Shadowknight12

LMAO yes, the Yaoi Guide had me in stitches, dude. IN STITCHES. LOL, okay. And yes, I'll agree with you there. "Don't do HER in the ass! Do ME!" Hey, I had the same thing happen to me with Twilight. I just ignored pretty much everything, waiting for action to show up (hahahahahaha). Then I read snarky reviews and went "...how the fuck did I miss all this creepiness?!" *nods* I definitely get your point. Nice to see that the series just gets better and better (/sarcasm). That sounds both in character (for Hamilton) and utterly disappointing. I think that retard just let her 'fame' get in her head. Though I'm still betting money on hard drugs and manwhores. Though really, you can't call Hamilton's world 'coherent' under ANY definition of the word. Not even the wasted, doped up junkie in the alley would find that world coherent. As for the maternity ward part... I'm guessing a relative/friend made the horrible mistake of asking Hamilton to babysit their child. I'm getting the vibe that the series is her little wish-fulfilment pet, where she has all the unrealistic cock in the world and crying babies get eaten by zombies. LOL, well, on the bright side, at least you get rid of those annoying twits. Though really, Hamilton isn't the first one to suffer from the Excessive Death Syndrome. Look at Jessica Fletcher, from Murder She Wrote. Wherever that little old lady went, PEOPLE DIED. Often for flimsy reasons, like "She *never* passed the salt!" or "he looked at me funny!" So yeah, that particular bit of failure isn't entirely her doing. There's been plenty of precedent in that regard. Oh, so he's a Lestat expy? Still pretty damn effeminate if you ask me... Though I agree that Jeannie is by far the smartest character I've stumbled across. He might be the one I like the most, even. I simply overemphasise his femness because harping on femboys is, to me, lots of fun.

I have heard guys whining about that. They say it's a cop-out. Some guys might actually love it, but it's still impossible to confuse that with deepthroating. The hand has a rather different texture and feel than the mouth, even if it's all warm and covered in spit. Yeah, that's the perineum. Very, very sensitive. Nothing to say about the balls play, pretty much spot on. It really, really depends on the guy. Some of them will prefer if you at least pretend to be enjoying yourself. Some will get annoyed if they found out you were faking it. Some just don't care, they'll close their eyes and pretend you're the girl of their dreams. Some will enjoy it because you're skilled at it, like it or not. The rest is definitely awesome advice. Variety is the spice of life, so it's rather important to keep things entertaining. Though really, leaving technique aside, just think of what you'd like in a guy that goes down on you. Would you care if he had a bored look on his face, clearly thinking of something else? What if he was really good at it? Would it change the situation? What if he pretended to like it but then you found out he's just faking it? Golden Rule, folks. Agreed. The frenulum is such a sensitive area it's actually possible (provided the guy is at least moderately aroused) to trigger an orgasm simply by constantly stimulating it with your tongue or fingertip. And yes, when giving a guy a handjob (which is basically what the accompanying hand is doing), it proves effective to flick the wrist, twisting the hand to add some variety to the old up and down. That ties into the whole 'convince the guy that this is making you hot' thing. By touching yourself, you're wordlessly telling the guy that giving him a blowjob is turning you on. Now, this is true for most men, because it's bloody common sense. Normally, having sex with someone who's not into it is a turn off. If the guy is going down on you and you can clearly see his utter apathy, it's probably going to make the act a whole less sexy. This is true in reverse as well. Of course, this isn't universal, as I stated above there's some people that don't really care. This shouldn't be a 'secret' or a 'tip' but simple logic. If you don't like giving blowjobs, ask the guy what his opinion on this is. Is he all right with you faking enthusiasm? Would he rather you didn't give him blowjobs at all? Does he simply care if you're skilled? This varies from guy to guy. Communication is key!

Eh. It could have been his ego boosting area. Whenever the girlfriend starts yelling at him for no reason, crying and complaining, he goes there, flirts for a while, gets told what a sexy cock he has, and he can go to sleep happy after scoring a small revenge on his tormentor. This can go on for well over a year without him doing anything else.

Technically, it is possible that he hasn't actually slept with any of them. Call it cowardice, unwillingness to take the last step, lingering remorse, whatever, it doesn't matter. Maybe the guy never went through with it, maybe (and this is specially true when there's an overemotional, hormonal pregnant woman in the man's life) he simply wanted the flirting, the admiration, the ego stroking. Maybe he wanted to feel desired and/or subconsciously get back at her for making his life hard. Chances are you're right, he did sleep with them. However, I want to shed light on the other side of the issue. Just like women have many reasons to stick around with cheating assholes, there's a lot of reasons why a guy might actually not cheat, even if all signs point to yes. Ego is very important to men. A man who needs an ego boost might seem like he's cheating, when in fact he's merely collecting conquests. He doesn't need to go through with them and sleep with them, it's enough for him to know that he's still wanted, that he's still top dog. The truth, of course, is that we'll never know for sure.

