Thundercloud

I have two scenes left to write for my entry...sounds possible to finish unless other life stuff intervene.

I am quite close to the “still standing”-state before Christmas...but I do have a idea for a story that happens on the last before Christmas that might qualify. Not sure how realistic it is to get it done on time.

I am quite close to the “still standing”-state before Christmas...but I do have a idea for a story that happens on the last before Christmas that might qualify. Not sure how realistic it is to get it done on time.

I look forward to hearing you input, so please you time and chose an occasion when you are feeling up for fantasy.
The vampires in Blade use sunscrean...not sure that what I am trying to prove by that observation. Trying to avoid to make a Twilight reference maybe.
I was actually thinking more about tricks like when she summons mist...but the hot shots scene is also a funny solution. I am sure that is why Azbezil went for the Hydra solution instead of putting chickens there.

It is a very good joke...I have actually seen it reused on a LARP when a character died and report read suicide by six crossbow bolts.
I think it might be all the looking-for-foreshadowing that is the reason...

Sorry to hear that, hopefully you will back on track soon.
Fun thought...but no the dwarves are very rare. The common knowledge is that dwarves are extinct except very small clusters of survivors that is dwindling in numbers due to low numbers. Eventually the main group of dwarves are set to return...but that is another story than the current one.
It is mostly Cymari being very cocky about her bow ability. Outperforming elven rangers can do such things to people...the Hydra was placed by Azbezil to prevent people finding out about the prophecy.
Yep, there is some serious ground to cover before all parts of the prophecy had been completed. In this revised version I actually added a few details to the prophecy hat was not included in the original version of the story. Hindsight make it much more easy to fitthe prophecy with the upcoming chapters.
The best kind of jump scare when you don’t expect it coming.
You can imagine my grin when you made the comment on the forum...
I thought it nice to have this scene so that the readers get a reference when they see Madel using his sword later in the chapter.
I was looking forward to hear your thoughts about it, it is clearly a JayDee compatible scene.
The king’s seer will not make a appearance until the next chapter. As for the question I can see where you are coming from with your guess about her as vampire, but she is in fact a minor demon. You know vampires being nocturnal and so on.
His spells protect him, but not his gear since his magic is mentalism based.
I am actually quite fond of the Helian...not her fault that ended up like the she did with far too much of the-end-justify-the-means for her own good.
My favorite part is when they scream for shields instead of doing another suicide charge and she just observe they have put the whole camp within range of her longbow and she continues to slaughter them. Eventually she would have had to become creative when she ran out of arrows, but is what you have siblings for.

Not that it matters much...in case I sound confused about the chapter numbers….after I expanded the prologue to be a full chapter-length it gets kind of confusing. The Secrets of the City would logically be chapter 3 of the main story. With AFF numbering the parts I ended with “4. Chapter 3 The Secrets of the City” and that sounded kind of iffy so I changed it to “4. The Hidden Danger  – The Secrets of the City” since it belong to that story arc (that would be a stand alone book if I ever got around to self publish the story). I am totally fine with you calling it chapter 4 since it is obviously chapter 4 on AFF in practice but mentally it is still chapter 3 for me so I might confuse myself a bit when I talk about the chapters.
Thank you for the encouragement. I like how you call it preparations…it is kind of telling that after 4 parts Cymari Entaro had still not been given any real scenes…she is up in the next chapter. There are also some important characters introduced in part 6 but after that all major characters will have been added.
The benefit of being the favorite son, you don’t need to play fair while debating. I also thought that it might be good to show the reader that his illusions cover all five senses since this kind of potent Illusion magic is not quite standard in most fantasy settings.
You will have to wait and see...that particular conflict plays out mostly in the story arc named “The War of Sorrow” so it will be quite some time until you get to read it.
Little bastard...try to tell that to a dwarf and survive.

