InBrightestDay

And a review from @InBrightestDay on Last Full Measure.  <fold into fetal (not curl, but fold, a feat to say the least> So much attention...  SO MUCH ATTENTION!

From InBrightestDay on March 16, 2019
Well holy crap!  Things just seriously escalated.  I know you've said this story was influenced by Aliens, but this chapter has me wondering just how much.
At first, I was actually thinking more along the lines of Predator, what with the soldiers goodnaturedly giving each other shit on the helicopter/dropship, but that stopped when we reached the colony.  The massacre and the terrified rebel survivor really make me wonder whether this was done by humans at all.  Did an attempt at a new rebel tactic go hideously wrong, resulting in something more like Reavers?  Hecatoncheires is a terrestrial planet in the habitable zone, so does it have indigenous life, perhaps something really nasty that the soldiers on the base didn't know about?  Or, after humanity has spent so much time warring with itself, did something come from outsidehuman space in ships of its own?
Things to think about for sure.
I did catch one little typo:
“Sergeant Major, we’ve reached thearmoured depot,” the voice of Private First Class Sam Dennis stated through her headset.
Given that the building is full of tanks and an APC, I'm assuming that was meant to be "armour depot"
Also, this seemed a bit odd.
“A rebel?” Sam asked.
“Not all rebels are hideous monsters of fairy tales, Sam,” Tirsa stated bluntly.
In the previous chapter, Sam was the one saying she admired the rebels for their focus and determination, as well as admiring their goal of independence.  Maybe she's thinking of them as monsters right now because of what she's just seen, but it still felt a little strange.
All in all, though, this was a serious game-changer and I am eagerly looking forward to the next chapter!
***
Well holy crap!  Things just seriously escalated.  I know you've said this story was influenced by Aliens, but this chapter has me wondering just how much.
At first, I was actually thinking more along the lines of Predator, what with the soldiers goodnaturedly giving each other shit on the helicopter/dropship, but that stopped when we reached the colony. 
Lol.  There are several inspirations.  Lol.  Aliens is probably the most notable.  But Predator, too, and the game series Mass Effect, Star Trek, Star Wars, Battle of Castle Itter, Battle of Rorke's Drift, the Battle of Vienna...  The battle of me rambling onwards...  lol.
I wanted the good natured banter in there to keep showing the unit cohesion and the fact that they've mostly been together a while.  I do hope it came through. 
The massacre and the terrified rebel survivor really make me wonder whether this was done by humans at all.  Did an attempt at a new rebel tactic go hideously wrong, resulting in something more like Reavers?  Hecatoncheires is a terrestrial planet in the habitable zone, so does it have indigenous life, perhaps something really nasty that the soldiers on the base didn't know about?  Or, after humanity has spent so much time warring with itself, did something come from outsidehuman space in ships of its own?
I struggled with what and how much to show when they dropped to keep suspense and tension growing.  Based on the questions, I'd say went quite well.  But I can't give away too much.  Lol.
Oops, spelling.  Although I might have that as routine...  may have to double check.  
And with Sam...  Um...  I think I originally had it as someone else, then cut that back to avoid too many characters in that kitchen and gave Sam the line.  Oops, again.
All in all, though, this was a serious game-changer and I am eagerly looking forward to the next chapter!
YAY!!!  Great to hear and I'm glad to keep your interest piqued.
 
 