This could spawn pages and pages of arguments. There's a ton of reasons for this behaviour, and it all boils down to the woman. If she has a kid and she's not capable of supporting them on her own (even with alimony), it stands to reason she'll grit her teeth and pretend everything's fine. Furthermore, even if she CAN manage on her own, she might be against divorce/separation, not wanting the child to grow up being bounced back and forth from house to house (this is especially true of women who had this type of childhood themselves). Or perhaps she believes she can 'rear the guy back in' as it were. Maybe she's just soft-hearted and can't let him go. Maybe she's invested too much in the relationship to stop now. Maybe the guy knows her far too well and knows exactly what to say, how to manipulate her into remaining by his side. Or she's just stunned and confused, trying to gather her thoughts (she might want to think this through very carefully, since she's got the kid to think of). Maybe she blames herself, thinking she's driven him away (pregnant women are a haywire of hormones, even after the delivery, so it's possible she was awful to him... or that's how she sees it now). Maybe she knows full well she's done something equally awful to him and thinks she deserves this (perhaps she cheated and never told you. If she's such a staunch hater of cheaters and she did that herself... it stands to reason she wouldn't want anybody finding out. Not even you). Maybe she doesn't actually love him, he's simply useful to her for whatever goals she has in life, and him cheating doesn't actually jeopardize them. Maybe it's simply sex (she doesn't want to tie her life to his anymore... but she still wants booty call rights). Maybe (and this is what I'd do) she's pretending to be forgiving, only to plot a soul-crushing revenge of such proportions, he'll think twice before cheating on anyone ever again. Truth be told, the possibilities are endless. All we can do is speculate.

Yeah, that's actually hinted at in the first book, when she explains the difference between the existing types of undead, and the zombie drinks her blood just like a vampire. I was actually going to stop with the series unless someone made a convincing argument for a book. EXCEPT (and this is the only exception I'm making, mostly out of bile curiosity) for the smut. I've heard conflicting opinions, and since it doesn't appear for the first 7 books, I wasn't going to stomach so much fail to get to it. So I asked a friend to think of the best smut scenes she's read in the series so I can read THAT and satisfy my curiosity. And if you want to throw some suggestions yourself, go ahead. Though yeah, I can definitely see where you're coming from with the 'ignore the crap' bit. There ARE some good ideas in there, buried like gems amidst the piles of shit. I might do Burnt Offerings after this one. Femboy gets to be sexy and competent? I bet the writer got so much flak for that she tried to fix him in later books... Though LMAO, Mary Sue is such a rampant feminazi it's not even funny! LOL! You should be writing your own snark, that was hilarious! Earthmover? Do I even want to know what that is? And yeah, I will take that into consideration, those two and then I'll try to find a smut scene to settle the two mutually contradicting opinions. Thanks for the recommendations!

