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foeofthelance

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Posts posted by foeofthelance

  2. how far can it but pushed?

    in Writers' Corner

    Posted

    Yeah, the thing is that there's no reason to open the cervix that way. Look, sperm is a fluid, right? So the easiest way to get the sperm pass the cervix is not to do some some complicated body modifications mid-coitus. You just need to funnel the sperm past the choke point.

    Think of it this way. You have a bucket of water that you need to pour down a drain. The only catch is that you're not allowed to touch the side of the drains: all the water has to go through, none is allowed to remain in the sink. Your current idea is to make the sink wider to shove the entire bucket down, when it would be easier to just get a funnel and control the flow.

  3. how far can it but pushed?

    in Writers' Corner

    Posted

    Yeah, I think once you've reached the point where you're using magic to accomplish something, it should be solved in the most direct way possible. Just have them use the ancient scroll of Knockum Upitis and hand wave the rest. Otherwise, the more details you throw in the more people will question it.

  10. Right-wing idiots (UK)

    in Political Discussion

    Posted

    It's a little more complicated. Those studies tend to just directly project the US (which has a wide mish mash of gun laws) against the stricter European countries, while ignoring places like Israel and Switzerland with much more open gun laws and still have lower crime rates than the US. Inside the US, cities that have stricter gun laws (Chicago, Washington DC, LA) tend to have more gun crime than those that are more lax. The problem with the US crime rate is not guns; they are just a semi-convenient tool. The problem with crime in the US is more a matter of culture and politics interacting in really bad ways. Second, while banning guns can lead to a decrease in gun crimes, it does not cause much of a decrease in violent crimes. If anything, its been noted that countries such as England and Australia saw an increase in assaults, rape, and felony thefts after their bans.

  11. Right-wing idiots (UK)

    in Political Discussion

    Posted

    I'm extremely opposed to guns in the hands of civilians unless it's required for their occupation.

    My problem with this view is that the measure of a person can not be taken by their occupation, only from their behavior. I fully agree with DG, that there are numerous people are simply unsound to own a firearm, whether it be for reasons mental, moral, or of maturity. The thing is, there is very rarely anything to keep them out of a position where they might acquire a gun. Sure, law enforcement and the military use psych exams to weed out the worst of the worst; yet we still see plenty of news reports about abusive assholes in uniform. Nor have any of the numerous attempts at prohibition of guns or substances proved to be particularly effective at keeping illegal materials out of the hands of determined criminals. So why, in a world where the thugs can find ways to arm themselves and the nominal protectors of society cannot all be trusted to uphold their oaths, should the individual be denied the ability to defend themselves on equal terms simply because they would rather be a teacher, doctor, or artist?

  13. Right-wing idiots (UK)

    in Political Discussion

    Posted

    A couple of problems with that, in my opinion. First, that would make it the only amendment to guarantee a State's rights, with the exception of the 10th, when all the others enumerate rights of the individual people. (The 10th basically just says, "If we don't say its our responsibility here, then its up to you lot to figure out who takes care of the problem"). This is, I think, reinforced by the 9th amendment which says that just because certain rights of the people are spelled out above doesn't mean they lose any rights that might not be written there. Outside of that, trying to read it as a State's rights issue leads to the conclusion that the only time a person would be allowed to carry a firearm is when they are serving or expect to be serving in the stated militia, which means the only time a person would be allowed a weapon is when they are working for the government. That brings you a point where only the government is allowed to have weapons, thus leaving the citizenry helpless in the face of ascending tyranny. (True, the idea was that the states would counter the federal government and vice versa, but it would not be too far fetched to imagine a point where one side or the other has taken and held the dominant role. Some would argue we have already reached and passed that point. That should not be taken as a call to bloody revolution, merely an acknowledgment that the balancing act envisioned by the writers of the Constitution no longer exists, if it ever properly did. Considering what the Constitution was written to replace, it could just as well be argued that everything is going exactly according to plan.) Whereas if one reads the 2nd amendment as granting the individual the right to bear arms, then you have a much more reasonable scenario where the people have not only the immediate means to defend and provide for themselves during the course of their daily lives, but can then also be called upon to form a more cohesive defensive body during a time of crisis for both state and nation, as well as providing the ultimate counterbalance should any of the various legislative bodies become too abusive with their wielding of power.

  15. Right-wing idiots (UK)

    in Political Discussion

    Posted

    The thing about the Second Amendment is, that it's not so much a guarantee of the individual to bear arms, but a guarantee that states may have armed militias.

    Eh, Supreme Court held to the personal guarantee which I'm kind of glad they did. The idea that only the government should have the ability to go around armed is mildly nauseating.

