“Hello, tech support? Yes, I clicked the wrong button and a rampaging porn monster burst from my machine…. yes… yes…. yes I did try turning it off and on again…. I showed it a JayDee story followed by an InBrightestDay one… No, it’s already eaten all the cookies… it’s currently in the other room trying to order a big meat pizza it can’t afford to pay for and then hire a plumber to “clean some pipes out.” Look, just tell me how to stop it playing cheesy synth music every time it starts doing something.”