JayDee

JayDee's (Originals) review reply, story discussion and additional notes thread

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Huh, 60 weeks later and I did another prompt.

Under Joan's Bed The exiting tale of dust and boxes. Um. Kind of. May be continued but if it isn't I can always add a oneshot code and claim it was there all along :D

DemonGoddess061

Very well done! Excellent use of the word.

Thank you for your review! Glad my usage worked out, it was a lot easier to use lessen relevently to a story than villipend :)

Edited by JayDee

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Under Joan's Bed

Raymy

Yay! I managed to get through another one of your stories without clawing my eyes out. Either I'm getting more tolerant, or you're getting soft. I was curious to read this story because when I was alerted via your Review Reply thread (I guess I have my settings turned on for anything I've posted to), I noticed a typo that I thought would be good for the Funny Typos Forum. You wrote, "Under Joan's Bed The exiting tale of dust and boxes." I only wish the dust and boxes under my bed would exit, without my intervention! Anyway, right off the bat I could relate to the story. I too suffered from the monster under the bed. I would coordinate my lights off with a colossal leap onto my bed, narrowly escaping the hand that was frantically grabbing for my ankles. I, fortunately, did grow out of it. Probably around the same time as my own self-exploration got into full swing. I guess a mind can only concentrate on one thing at a time, and the monster just didn't hold sway any longer. With this story, you did the thing I pray for in your writing, the heroine wins, saved by the monster in dusty armour! If you leave it as a one shot, I'll be quite satisfied. If you make another chapter to terrorize my heroine, I probably won't read it, but that's okay as I want to keep her in a shrine, all sunshine and roses. Tee Hee. Thanks for an enjoyable read where you injured two birds with one pebble: good use of the prompt word and an opportunity for me to read you again.

Thank you for your review! You may well be getting more tolerant, it appears that exposure to dreck will desensitize people too it. This is why viewers of Fox News have such a high tolerance for bullshit. You can change your settings under 'My Settings' and then 'Notification Options' under your name at the top. Not sure if you have to also de-select existing threads for notifications tho'. I have it set for PM notifications only.

Regarding the typo in the post, sorry about that. I once used Emphasised in place of Emphasised (EDIT - No joke, I fucked it up again. Empathised was the one I mis-used.), or possibly the other way round in a story, didn't notice, and it was about 8000 hits later before someone mentioned it, the other 7999 presumably having got that far and stoppped reading in confusion. Or I could just delete the story and claim I meant that the tale was exiting stage left, persued by a twink (I couldn't find a bear).

I can't claim to have ever had a problem with a monster under the bed, but I wouldn't be surprised if all that sort of thing cleared up about the same time for most people,

"Dammit, I can't self-explore with my imaginary friend looking at me!" Actually there was a pretty funny parody of Calvin and Hobbes with a late-teen Calvin I saw once along those lines.

I don't know that the heroine won really, she was incredibly passive throughout the story. Sum total of described activity: run, jump, masturbate, read, play SNES, shower, cower in mortal fear at hideous apparition. It's kind of like a day in the life of a regular TVtropes editor. But I'm glad that you liked it and were not scarred :)

I do know how I'd like it to continue, and it's fair to say that the chapter under the working title of 'Daddy's Home' won't be for everyone... but I do have a not remotely shocking blatently obvious twist that was vaguely and ineptly foreshadowed in the first part if I continue. Would be at most four parts anyway. Although the last four parter I did for the prompts did scar a lot of people with the really, really bad haiku in the last part.

Thanks again for your review!

Edited by JayDee

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You can change your settings under 'My Settings' and then 'Notification Options' under your name at the top. Not sure if you have to also de-select existing threads for notifications tho'. I have it set for PM notifications only

Well, you see, I don't really want to change my settings because I enjoy your posts so much, I don't want to miss out on any. :yahoo: But thanks for trying to help a fellow out, I noticed that about you.

Regarding the typo in the post, sorry about that.

Please don't be sorry for that one. Sure, typos can really fuck up a story, making it unreadable. Like you said, 7999 readers probably just stopped, scratched their heads, and gave up. (NOT!) It's the funny ones that should stay, and brighten our day. Besides, a forum post doesn't necessitate perfection in spelling or coherency. We're all just talkin' out of our asses, anyway.