A Big Girl's Bad End is a crime against all that is good and right in this world. It’s offensive to all right thinking people and quite a few degenerate scum.
Thank you for your review. I appreciate all reviews! I am sorry however that you subjected yourself to this trash. I mean I’m sorry for you because even re-reading what I wrote 10-11 years ago was hard going so how it went for yourslf… eessh. Two more scrolls down and you’d ave reached the WAFFiest story I’ve done in the last year which was Twinpregnation, also a re-write, but which which has one of the happiest endings I ever wrote. It even has representation for that often bashed group, the ginger male. No tentacles though.
Sadly I do know exactly how morbid curioisity works. I figured the ‘scroll by’ warning might even cause some, but sort of hoped the bold message inside would help dissuade it, but anyone who doesn’t gets to see the very rich treating the less well off horrifically, which could almost be satire. But is really just crap.
The Van Dijk family first appeared in one of my old, almost as bad, stories in the form of Michael who got a reference there. For the other names I wanted something that felt realistic but also wasn’t likely to come up on someone else searching their name. So Gertie and Abe are kinda old fashioned anyway, and Stott is a fairly rare surname and together they don’t bring up a load of living folks. I’m  glad you found some good lines in there to lessen the horror. That ‘Cadence’s vocabulary’ line was one that occured to me while I was doing the re-write and I just thought screw it and threw it in. I could see the horrible badly educated rapists thinking “what the hell does corpulent mean?”
No BBW rubbed me the wrong way. Literally none of the nasty shit I’ve written has been because I hate folks or think they deserve to suffer or whatever. Part of it was just dealing with the shit ideas my lamia muse hissed at me by writing them down, part of it was wanting some validation by writing the nasty requests and hoping for feedback, and probably other motivations, but nothing to do with hating characters – a lot of the nastiest request shit I wrote I didn’t have a clue who the characters were, but the writing motivation was there so I went on and did it and I guess hoped for some kind of validation in their reviews. For this one – ‘bout 10/11 years ago the author Deathstalker had his own little forum and there was a prompt/challenge thing where a couple writers could set each other a character to write something horrible about. For this one I suggested the witch/sea goddess from the Pirates of the Carribean because I thought it could be a tough challenge (it never got written in the end), and in return Soemele gave the suggestion of some plus size actress I’d never heard of or seen in anything. The original version I wrote therefore had her name and appearence but not a lot else to connect to her, and I changed a bunch of the details to create Gertie. I think it was the last proper RPF story I wrote before deciding I wouldn’t do anymore, which is why it never got posted anywhere except briefly at DS’s forum. There’s a credit at the start for Soemele suggesting a plus size character which is literally all I got from ‘em for it. I seem to recall they didn’t like how it turned out anyway, but I may be misremembering and would happily take a correction from anyone there who remembered better.
Oh, and for incest being practiced easily Twingpregnation :p
Thank you! Anger and disgust seem like legitimate responses! I don’t even respect myself though… The ending was only implied in my first version but going back over it for the re-write I thought it would be very slightly more balanced to let him have a moment in the sun. It’s not really Cadence going for equal opportunity cruelty because it’s a lot faster than Gertie got, but it’s a step that way.
I’d disagree on one point… it’s graphic, shameful, snuff I’d much rather be the kind of author who only ever put out happy fun time stories like Fucking Halloween Party or You! but I have this kind of horror show bullshit that comes out sometimes. I suck, I think! But you’re awesome for leaving a review (and in general!) and I’d like to thank you again.
When toplessrobot’s old fanfiction friday reviewed my old Star Wars story “You Can Take the Boy Out of the Moisture Farm…” in 2008 one of the tags used at the bottom of the review was (and is!) "Things That Make Me Drink".
It seems to be a shared and understandable reaction.
Thanks again, and I really am sorry you put yourself through it.

Thank you tcr!
Wow… I have reminded someone of Stephen King. I have now reached the pinnacle of my powers, lol. Chuffed to bits about that, especially since I do love Thinner. It’s a great horror story.
Aww… no dogs were hurt in the writing of this story.
I’m glad that the relationship with Liz came through, and that you saw that echo in the  beginning and the end. Thanks again!
 

