away almost entirely now. So, yeah, I double checked the early references and basically made the summary as a reference to how the Romans especially thought they had horrific features.
So far as fanfic goes – I’ve been really wanting to do a story with Medusa, Stheno and Euryale for years and never even got around to properly planning it. It wouldn’t be incest! But folks would be getting hard. Rimshot.
Would you say no to Zeus? That’s a good way to get yourself doing something inventive down in Tartarus. I think it probably depends on the monster. Some of the ones sent by gods probably did not like it, whereas those sea snakes sent by Athena to fuck up Laocoön and his sons might have had a great time. We may never know. Absolutely some dickish behavior though. Although in a way that’s quite endearing about them too, because the Greeks were happy to have Gods that were basically people, but more so.
Yeah, he stuffed those birds! Ahem, yes, thanks! I’m glad it was alright. Wanted a touch of erotica at least.
It’s totally within the genre! I mean these harpies just have bird-like features. Leda straight up fucked a swan and had two human kids. Ok, the swan was Zeus in disguise but even so… Basically, the Greeks didn’t have something beautiful in a myth if someone wasn’t gonna stick their junk in it, and have a kid. The trouble Jason had getting jizz out of the fleece… 
Thank you again for the review – I really appreciate it.

Great that you liked the story. It is not like each review need to be certain length to valuable. It means a lot for me that you liked it.

English is indeed a second language for me, but some of the language mistakes can probably be attributed to lack of sleep. It is damn hard work to improve the language during later editing, but sometimes the alternative is not to write at all if I skip the late writing sessions.

Speaking of other of my stories…considering what you have written in other reviews there are some of stories you should stay clear of...for instance I really doubt you would like Tales of Deception that is brutal enough that I got actual flame from a reader that did not read the story codes. My story Carmen Elisa Need to Die is also not meant to be a feel good story, the lead character is not a nice person by any measurement. On the other hand I have written a number of stories where the heroes prevail in the end so if you are looking for stories with an upbeat ending there are worse authors. Feel free to drop me an PM if you hesitate about if reading any of my stories and need input on how to understand story codes (single scene or something recurring) and if the story ends upbeat or depressing. 

I don't think I've had this many reviews in a long, long, long time...  The shelves are definitely getting a good wax for shine...  Another from @InBrightestDayon Last Full Measure.
From InBrightestDay on January 27, 2019
 
Chapter 3
It's nice to get to meet more of the characters, Tirsa in this case.  I see what you meant when you said you didn't want her to apear too interested in Celeste, given that we learn here that she has issues forming successful relationships with anybody.
I also wonder how truthful she was being with Ingvild about Mars.  She says she has nightmares, but she also mentioned earlier in the chapter that she had never felt more alive than when she was in combat.  These two things aren't necessarily contradictory, but it provides an intriguing ambiguity about the character.
Finally, we learn that, assuming I'm understanding the ranking system correctly, Celeste's ex is now going to be her commanding officer.  That's...going to suck.
We also learn some kind of unsettling stuff about the Rebels, like how they don't do the whole "prisoner" thing.  It makes me wonder about the nature of the conflict and how we got to this state between the two sides.
At any rate, I'm interested in seeing what happens when they finally get to Alpha Centauri!
 
It's nice to get to meet more of the characters, Tirsa in this case.  I see what you meant when you said you didn't want her to apear too interested in Celeste, given that we learn here that she has issues forming successful relationships with anybody.
My stylistic approaches have varied depending on what I'm writing and how I'm going about it.  Usually, I'll throw a few together (three or four) and introduce them at an even pace (or try...).  Similar to how I've come with the MCs here.  Although this one is kind of different in that it is a slower intro.
As for her lack of forming relationships, there is a reason for that in Chapter 4 (which, hopefully, is a good written character development...  I have a tendency to push myself, writing characters and situations expanding my own ability and trying to open other people up to them...)
I also wonder how truthful she was being with Ingvild about Mars.  She says she has nightmares, but she also mentioned earlier in the chapter that she had never felt more alive than when she was in combat.  These two things aren't necessarily contradictory, but it provides an intriguing ambiguity about the character.
I never meant for them to be contradictory, so that's good.  And it's good there's a little ambiguity there.  As for lying...  Well, that I'd like to leave to the reader.  Is she lying because she's an alcoholic?  Is she being honest and has almost a split reaction to combat?
Finally, we learn that, assuming I'm understanding the ranking system correctly, Celeste's ex is now going to be her commanding officer.  That's...going to suck.
In a word...  Most certainly.
And you understand correctly.  Adara is the platoon's second in command (2IC) as Warrant Officer, subordinate only to Hamilton.  Celeste, as Sergeant Major, is third in command (3IC).  Perhaps I should have put some of the jargon in an A/N.
We also learn some kind of unsettling stuff about the Rebels, like how they don't do the whole "prisoner" thing.  It makes me wonder about the nature of the conflict and how we got to this state between the two sides.
I do hope to include some of the backstory regarding the Rebel and United Earth conflict in some of the coming chapters (well, coming in terms of writing...).  I feel that it will help to worldbuild (history build?) with regards to the United Earth and her colonies.  So hopefully that turns out just as well as I hope it will.
At any rate, I'm interested in seeing what happens when they finally get to Alpha Centauri!
There are a few more chapters to go before that happens and I hope they don't get too boring and turn you away.  And when they do get to Alpha Centauri, I hope it doesn't disappoint with the build up.
Thanks for your review!

