KoKoa_B

From Thundercloud on October 25, 2020 A couple of more chapters posted and I did really enjoy how you manage to develop the interplay between the characters. In my last review I asked for why we were getting to see so little of Tamara's friends and the latest chapters have surely given some perspectives on that question. My only complaint at the moment was that I would like to have been shown the ending scene of chapter 13 rather than just told about it. As for things I enjoyed I liked the development in chapter 15 and found the ending of that chapter quite satisfying. It will be interesting to see how Tamara's life develop from this point. I’m glad that you’re still on board! LOL This story is kinda the bane of my existence because the ideas would be there for a chapter, but then I would forget and then post the chapter. I have more plans in store for Tamara’s “friends” that was supposed to be put in the latest chapter… that I haven’t posted on here yet… but I’ll have to make up for it in the chapter I’m writing currently, to explain more. Writing sex is also a bane of mine unfortunately, but I had every intention on writing that sex scene out. But I’ve changed a lot as far as the length of my chapters and thought it would make it a bit too long. I’ll make up for it in upcoming chapters

For Don’t Jump: From Thundercloud on August 30, 2020 I decided to read this story since InBrightestDay earlier pinged me on the forum in your review thread so it kind of suggests he thinks your stories are worth while to read...I am glad to say that he was right. I really like the story you are building even if it takes a while to get to the actual sex (not really a complaint but perhaps answer why this story has so few reviews). I think the interaction of the character is great and on plenty of occasions you give the reader the chance to read between the lines when stuff happens between Tamara, Thomas, Ryan and guess what the character really meant and in later chapter we get verification. Things to improve is that it takes a fair while until we get a visual description on how Tamara looks. I am not really the ones to complain about this since I often forget to add the visual descriptions until the last edit of story, but in this case I had to kind of readjust my mental image of Tamara in the later chapters and that hurts the reading a bit. I also think it is kind of shame that Tamaras lady friends don't figure more in small scenes to flesh out her social life for the reader. Thank you so much for the review! Alright, on to answering things! I’m really hard on myself so I don’t want to believe that InBrightestDay tagged you because they think my stories are worth anything but probably the other way around! I’ll have to hunker down and scroll through both of you guys’ stories to return the favor. I’m horrible when it comes to reading as a whole: I’ll do nothing but read for four months straight or not read anything for a year… I came onto this site after the little purge that FFN did on Mature works. At the time, I only had one fanfic series and believed that was Mature because of the language (now that I’m more experienced, I’ve realized that my Lyght series is most definitely SFW...). So, writing smut is still a new thing for me; not too many of my stories will be in your face from the first chapter. But again, being on here for so long, I have realized that most readers are here for the sex and when it’s not present in the first two chapters, they leave the story alone. Also… I tend to only update once in a blue moon because my muse hates me… I find it funny but thrilling that you said I give readers a chance to read between the lines because that was not my intention lol! Like, I have no idea how to do that on purpose, I just, write. I am glad that you’ve pointed that out though! I also suck at foreshadowing so keep that in mind… As far as the visual description of Tamara. That was sort of done on purpose because I have no idea how she looks my damn self! Another thing that I am awful at: I either info dump a character’s description or you get little to nothing- there is no in-between with me. I mean, I tried to scatter her basic looks throughout the entire story; I’m rereading it now and have seen two parts where I tell the readers her skin tone and her weight. I think there’s three mentions of her hairstyle but unfortunately, that’s it. Her social life was definitely done on purpose to actually show how little social life she has. Yes, she has friends but they are [spoiler for those who are not caught up] more associates than actual friends. This is, unfortunately, an ongoing theme in most of my books where my MCs either have shitty friends or they have only one or two besties. And are socially awkward to where their social life is itty bitty. Tamara actually attempts to beat herself up for how socially awkward she is throughout the whole story, always wondering why she has the little friends that she does have. I hope this answers things and I’m glad that you gave this story a try! Also, I should’ve reminded people that this is a first draft of the story. I’m going to go through and make a couple of changes but that’s up in the air because I have no intention of making this a published story. It was something that I wanted to do during Inktober to try to kick myself into writing more: to try to get myself to write a chapter a day. As you can see, it didn’t work