@pippychick returns to review Part Six!
Thank you!  The torture and mocking line about her going back to Heaven was indeed meant to call back to WoH (even to a specific line of Eparlegna’s), as were the students set up like an audience.  When the barrier draws back in WoH, there’s a line about how some of the corpses are posed in grotesque parodies of life, which is what I was going for with the lecture hall.
Is it possible to catch diabetes from sheer cuteness?  Because if it is, then baby sloth compilations on Youtube have to be the leading cause.  Having said that, the Wrath creature was definitely meant to be as physically intimidating as possible.  I think the image I initially had was of a skinless, eyeless polar bear, but then I saw this picture that managed to make Megatherium look unintentionally terrifying, and I realized that if you took the long, curving claws that sloths have and attached them to something really aggressive, they’re suddenly not so cute anymore…
I’m also really glad you liked the way it’s defeated.  I couldn’t think of anything as clever as the way Abdul and Calista blow up the Charnel Spider, but thought that since anger is often self-defeating, maybe there was a way for the monster to kill itself, and that even if Kevin was absolutely terrified, he could still have enough presence of mind to make the knock-out-the-pillars plan work.
What’s upsetting her isn’t really what happened in the lecture hall; it’s what happened 75 years earlier.  She knows she let Eparlegna rape her again to save Kevin from being skinned alive, but a combination of the experience and the fact that Kevin saw it means that she feels that he now knows what she “did” back in Whore of Heaven, and this has to do with her sense of self-worth and the damage inflicted to it by the torture and rapes she suffered back then.
You noted that she feels more human during the car scene.  To some extent, I tend to write her more human from time to time because of the moments in WoH that I really liked, where we learned that Luzurial is actually very relatable in spite of being an archangel (very human, in other words)  I try to balance that with her immortality and superhuman nature, but sometimes I lean too far one way or the other.
Partly, though, I think her coming across as more human here is because of the emotionally vulnerable state she’s in at this moment.  If I may quote an earlier post of mine in this thread, Luzurial is...
So her sexual experience is a spot in which she is emotionally vulnerable, and I think she reads as more human in this scene because of that vulnerability.
Once again, thank you so much for the review! 

@pippychick returns to review Part Six!
Thank you!  The torture and mocking line about her going back to Heaven was indeed meant to call back to WoH (even to a specific line of Eparlegna’s), as were the students set up like an audience.  When the barrier draws back in WoH, there’s a line about how some of the corpses are posed in grotesque parodies of life, which is what I was going for with the lecture hall.
Is it possible to catch diabetes from sheer cuteness?  Because if it is, then baby sloth compilations on Youtube have to be the leading cause.  Having said that, the Wrath creature was definitely meant to be as physically intimidating as possible.  I think the image I initially had was of a skinless, eyeless polar bear, but then I saw this picture that managed to make Megatherium look unintentionally terrifying, and I realized that if you took the long, curving claws that sloths have and attached them to something really aggressive, they’re suddenly not so cute anymore…
I’m also really glad you liked the way it’s defeated.  I couldn’t think of anything as clever as the way Abdul and Calista blow up the Charnel Spider, but thought that since anger is often self-defeating, maybe there was a way for the monster to kill itself, and that even if Kevin was absolutely terrified, he could still have enough presence of mind to make the knock-out-the-pillars plan work.
What’s upsetting her isn’t really what happened in the lecture hall; it’s what happened 75 years earlier.  She knows she let Eparlegna rape her again to save Kevin from being skinned alive, but a combination of the experience and the fact that Kevin saw it means that she feels that he now knows what she “did” back in Whore of Heaven, and this has to do with her sense of self-worth and the damage inflicted to it by the torture and rapes she suffered back then.
You noted that she feels more human during the car scene.  To some extent, I tend to write her more human from time to time because of the moments in WoH that I really liked, where we learned that Luzurial is actually very relatable in spite of being an archangel (very human, in other words)  I try to balance that with her immortality and superhuman nature, but sometimes I lean too far one way or the other.
Partly, though, I think her coming across as more human here is because of the emotionally vulnerable state she’s in at this moment.  If I may quote an earlier post of mine in this thread, Luzurial is...
So her sexual experience is a spot in which she is emotionally vulnerable, and I think she reads as more human in this scene because of that vulnerability.
Once again, thank you so much for the review! 

In fairness to said instructors, wars are such complex things that you could probably spend an entire semester just discussing one of them, and usually a class has to cover centuries worth of history, so I can see why they tend to simplify things.
I imagine, then, that there will be a moment where the characters will have to...#M-420blazeit.
I regret nothing!
Oh, that happens to all of us.  I go through my own story from time to time looking for typos, and I found two of them in my latest chapter just today.

I only ever reference the works of C S Lewis when it comes to horsecock. Also my not yet written story “The Lying Witch and the Voredrobe.”
Child eating eldrich abomination vs Irishman with a broken bottle. My money’s on the priest.
I got it, it was clear - I was just being crude.