    Extreme right wingers make no sense to me.

    Yes, that would be why they're called extremists.

    Many conservatives probably couldn't care less about moral issues, but they pretend to to appeal to the religious "right".

    Ah, weasel words. How I love thee! So, when you say "many", what are we talking about here? I mean, its such a vague term. Many of a percentage, many of a number? More than a gross or less than a handful? Could we fill a hogshead with them, or would we need shipping container to hold them all? Are we talking just fielders, the entire team, or the entire league? Care to give an estimate? 3%? 30%? 99.999 to the infinite repeating percent? Over 50 million? Under 50 million? Need something a little more concrete to work with here...

    The Great Sue Hunt

    in Forum Orgy

    Posted

    There is an art to sword fighting, as each blade demands its wielder move, cut, and block according to the particular nature of his or her weapon. Longer weapons usually required more room for the sweeping movements that put them to best use, while shorter blades were best used close in, where they could be used to stab and thrust. Armor and shields further complicated the equation, as did any magic or other talents the wielder might possess.

    And when it came to the art of sword fighting, Foe was an impish toddler, splashing his fingerpaints around the living room with gleeful abandon as his parents shrieked in horror. There simply wasn't time or room for anything trickier as he battled his way across the maelstrom that had taken root in the enormous ballroom. Shattered folding chairs were everywhere, covering the floor in a dangerous tangle of shattered plastic, steel springs, and shredded aluminum. Most of the civilians were dead or dying – those that hadn't been turned into Suepires, at least – save for a small handful cowering in the corner under Atargatis's protection. Stephanie Meyers had rallied some of the more Tzupires to her on the main stage, and they had so far managed to repulse all the Falkenrath that Foe had summoned earlier. He felt his powers draining each time one of his creatures died, its essence melting back into the space between worlds from which it had come. It made impossible for him to replenish their ranks or to summon something heavier to replace them.

    At the other end of the stage, Apollo, Sanura, and Laurell K. Hamilton had managed to hold their ground against the more tactless Suepires. The pile of inkstained bodies was already waist high on the women, who were putting the barricade of corpses to good use. Apollo was simply pouring fire from her hands, while Sanura and Laurell were using the cover to reload their weapons in between salvos. With their defenses in place it was impossible for the Suepires to reach the three women...but it was also impossible for them to advance, effecctively trapping them in place. At that point it would just be a matter of time, until either Apollo ran out of energy or Sanura ran out of bolts.

    “This room must be way past its maximum occupancy by now,” Foe growled as he hacked down another Sue. Her head went spinning to the left, and he snapped a kick into her falling body to get it out of his way. One down, and infinite number more to go. He glanced back at the stage, and he realized the Meyers was muttering something under her breath as she carefully kept herself behind the Tzupires. His eyes narrowed as he realized that she was the source of all the Sues. If they could just kill Stephanie Meyers then this entire thing would be wrapped up. Well, mostly. There would still be the tremendous pile of corpses, the endless questioning by the cops, and trying to convince the shell shocked survivors that they hadn't actually seen a bunch of Suepires battling it out in midair with an army of Victorian era inspired bloodsuckers. Or that a particularly tall blonde had been standing on stage flambeing all comers with her bare hands, that the sexy brunette in the corner was holding off a small battalion with a prehistoric shark, or even that some random fishguy had come crashing through the wall on a massive anchor. Really the only thing missing-

    There was a deafening roar from the hall outside, and the doors blasted off their hinges by a school bus-size gout of flame. The Sues consumed by the flames didn't just die, they were evaporated into inky clouds of ash. They were quickly replaced by Meyer's summoning chant, but even that brief moment was too long. Two figures dashed into the room in the wake of the flames, ripping apart Sues as they went. They skidded to a halt only aa few feet Foe.

    “Well, glad to see that you left some for us,” Kelk said as he flicked his claw, tossing away a bit of spleen that had gotten caught in the guard. “But I think you could have afforded to be a bit more greedy.”

    “What, and ruin all our fun?” Bronx pouted. She turned to Foe and wagged her finger at him disapprovingly. “I was involved in something young man, and I do not appreciate being interrupted.”

    “Hey, don't blame me!” Foe held his hands up in protest. Whether cold cocking the Sue he backhanded in the face was deliberate or accidental was hard to tell, but the result was the same either way. Instead he pointed over to where Meyers as shrieking at her guards, trying to urge them into an attack. Unlike the normal Sues, however, the Tzupires seemed less than inclined to listen to her. Without Suezzana giving them orders they had defaulted to their old natures, which meant actually using some sort of tactical sense, which meant not charging the three Authors.