For Don’t Jump, Chapter “Freeze”, here’s the recipe for the Vodka Freeze (Since this is an 18+ site, I will say that I do not condone underage drinking): 1 ½ oz vodka of your choice 1 oz blue curacao ½ oz fresh lemon juice 3-4 oz Sprite (or lemon-lime flavored soda) ½ cup ice 1 lemon twist or wedge for garnish

It’s been a while! I hope everyone has been staying safe and healthy. I actually started writing this story back in October for Inktober 2019: instead of drawing, I decided to use each word in a different chapter. It evolved into my NaNoWriMo project but then a lot of things have happened and now it’s a story I try to update as much as I can. Author: KoKoa B Title: Don’t Jump Summary: Leaving work, Tamara Henderson sees a man who she believes is about to jump to his death, only to find out that he’s filming a scene for a movie! When she bumps into the charismatic Thomas Lamb once more, she has an urge to fight her desire in becoming more than friends. Feedback: Feedback is welcome but keep in mind that this is the 1st draft so I know that things are rocky. Fandom: None/Original Pairing: OC/OC, M/F Warnings: Fingering, M/F, OC, Other (slight drug use), WIP Solo story or chaptered story: Chaptered URL: http://original.adult-fanfiction.org/story.php?no=600109576 Review Reply thread:

I shall participate… hopefully…

This does seem a little familiar though... I like that you played around with the things you do and don't know about someone when you play an MMO together. You get to know their personalities, but things like their sex are actually very hard to guess at. The bit with Tweety was particularly good in that regard, with J guessing that the player has to either be a girl or a sex-crazed guy...and it turns out to be a normal guy with (apparently) a normal level of self-control. Speaking of the sex-crazed guys... That image made me laugh. There's that sense of deja vu again. Kind of reminds me of a Specific Anime Offering. Okay, for real though, while I'm guessing this owes something to SAO (or this is a weird coincidence), I don't want it to sound like I'm criticising you or anything. I have noticed important differences, including the fact that the players don't get to keep their avatars, but instead appear as their actual selves. This actually raises a rather important question: how much of their characters' abilities do they retain? I mean, I'm guessing from the title that J will still have her summoner powers, but does Tweety even have a bow anymore? This all certainly has me curious, and I'm looking forward to reading the next chapter! Okay, wow LOL! Just so you know, every time I get an email saying that I got a review, I have a mini panic attack! First, I want to tell you that I literally laughed out loud at the “Specific Anime Offering”. Yes, I’m guilty of this story being loosely based off of SAO so no it wasn’t just a weird coincidence. When I finally started to binge the anime, I knew I wanted to write something on the lines of it before finishing the series but I didn’t want to use the actual characters. Talking to the mods about it, I was reminded that this has been done before (Jumanji, etc.) so I made the decision to make this Original instead of a fanfic. The characters, at the time of the “entrapment”, do keep all of their items at the time. So, Tweety still has his bow, and J still has her abilities and summon monsters. One of these days I’ll come back to this story… and my other ones… >.> so thank you so much for the review!

… I really need to finish stories on here instead of coming out with more WIPs… Author: KoKoa B Title: Not a Bad Thing Summary: Kennedy Fox met David Smith, an actor who she’s had a slight crush on and things have been set on fast forward from day one. With the two being tied to others, they take the next forbidden step, agreeing to spend time with each other in Las Vegas. However, something comes up and Kennedy finds herself alone in a luxurious suite. Things take a delightful turn when David does show up and he gives her a taste of what he’s really like. It may not be a bad thing after all, this love affair... Feedback: Yes, please! Fandom: None, Original Pairing: Just OCs Warnings: Dom, Ds, Fingering, MF, OC, Oral, WIP Solo or Chaptered Story: Chaptered URL: http://original.adult-fanfiction.org/story.php?no=600109382 Review Reply Thread:

I’m back (sorta)! Just a small idea that kept running through my brain… Author: KoKoa B Title: The Summoner’s Destiny Summary: As Janet dives into the virtual world of Your Fantasy, the latest MMORPG game, she finds out that she and thousands of others are trapped inside the world. The only way out is to defeat the entire game but with the announcement that bosses would be added at random intervals, are the players stuck forever? Feedback: Yes, please! Fandom: None, Original Pairing: Just OCs Warnings: Fingering, Het, MiCD, Violence (others may be added later) Solo or Chaptered Story: Chaptered URL: The Summoner's Destiny Review Reply Thread: KoKoa's Discussion Thread

Thanks, BW! I forgot all about Jumanji and Tron….