Desiderius Price

A review, a review, can’t sleep until I answer! Thanks @InBrightestDay for reviewing Fiends (http://original.adult-fanfiction.org/story.php?no=600108097 ). Reviews tickle better than any hit-count metric, better than gold, yet very rare around here. Onto replying to the review. Thanks! This is the main story of what’s becoming a series. It’s also where I started on the writing, and been about five years since the last edit, so it’ll be a tad rough as I’ve improved my writing style since then (I hope). Never been to the state myself, so I’m guessing with Google Maps. Anyways, Dolbourne is loosely based on Melbourne and it’s area, but I gave it a new name to protect their reputation and it lets me customize the geography/layout to suit my story. I’ll likely be able to recraft the chapter a bit better when I get the other backstories finished, especially Dolbourne Chronicles (the direct prequel here), and get back around to working on this specific story – in all likelihood, this chapter one will be split apart into multiple chapters on revision, there seems to be a lot there. Jaimie’s been listed for natural selection, that requires POTUS authorization for under 16s in that era, as the usual unofficial method of achieving that effect is blocked off. Also, US is...it’s involvement in world affairs has been curtailed by then. Don’t like perfect characters, too unrealistic, they’ve all got pluses & cons in my stories. Have to admit I like my MCs in that state… not sexual, not exhibition, more of an acceptance of their own bodies and not having (or dispelling) the sense of shame that’d normally preclude them from going naked in a public setting. I am (& will be) developing that in the prequel. As this story progresses, it’s something Jaimie will leverage to his advantage. I’ll be exploring this relationship a bit more when I get back around to revising Dolbourne Chronicles, which will be the direct prequel; but mutually antagonistic at this stage appears to be what I’m going for. (I do plan for that to evolve that relationship for the better, it’s a phase right now). A nice thing with writing this age group, as a whole, they can be very intelligent one moment, very stupid the next, and that’s character Also, this age’s required for what I’m trying to pull off, need characters bull-headed enough to think they can pull off what they’re being asked to pull off, and foolish enough to go through with it – hallmark of teenagers. Sure, could find some older ones too, but in this society, there are plenty of other options for natural selection. At least you know he’s staying well hydrated! While revising my potter fanfic, noticed I had this a lot too, been reducing (but not eliminating) as I progress there. When I had first started writing, it had been proper sentences, no contractions, everybody getting their points across, but that’s not realistic. One tip I had read about was adding in the cut-off, and I got carried away with it. I’m on the lookout for those when I revise; tossing, keeping, and revising depending on circumstances. Hint taken, I’m trying to be more careful with the cut-offs and use them a bit more sparingly. Thanks. I keep reminding myself this started from one unpublished PWP short drabble. I’m currently revising Jefferey, alternating between it and my potter fanfic (that’s on AO3).

Yep, I know how authors are. I figured that was the lion’s share of my 95% estimate (pulled out of the ever reliable Millennium Year Application Software System).

39900

“Completed” – thinking that eliminates at least 95% of the stories.

39898

39895

39893

Then you don’t do it. Nevermind the author has a life outside of writing and is doing this for free as a hobby.

39891

Congratulations. A finished story, that’s a marvel!

Jefferey #8 is up.

39889

39887

39885

39883

39881

39879

39877

39875

39873

Jefferey #7 (second of the two parter) is posted.

39871