    “Stephanie Meyers is hiding behind them.” Foe pointed over to the cluster. “If we want to put an end to this, she needs to die.”

    “I get to kill Stephanie Meyers?” Bronx asked, lifting one eyebrow. “Maybe this day won't be such a waste, after all.”

  18. You Can't Write The Perfect Feminist Novel And How Its Mostly Some French Guy's Fault

    in Writers' Corner

    Posted

    So, for the past couple of weeks my data feeds have been blowing up with the latest fiasco in the greater realm of Science Fiction and Fantasy fandoms, in this case whether or not Johnathon Ross was a good choice for hosting the Hugos, which basically boiled down to whether or not you thought a late night comedian has the ability to tune his act to his particular audience or whether you thought that Ross was going to re-enact Macfarlane's hosting of the Oscars and spend his entire time on stage making offensive jokes at the expense of the nominees and winners. This only a few months after the SFWA got up in arms over whether or not it is impolitic for its editorial staff to mention that someone they knew looked good in a swimsuit, Just How Exactly Offensive Is That Fur Bikini On the Cover? (Picture a psychologist holding up a paper cut out, asking, “Have you had it up to here? What about here? A little higher? A little lower? Why, yes, I did do my doctoral thesis on Freud, how could you tell?”) and not-really-arguing over who is responsible for preventing sexual harassment at conventions. (As far as I could tell the argument was between people screaming, “Sexual harassment is bad!” on one side, and people on the other side getting slammed for saying, “No shit, and that's why it is the convention's responsibility to police itself, could we go back to figuring out why people are getting screwed in their contracts?”)

    If that seems like an odd intro for what amounts to an opinion on criticism, understand that there's a common theme behind all the complaints being filed – representation. The argument goes that if there were more feminist heroes, more feminist storylines, more feminism in general, that all these problems would go away, or at least be forced into such a narrow space that the offenders would become more a sort of historical curiosity, as if their actions and beliefs were the sort of thing one might see posted on a plaque in a museum exhibit on ancient superstitions, right next to the bits about frogs being spontaneously generated from mud and cats being servants of the devil.

    As authors, our job is to keep these sort of things in mind as we craft our characters. Problem is, I don't think its a viable strategy, at least not in and of itself, because the same people advocating this strategy are the same people sabotaging it.

    Let's go back to the titular Frenchman for a moment. At some point in the 1960s Roland Barthe got up on his soapbox and pronounced the Author had died. According to Barthe no matter who the writer was, what their background knowledge of the materials, or what their intent with the narrative, the meaning of the text lay solely in the hands of the reader. Critics around the world rejoiced as they discovered a power over their texts that really wasn't all that new but gave them something to debate about endlessly, and gleefully spread this message to the masses, where it quickly became entangled with everything else being flung down from the ivory towers of academia. Nor was it any coincidence that it quickly got adopted by the various civil rights and social equality movements that were undergoing their own renaissance at the time. People now had the ability to decide for themselves whether or not a work fit their individual ideology.

    So now let's bring it back to feminism. What is feminism? Well, to paraphrase Anne Bishop, “She's a feminist, dear, so anything she does is feminist.”

    No? Not helpful? Well, that's sort of the point. Feminism isn't any one thing, but a collection of ideals that individuals and groups are striving to bring about. There are a few solid, concrete objectives such as equal rates of pay, but those are few and far between. Most objectives are broad, such as access to medical care. You can get general agreement that womens health is a thing and that it needs to be handled properly, but try to decide what “handled properly” means and you'll start seeing factions form around different solutions. From there everything sort of tail spins as people decide what feminism means for them...and that anyone who disagrees therefore can't be feminist. That's where a lot of problems will start for you as an author. We live in a world where the general mentality is that if you do not agree with someone wholeheartedly, that if you do not march in lock step with them and do everything exactly the way they want it done, then you are not simply someone who disagrees with them but someone who is Other, and the Other is the Enemy of Progress, and the Enemy must be defeated At All Cost.

    Take, for example, the two characters of Barbara Everette and Janea from John Ringo's Special Circumstances series. The first is a soccer-mom-turned-demon slayer. Master of half a dozen schools of martial arts and is good with a gun. When the big, burly FBI agents run into trouble, they run to her for help. Sic her on anything supernatural, and you know who is going to walk away the winner. Oh...she's a devout Christian who doesn't support abortion? True feminists support abortion! Not a feminist character!

