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Weird, I didn’t expect that getting the ashes back would help, but it is, a bit. Obviously, I wish I had the living cat instead, just a subtle measure of peace. He’s on the table that I’ve used as a desk for years, appropriate because he used to lay/nap underneath it a lot.
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They (the vet) did bring him out right afterwards, I went along with it, so I did spend a few minutes afterwards, he was still fairly warm. I didn’t know how long to spend, apart from grieving and apologizing, wishing for it to change. It was tough, because an hour earlier, I was assessing his condition, with some interaction, not realizing that’d be the *last* interaction I’d really have with him. At least I was trying to save him, even though I didn’t make it fast enough (unfortunately, there’s no pet-ambulance around here).
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I know what it's like to grieve a pet. My stepfather's doberman was buried in the back yard after she died. We didn't even get the chance to bring her to the vet. He found her outside already dead. I still miss her a lot. I give my condolences. It's really hard, especially the first few days or weeks after losing them.