You're right that she wasn't a strong, independent heroine. She probably deserves to get a dose of reality since all her previous torment was brought on herself. I guess what I really meant was that winning by any means, even if you're a coward and someone else rescues you, is the outcome I've been weaned on by American television and movies since I was knee high to a grasshopper. I've come to expect, no, DESIRE it. *chuckles* Seriously, I love having my eyes opened to an alternate way of thinking, but slowly, you know? I'm the kind who eases into the hot tub, acclimating to the extreme temperatures.

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Review for Introducin​g Upsilon Delta Gamma

I kind've panicked when I got the email with "Body of review from AFFModerator follows:" because I couldn't work out what was wrong with it alla this time later. Then I read the review and realised that one of the moderators had just forgotten to log back into their personal account :D Phew!

AFFModerator 2013-10-14

A lot less shocking and controversial content than most of your stories, but just as well-written. (Yes, you do write well. Regardless of what you say or feel. :P)

Nice detail is that you're not working with one, set, top and one set bottom, but having them switch around. Makes it more realistic, I feel. I would've liked to read more, because it's a bit on the short side, but I suspect that's because it's a challenge fic. If you ever write a second chapter to this one, poke me?

Thank you for your review, mysterious stranger! :P

I actually had an idea for a few stories with Joy and colleagues - Joy first appeared chronologically-older in my prompted challengefic Joy-Filled Chad, in which Chad, um, didn't get things as easy as Gene did here. If I ever get back to it, I'll promote hell out of it in the promotions forum. I'm glad there felt like there was some realism, I think I saw Joy as up for anything to get the best out of herself and her partner(s)/friends/passing strangers.

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Nah, I keep my heart hidden somewhere. Can't say where. That's a secret.

Well.. Haunting Horsecock the story I wrote mostly for prompts and partly to see if I could fit horsecock into a story title (and I can't believe it's now 3 years since I did the first part! Tempus Wossname indeed) has gained another review:

CausticRewind

There are a lot of things I like about this piece. The haunting feels less spooky-spooky and more primal. Having it set in the woods brings to mind natural power and a haunting grace, a feeling echoed by the change in the women upon encountering this equine apparition. It turns them wild and sets them loose (because don't we all love that), but you handle it rather respectfully, all things considered. I wish there were more pieces that highlighted the haunting, natural sensuality of a wild woman let loose by passion. Deliciously beautiful.

Thank you kindly for your poetic review - It's a very interesting way to look at the two parts and actually makes me wish I'd had more wordcount to put into them at the time, but perhaps the effect would have been lost if I'd done so. A nice primal ghost story... I like that. There probably are more stories out there, but as the search forum here shows it can be hard to find some themes I guess. At least you found and liked this'n. Thanks again!

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Miharu Sarutobi Must Resist!

Pandorarose

OMG so glad to see your back. I always love your stories. Keep it going

Thank you for your comment! I wasn't going to write my back into the story, and then I thought what the heck and gave it a cameo. Ahem. I mean, I guess this story is kind've a return to the really over the top rapey rape fics I used to knock out ten a penny, but I'll say now for the express purpose of winding up some folks at a fanfiction forum covering off deviant and depraved fantasies of popular characters and other deep rooted psychological reasons undoubtedly. At least there's no snuff in this story, heck, I added that magic no-physical-damage-at-all thing to keep away from that.

The story will be kept going into part 2 which I will be posting next Wednesday or so. Check back then, thanks again for your comment!

Edit: Ooh, and I got my first 1 star rating for ages, it really is old school JD :D

Edited by JayDee

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Ohio Vanilla, a story of the most vanilla sex I could imagine for a little theme thing over on hentai-foundry's forum, because I was silly enough to pay attention and vote for it, and then felt somewhat obliged to write something. Oh, base mind of the JayDee! What cruelty you inflict on me!

Now, this is the least sexually arousing thing I have ever written, to the point that the resolutely NoSex tagged Friendship's Gift is sexier, mostly due to a barely dressed Khajiit and a regretful Orc with his pants down.

Even so, a review:

archon

What the Fuck just happened to my brain? It made me laugh a few times. Thanks(I think) for posting that

Thank you for your review. I believe the expression might well be "This is your brain on Vanilla." I guess it is good that it at least raised a laugh or two, so not all terrible :)

Edited by JayDee

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It's always nice when a little reviewed story in an unpopular theme gets a review years later,

Under Joan's Bed

Mona Thompson

Oh my gods I looooved it!!!!! That was fucking awesome!

Thank you kindly for reviewing this old thing, I remember it being fun to write so it's great if folks liked it - Bed Monsters rule!

