Desiderius Price

That’s an interesting take on the Sue issue there, BW. And reading that, I think I see a bit of the anti-Sue in myself….

Naughty priests, yeah, pretty much a given in my universe. Hmm… maybe something for the Holiday story?

Two likely causes for the dialogue issues, 1) there were some references to Dale’s Game while also trying to avoid major spoilers, and 2) I revised it multiple times, so it was very easy for bits of dialogue to have gotten “lost”… apologies there, maybe another beta would’ve helped, or perhaps I was perilously close to that over-revision effect. But yeah, it was a fun thing to write, overall. Yes...yes *twiddles fingers in a menacing fashion* Father Jordan, one of my concepts I was mulling over would’ve involved him and gone deep into Minor1 territory. And, thank you for the review.

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I’ll add in some detail, but the rest, I let the reader fill in the cracks, help engage them.

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My entire original universe started off as a PWP, and I started to wonder, “how did they get there?” Wham, stories upon stories, and a plot bunny breeding ground.

Chapter 5 is now posted. I’m not sure I’ll get ch6 up tomorrow, kinda depends on how much progress I make tonight.

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Review for “The Repair Guy”, chapter 4. Think of it more like a deer in headlights, Konnor’s a bit dazed, and wants out of the situation ASAP. From his perspective, he goes to do a repair job, only to get a girl dangling by his balls and she’s holding on tight. Church… I was picturing it along the lines of a bigger megachurch, it can’t be too big because its in the middle of Atlanta, near a college with an obvious transient population. So, on this particular Sunday, it’d be closer to empty because of the college year being done. I didn’t invest too much time, just a mental picture, no maps/charts/etc, because I don’t plan to revisit that particular building.

Chapter 4 is now posted.

Having him show up in his underwear helps too, but yeah, the dripping added a nice touch.

I’ve taken to starting stories with a sound. For example, using “Drip...Drip...Drip” for The Repair Guy. Dunno a good reason, it just gets things across to the reader, engaging another part of the mind as you keep reading the story.

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Purred? These are cat people, Khajit or similar? I’d tend to write it more like dialogue, treating the action/sound as any other spoken line. So…. for example...

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I do write software for a living….

Upload to the forum and use that image URL for the archive?

Is my avatar showing to you, the eclipse? Because I had uploaded it from my computer. p.s. I haven’t set it for the archive, just the forum

Chapter 3 is up. (Essentially, I plan to post as fast as I write these, with a one chapter “buffer”).

I tend to forget some of those senses as I write. Taste, smell, and touch are less written about, than vision (primary) or sound (secondary). So, yeah, write in sounds, that does help stories, IMO. And, don’t forget to smell, taste, and touch … depends on what you’re writing, I suppose. If you’ve got a pile of crap, skip the description, we all know what it’s like.

Sound words, I kinda use like a spice, here and there, peppered about. I’ll typically do them on their own line, like dialogue, because it is, in a way, dialogue. For instance, flushing a toilet, I might just put in “FLUSH!” Because, well, that’d invoke the proper image, without having to have a character announce they’re flushing, or write “The toilet was flushed”…. or the like. I mean, if a character’s in the bathroom, and a “FLUSH” occurs, you can generally guess who flushed it.

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