Yeah, having done actual research on addictions, I was very disappointed with the way Blizzard handled the whole affair. Granted, having an entire race already addicted to magic (the High Elves, I mean) was interesting, and losing their easy fix was something they could have explored more realistically. But no, they had to go all Rule of Cool on us (ugh, seriously, what you say is a prime example of completely disregarding logic. The young ones dying??? The race is fucking DOOMED, idiots!). And yeah, the rest is also pretty stupid. Especially when we learn in BC that turning to fel magic actually makes shit worse (surprise, surprise, who didn't see that coming?). Seriously, a fucking LEPER GNOME could have told them how they'd end up. Yes. A thousand times yes. I had the mother of all angry fits when I caught up with the WoW timeline and realized what they'd done to my precious elves. And what's worse, from the original WC3 campaign, you don't actually assume, necessarily, that the 90% of the population gets killed off. You assume that the undead made a surgical strike into Silvermoon (after killing Sylvanas and her forces so that she couldn't warn them), slaughtered everyone around the Sunwell and left before the high elves could regroup. Which actually makes a lot of sense, tactics-wise. And TFT leaves things murky enough that you don't know if Kael'thas's forces are really ALL the remaining elves, or just a bunch of crazy fanatics who want revenge, while a sizeable chunk of the high elven population is back in Silvermoon, rebuilding and dealing with leftover undead. And if you do the math, it says that 90% of the high elven population was killed, and then 90% of the survivors became blood elves. That leaves the true high elven population a staggering 1% of their original numbers. That shit is crazy. But then again, take a look at the history of the races, and you'll see that Blizzard is disappointingly fond of this. Gnomes? 80% got killed/leperized in Gnomeregan. Tauren? Before the orcs came along, they were almost extinct. High elves? we know how that shit turned out. Draenei? 90% of the race in Draenor got butchered by orcs, not sure how many became Lost Ones/Broken. Darkspear trolls? They're just a tiny tribe, who lost their homeland and (once again) had to be saved by orcs. Ugh, I'm having flashbacks of tauren and Darkspear damsels in distress being valiantly rescued by strapping orc knights. And yeah, what they did with the remaining High Elven locations is deplorable. Especially since in Cata, the Quel'Litien Lodge gets assfucked with the Character Derailment stick (they all turn to wretches thanks to Hawkspear). Link: Quel'Lithien Lodge. On the bright side, what you ask for is implemented in Quel'Danil Lodge... which is now being attacked by the Forsaken (don't worry, Gilveradin is still alive). For crying out loud, I'm stunned by the Forsaken's view of their former race. Blood Elves? Old pals! Gimme a hug! High Elves? FILTHY ALLIANCE SCUM DIE DIE DIE! Yeah, you can say that again. I was there! We didn't betray anyone! We accepted shit from naga, big deal. May I remind you, Garithos, that in the next campaign you get mindraped by a dreadlord and immediately afterwards you basically become Sylvanas's pussyboy? Golly gee, accepting some boats/troops from the naga sure seems like a misdemeanour now, doesn't it? And yeah, the whole 'humans are awesome' thing falls flat when you see, oh... I dunno... ARTHAS! To be honest, the blood elves were screwed no matter what. On the one side, you have humans and night elves (I don't think there's any bad blood between high/blood elves and dwarves or gnomes). Oh, and big blue demons (though the later is a bit hypocritical, considering they were giving blowjobs to Fel guards in exchange for mana... they're not ones to judge!). And on the other, you have orcs (First/Second War enmity), trolls (yeah, they're not 'forest' trolls... though that doesn't make it a whole lot better) and Forsaken (you tried to kill me, bitches! And you act just like the fucking Scourge that invaded us in the first place!). Though I will admit that they have reasons to rely on the Forsaken, especially when you correctly point out that at least half of them should be high elves (and it bugs me that I don't really see that represented in the models out side the Dark Rangers). Oh, and as an aside, check out the Creative Writing Contest Winner, it's actually an awesomely detailed depiction of post-Sunwell-restoration politics between Blood Elves, Forsaken and the Quel'Lithien Lodge. It's seriously awesome (no smut though ). It does a very good job of explaining what the hell are the Blood Elves doing with the Horde (it pins the blame on Sylvanas's endorsement... which is canon and makes an awful lot of sense). Yeah, well, Forsaken are also half undead human bastards who butchered their way into Quel'Thalas. And the other half are former family and friends. It's a mixed bag of suck and pain. Not to mention they all seem to behave single-mindedly like the Scourge they claim to hate (what with the plaguerizing, the killing and reanimating, the attacking neighbours for no fucking reason at all...). I actually thought that a good, plausible way for Sylvanas to behave the way she does (maybe I'll write about this pet theory one day) was that her soul was still inside Frostmourne. So even if she had a mind of her own and free will, her empathy, feelings and all that sentimental crap was locked away inside Arthas's greatsword. This made explaining The Lament Of The Highborne tricky, but I can chuck that to some remaining flicker of emotion within her. This, of course, was completely crushed with WOTLK and her remaining exactly the same (and becoming WORSE in Cata) after Frostmourne was shattered and the souls held within were released. And hah! Dark Ranger lolore is made of suck and fail. It's never clearly explicated WHAT they are (here, it says that they're elven rangers forcibly reanimated from the dead... not necessarily banshees), or how do you get one. Can you take a random huntard, kill him, reanimate him and have yourself a dark ranger? Do you NEED a banshee? Can you make do with a wraith/shade/ghost? As an aside, I'm writing about a male banshee someday. Why should girls get all the stripperrific outfits and cool powers? LOL. ROFL, there's so many couples out there that just DRIP sexual tension. Illidan/Kael, Garrosh/Varian (YES, THEY DO), Thrall/Jaina (for fuck's sake, those two need a fucking ROOM already!), Koltira/Thassarian (one of the Cata videos in youtube has the beta-tester singing 'Everybody wants to live in Andorhal' as a parody of West Side Story when these two have their 'we can't be friends anymore because we're on opposite sides' conversation), Asric/Jadaar (the vitriolic blood elf/draenei detectives who get kicked out of Shatrath City)... just about everyone in this page. AHEM. Anyway. Back to the main point. Yes, ugh, insanity is such a freaking overused justification it's practically meaningless. Where are we, in Lovecraft Country? Yes, fine, the Old Gods make you crazy... but fuck, ever heard of 'temperance' and 'use sparingly' and 'diversity'? No? Yeah, lack of originality for pretty much every major villain. In fact, here in this place somewhere there's a story with a hilarious disclaimer (something like "If I owned WoW, going crazy would not be the reason every single villain becomes evil") and it was so freaking TRUE. The things I'd do with WoW if I owned it! (starting with creating incubus and male versions of all those stripperrific female-only races). Ehhhhh, you make a pretty solid argument, but I'm looking at it from a different perspective. If you've read the War of the Ancients trilogy, you'll know that the Highborne are DICKS. Major dicks. Some of them get knocked down a peg, yes, but in the end, they still have egos the size of Arkansas. You don't get over that shit because you finally get your own 'hood to chillax in. On the contrary, without the blasted druids breathing down their necks, they can finally be as assholish as they want to! Of course, they're not DUMB, they know they have to be more careful (hence the druidic runestones that held trolls at bay and kept their magic hidden from the Legion), and nothing precludes them from wanting to be close to nature (they were still night elves, after all). The problem is that with these precautions and the Sunwell, it's only logical that they become royal cocks, at least until they're forced to admit they needed the humans' help against the trolls (and Rivandyr was alive before that). Furthermore, this article explains that elven rangers practise druidic magic (and it's the only logical reason the bloody druidic runestones can exist in the first place). And we all know what druids think of arcane magic. To me, it makes sense that the rangers get shunned because they just can't stomach the arcane. And since we know that in Silvermoon magic is deeply tied with politics (evidenced by the Magisters), it also makes sense that within the city, all but the Ranger General get looked down upon. Outside the walls though, that's the rangers' territory (Further speculation: the Elven Druid article). Also, if you recall, Alleria had to bring the head of a troll to the Convocation of Silvermoon to convince them to rejoin the Alliance, which means that the rangers weren't really that important, politics-wise, to the high elven government. To me, this means that rangers are seen pretty much like swordsmen and archers: military meant to keep the peace and Quel'Thalas safe, but really not good for anything else. The mages might very well throw a few compliments the rangers' way when trouble starts stirring, but during times of peace? I'd bet they're subtly told to stop sullying their glorious city with their unclean, magic-hating riff-raff. And as a justification for this behaviour, I point out the cycle of abuse. Smarmy bitches berate assholes, who grow resentful. When the power balance shifts in the other direction (with mages being in charge and druidism being pretty much a sect), the assholes become smarmy bitches to the minority. It's typical human behaviour (and in this 'verse, elves are magical humans with pointy ears and hot bods, much as it pains me to admit it). Though none of this prevents them from joining forces against a common foe (I point out the War of the Ancients trilogy once again). And really, blood elves have to get their immense dickery from somewhere. It doesn't spontaneously develop in 5 years. What I go with is that those traits have always been there, only hidden behind a veil of niceties and politeness (politicking and diplomacy), so well that most people don't even know it's there. Rivandyr is probably the only elf who will tell you this stuff in your face, because he's old and doesn't give a fuck anymore. It's a typical attitude of really elderly folk, they do away with diplomacy and state things the way they are. When the Sunwell went poof, the elves just stopped bothering with diplomacy. They let it all hang out and even got WORSE. Much, much worse. They gave the Light the finger, started whoring themselves out for magic, consorted with demons, installed a totalitarian government and started MIND-CONTROLLING OTHER BLOOD ELVES IN THE STREETS OF SILVERMOON! So yeah, I don't believe that high elves were really all that direct in their animosity, but rangers could tell (and it was definitely reciprocated). Rivandyr's perceptions are likely coloured by his own dislike of mages, too. Though I'm pretty sure there were plenty of exceptions. After all, Rivandyr's wife married him for some reason, right? Anyway, sorry for being so damn long-winded, I just get easily carried away when discussing stuff that piques my interest.