I suppose that’s good advice for aspiring supervillains.   I was specifically referring to something near the end of Part Six, though:
And now, for the last of the reviews I received yesterday, this one from @Thundercloud
First, I’m really happy you liked the chapter!
Second, I’m a chronically socially awkward guy, so I actually had no idea what the hair flipping thing meant until just now.  Assuming angelic body language is the same as human body language (and there’s a sentence that isn’t written often), then that is a nice little bonus feature!
Yeah, that’s about it.  He’s not entirely wrong, and it did net him ten extra followers.  He does also have a bit more of a plan than he did last time, but as you indicated, he has a bad habit of underestimating humanity and, as I said in my response to InvidiaRed’s review, the power granted by his new body might be causing him to do a little less planning than he did back in Whore of Heaven.
As it is, the plan is for something in between.  There is going to be a final fight between Luzurial and Eparlegna, as I couldn’t very well have her stay away from the situation (it’s just not who she is as a character), but she’s not going to try to solve the problem on her own; human forces are absolutely going to be involved.  This will become clearer in Part Eight.
 Thank you!  This was basically the sex scene I’ve been building up to since Part One, and I really wanted it to be both erotic and emotional, hence why I keep referring to it as a love scene.
I’ve started thinking JayDee, pippychick and I are all in a sort of support group for writers with low self-confidence, because I say the same thing to either of them when they express doubt in their own abilities.
We have one more chapter before the finale, but I hope it’s good when it gets here, and thank you for the support!

Up next, @InvidiaRed reviews Part Seven!
 
Thank you!  I definitely wanted the love scene between Luzurial and Kevin to be part of her healing process, and one of the biggest parts of that, for me anyway, was that first line you mentioned.  She and Kevin could just kiss for a while and then go to sleep.  Kevin’s a teenage boy, so he’ll be somewhat disappointed, but he also feels very strongly for her (there’s a word for that, but he’s afraid to use it), so he’d definitely be willing to do it.
However, as Luzurial realizes, avoiding things that remind her of her rape will mean that Eparlegna has effectively taken sex away from her forever, and the only memories she will have of those acts and sensations will be those of pain and shame.  So she decides right there that she will not allow that to happen, and that she wants to have, as you said, a positive experience, to feel sexual pleasure as it was meant to be: not used as a setup for hurting her or a way of shaming her, but given as a gift, for no other reason than that the giver wants her to have it.
Yeah, I like that line too, especially since Eparlegna basically has nuked cities in the past.
There’s actually a scene near the end of Part Nine where that very thing gets discussed.
Yeah, he’s basically acting the same here (assuming I’ve done this right) as he did in Whore of Heaven.  In WoH, everything worked out in his favor, but there he had planned things out meticulously beforehand, in part I imagine because he knew he was relatively weak, and any fight between him and an angel would have lasted about five seconds.  Here, though, he has a new, more powerful body, and I think the power has made him somewhat more careless.  He can torch an army, so he’s less dedicated to planning things out.  In a way, becoming stronger has made him weaker.
An archangel fights a firebreathing dragon.  If I manage to write Part Nine well (fingers crossed), that will be just as awesome as it sounds.

And now for the reviews!  First, @pippychick reviews Part Five.
  InvidiaRed called it a “sudden Prince Albert,” which I thought was pretty funny.  It wasn’t really meant to symbolize anything, it was just the first monster present, and I kind of wanted to set up the joke with Calista (“There’s no way I’m coming out of this vent!  That’s exactly what the penis worm wants!”).
Basically, Luzurial is hoping to shoo the mortals out gently so they don’t get hurt during the confrontation with Eparlegna, so she’s hoping both of them will go get Calista.  However, Kevin is, as Abdul says, pretty much glued to her at this point, so he’s not leaving her.  That means that either everyone has to go in to face Eparlegna together and then get Calista, everyone has to go get Calista first and then face Eparlegna, or Abdul has to go get Calista.
The first option doesn’t work because I think everyone, Luzurial included, knows that they can’t kill Eparlegna at this point, only force him to use enough power for survivors to escape, so they likely would have been running away from said confrontation and might not have been able to retrieve Calista afterward.
The second option would technically work, but delaying long enough to go grab Calista would mean leaving the students in Room 502 to Eparlegna for a few more minutes, and when Luzurial and Kevin do arrive, Hana Moon is about ten seconds from getting raped by a demon.
Thanks!  I rather liked that line too.  I mean, during his rampage before being sealed, I’m sure he raped mothers in front of their children, wives in front of their husbands...at some point, he’d pretty much have to find people begging him to stop either amusing or annoying, and since he’s a sadist I went with “amusing.”
Oh, neither would I!  I probably would have gotten to “throw the acid at it”, and then run.
Yeah...remember how you said in your review of Part Four that people you care about can be used against you?
Thanks for reviewing!