As for Ezame starting to like the experience her previous sex partners are kind of lowest of the lowest and making sure the Glarin stays around is her only shield from further abuse from her uncle and a certain demon so she has plenty of motivation to look for good things in the current setup.
Probably not the brightest thing...but Talinda’s hands is also kind of tied by her needing to get into the circle of thieves. Killing high ranking members of the thief’s guild when you are newbee in the guild that stole and spent his money is obviously not the way to get in good graces of the leader of the guild. Talinda returning the money would probably been the more wise choice.
I doubt that Enbon or Fenlyw would have allowed the kick to connect so we will never know….or perhaps not in a very long time.
The intention here is Tarben Agril offfically means that it play into the meaning “grass”...but I also meant it to show to reader a bit about who Tarben Agril is when he has given the boy a short name that is not very nice.
Probably more than she could handle. I wanted the scene to show that Myan is quite perspective about her big sister.
Actually that is a bit of foreshawowing here...not Duwlon’s smartest moment if you ask me.
I had loads of fun coming up with that scene. Getting both to show how quick Talinda is think  when in trouble but also that she makes plenty of beginners mistakes.
Yep it is demons...in a previous versions of the story the name of the general was given so the reader could match it to the prologue...but when I revised it I realized that Talinda herself should have learnt the names from Pyrmaria and that made it kind of hard to explain how she could dare going there if she knew it was demons so I cut the names. The story about the paladins might be worth to remember until a certain scene in part 6 of the story...

Actually that does sound like a kind of funny story idea.
A demon that hunts good people to make sure they are not around to do good deeds. If he kill them they will reborn so better to keep them alive and semi happy away from people they could save…
*smiles*

Checking the number of times somebody decide to lock away good magic behind death traps might be a good start...but the Simpson style decision is also have merits if you want lots of sex.
 

Sorry for this. I have considered making the scene even less sexualised so I can certainly see where you are coming from. If I could figure out a way to remove the event without losing the punch of how much that has changed by the end at the chapters by the lake I would not mind losing the scene...but the plot depend on some kind of sex magic happening here.

Following your feedback I think I will add an extra disclaimer at the start of the chapter that describe the situation and suggest how much text reader should jump ahead if they want to avoid the scene.
There are no such scenes in rest of the chapters...except maybe if we are talking about things that happens off screen. In chapter 10 a under-16 year old will be kidnapped by a demon and never be seen again. The scene exist due to plot reasons but you don’t need much imagination to realize that the kids fate was horrible even it the bad stuff never is described.
Good to hear that you managed to enjoy the rest of the chapter.
Assuming the bad guys don’t have even more powerful gear in store...
Obviously he is a very trusted subject of the Lord to have been given the duty to hide Trioni.
I can think of smarter things to do than getting a bastard when you are hiding from the prince of the realm….
The path he took was really about not getting seduced and be unfaithful to his prospect girlfriend. The maze presents him with fights is so he get somebody to save as pretext for the seduction attempt.
He should have done better background checking before he tried to raid the maze.
Quite important plot wise also...having six loyal children has not the same ring as seven children.
If you ask me privately I have no real interest in shaved pussy since I find the natural look much more sexy...but the idea to use the magic effect to show off Helian’s magic was just too good to not use. 
Kodol is not the only one that should have done more background checking.
No problem at all. A honest review is way better than anything too polished.

Take the time you need. With awesome feedback like yours it is a sure delight to read.

Actually it is just 1 prologue and 15 full length chapters. The final part is an epilogue that wrap up the meta story at the Inn and explain some story aspects to the regulars at the Inn, but it is rather short.
Well...it was written for it to be kind of subtle while it happened to keep the tension up. The good thing with the story structure is that I get plenty of chances of review the readers of what has happened before (and to drop some very subtle clues in dialogue at the Inn).
It is indeed quite some characters with plenty left to enter the fray. When I does the forum updates of me having finished yet another chapter I actually include a list of characters that will feature in the chapter. Not sure if any forum users cares enough to pay attention, but just maybe there might be somebody that likes to know if their favorite hero and bad guy might be up for a rematch in the new chapter.
*Laughing*...if I ever get around to doing a parody of the story I will keep that imagine in mind. Part of the reason for me smiling is that your line made me start thinking about Terry Brooks that in every book/part-of-series introduce the kids of the previous generation and to a large degree they are pretty much the same characters over and over again.
*smiles* Trickster indeed. Also a great way to show the reader the powers of his magic.
Very much so, each of the Entaro siblings getting one of skills-set needed to combat the danger of Azbezil.
A certain trickster might have bragged some about it before...
It is intended that somebody with Duwlon’s aptitude is quite good at reading the situation and finding way to get people to talk. Him also being one of the best actors of the siblings also helps of course.
They are very much Azbezil’s children, important prophecy stuff to fulfill and stuff like that...but there are a couple of chapters left until the heroes finds the prophecy itself.