I am having this enormously hard time imagining you actually doing that, LOL. A much more likely mental image is you cackling over your keyboard as you think of puns with the word 'spire' and describe in vivid detail how the cute little purple dragon gets anally raped. But that's just me. Ditto. I actually think old/old should be featured more often, there's nothing wrong with it. I do disagree with Asexual Biped on this one. I don't think it's because you get flashbacks to elderly relatives, I think most people dislike thinking about old having sex because this makes old people 'real' in the mind of the reader (as opposed to walking plot devices, sources of knowledge, etc.), and this makes them relate to the elder, therefore making them face the fact that one day they will get old and eventually, die. I think that's the aspect that squicks them out, having old age demythologised and thrust in their faces.

I don't mind old people having sex together. You're definitely right that sex is perfectly natural for older folk. What squicks me out (unless it's really, really well done) is an old person having sex with a younger one, underage or not. I wouldn't be alienated or put off by a sex scene between two older people, I'd probably just go "awww they still find each other sexy" at that (assuming we're talking about a long-time couple here). If they're two strangers/friends/acquaintances, then I'll just think of it the same way I do for younger couples.

Yeah, that's definitely the source of the ewwww. Not the age difference (I didn't really mind), but the student/teacher thing. I mean, if we cringe when a lecherous man has his way with a nubile girl, this is just as ewwww-worthy. It was kind of hot though! And yeah, the entire thing just dripped humour. Very well done.