So I started work at 6:00 AM yesterday, and given that I’m not generally a morning person, when I lay down on my bed to watch some TV last night, I straight up passed out, which meant I never got around to replying to some things on this thread.
No problem, I thought.  After all, I just have to respond to one of JayDee’s posts and a review from pippychick.
Then, while I was at work today, ALL OF THE REVIEWS HAPPENED.
So let’s get to these things!  First...
Little did we know I was secretly writing a Hellstar Remina crossover.
So his name translates to “liver wood.”  If I didn’t know it was “angel rape” backwards, I’d swear you were going for a shoutout to The Screwtape Letters.
Okay, so I realize now that “Derry” is probably short for Londonderry, but for a minute I thought that meant Father Donal had dealt with Pennywise the Clown.
I hadn’t thought of that, but it does totally work!
Yeah, that was the idea.
Sorry, I should have been clearer.  I meant a kiss on the mouth.

Up next, @InvidiaRed reviews Part Seven!
 
Thank you!  I definitely wanted the love scene between Luzurial and Kevin to be part of her healing process, and one of the biggest parts of that, for me anyway, was that first line you mentioned.  She and Kevin could just kiss for a while and then go to sleep.  Kevin’s a teenage boy, so he’ll be somewhat disappointed, but he also feels very strongly for her (there’s a word for that, but he’s afraid to use it), so he’d definitely be willing to do it.
However, as Luzurial realizes, avoiding things that remind her of her rape will mean that Eparlegna has effectively taken sex away from her forever, and the only memories she will have of those acts and sensations will be those of pain and shame.  So she decides right there that she will not allow that to happen, and that she wants to have, as you said, a positive experience, to feel sexual pleasure as it was meant to be: not used as a setup for hurting her or a way of shaming her, but given as a gift, for no other reason than that the giver wants her to have it.
Yeah, I like that line too, especially since Eparlegna basically has nuked cities in the past.
There’s actually a scene near the end of Part Nine where that very thing gets discussed.
Yeah, he’s basically acting the same here (assuming I’ve done this right) as he did in Whore of Heaven.  In WoH, everything worked out in his favor, but there he had planned things out meticulously beforehand, in part I imagine because he knew he was relatively weak, and any fight between him and an angel would have lasted about five seconds.  Here, though, he has a new, more powerful body, and I think the power has made him somewhat more careless.  He can torch an army, so he’s less dedicated to planning things out.  In a way, becoming stronger has made him weaker.
An archangel fights a firebreathing dragon.  If I manage to write Part Nine well (fingers crossed), that will be just as awesome as it sounds.

