InvidiaRed

Tricked
Lucifer thought there would be no consequences for
his casino fun.
Violence

I’ve finished my story and opened up the Halloween Party to all! (I’ve added the link to the top post.) Folks can add their stories when ready, and please post your title and tags here so I can add them to the Introduction page.
Oh, and here are mine:
Unleash, by George Glass
Warnings: Inc, M/F, MiCD, Violence
Summary: Seeking the courage to escape their abusive father, three teens try a new street drug that can empower you to act on your deepest desires. But what if your deepest desire isn’t what you think it is?

Its nearly ready but doesn’t quite yet have my mark of approval.

Its nearly ready but doesn’t quite yet have my mark of approval.

Well it depends on what the magical combinants are. Holy for example should just burn bright no matter what and little to no smoke. Hellfire in contrast should be smokier in contrast due to its unholy nature/ Implications of its reactants. Typically hellfire in fantasy is much redder/(I’ve seen purple) WOD uses balefire ,
https://whitewolf.fandom.com/wiki/Balefire_(WTA)
Several characters of mine have died to the rather nasty stuff. Since aggravated damage is something you can’t just shake off you die in a few rounds and you can’t soak aggravated damage.
https://dresdenfiles.fandom.com/wiki/Hellfire
Hellfire in fantasy is either bright green, green or more sickly colors to denote the hazard its entails. Sure, its more destructive but you’re also dabbling into things that at the minimum puts your self/ the soul at risk. No matter what color you use. Note that hellfire, is essentially highlighting and magnifying  the worst aspects of fire itself without the positive ones to mellow it out. Its description should reflect that at the very least.
People panic at the smell of smoke, or the first flickers of fire. Hellfire should be magnified 10x Cause the spirit even subconsciously should be hammering that primal part of the brain screaming GTFO NOW!
Undead should use more phantasmal fire. Think corpse lights or willow wisps. ghostly fire may not burn as hot as regular fire but it should be just as nasty if you get hit with it. maybe illuminating the person’s bones/spirit while its affecting the body. Maybe, even making the unfortunate person phantasmal themselves as their essence burns.

Schweet! My story does not want to be alone on Halloween.

I am serious. And you can call me Shirley if you want.
Luzurial: “75 years ago I rolled a lot of nat 1s.”
She’d be an amoral attorney down in California. Probably mostly defending Janet.
“This allegation that my client unleashed a tentacle monster on the school swim meet after some of the athletes bullied her son is preposterous. They were probably just using drugs!”
Let him crossdress for a christmas story. Cole in stockings isn’t always a bad thing. Just me then…
Chekov’s needle!
If Great vengeance and furious anger isn’t in the job description then it ought to be.
CS Lewis: “Except Susan, though. ‘cos fuck her.”
No, I see it, you have that pretty much all the way through.
Not long now… I’m sure it’ll be great! I wish I had your ability to finish stories people want to read!

JAAAYDEEEEE!!!
*sigh* You know I’m going to have to try and work that into the PRD story, right?  Abdul will probably start the joke about stockings full of-
Cole: “Don’t do it, man!  Just don’t do it.”
And for the second review, from @InvidiaRed
Thank you!
So this is what I was talking about in my reply to JayDee’s review.  Something I’ve noticed about Eparlegna’s dialogue is that it’s a mix of more archaic, almost formal speech, like what one would expect out of an angel or demon, and modern vernacular.  The pattern was established by one of his first lines in Whore of Heaven, actually, when Luzurial orders him to leave Earth.
It established that, for all that he views humanity as inferior and will torture and kill them just to amuse himself, Eparlegna nonetheless likes elements of our culture and uses them to spice up his vocabulary.  It made perfect sense to me that he’d quote a good Darth Vader line.
Of course, as you said, the fact that he’s doing that doesn’t actually reflect terribly well on him.
You know, for all that it directly provokes him into killing her, I can’t help but feel that a not-insignificant part of why he kills her is that Cassie just struck a nerve, similar to Kevin’s Sick BurnTM in the lecture hall.  And yeah, finally having someone outright say “You’re going to lose” is always kind of awesome.
 
Thank you so much!  As I mentioned in the author’s note, I was concerned that, while I found “archangel pushes serial rapist out of a building” to be amusing, it might feel a bit...off.  I tried to compensate for that by trying to show Luzurial’s thought process leading up to it, and how disgusted and utterly incensed she is by this guy, and just how vile all of his rapes and abuse are, even when measured against the horror outside.  JayDee actually really helped here by writing Pandemic Head.  Having Michael still doing horrific things, like keeping his cousin’s severed head alive and prisoner indicates that he’s still a threat, and that it’s likely that his “at least one rape a year” pattern has likely slowed with old age, but probably hasn’t stopped.
 
Much like JayDee’s reaction, it seems.  Evidently what she does here is coming across as some level of righteous fury, an evil man coming up against something far more dangerous than he could imagine.
Thank you so much for the review, and I’ll see you again soon!

You tease you.

You tease you.

So. Sooo. Ages ago I did this flashfic, called Reststop. While the evidence shows I’m pretty much willing to post any old shit , especially as flashfics, It didn’t work for me as a story. Some nice bits of description but the character felt wrong. I showed it to InBrightestDay one time and got the suggestion back that it’d work better with another of my characters – which made a ton of sense - and a great point about silent hunting. I figured well, maybe I could do the needed re-write and submit it for Halloween after all. Then I re-read it and realised it’d need a lot more than just some name swaps, so I threw away 90% of it, started writing again and got about 2400 words down. I don’t know if I’ll finish it, never mind finish it for Halloween, but if I do I’m submitting it for the Halloween party this year. I mean, most of it is confusing drivel but there’s one bit I have in my head that if I can get it written down will be pretty awesome and nicely horror-like gory.

Yay!

Part Ten is up!

Just a preview at the moment takes place right after Temporary and the Winter Holiday short Powdered Sugar <3

Does this mean your story is ready for posting, or are you just giving us a little preview?
A little preview of mine:
Unleash
Seeking the courage to escape their abusive father, three teens try a new street drug that can empower you to act on your deepest desires. But what if your deepest desire isn't what you think it is?

Tricked
Lucifer thought there would be no consequences for
his casino fun.
TBA

Tricked
Lucifer thought there would be no consequences for
his casino fun.
TBA

Not sure I got the time, but maybe...

Tricked
Lucifer thought there would be no consequences for
his casino fun.
TBA

I...might have one ready by the end of the month, but given WitS, I seriously doubt it.  I will, however, review all of your submissions!