Hahah, that's fine! It was an amusing read nonetheless. Glad to find someone who actually cares about the lore and isn't just interested in getting characters together. Heh, that makes me rather pleased, that you noticed the setup in the first chapter. I wanted to keep it subtle but still there, you know? And yes, the daughter thing was definitely something that didn't come out just quite right. Thankfully, I'm addressing the issue in part IIIB and I'll be keeping what you said in mind. My take on that is that a rift has always existed between rangers (inheritors of the night elf druidic tradition) and mages, especially since it's stated in a lot of places that mages are scheming, manipulating assholes, while rangers are wiser and more personable. I extrapolated this into a rivalry in the political spheres of Silvermoon (granted, this is something I'll be explaining further in IIIB). Ranger Generals were respected (I might have missed something, but I've never seen ordinary rangers getting the same respect from the other elves that Ranger Generals do), but a normal one like Rivandyr actually gets seen as inferior to mages within the walls of Silvermoon (outside, I'd wager it's the other way around). Therefore the daughter who gets teased her whole life for being the daughter of a ranger, while all she wants is to rise in power in the magical/political world, ends up despising her father and blaming him for everything that's wrong with her. Childish, petty? Of course. Then again, that's my take on it, and I'll be explaining it further in IIIB, so that it's not that confusing. Also, the respected Farstriders were only reformed 500 years ago. Before that, it's likely they'd have been seen as just antisocial loners who are only good at archery and bestiality. Thanks! Ugh, yes. I swear I had to physically WRESTLE with that sex scene. It took me for-goddamn-ever to get it done and I still think it came out god-awful. Well, I have a serious problem with innocent and romantic. For the life of me, I can't write romantic stuff. All that kissing and caressing and doing cute little things () is like trying to draw water from rocks. And I will admit Ari gets VERY OOC in the scene, with him magically knowing what to do, but I swear I can't, by the life of me, write a hesitant, blushing virgin. I simply can't. I tried, did my best, and failed. I might try again, one day, but I have no idea if I can actually achieve it. Then, I honestly tried to avoid doing all the things you suggested because I wanted to avoid a repeat of SCN. I wanted it to be more emotional/intellectual, but ugh. Just fail. A big pile of fail. I'll be keeping all of that in mind for the real sex scene. And to be honest, I actually disagree with you on the stuff you say about letting the reader know about cock size, gushing about musculature and all that. Maybe it turns some people on, but I think it kind of shatters Suspension of Disbelief. Like I'm suddenly faced with the jarring image of the author drooling over the keyboard and wanking as they type that. It shatters my illusion that it's a story, and instead it reminds me it's just written wish-fulfilment. I know, I know, sometimes it's perfectly in-character (describing all the stuff the other character gazes at when they stop to admire their lover's body), but I tried to play it safe. Yes, I actually know what you mean. To be honest, pretty much all of what you're telling me I already knew, I just struggled so hard and for so long with this chapter, I just said 'fuck it, I just want it done' you know? There came a point I just had to stop or I was going to scrap the whole thing. Which means less detail, unfortunately. And LMAO, I completely forgot about cockslapping! Hahah, that's actually really funny, the bit about SCN and elves topping non-elves. I like elf/non-elf pairings, too, though I don't mind who tops (I can certainly appreciate the image of an elf bottoming!), and it's probably something that will be present in pretty much all my stories (except the AFF prompts... I go crazy with those). Yeah, good point there. Aristan is Ari to everyone except people pissed off at him. Rivandyr's nickname was actually supposed to represent that the two are really that close, since nobody else calls him like that. In hindsight, that's definitely something I should have clarified earlier. I think I can work it in a flashback somewhere... LOL, I might take that into consideration for an Epilogue/whole new story idea. Yeah, DKs are definitely a little overdone. There's some undead that are rather well-preserved (Sylvanas, the darkfallen, Geists in concept art, mad scientists (WTF???), necromancers, acolytes (even if these last two's undead nature is... disputed)). I could make it work with Banshee, too (yes, male banshees do exist... argh, I can't find that bit on the WoWpedia article, but it's right here in my copy of Manual of Monsters. But we know 90% of the stuff in the RPG books has been ignored and retconned as they pleased). Heh, I have to say you do sound pretty convincing. Once again, thank you for the review! I'm actually rather embarrassed I posted the chapter without giving myself time to go away from it for a few days and come back to add more detail. I won't let that happen for IIIB. EDIT: I will probably be giving IIIA a rewrite before that. I really can't stand knowing that there are glaring flaws I can fix. SCN has already been gnawing at me for weeks. So yeah, by the time I update IIIB, I'll have given IIIA a rewrite of that lousy sex scene. Ack, I swear...

Hahahah, I can fully sympathise, I go silly when I see animals (especially dogs, lol). Oh, I completely agree. I actually think the same way, mainly because it makes the most sense. I have to confess I don't pay an awful lot of attention to WC lore anymore. I loved the first three games, which were awesome (except for Sylvanas being suddenly an evil bitch, especially since she started off pretty well for a recently liberated undead), and then WoW did a lot of cool stuff. Then it all sort of started becoming better and worse at the same time. I've actually reached the point where I've learnt to take the good with the bad. Oh, Arthas is dead and has been replaced by someone we've only seen a couple of times before? Oh, that's quite all right. I'll just shrug and deal with it. If something truly needs fixing to make sense (worgen, I'm looking at you), I do it myself. Personally, I'm trying not to get too attached to the lore anymore (I am so going to start calling it lolore, too, it makes too much sense to do otherwise), because it's just opening myself up to be disappointed and gang-raped (and not in the 'fuck yes, this is fun' way). These guys have two things in mind: Selling and Rule of Cool. Anything and everything might get sacrificed to achieve that. Hell, we're already halfway towards Warhammer 40K, the way things are going (my official bet is that WC4 begins after Azeroth finally explodes from one of the many, many, many things trying to assrape it and the surviving races emigrate to another world). No problem! I completely agree, it's not barking! I definitely feel your frustration, dude. LMAO, that might be an improvement for the Plaguelands, lol. What? Bitter? Whatever could make me even consider that?! LOL, poor Kael'thas. He got buttfucked with the Character Derailment stick. Like Illidan and so many others. And hahahahahah, too true. Too true. There's a lot of tiny little evil stabs like that through lore. Well, not tiny, in that case. More like getting cleaved with Doomhammer's failhammer. My turning point was actually in The Frozen Throne, with Sylvanas warming up the Character Derailment stick before BC gave it over to Kael'thas, and Garithos being single-handedly responsible for an entire race being driven out of the Alliance. Seriously, that guy needed to die so badly it was actually unsatisfying when Varimathras killed him. But the final nail in the coffin was actually the entire deal with the Blood Elves/High Elves. I'm a diehard High Elf fan, and I absolutely loathe what they did with Blood Elves. Magic addiction, courting with demons, scheming/tyranny in Silvermoon, being chums with the Forsaken (which are Scourge Lite, especially in WOTLK and even moreso in Cata), joining the Horde, being all-around dicks... yeah, let's just say they took my favourite race and raped it so much it's now the loosest slut in the city. ...how's that for barking, lmao? EDIT: Whoops! Ninja'ed!

Serronas: *bows* Thank you! I'm really glad you think so, I thought I was going to go over the top and skid into lame purple prose territory. Glad you think it's poetic instead! Awww, shucks. Thanks again! P.S.: The 'darling' bit had my mind reading the review with a very dignified Zsa Zsa Gabor voice.

JayDee:Yes, indeed she is! I think she's the villain I've written that's roused the most visceral responses to date, hah! Thank you, I'm glad I could convey the fact that he's so scared shitless of her, he's already quaking in his boots before she even appears. And yeah, poor Hayden's had to push his pain threshold to the MAX to keep that job. The things we do for the people that birthed us into this awful world, huh?