Part Two is up!

From InBrightestDay on January 27, 2019
 
I like this one.  I expected something kind of sad or emotional, but there's a surprising amount of humor to it, especially the entire Hitler bit, which makes me wonder if the teen with the Word above his head comes from some alternate timeline or if it's just an effect of being outside the stable bubble. (Whichever you consider funnier. She’s saying don’t be a monster. What he’s hearing is don’t be successful.)
I also like the way you describe Tinarah's mental illness.  It's not that she feels sad, it's that doesn't feel anything, which is its own kind of horror. (It’s mostly from personal experience…. I very nearly didn’t survive highschool. Anxiety and depression fed on one another till it was unbearable.My parents caught me before I contemplated the unthinkable)
The one thing I would criticize is that sometimes the way the lines are broken up creates doubt about their implication.  As an example, this part here...
...is easy enough to figure out.  The top line, the quote is what she is reluctantly admitting.  The problem is that because of that format, this line...
...is now harder to understand.  Did she angrily shout that she's nothing, or did she say calmly that she's nothing (there's a period there, after all, rather than an exclamation point) and then just yell wordlessly?  I can't really tell because of the way the story's lines are broken up.
That criticism aside, I did still enjoy the story, both the banter between the two characters and the implications of a much wider story outside of this one.
Thank you I’ll fix it for clarity.

I posted the first chapter back on Monday, but better late than never!
Author: InBrightestDay
Title: The Woman in the Statue
Summary: Kevin's never liked that creepy statue in the park. It's sad, it's disturbing and, as he finds out one day, it's not a statue at all. The woman he finds inside is enigmatic, beautiful...and hurt in ways far beyond the physical. Taking her home, Kevin attempts to help her recover, but she's not the only thing to return from the past. 75 years earlier, Los Angeles was visited by an evil born of Hell itself, and it's coming back.
Feedback: Reviews and constructive criticism very much appreciated!  The silence is more nerve-wracking than I thought it would be.
Fandom: Original>Paranormal/Supernatural
Warnings: Angst Contro H/C Humil MCD MF MiCD OC Oral Rape Tent Tort Violence
Solo or chaptered story: Chaptered
URL: http://original.adult-fanfiction.org/story.php?no=600109227
Review Reply thread: http://www2.adult-fanfiction.org/forum/topic/67631-inbrightestdays-originals-review-reply-discussion-thread/
Thanks for reading!

Funny you should say that, because there’s another illustration that made me think “Kids today, always throwing their trash in my pond...”
I keep forgetting how many words are actually innuendos.
That’s really all you can do.  As I mentioned a page or two ago, some scenes just come together in my head, while others require me to stare at a blank word processor for quite some time.
I thought you’d be out of those by now.  Do you just have a big “Old Guro Stories” folder on your PC?

The first one’s pissed because somone threw a skull in her pond after she did her spring clean
“Does a bear shit in the woods?”
“...take your MM scatfic back to AFF.”
I’ve managed a couple thousand words so far on a walks into a bar story. Kizzy’s not there; she’s helping at a homeless outreach project instead. Meanwhile at the bar, some bad guys showed up.
Dunno if I’ll finish it. Just trying to write more, really. Sit down for a time and try and write something. Maybe I’d be better concentrating on one of my few remaining gorefest re-writes from 2007. Something I could finish at least!

She’s netted a few creepy illustrations too.
I now kind of want to see this in a story.  Maybe the same one where Kizzy & Co. end up after a mission (which I guess would make it “a seraph, a succubus, a vampire and a werewolf walk into a pub”)
It could actually work pretty well right now.  Given the government shutdown, there are people literally pooping in the woods in some of our national parks.

Jenny From The Pond because if there’s one thing JayDee likes it’s malevolent water beasties. Hence that half-assed request that led to Pippychick’s brilliant story The Price, available right here on this very archive. It’s also notable as one of only two stories I loaded on fanfiction.net (as Kizurial, since JD and variants were taken.)
Thank you for this review! Another case where I always thought another review unlikely. I think it may have been decided that if AFF had a seperate Oral History subdomain section users would end up confused. And thirsty. I guess when your sole reason for existing is to be a warning against getting close enough to water to drown you’re gonna be one creepy water critter. She probably just has a ham, egg, and chips at a riverside pub these days.
Thank you! It was always a bit of a challenge to tell a story of some sort in 1000 word limit. There’s definitely a few of them that could have done with more time in the telling. This one sort of boils down to Zach arrives, gets a look at British Teeth, and flees.
I mean, it was her favorite rock… Heh, I ought to revisit him someday in another humorous misunderstanding. Perhaps around a wolf in some sort of park back in America. 
I probably was referencing that – I think I’d boned up on her before writing it, but equally it might just be concid… nah, screw it, I’m taking credit.
Thanks again for your review, I ‘preciate it.

I’m sure it’s right. I mean, I can’t count past 10 without taking my shoes off so I take your word for it. Thanks for putting the thought in!