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You! is in no way related to Them! although afterwards I was looking at the exclamation mark and thought, well, darn it.

I was on the fence about whether it needed a rape tag since some of the phrases could possiblybe triggering, but there's no actual rape. In the end I decided against it, but if it's thought I should add one by anybody else at all I'll do so.

I've had a review, but if you're going to read the fic do it first 'cos spoiler! :D


Mona Thompson
Ha! That was really fucking funny at the end when you said still no fucking reviews! I really liked it and I wish people did just take a minute or two to let you authors know our appreciation...I mean fuck...you guys spend months or even years writing these amazing extensions of your minds for us to be entertained and most cant even leave a little review to let you know how we felt about it. Not cool. Or worse...leave a mean review. I cant even imagine the courage it takes to just put it all out there and wait to see what people think. Props to you! And I really did love it and I look forward to reading more by you♥

Thank you for the review! I see you actually left the last review for me under original too, so it's good to see this one appealed to you as well and on a general note thanks for giving original fics get some feedback! Another story which is of a similar style would be The Slumber Party of Evil Doom, which also has no sex.

This one here, well, I cheated a little. The first paragraph was based on a few jokey lines I scrawled ages ago, and I thought with the prompts that I could make them into a story. It took an hour or so, but I'm glad it hangs together well! I'm alright with mean reviews myself, both because I've developed the skin for it and because sometimes people need to be nasty to get a point across (and, well, some of nasty!fic deserves meanness) but I think with first time authors or folks who haven't done a story that might deserve it it is pretty bad. Mean reviews can put people right off writing when all they need is some constructive feedback. I try and point out errors and things when I review because I know how easy it can be to miss little things but I also like to say what I liked, or thought worked, or got aroused by if I can. Sometimes I only got the time to say "Awesome!" though :D

Anyway, thanks again!

Edited by JayDee

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You! reviewed again!

Random Gal
It's not often that I write up a review, but then again there haven't been too many stories lately that have caught my interest. Normally I do indeed hate anything besides the third person style, but your story was quite funny. It's a nice, short little blurb, but shows your strength in writing. You made me chuckle, you turned what I expected to happen right around on me, and most impressively, made me read something besides third person. I would be interested in seeing more from you.

Thank you! I don't read as many stories as I used to myself, down to time as much as anything, but I try and review myself when I do. A lot of people seem to hate second person, and quite a proportion are not keen on first person, though it's easier to do well. I used to enjoy the old Choose Your Own Adventure stories when I was a kid but otherwise... eh.

In a similar (but not second person) style of writing are "The Slumber Party of Evil Doom" and "Under Joan's Bed" and in books "Jenny From The Pond". A lot of the other stuff, well, I'd advise checking the codes closely. Very closely. And then avoiding to be on the safe side.

If you do come by and see this I'd be interested to know what you were expecting to happen? :)

Edited by JayDee

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You!



Tahn 2015-06-14
Hahaha, that last line made me laugh. "Still no fucking reviews though." Ah, don't we all know that feeling?


Thank you! I'm glad it made ya laugh - She's writing Second Person self insert OC fics in old fashioned fandoms. She's lucky she's not getting flames! Although obviously the typical demoness doesn't mind flames. Probably quite homely.

Not getting reviews is a little saddening sometimes. :(

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Me!, I mean, You!




NecroNOMNOMicon
This was hilarious! I literally laughed out loud twice -- at the revelation that the demon wrote Tarzan fanfiction (Tarzan? For some reason that seems perfect) and the title of the story itself (which reflects so much of what I've seen)! Very funny!


Thanks for your review! I hope I got the flavor of such a title without actually using an existing title, although I wouldn't be surprised... As for using Tarzan I wanted an older character who might get fanfiction and also be well enough known to most readers, Tarzan seemed to fit! I wonder if I'd have got more views if I'd put "humorous" in the summary? or short? :D

BronxWench
I think I am madly in love with you for this story. Seriously, this is probably one of my all-time favorite stories on AFF. It's sheer brilliance, and the prospect of a futanari demoness publishing her self-insert Mary Sue fics here on AFF is terrifyingly real, I assure you! I've sacrificed several trolls in the hopes of banishing such a creature, but it may have been in vain...

You are magnificent!!!


Thank you also! I'm glad it's had such a positive impression - like your Dragon Age story getting me to play DA:O! It's just a bit of good natured ribbing for the suethors :) Hey, as long as they follow the TOS/Rules Futa demoness writers got as much right to be here as any of us!