FOR SHAME!

I completely agree. I'd send one myself but I doubt I'd be taken seriously if I sent him 600 characters of swear words. See? This is why prostitutes get a better rep than writers...

pittwitch: Hahahah, yes, she is a mean ol' Mistress! Thank you, I tried not to make it too obvious at the end that she was 'carving' him.

Asexual Biped: Why thank you! That's awesome to hear, it was really hard for me to stay within the word limit to capture both things. Fairy Slayer: Heh, that's the point of the story, a different take on your typical D/s relationship. A very dark, unhappy one. And yes, you've absolutely nailed it! She enjoys it far more because he can't leave (that poor ailing mother of his...), and gloats about it often. I'm kind of attached to these two, so I might do them again, just to explore a new side of their relationship. Mwahahahah, you're observant. kisamiko: Excellent! I'm glad you feel that way, that's the exact reaction I was aiming for! You've made me awfully pleased. Apollo: Heheheh, why am I not surprised in the least? All I was missing was a kilt and a leaf-blower! But thank you, she really is one naughty Mistress... DemonGoddess: Yes, yes she is! She's meaner than a demon cat, I tell you! Thanks!

LOL. We need a guro tag! Death doesn't cover stuff well. It's too much of an umbrella. I like important, dramatic, almost cinematic deaths, like the one at the end of Haunting Horsecock. It's the rampant needless gurofests I dislike. Hahahahah! You crack me up! No problem, I think we should all be appreciated for all the sides we have. B) Don't sweat it, you did really well, especially within a tight word limit (...poor choice of words there?). If you do an eloping, you'll be the best. Especially because embarrassing pictures of mouthfuls of cocks are awesome. May I suggest some of Gerald bent over in compromising positions, too? And yeah, I definitely get what you mean, I'm really enjoying the prompts as well, for that exact reason.

Pen Name: Shadow Knight. Story link: AFF Prompt - Turkey. Type of fic: FlashFic Rating: Adult + Fandom: Original. Pairing: N/A. Warnings: Abuse, AFFO, Angst, Bond, ChallengeFic, COMPLETE, Contro, Humil, Language, M/s, NoSex, OC, Oneshot, SH, Slave, Tort.

THIRD BOOK: GUILTY PLEASURES, BY LAURELL K. HAMILTON. Chapter Thirty-Two: Looking forward to seeing Mary Sue reconciling her future sluttiness with this apparent religious devotion. Interesting to note how empty it feels, as if there's not a real reason for her to go to church other than 'because it's good against vampires' and 'because I might get an epiphany.' Real smooth. Why I believe my pet theory was wrong. Unless Edward has superhuman strength (is he a were, perhaps?), it's likely it's someone completely different. Goody. OH! MY! FUCKING! GOD! WHAT A TWEEST! Bitch got what she deserved, awwright. Veredict: This bodes well for the myriad of unlikable characters in this book. Chapter Thirty-Three: Pity? You feel pity for her? Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahah! Oh man. Ugh, more characters. I swear, it's like you introduce a new character in every fucking chapter. Fucking shit. ... woman, why must you taunt me with occasional well-written scenes or plot advancements? The whole 'we saved each other's lives' is actually mildly interesting. Veredict: Eh. Chapter Thirty-Four: ...what? The Pope excommunicated you, you stopped caring and became Episcopalian? That's your religious history? What? What the fuck? Huh? Dear sweet mother of fuck, I think I just took 3d6 points of Wisdom damage here... You know what? I'll stop thinking about that, grit my teeth until they crack and move on. Also, the Church of Eternal Life makes absolutely no sense. Vampires live forever and must drink human blood, right? Why the fuck would they want to bring MORE vampires into the fold? It's like we had a magic wand that lets us turn cows into humans. It might be cool to do it once or twice1, but you don't just do it to every cow that doesn't run away! OTHERWISE YOU RUN OUT OF FOOD! And since you're stronger, faster, have Jedi mind tricks, can fly, read minds, rape minds and whatever other power the author feels it's cool you have, humans represent a very small threat to you. You literally have absolutely no need to "reproduce" at all. In fact it would damage your race on a sociological level. But this is, once again, something that your drug-addled brain fails to grasp, Mrs. Hamilton2. LMFAO. A vampire has an appointment that reads "Nine. Anita Blake. Murder." I think this is the only time in the book I've actually laughed or found anything funny. In page 142 out of 197. Tragic. Then we get a random hit man (what an amateur) and poof, he's dead. Yes, Mary Sue. You're very important. We know. Chapter Thirty-Five: No, Anita. Creepy Vampire Child said femboy was third. That means there's one vamp you still haven't met, who could pulverize your sorry ass. The head of the church would be fourth. Geez, I get that you've been smacked around like a little bitch, but shit woman! How did you make it this far without remembering important information?! At least you're smart enough to take precautions if you get killed. Interesting. Also, Edward's 24 hours are up by now. 48, even, if my calculations are correct. Whoops? Ugh, this whole 'oh no the vampire church attracts so many people! That is the real danger, not the murderer!' thing would be sooooo much more believable if I didn't already knew you turned into a vampire slut in the next few books... Bah. She's suspecting Edward. This means that, unless we find incontrovertible proof that he didn't do it, he's innocent. Funny how it works in novels, the exact opposite as in real life3. Unless she's aiming for that delicious Hannibal Lecture of 'you know what I'm doing is right' blah blah bullshit. Ugh. I can't tell which fate is worse. Veredict: I need some sleep. COMING NEXT: MORE FAIL. 1: FOR SCIENCE! 2: Because, as we've proven and established many times before, you're just plain stupid. 3: And it's always so stupidly presented like that. A last-minute twist that's supposed to sweep you off your feet and leave you slack-jawed in awe. Tsk, tsk.