As for the nature of the story I think I have given the game away to so when I said that InBrightestWay might enjoy the story. The bad guys will have plenty of success overthe course of the story and the heroes will be subject to quite a bit of brutal experiences but at the end of the day it is a story about how heroes combat evil and grow from the experience. The fact that the story teller can tell the story on the Inn is also kind of giveaway that the worst possible outcomes for the story will not come true.
That is clever interpretation...but no...the intention was more here that Tarben Agril is used to be on first name basis with his customers but have realized that if shall be able to pass his business to his children he need to use the Agril name for the business.
*smiles*
Trust that Zelak is very pissed about the development of the fight and wishing for a rematch. If you liked this fight I think you really will enjoy some of the later combats (mostly in parts I have sadly not manage to revise yet)
Maybe fate did intervene here and made things happening...
Elves fooling a dwarf is very hard in this setting. Without going too much into the mythology here each of the elemental races have an knack of spotting the magic of the other elemental races. Him being quiet here also helps them pinpoint him but it is mostly about their dwarven nature and him having elven blood.
Revenge is dish best served cold...especially considering the timespan needed for me being able to revise chapter 6-15.

A delightful surprise to have two reviews of this story waiting for me, here is some review responses.
That particular farmer was just used to allow me some foreshadowing at the end of the chapter, but there are more interruptions coming...some of them are meant to be funny.
I like the observation about the father and his Inn grounding the story as a fantasy setting.
Someday I should really figure out what adventure that gave him his name...
Yep, he very much received what he deserved.
The attack is of course unexpected, but it is mostly the attackers packing a very serious punch. I put the demons in this combat since I did not want the bad guy to show off his full potential in the prologue ofthe story, but the demons also wrap well into the future story. It is not until the actual heroes of the story enter the action in later chapters that kingdom get defenders that really take a stand in front of the badguys.

To play fair I should probably also mention that when I revised the story I tightened up the prince’s dialogue quite a bit here based on feedback I have gotten over the years. In the original text it was not as cleverly done and was much easier to spot the plot twist in advance.
Quite brutal, Ezame’s story arc does not start with any kind of feel-good vibes. As you have already read further chapters so you know that she will be around to impact the future plot even if there will be quite some time before she dare to do anything that makes impact on the more large scale plot.
Good that you enjoyed it. This whole chapter started quite bare-bones with brushing over the same events without much detail...a reader prompted me that the lack of detail in the beginning was breaking stylewise from the rest of the story. This made me realize I needed to make it into a proper chapter.
I can always reread some of your better stuff if I don’t find something old that catch my interest. As for the idea of doing review exchanges is not a rule or anything...more like a guideline.

I think a pretty big factor is if it is the final battle of the story or some earlier encounter. No matter what kind of energy-balance system you put in place you typically end in the situation that the participants of the final battle have enough power available to make it more interesting than they-traded-six-blows-before-fight-ended-because-characters-energy-was-up. There is a reason people watch play-throughs of games but is not interested read a transcript of the button mashing during the fight.
I think the big takeaway you should take from my review is that the later part of the story when the others arrive and they are not just slugging attacks at each other. In fact I would be ready to argue that the peril when she starts to put herself at risk would not have worked from narrative perspective if we had not been shown their previous fight.
I totally agree that you did very fine.
Not familiar with that story or the author. So much to read and review...
A very classic villain if you ask me, but you have also done marvels at explaining so much of what happened in Whore of Heaven. JayDees story has a heavy focus on style and less about explaining the plot but you are really great at finding the motivations for why Eparlegna does so much weird shit.
It is really obvious you have spent quite a lot of time working on the concepts of this scene. The effort clearly pays off.
I look forward to it.

carnivorous humanoid frogs

The death was caused by somebody that the boy admire.

Don’t worry. It did not sound like any bemoaning, but just served as good place for me to place the “your story is good enough to get more reviews” comment.
I don’t go around tallying reviews for authors that I enjoy reading...but I have been waiting for you checking chapter 13 of G.S.P.  for quite a few months now.

If we are speaking about other stuff I have written I would be interested to know what you think about The Tale About the Laughter of Azbezil (revised). Perhaps not a perfect fit for you since there are some non consensual scenes but the bad-stuff-happening-to-people count is way lower than for the G.S.P. story and the overall story is quite InBrighteestDay compatbile.
I admit that I have read that I each chapter more than once...