Now I kind've want to do a follow up where her first review is a troll author, laughing away about his abusive review... just before discoveing that freed futa demonesses can travel through the internet and express their displeasure about trolling. Say... if the trolls name was Josh, and she turned him into a tree....

"You 2: Josh! You Are Tree!" ... I got loads of those terrible U2 puns. I could do them all night, because until she gets feedback she still hasn't found etc...

Well thank you again! It's been nice to get so many reviews for this one :)

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You!



CL.Mustafic
I'm just gonna tell you this is the first thing I've ever read of yours and I loved it! Now never mind me as I just go on snickering quietly to myself.

CL


Thank you for your review! I'm glad it was amusing, I tried for a bit of a humorous tone. There's probably a lot to be said for avoiding most everything else I've written except maybe "The Slumber Party of Evil Doom"'s first part, but it's good of you to try something and thanks again for the review.

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You!

Thanks to all four of you who've so far reviewed part two! (to save me writing it four times below in the same post. I grateful, but lazy :D) There were something like 185 hits for the first six reviews which is a very good ratio for something without sex and in second person.

I haven't added a Minor2 tag because the troll in part 2 isn't under 18 although You think he might be in dialogue due to the troll's manchild troll/shitty gamer tendancies. He's at least 18, maybe 19.






CL Mustafic
I'm so happy to see another chapter of this and really hope you continue to do the monthly (or is it weekly?) challenges with this story. It's just too damn funny. Almost makes me long for my own troll. I have to say that I was probably as excited as your demoness when I got my firist review so I feel her pain at it being a flame, yikes, I'm empathizing with a hell bitch! Loved it again.

CL


It was originally going to be a oneshot story, but I thought I could do another part with it - as long as it is still a little funny it's all good! The thing with humor is to try and stop before it is beaten into the ground and scraping the barrell. Don't demons and flames go together? :) It seemed appropriate, and as I said further up the thread the idea of her travelling to see a troll seemed to work!

BronxWench
Ah, Sheer brilliance! And I'm saved all the trouble of having to sacrifice any trolls (although I did dismember a Mary Sue in your honor). Now I will wait eagerly to see what happens on Sarsa's outing with her troll. I adore this demoness, I do!


Never trust a demoness! She might be using her stories to cast evil magic into the mind of readers, or have some other cunning plan. Or she might be a genuine suethor. I think it could get confusing if I did a third party from a different "you" perspective, since the troll and the demoness are going to the con without the "you" person... even this sentence is utterly confusing to me. Maybe part three could go first person... "I am a troll. This smoking hot demon chick totally appeared in my room!"... then the title would be "You! and I!"... or just have the original You! read about the carnage on the internet... decisions, decisions...

I might have to write the adventures of Princess Asras next. Probably without dismemberment to maintain the lighthearted tone. "Gosh! Isn't she fantastic? She's much better than following Aslan!"

Random Gal
The second chapter was just as funny as the first. The jabs and self inserted characters, to those trolls that comment with no intention of giving any real comment of meaning, and of course my fast favorite dick demon girl. It's an enjoyable read, and if you do another chapter I hope it's at a con. Seeing her interact with writers as bad as she is, or even better, talented writers, would be pretty funny.

And after reading your reply to my review...

I thought that he was gonna get raped. It's how most of these stories go.

I decided to read Under Joan's Bed and The Slumber Party and thought they were both funny and interesting. You manage to give just enough information to get one hooked into the short story, and a good payoff in both. Personally I liked Under Joan's Bed a little more, but that's because I've always loved the idea of the montser under the bed. It's not an idea you see often.


As long as it's still funny it is worth it! I think it probably does help that anybody writing here or reading here can relate to Sarsa's style of writing and the troll's trolling. Not sure if I'd actually be able to have her at the con, unless, just occured, I could have her pull the original "You" there the next day to have a nice time at the con, despite their protests. I'd kind've like to see her meet bronies. Or get into an argument with one of those futa guys who say proper futa characters should never have balls. With talented writers she's probably be like "Yeah, that's good, but if I put my characters adventures in there in second person or first person it would be better!" same as with Narnia or Tarzan :D

Ahh, of course. I can see why you'd think that he'd be getting raped- it's implied as a threat and there's quite a lot of rapey content out there anyway, not least in my story profile, but I'd always have a RapeFic tag if I actually included anything like that. I nearly put one on just for the threat. Because if you don't use the right trigger tags the moderators flay the skin from your back. Or possibly just give you a warning to change the tag. I don't actually know for sure and don't want to take the risk.