In no particular order. Good: Seducer, Hot Stuff, Fast-Talker, Prized Lover, Keeper, Philanderer, Charmer, Head-turner. Bad: Lech, Ogler, Funky, Repulsive, Pervert, Sniffer, Sleazy, Dirty. Neutral (-5 to 5?): Stalker. Because it's hilarious.

FairySlayer: Interesting points. Drugs: If they aren't used, I don't see why you even need the tag at all. Alcohol: I'd use it only when the characters are alcoholics or get SERIOUSLY drunk. Bestiality: Wouldn't use a tag for something as small as that. Assuming the woman doesn't entertain any lust towards the dog, and the scene isn't described in loving detail with clear intent of titillation. Rimming: Yeah, I'd say it deserves the tag. Tongue over asshole = rimming. Slavery: I'd reserve it for when it's actually NOT role-playing. I assume the D/s tag covers precisely that, role-playing. Normally, I don't sweat it that much. I only reserve tags for when something is, with no room for mistake, what the tag represents. If there's doubt, check if it's really that important to the story. If it's a throwaway scene, don't bother. If it's something crucial to the story, make a thread in the forum or ask a staff member.

DemonGoddess: Would it be inappropriate to ask you to add naughty titles every 5 points? Because I think it'd be pretty amusing. Something like "Hot Stuff" for the good side and "Lech" for the bad side, or something like that.