    Ok, well, Janea then! Asatru warrior, called to do battle. High Priestess of Freya, wields a mean battle axe, and almost as powerful as Barb. And hey, no problem with abortion! Oh...she's a high priced stripper/call girl? Never mind the fact she is the priestess of a fertility goddess! She only serves to fulfill the sexual desire of men! Not a feminist character!

    Is your character a nurturing mother and housewife juggling seven kids and a crack pot inventor husband? Well, obviously she should be more modern and be making her way through the workplace! Not a feminist character! Is your character an engineer who finds herself doing battle with creatures out of nightmares in claustrophobic spaces? Well, she doesn't act womanly enough, so not a feminist character! Are you writing a top tier forensic anthropologist? Well, better hope you didn't give her a minor social impairment or otherwise she, too, won't be a feminist character! You could write about a high powered corporate executive who is also a single mother trying to juggle a girlfriend with her presidential campaign and still not end up with a feminist character because she put cream in her coffee when real women take it black.

    Oh, and don't be surprised if real world associations come back to frag your feminism. Prime example is Baen books. Baen has a reputation for being “that publisher”, as in they publish a bunch of rather politically outspoken authors including a bunch who don't so much lean to the right as they have to built fortified bunkers from which they can take all comers. So it isn't unusual to see someone like David Weber openly criticized for his lack female and colored characters. This despite:

    - His best known series stars an Asian/Irish/Hispanic woman.

    -The most powerful nation in those books is led by a Queen who is black.

    -The second most powerful nation is also led by a woman.

    -The primary spin off series stars a black woman.

    And that is just the primary-major characters. Going through the full cast would take multiple pages, just like the appendixes attached to the back end of most of his books. And Weber isn't even that politically outspoken. But since he shares a publisher with Larry Correia (author of the Grimnoir Chronicles, which co-stars a teenage Oakie girl in 1930s magical America) Tom Kratman (Amazon Legion, State of Disobedience, which features a woman governor of Texas running a revolution) and John Ringo (Special Circumstances, Black Tide Rising, Troy Rising post-Live Free or Die all of which center on female leads) he gets lumped in with that bunch of thuggish devotees to the hetero white man. This isn't a problem limited to Baen, though. If you support someone who says the wrong things or who has an alternative viewpoint, then be prepared to take a bit of collateral damage.

    So what does this mean to you, the socially conscious aspiring author? Well, basically you're fucked. On the other hand, you were going to be fucked anyway, because trying to please everyone at all times is a futile task. Even Frozen got slammed as being, alternately, anti-feminist or not feminist enough because of something Anna or Elsa did that someone somewhere didn't like. Trying to write the “perfect” feminist character according to the Social Justice Warrior types is like trying to follow the directions of a hundred different chefs, each speaking their own language, half of whom have religious objections to some of the ingredients, half of whom are allergic to some of the ingredients, and half of whom just don't like the taste of the rest of the ingredients. And if you think that is too many halves, they don't.

    What you should do is write strong characters, regardless of type. Don't be afraid to kill of a woman because you are afraid of being accused of stuffing people into fridges, just make sure their death has actual meaning and they don't go out like a chump. Don't be afraid to write a spiteful bitch if that is what the character calls for, just make sure that all your women aren't spiteful bitches and keep in mind that while everyone has flaws, they also usually have a redeeming quality or two. Don't be afraid to lock the princess up in the tower, just make sure she isn't doing so passively. She doesn't need to be running around judo chopping guards in the back of the neck while scaling sheer stone cliffs by her fingernails, but ask yourself, “If I was a prisoner in her position, how would I go about making myself the biggest pain in the ass possible?” Don't ask people what they want to see; instead watch them, and then model your characters off their behaviors.

    I'll end by noting this isn't a problem limited solely to feminism and the desires of its adherents, but applies in general to most topics of identity. As authors, we have no control over the experiences and demands of our readers. On the other hand, and arrogant this may sound, they are coming to us for entertainment. They can no more force us to write outside of our capabilities than we can force them to read what we write, and while we should always be challenging ourselves as creators we should not let that be used as an excuse to be blindly led down paths we would not be able to navigate ourselves. A good story demands diversity simply because the world is a diverse place, but trying to follow a checklist to get there results in a bland, cookie cutter product identical to everything else following that same checklist. Instead simply accept that there will be people unhappy with the worlds you create, acknowledge their arguments where appropriate, and continue to delight those who enjoy what you write.