Okay, before anything else, I want to try something here, something that will come in very handy when it comes to the Author’s Note for Part Nine: putting most of the AN in a post here and linking to it from the story.
Extended Author’s Note (Part Seven):
This chapter was late because it went through significant rewrites.  The confession scene especially was changed.  The original version was more about Luzurial’s general angst and had her far sadder, while the new version focuses on her misguided shame over sex and she’s somewhat angrier at herself.  Both end the same way, though, with the discussion of the celibacy decree.
You see, back in Whore of Heaven, JayDee had Eparlegna wonder why God would give angels sex organs and then demand that they be celibate.  I initially thought it was an anti-religion thing about God being cruel and hypocritical, but when JayDee pointed out that maybe I shouldn’t be taking the rape demon’s word at face value (in hindsight probably something I should have realized…) I then couldn’t stop wondering why.  Assuming, as I do, that God isn’t cruel, then I thought that maybe angels (and thus demons) just thought they had to be celibate, because somebody made a mistake.  This was why I introduced the Celestial Hierarchy all the way back in Part Three: if God gives decrees to all angels directly, then there can be no mistake, but if there’s a chain of command, then a message might get altered over the many times it changes hands.  So JayDee asked why angels have sex organs, and my answer was “so they can have sex.”
Speaking of which, I realized that in the original version of the love scene Kevin didn’t have any misgivings about making love to an angel, which felt wrong to me.  I remembered that bit from Part Six about how he sometimes feels his attraction to her is almost an insult, and brought that in, with him thinking that he would somehow be degrading something wondrous and beautiful.  I thought he might be able to overcome those worries by asking for her permission to cross several “thresholds”, which is where the “May I” bit came from.  That and I think there’s something kind of romantic about him asking if he can kiss her.
Earlier in the chapter, I mentioned the funniest thing Luzurial had ever heard a leader yell during a battle.  Well, the Battle of Dorylaeum took place on July 1, 1097 AD, during the First Crusade.  Crusading forces led by Bohemond of Taranto were pinned down by the Seljuk Turks until the forces of several other crusaders were able to pull off flanking attacks to relieve them.  After seven straight hours of being pelted with arrows, Bohemond ordered his men to abandon the shield wall they had made, remount their horses and charge the Turkish line.  And in this desperate hour, his inspiring “Once more unto the breach, dear friends” line was “Hodie omnes divites si Deo placet effecti eritis!” which translates from the Latin as “Today, if God’s willing, WE’LL ALL BE RICH!”
No, seriously, that’s what he said.
I don’t imagine God approved of the Crusades, and I imagine Luzurial wouldn’t have either, and was likely feeling rather somber as she watched the battle unfold.  However, given that she had fought in scores, maybe hundreds, of battles with nothing less than the fate of creation itself on the line, hearing a battlecry so absurdly materialistic would likely have seemed hilarious.
Finally, I had planned for the final confrontation with Eparlegna to take place atop a very tall building, but didn’t have any specifics on what that building would be.  Then I had this weird but (to me) kind of amusing idea for a cameo in Part Nine by the Villain Protagonist of another JayDee story (Mike Rapes a Dyke), and asked if I could include it, which led to the VD building.

Ha, fair enough. They aren’t related, so no worries about bigger pictures there.

Oh, boy, @pippychick, now look what you've done...  Clover's gone groping the electronics again.  Someone's gonna have her put in the psych ward.

I love this! It's got everything that's awesome in this world: words... A list. Don't mind me. I'm just going to spend all night groping this thing.

Judging from the words, I guess it depends on your thoughts, JayDee.  Although…
And @pippychick, this is an interesting list.  A quite helpful resource for any writer to use to help develop the mood (as you said) within scenes and over all story.  Thanks for bringing it here!

I thought some might find this interesting. Vermont University have tracked word usage on social media etc to create this, a listing that assigns a ‘happiness’ score to words.
http://hedonometer.org/words.html
I know it’s only one connotation, and probably not infallible, but if you’re trying to create a certain mood, where your descriptive work lies here might be helpful.

It says the word ‘death’ = happiness rank 10217 of 10222
 I wonder if words 10218 – 10222 are all related to spending time in the same room as Piers Morgan.

Good that you liked the action. The Violence tag for the story is very much for the occasions when Jennifer lets her wild side loose and this is the first major one.
Actually I at one point considered to avoid using the word werewolf at all before be reveal in this chapter...but it felt kind of silly with referring to a talking wolf and just using wolf didn’t fit either. A bit like authors try to explain that a werewolf is very dangerous and large by comparing it to a pony and I cannot help giggling each time since I think of a pony dressed in a werewolf costume.

Eventually I decided that it seemed plausible that Fang would insist of using her real race name and modern people would still assume she was scientific experiment rather than the true deal. Naming her as werewolf is also a hint towards people that are Wolfsbane fans that the story eventually will feature such elements. Of course if you ask me Fang do have interesting powers and does pack a much more powerful super hero punch than the marvel hero that I found interesting but irritatingly weak.
You make some pretty good comments about serious implications of using psionics on other people. This is a theme that I can promise will be dealt with more detail in upcoming chapters. Mindeye is kind of shady but also built a reputation as super hero after going after the really bad psionics that are out there. There are few characters in the story that will not eventually have face the consequences of their actions.
A minor enemy, but very well deserved ending. The first version of the text actually had Jennifer making here first idea about mutilation of private parts real...but then I decided that it was better to show off Jennifer’s coldness as she plan her revenge. All I can say is poor girl...