Asexual Biped: ...I'm so taking your word for it. THIRD BOOK: GUILTY PLEASURES, BY LAURELL K. HAMILTON. Back, with coffee. Hopefully this sweet nectar of life will see me through this shit unscathed. Chapter Twenty-Five: Sigh. Bracing myself for oversexualized characters... Ah, at least something you do NOT disappoint me in, Mrs. Hamilton1. ANITA? YOU'RE GIVING OUT YOUR REAL NAME?! You're supposed to be undercover, you stupid bitch! You're glad you're not recognized on sight! Ugh, you lazy, lazy fucking bitch. You'll get fucking beaten and you'll deserve it for being such an imbecilic cunt. Ah, your first taste of bisexuality, Mary Sue. Enjoy it. Savour it. Revel in it! Because by this point, the readers are cheering for HER. Aaaaaand more flak against hairy chests. Interesting. Awfully revealing, too. Huh, way to blow your cover, Anita. Just what the hell are you doing? You act like a fucking amateur. Have you every heard of lying, faking, acting? Any of this ring a bell? Or is the author fucking your personality for forced drama again? I did enjoy the catfight, though. Mainly because it's come to the point where all the characters are seriously awful and the only enjoyment I derive by this point is when any of them (protagonist included) get physical or verbal violence thrown their way. And blood junkie gets molested by an overweight nympho. Just what I needed: more nightmare fuel. Dear Mrs. Hamilton: We get it, you fist yourself to the thought of a young hot man who acts cocky and flirty but is in fact sensitive and deeply troubled on the inside. We have a trope for that, it's called Troubled But Cute2. I grow swiftly tired of your shameless wanking. Unless this is somehow relevant to the plot, it's so unnecessary, it's beginning to make my eyes bleed. I honestly expect more from a published book. Oh, asshat. Poor predictable asshat. Paraphrasing a famous Egyptian author, may death come to you in swift wings. ... Anita. You stupid cunt. EDWARD IS THE ONE BEHIND THE MURDERS! Ugh. If I could reach into your world and fucking slap you... I wouldn't, because I might catch something. ... and you fucking like him? After he's promised you to fucking torture you for information? And you just admitted that if he gets cocky, goes after Creepy Vampire Child and gets himself killed, she's likely coming for you next? Are fucking stupid? Yes, yes you are. You are so retarded you... oh wait. Asshole appeal. Right, right. It slipped my mind for a moment. It doesn't matter how asshat acts, because the author likes him. He might have a Freudian excuse or another, and he's cute. /facepalm. I pray to the Eldritch Abominations behind the stars that we never meet, Mrs. Hamilton. Ever. Ugh, and then you try to justify it and fail. Poor Mary Sue, I'm starting to pity you, having to struggle to justify what this shitty author makes you do and feel. Yes, he's better at lying and roleplaying than you, BECAUSE HE'S A FUCKING PSYCHOPATH. Do you hear that sound, Mrs. Hamilton? That's the sound of my brain making a run for the border. You bitch. Veredict: Sadface. Chapter Twenty-Six: Mhm, junkie psychology, I'll sort of admit it doesn't completely suck. And then a sex attempt? What the fuck, Mrs. Hamilton? Did your dildo slipped out or something? Or are you playing the 'oh he's just using sex to avoid the subject' card, which allow me to tell you, makes people look pretty slutty. Oh, wait, they're being watched, right, right. You're surely using that excuse a lot in this book, Mrs. Hamilton. Wishing your life was that exciting? Or just used to forcing yourself on pretty men under flimsy pretences? I'm sure there's a twelve-year-old boy crying somewhere after you molested him, Mrs. Hamilton. Way to go. Ah, interesting, someone finally touching on the whole "bites = VERY EASILY INFECTED" thing that gets universally ignored everywhere. Yes, the mouth is an orgy of bacteria. Getting bitten often leads to stuff like meningitis, endocarditis, sepsis, septicaemia, septic shock, et cetera3. "You look like an ad for Rent A Gigolo." No, you mean he looks like someone ready to go cruising through gay bars. Big difference. Ugh, Mrs. Hamilton, what is it with you and gay men? Is this some sort of revenge fantasy for having been rejected so often? Some wish-fulfilment "I AM QUEEN OF ALL MEN, AND THEY ALL LUST AFTER ME, AND ONLY AFTER ONE ANOTHER IF IT AROUSES ME!" ? Because, let me break it to you, that's not how the world works4. "From now I would remain the tough-as-nails vampire slayer, not to be distracted by rippling muscles or nice eyes." AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH *deep breath* AAHAHAHAHAAAAHAHAHAAAAHAAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAH *deep breath* AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAAAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHHA *pants* AHAHAHAH *pants* AHAHAHAHAHAHAH Yes, yes he would. Because he's a fucking bottom who likes it rough. We've fucking seen it on stage. He was one cock up his ass short of moaning for more like a little bitch. Still not getting through to you? Fine. Have it your way. Veredict: The gay/bi male community needs a collective restraining order against Mrs. Hamilton. For their own safety. Next thing we know, her new series will be 'Juanita Lake, Gay Men Rapist.' And then the world will finally know the true meaning of horror. Chapter Twenty-Seven: Oh, breast-biting. Hot. Yes, Anita, you do sympathise with the killer, who is Edward, and will probably try a Hannibal Lecture on you when you finally face him. Which won't work, obviously, because you've watched one too many Hollywood movies, and that's the sort of thing they do. And plot comes calling again. Cheaply, indecently, like a whore crawling through a puddle of semen and tears. What the fuck is up with these stupid characters? Has logic bereft this universe? It would explain so much. Dr. Seuss? Seriously? Did you have a childhood at all, Mrs. Hamilton? Or were you molested by a creepy uncle? A hairy, ugly, fat, balding, slobbering creepy uncle? Hmmmmmmmmmm. Veredict: Childish. Chapter Twenty-Eight: "A man who could follow directions; not bad." --> Frustrated much, Mrs. Hamilton? Okay, fine, I admit it, I liked the ointment thing. I said you do well with little details, and I meant it. The ritual is bloody interesting5. Hm, interesting plot twist with gaunt-face. I can't believe this chapter doesn't suck. Also, pro tip, Anita: If you think the mouths of the living are crawling with bacteria, you might want to be extra worried about the mouths of the rotting dead. Wait. Wait. Wait, what the fuck? What was the zombie for? Why the fuck did this chapter happen? Seriously what the fuck? Veredict: Confusing. Very, very confusing. Chapter Twenty-Nine: Creepy Vampire Child is summoned by the powers of plot. Awesome. And she wants to feed off Anita. Everybody wants Mary Sue. EVERYONE. NO EXCEPTIONS. *thunk* That was my head against the wall at the "And I was all out of blowtorches." line. Ugh. Someone told this woman that she had wit and now we're all paying for it. Ooh action. Ruined by one liners, but oh well. Veredict: Meh. Chapter Thirty: Awww, self-pity. Let us all join the pity party. I brought cake!6 He wants you to put on a strap-on and fuck him unconscious, Anita. That's what he wants. Or a real man. Veredict: Being a sadistic fucker has its privileges. Mainly, the ability to enjoy lame chapters like this one. Chapter Thirty-One: Mary Sue, allow me to enlighten you on your worries: PRIORITIZE. That is what you must do. Who's first on your worry list? Asshat. You have two choices: Kill him (hint: TRAPS) or send him off to Nikolaos to get him killed. If you're too much of a pussy to go for the first, do the second. We both know Creepy Vampire Child is going to try to kill you before the book's over already. The other vamps? Just kill them. Claim self-defence. Everybody will believe you. BECAUSE YOU'RE FUCKING MARY SUE. What has he done to you? Answer: Femboy has made you his slave. You were told this before, yes? Veredict: I'd hope for Mary Sue's death at the end of the book, but I'm far too much of a realist. COMING NEXT: WILL SHADOW KNIGHT MAKE IT TO THE END? STAY TUNED FOR MORE. 1: Which is, in itself, disappointing. 2: Quick analysis on the Troubled But Cute male archetype: Has all the asshole pussy-warming traits but is not, in fact, an actual asshole. He's actually hiding a soft interior that the female may care for. His troubled past and frail sanity also provides her with much-needed drama, fantasy, excitement and risk. This is unrealistic, period. A jerk is a jerk and a troubled guy is fucking troubled. Guys don't get hot housewives with a zest for kinky threesomes with their equally hot sister, you don't get this kind of male. 3: But all of this is far too realistic. Vampire junkies, alluring as they are, would be far less common, or the author would have to resort to all sorts of pesky research to make her story logically sound. Which, as we all know, is like, totally uncool. 4: And cheap, shameless wish-fulfilment fantasy is best left where it belongs. Which is here, in AFF. 5: No pun intended. I think. 6: You bet your fucking ass it's poisoned.