That sounded very depressing...I hope you will get more reviews after all your hard work.
There is a reason the final battle of stories usually include quite much fighting.
As for the matter of action...I actually think you peaked there in chapter 10. The Woman in Statue is bound to end with an epic duel given the groundwork of JayDee, but the real action IMHO happens on the way up in the actual “dungeon”.
I think you did a good job with this. Her reflection there increase the tension of the final battle.
It is very much the best line. The others are not even close...”My name is” for instance suffers from interference with far too many songs and movies.
I have done my review for the final chapter so now you know the answer. I look forward at hearing your thoughts about my stuff...I think I am ahead of you in the number of reviews by quite a few now.

That sounded very depressing...I hope you will get more reviews after all your hard work.
There is a reason the final battle of stories usually include quite much fighting.
As for the matter of action...I actually think you peaked there in chapter 10. The Woman in Statue is bound to end with an epic duel given the groundwork of JayDee, but the real action IMHO happens on the way up in the actual “dungeon”.
I think you did a good job with this. Her reflection there increase the tension of the final battle.
It is very much the best line. The others are not even close...”My name is” for instance suffers from interference with far too many songs and movies.
I have done my review for the final chapter so now you know the answer. I look forward at hearing your thoughts about my stuff...I think I am ahead of you in the number of reviews by quite a few now.

That sounded very depressing...I hope you will get more reviews after all your hard work.
There is a reason the final battle of stories usually include quite much fighting.
As for the matter of action...I actually think you peaked there in chapter 10. The Woman in Statue is bound to end with an epic duel given the groundwork of JayDee, but the real action IMHO happens on the way up in the actual “dungeon”.
I think you did a good job with this. Her reflection there increase the tension of the final battle.
It is very much the best line. The others are not even close...”My name is” for instance suffers from interference with far too many songs and movies.
I have done my review for the final chapter so now you know the answer. I look forward at hearing your thoughts about my stuff...I think I am ahead of you in the number of reviews by quite a few now.

Having a backlog with reviews must feel good.
A fellow author need to do what an fellow author need to do to hint at the possibility of cooperation...
I look forward to it.
Lol, so very true.

As a foreigner I think it will be nice to get read about something different in the news papers….the last week has really been an orgy of reporting of not yet final results from the US election.

From another perspective I think it is great that US will finally try to become a new player in carbon free energy. The lasts years has IMHO given China far too much room to continue to gain geopolitical power from their clean energy investments. Europe and US need to get their act together and make sure that China does not control all the essential technology that will used for the next hundred years.

As a foreigner I think it will be nice to get read about something different in the news papers….the last week has really been an orgy of reporting of not yet final results from the US election.

From another perspective I think it is great that US will finally try to become a new player in carbon free energy. The lasts years has IMHO given China far too much room to continue to gain geopolitical power from their clean energy investments. Europe and US need to get their act together and make sure that China does not control all the essential technology that will used for the next hundred years.

Yep, that detail was meant to be rather funny. I also think that the stress about the state of apartment give a plausible reason why James might not be at the top of the game so to say when they return at his home.
It is part of slasher-movie rules of engagement that the killer is super efficient in every encounter with a super natural sense of opportunity for getting away with murder...at least until he tries to murder the lead character and cannot land even a single blow.
*smiles* Trying to write something thrilling and getting a Hitchcock reference back feels good.
Feel free to send me a PM about it.
Good that you enjoyed the read.

Suggesting a werewolf with their superior sense of smell wearing a fake leather trenchcoat...probably only a good idea if you have a death wish.
One of my prime motivations to write such things is to get them out of my head. When I know how the scene play out and get out the replay loop in my head that goes...what if...or it could be...even better if it...maybe go back to what if.
On the other hand these ideas are not so sticky as others I have been stuck with. One possibility is actually to write a prequel that describe the killers earlier activities...but I am probably more inclined to go with the 4 more chapters for With the Mirror Came...
Five years back is during my loooong break from AFF when I was busy writing on other sites (that does not exist anymore)

Practice makes perfect when writing stories.
I got the intended meaning...but now you had me start laughing again.
I thought about telling you but InBrigthestDay got there before me.
I think these days the association would be more like “Dear god! A Feminist!”

The weird thing is that from the circles where I move very few of the guys actually care about unshaven arms and legs, girls without mascara will most certainly be considered weird but the obsession with shaving seem totally out of proportion.
It is a super hero from my G.S.P. story (that InBrightestDay has read) that pack a very heavy punch.
Maybe you should do a story about lots of people that suddenly realize they have the same Shannon as contact in their phone….or a decameron story where all participants change the name of Shannon due to privacy reasons so they don’t get they are talking about the same person and suddenly she appear herself and wonder why they all tell stories about her without giving her name any credit...