This is fucking great. Genuine laugh out loud funny. See, this is the difference between a cheap smutty inuendo and straight up quality parody. I’m probably going to be chuckling about this all day!
...that sounds far beyond the limited self control I possess when it comes to writing. How limited? I wrote and uploaded a Spyro snuff story for a request.
It totally makes sense and I see where you’re coming from. I don’t know when my writing motiviation is going to give out again (this chapter I am doing at the moment I am having a hard time getting right… and it’s only 1000 words, talk about yer atrophied writing muscles), but if I manage a final part with Shannon being released then I can definitely see how to include some non-forced references to Luzurial into the wordcount – I mean, being in a statue herself it wouldn’t make sense for Shannon not to think about her. It doesn’t feel like pushing at all!
I’d rather have it spoiled for me if it meant you could could get it written. Then I’d still enjoy it and other folks could enjoy it too! I have had some ideas about what was coming in The Woman in the Statue for, at the most basic level, like 10 years and more recently some things you said in the emails (The final part where they resolve everything with a Battle of the Bands challenge is gonna be so epic!) and that hasn’t spoiled my enjoyment at all anyway.

Oh, she is changed. Read the story proper, and you’ll see. Bwahahahaha.
But yes, this was supposed to just be a soldier and I wanted it to just be those emotions. The actual arriving at the homestead. Though, hitting that tarmac is nice too.
I probly did. Apologies. 
Well… comments and reviews are nice.
And yes, heh, it does come across a bit like a second review. My original reply still stands.

Thank you! It’s always annoying when a housemate drinks something you were going to enjoy yourself, am I right? That was the very first draft. I can totally see me thinking up jokes when I go back through and deciding to ruin the mood with them. There is that. I always prefer reading other folks stuff to be sure. I have thought of a way to get her out as part of Jude’s story, but it’ll need an extra chapter. An Epilogue part maybe! I’ll see how it goes Damn thing keeps expanding. Still wouldn’t fit in having things out with Kizzy though. As you say, the 1000 word chapter type probably wouldn’t do it justice.
You have nothing to apologise for! Never know what kind of suggestion might spark someone into something. It doesn’t feel remotely like pushing – apologies though if anything I’ve said felt like pushing with yours, I mean except for stoner and sloth monster, I totally pushed for that.– and sorry ‘bout the whole feels again thing. I wasn’t really joking about the Sad Shannon Oneshot, if you needed to write something around that or any of the other bits go ahead!
So here’s where it might be helpful to come to the conclusion that Kingmaker711 won’t be coming back to you. Maybe he’s quit erotic writing for mainstream writing, or decided he was living in sin and joined a church or even woke up one night to see Gabriel putting pool balls into a sock with a “So, I heard what you wrote about my girlfriend” expression.
That being the case you come up with a way to change the plan to have nothing to do with Kingmaker711’s story, and you’re good to go. If you needed help on it you could even start a thread on the writer’s forum!

Damn it… I’m bloody writing in emoticons. Somebody please put me down. It’s over.

Shannon’s still an angel where it counts, so I suppose it would technically qualify as an SAO.
Okay,
That’s hilarious. I don’t think you always undercut your drama with comedy.  Recall that you shared part of The Fall of Chastia with me, and that was a really emotional piece, so don’t assume I’d write it better than you would. Even if I would somehow write it better than you would, there’s something about reading someone else’s work that just doesn’t come from reading your own. Wait, we’re just leaving Shannon in there?  I mean, since this is a prequel to other stories with these characters we know she gets out, but that might be a tale worth telling down the road.
That would also be really emotional.
Again, I’m sorry if it came across like I was trying to push you into writing anything in your next chapter; I’m really not trying to.  This is your story and you should write what you want to.  The fact that Luzurial’s suffering became as much of a plot point in this story as it is just gave me the feels again, that’s all.
That’s actually a really good point I hadn’t thought of.
Well, if Kingmaker711 ever contacts me there freaking will be.  I had a villain and evil plan ready to go, but it incorporated a plot element from The Girl Next Door, so I don’t feel comfortable writing it without permission.  Since he’s incommunicado, that plan’s on hold indefinitely.  On the other hand, if any idea pops into your head down the road, run with it!
Roger that.  Thanks for announcing that to avoid confusion.