I actually had a big idea around Under Joan's Bed to take it up to about four chapters but I never got around to it. Would have been playing with perception - as the monster and demon real or was she mad? In the end she was gonna be shown not mad. Though I guess that kind of thing has been done to death.

Thanks for your comments on those two stories as well!

NecroNOMNOMicon
I really do despise second-person stories. They are SO difficult to read, and I cannot imagine writing more than a few graphs in that manner.

Having said that, thanks for another entertaining installment of the story of a boy and his(?) demoness. The fandom meta aspects make it fun to read -- and what author hasn't sat by the computer, desperately refreshing in search of a review. (Don't tell anyone, but so far I've been spared any actual troll reviews).

I do appreciate that you're keeping the chapters short, because it really is a chore to read the "you" format. What made you decide to write in second-person? Did somebody run over your dog? ;)


If you only want to write little chunks at a time, you could probably do a pretty good classic style CYOA - maybe each paragraph as a drabble! I got my harshest, most brutal flames from the Firefly fandom. Some of them were pretty trollish. I'd totally have kept them if they weren't taking up the database space, but I think I copy/pasted them into the writers corner flames thread!

I'd written a rough draft of the first paragraph ages ago, I think in a forum thread, as a joke around the idea of a second person story talking about why second person stories are hated by some folks. It was a little clunky, but I happened to spot it again in my scraps folder and thought it would expand into a decent prompt oneshot. Then I guess I did it into a two parter. I'm keeping it short becuase the chapter length is decided by the weekly prompt format rules which specify either twitfic, drabble of up to 1000 words flashfic :) - I think the monthly prompts don't have a limit - but I quite like the challenge of trying to fit it to 1000 words with more detail and overblown description available than in a drabble. Plus I also find drabbles harder.

I've tried to avoid giving any gender indicators for "you" - Sarsa threatened to stick it up the ass but that's an option for both genders, and anybody masturbating to internet porn with a tight belt would need to undo it as implied at the start of part 2. If there's any bit that does seem to say that "you" is definately male or female let me know and I'll try to edit it for more ambiguity! I want it to be an equal opportunities second person fic :)

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You! hasn't had an update for a while, but I've got ideas for the third part. Also, a review!

Daye
Ha! This story! I like it. The meta humour is funny and not too overdone, And I also dislike 2nd person stories so it is very relatable! :P

Though to be fair, I'd have been equally happy with a story where Sarsa got to use her equipment. Though maybe that would be better in the third person!

Thank you! I'm glad it worked for you too, playing off a general dislike of 2nd person to do a 2nd person fic was a bit of a tricky idea but seems to have worked out. I'm planning on more meta gags for the the third part :)

Hmm... "You have a mouthful of sweaty demon cock. It reminds you of eating at an English restaurant." Yes, I could see how third person could be better.

I wrote a succubus with temporary-cock screwing a male character scene last night as part of my Halloween story which is about 80% finished, fingers crossed I get it done for the deadline on Sunday! Shannon's not as well hung as Sarsa, but I think it reads ok.

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Under Joan's Bed



CloverReef
Okay. So. The reason I read this is because of your signature on the forums. My morbid curiosity is an insatiable creature.

I liked this short. I like your style: you have an extensive vocabulary. It's always fun to stumble over a word in a story that sends me to my trusty dictionary. (No, that really wasn't sarcasm. I like my dictionary. It smells good. Is that a weird thing to say?) You don't drag things out, which I also like, and this story actually has a strangely beautiful ending. Made sense, I feel like I should have seen it coming, but I didn't and I loved that.

-Clover

Thank you for your review! Yeah, I did a whole bunch of weekly prompt fics and the flashfic length meant that the chapters had to be short and quite often the full stories too :) I did plan another three parts, but I didn't write the plan down and then I forgot it. Was going to involve kinky tentacle sex at some point, I think. The prompts are also responsible for me using words I wouldn't necessarily think about as there was quite often words that don't crop up in my regular writing as the prompt. Or, indeed, in any writing anywhere. Such as Frittle. So I guess they get the vocab credit!

I might re-do my sig with the flames I got rather than reviews. They're deleted but I have copies in the old flames thread, and most of them would probably be seen as harsh but fair. Thank you again!

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