    The Great Sue Hunt

    in Forum Orgy

    Posted

    It never ceased to amaze Foe, the way time seemed to stretch during combat. It almost seemed like entire years could pass between the seconds. The entire ballroom appeared to be stuck in clear molasses. Suzzanna was reaching for him, her hands outstretched as her fingernails turned into talon-like claws. Anne Rice lay on the stage, blood gushing from her torn throat into the greedy mouth of her killer. The Suepires and the Falkenrath whirled across the ceiling as they battled over the mundanes cowering on the floor below, while Atargatis and Apollo stood back to back over the unconscious form of Sherrilyn Kenyon. Laurell K. Hamilton had picked a side, and picked wisely – she stood next to Sanura, wielding a small, compact crossbow in each hand. Then, just as if someone had hit the play button, it all sped up again.

    “Come get some, bitch,” Foe taunted as he pulled his sword from midair. Bone skittered across steel as he blocked Suzzanna's slashing strikes, but he was still forced to give ground lest he be knocked from his feet. Her form was nearly perfect, to the point where Foe refused to take advantage of the few openings he spotted, fearing they were really clever feints.

    “So brave, so cocky,” Suzzanna snarled as she pressed her attacks. “Will you still be so noble when I dropped your crushed skull at my Mistress's feet? Will your ghost still be so proud as I bath in the blood of your friends? By the time I am done with you, you will wish you had never left the dreamworld!”

    “You...know about that?” Foe faltered at the unexpected comment. His surprised was nearly his undoing, as he failed to stop her from reaching past his blade and slicing open his stomach. Only the thickness of his clothes saved him, even as they were quickly stained by blood.

    Foe didn't notice the pain. Instead his mind was spinning as he tried to decide what course to take. Only two other people knew of what happened in the dreamworld, and neither of them could – or would – tell him about the events that had unfolded there. Granted, he had never really pressed Kelk or Cal for the details, trusting that they would tell him if there was anything important he needed to know. But if Suzzanna knew about the Dark One's plot, then who else knew?

    “Oh, poor little boy, you truly have no idea, do you?” Suzzanna asked as she licked his blood from her nails. “It wasn't a bad plan, if only you had had more time...”

    “What the hell were you trying to do to me?!” Foe demanded as he carelessly barreled towards her.

    Suzzanna just laughed as she easily parried his blade with her bare hands. “Oh, wouldn't you like to know!”

    She stepped backwards as a headless Suepire tumbled between them, its limbs flailing in all directions. Three more Suepires – live ones, this time – charged at Foe before he had the chance to close the gap between him and Suzzanna and forced him to divert his attention to the more immediate threat. Foe shoved his sword into the face of the first one, then let go of the hilt to spin between the other two. A snap of his fingers found the sword back in his hand just in time to cut the legs off the one the right. She fell towards him, and another cut added an arm to the number of severed limbs flying about the room. That still wasn't enough to finish the Sue, so he punted her in the chin hard enough to send her remaining body parts corkscrewing into a corner filled with sound systems.

    Foe turned around and found himself face to face with the remaining Suepire. Her crystal blue eyes seemed to swirl as her lips turned up in a pout. “You don't want to hurt me,” she whispered in a husky voice. Her finger tugged at the string binding the top of her corset, revealing far more cleavage than should have been possible to cram into such a tight garment. There was just a bit of pink near the edge of the material where her nipples were straining to be free of their confines. “Come with me. I can show you things you have never dreamed of...”

    “Ooor not,” Foe said as he cut her in half, bringing his sword up between her legs from the left and out the right side of her neck. Her organs spilled out in a wash of black ink, and he had to hop back to keep from getting his boots splashed. “Then again, I'm really not sure that is something I want to be dreaming about either.”

    He quickly looked up to try and find Suzzanna, but the Queen of the Suepires was already gone. Clutching his stomach, he darted back into the fray.

  24. 'Women can't write male sex scenes...'

    in Writers' Corner

    Posted

    There is a reason my general introduction for new faces on the SB is, "Spit, tit, or swallow?" There is no `male` experience and there is no `female` experience. There are a few, very broad, common denominators among each sex, but they quickly give way to individual encounters and situations. The only way for me to write the female sexual experience (as a male) is to ask as many women as possible and then pick and choose from their stories for whatever fits my characters at that point. As for the guys, I just get lazy and base them all on myself!

  25. Old? Re-Introduce yourself!

    in Aimless Babble

    Posted

    I am He Who Is Known As That Guy, I am the Harem Dragon and the Kilted One, Survivor of Mad Leafblower Attacks, and Keeper of the Pool of Mead. I am Foeofthelance, and if you have not seen me around before, its probably because I was wandering through the misty darks of the internet looking for someone new to offend and argue with. I am typically better behaved around these parts, mostly because this is Home, where I keep my cave.

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